Time for Divorce?

[Yasuandio]

Is there anything positive you can say about your wife? Yas

 

 

PS Really liked that Brad Pitt quote.

[Mr. Lucky]

PS Really liked that Brad Pitt quote.

 

It's a nice thought - just not Brad's...

 

snopes.com: A Secret of Love - Brad Pitt

 

Mr. Lucky

[revitup]

Covert...

 

Well, there are three sides to everything.. his side, her side and the truth. You need a counselor... and be open and honest and communicate.

 

You will probably dislike some of the things I have to say, but I am very honest. I'm not a care bear, if you came looking for insight, especially from a woman, I will give it.

 

1- The "stay at home mom" factor..the question really is, was she like this before you got married and you knew of desires to mainly be stay at home? If so.. well, you signed up for it. You knew what she was about and wanted and agreed to it... even if later, you changed your mind..and wanted someone who will financially contribute.. it's something that you knew about and was on board with. It does need to be discussed....In marriage counseling. Thing is.. if this is suddenly a dealbreaker for you.. you need to ask yourself why... a person doesn't divorce someone because of a job, not if there is real love..you need to ask yourself if the factors of who she is as a person/mother/wife are there that you love.

 

2- Gaming and p0rn. Gaming. I was an online mod for Blizzard for a while in college and I can tell you that many marriages ended up in divorce due to online gaming. Either the game took away for the attention, the person was addicted, or they began having an emotional affair and then physical one with someone from the game. Gaming may seem like it can't touch your real life but there have been real life murders from someone who has won the roll or won the loot of an elite sword/ cloak etc...From what it seems she wants your attention when you get home but you need your space for you as well.. so set time for her.. and let her know that you need some time to play as well, and she is invited to join, she may like it.. more and more females are gamers. Especially with their husbands. - Family Talk: She probably feels left out because she can't relate..offer her the chance to play and relate..show her the game.. show her you want her to know the game and what you do. Most likely she will try it and get bored... or not try..but you offered. In the end, just say this is something that you like to do as a hobby.. and if she doesn't want to join.. have her do her own hobby at that time.. and then watch a movie together..have some wine together.. do something together.

-P0rn- This is a dealbreaker in many marriages so you probably do need to stop the p0rn or choose it and end the marriage. It is one or the other with a great deal of women. You may not know this but many men are addicted and it does lead to divorce on its own. For you.. it may seem like just something visual...and then you need a release..but then its more and more often...For many women, it is hurtful. You are choosing it over them and you are fantasizing/ sexualizing someone else. Your libidos may be mismatched but it doesn't make it any less hurtful to the spouse who is getting passed up for p0rn..and if she knows you watch it on the sly.. it makes you less attractive to want to have sex with as well. For men, the breeze makes you want to have sex. For women (most), its emotional.

 

- Money- Well the happy hour thing is probably because she wants you home.. she has been home all day, she needs someone to talk to etc... she needs a hobby.. volunteer for something, do something with friends. But also if she is insecure in your relationship.. and I wouldn't blame her since you are thinking of divorce.. then happy hours are a moment of temptation. The other stuff you should discuss in counseling as far as freedom to spend..but if you want to do things as a couple then you need to leave the house and spend money to date each other. If you don't date and reconnect then your other foot will follow this one out the door.

 

Sex Life- Ok so you have a high sex drive... and? I read this whole thing and it "I" "I"...yes, I know you are the one contemplating divorce but honestly, some of it is for very selfish reasons and honestly, some are very shallow. When you marry someone you are supposed to be there for the good and the bad... not "well until sex is only once a week."

 

Also realize she has had a kid, many times the libido goes out in women after that.. and remember that women's sexual drive is often tied to emotions.. and their self image and security. How secure do you make her feel? How pretty do you make her feel? How loved and adored do you make her feel? Or do you just basically want sex without having to put the emotional effort behind the physical.

 

Where is the romance? Are you this hot tamale that once she looks at you she can't help but jump on you? Have you tried to bringing the sexy back? Its like you are looking for a way to reconnect physically without having to do it emotionally. It doesn't work like that for many women.. and reading this, definitely not from your wife.

 

Turn on some music.. light some candles...get her in the mood... make her want you. Now I know its just expected because she married you...but it comes down to the basics... FLIRTING. Sexy texts...."I can't wait to see you later".... "Been thinking about you in that shirt all day"..."Do you remember when (insert time)...been thinking about that today..."... Plant the seed of thought. Women like to be courted... YES, even if you are effing married!

 

Some other things, you need to understand that a high percentage of women aren't going to do anyway (@nal, spit/swallow, and video taping due to the net etc)...The positions.. there are more than just missionary and on top.. if the top hurts her back, do some side tricks etc. BUT again, if its once a week... thats actually average for married couples. Sorry but it is.. if you want more than that.. work on it by reconnected emotionally, dialing up the flirt, and making her want you. Yeah, so sure you can go for once a day...but just because she doesn't once a day is not a reason for divorce. Are you in the marriage for sex or because you fell in love with who she is as a person?

 

I think some of the things you listed of why considering divorce are self centered and maybe a bit immature... are you willing to do work, self reflect and go to marriage counseling? Or do you think its so simple to start anew and the next person you date will just have sexy everyday (until again, it dwindles... and it does)? I will tell you from having been a mod, most wives who don't play games (mmorg) with their husbands actually have the same complaint as yours...If you are thinking of getting out to find this one magical female who will play mmo's, have sex everyday, never nag, be a mom, have a great career and bring money home, let you go out anytime with buddies... it's just never that easy. There is always a compromise.

 

What are you willing to accept and have already agreed to accept when you married her? Maybe think about your own attributes as well. Are you the absolute perfect stud husband romancing her and making her feel like a beautiful wife and mother?

 

It's time for self reflection and also looking for the outside in.

 

Marriage counseling but also maybe looking at some of your complaints....in the grand scheme of things, and what marriage and love is supposed to be... some of it is very superficial and shallow. Maybe its time you ask yourself why.

 

Please understand, I am not bashing you. I am being objective. You wanted honesty. I think you BOTH NEED marriage counseling, bottom line. Tell her this is what you need and why. DO not threaten divorce....if you explain emotionally why you both need it and emotionally why... the part that "fee" in her will respond. If you are confrontational... it won't work.

 

 

Wow, You have insight!! Really good read.

 

REVITUP