Please help me God

[David K]

Please God, help me decide.

 

My story is one that would only happen in a soap opera or Jerry Springer. Things like this don't happen to "normal" people. I am wrestling with a decision that will effect many lives as well as my own and I need some sound advice from an emotionally removed third party.

 

I am a divorced 39-year-old male with a great job and I make a good salary. I have two older children (late teens) who live with their Mom and her new husband out of state. I pay a huge amount in child support but I don't mind because my ex is a great Mom. We were married for 14 years and my kids are wonderful. We were divorced 5 years ago. I met a beautiful lady a year and one half ago (she is 25 and lets call her Mary) who has a 5-year-old daughter who lives out of state so we have had a long distance relationship for the past year. We were engaged this last spring and I see her every other weekend or so. We tried to get full custody of her daughter to move out of state and after six months and $15,000 in attorney's fees, the case was lost. She cannot leave her city or state without giving up the rights to see her child. I cannot move to her state without taking a $70,000 a year pay cut. I have considered making our home in her state and traveling to see her on the weekends.

 

That is the easy part of the decision. Here is the hard part&. Six months into the relationship, I had some suspicions that Mary was seeing someone else at work. She would always turn her phone off when I stayed there and one night I turned it on to see what would happen. Low and behold the guy (he was married) called at 6:15 am on a Sunday morning to say "goodbye" because he was headed to Europe for a week on a business trip. I asked her if she would mind if I could listen to the voice mail message he left and she refused. She said she was willing to let me walk out in order to protect his message. An argument erupted and I walked out. I was very hurt after spending so much time and effort on our relationship that she would hide this from me. I left that morning and went back to the next state over where I had my temporary apartment and I been temporarily working for my company for the last year. A woman at work (lets call her Nikki) had been clearly pursuing me for the last two months and she asked me to go out with her. I figured what the heck and went for it. I was hurting and I explained the story to her. She was very nice about the whole thing and one thing lead to another and we had a few drinks and we made love. Mary and I made up after a week or so, went on vacation and got engaged to be married. About I found out a week later that Nikki ( girl with the one night stand) had been divorced twice and wanted to have a child in a bad way. As it turns out, she got pregnant that night and I think she did it on purpose. We discussed the situation and we both thought it was best that she terminate the pregnancy. I gave her the money to do it and all she did was keep the money and said she couldn't have the abortion and she wouldn't consider giving the child up for adoption. Nikki told me she loved me and wanted to pursue a relationship with me! I felt like I was being railroaded into this and told her no way. She then told me she wanted $200,000 to go away and I told her I just couldn't afford it. She now wants $500 per month child support or she will go to the authorities. I contacted an attorney and he said there is nothing I can do but pay. If I let her take me to court, the courts will probably award her even more because of my income.

 

I came clean to my fiancée Mary about the situation in June and she wanted to end out relationship at first but then decided to continue it. I give Mary monthly support as well paying her legal bills for the custody battle. The only problem is, every time we have any disagreement, she holds it over my head and beats me up about it. I have budgeted the $500 monthly extortion money into my life style but I am concerned there will be no end in sight for this horrible situation I have got myself into. The child was born last month and I have been paying Nikki the "support" money for a couple of months now. I consider suicide about every other week or so and the only thing that stops me is the pain my two wonderful daughters may go through. I have even thought of ending my relationship with Mary and getting together with Nikki to try and add some respect back into my life. At least if my daughters found out about this I may be able to regain some respect from them. I feel like such a low life piece of crap.

 

I was on top of the world a year ago and now I feel like the biggest loser on earth. What do I do? I have wrestled with this for nine months and I just don't know what to do. I make major decisions every day effecting people lives and this one is just to close to home for me. Please, any advice would help me.

 

Thank you and may God Bless you,

[Tony T]

First, you ought to have a DNA test to be sure this new baby is yours. I've watched enough Jerry Springer to know there is a possibility this lady you had the one nighter with could have bedded four or five guys in a two week period. Get that out of the way first.

 

The statute of limitations for extortion is two or three years in most states. Asking for $200,000 to disappear, if she asked for this in lieu of telling the world about this affair and pregnancy, is criminal extortion. You could have her charged with a crime.

 

If you haven't signed papers with her agreeing to the $500 per month child support, get this done ASAP. Be sure there is a provision that if DNA tests prove the child is NOT yours, the agreement will be null and void. I say get this in writing because considering your income, $500 is a major bargain. She could ask for up to $1,000 per month and get it...irrespective of whatever else you're paying out.

 

Now, you have talked about getting together with two women...Mary and Nikki. Now, I really don't think either of them have the class you need. I mean Mary was seeing somebody from her work behind your back so she's certainly capable of infidelity...and she has the nerve to hold stuff over you??? She stinks. Nikki has one night stands and extorts money from people. She even takes money for an abortion and goes a blows the dough and keeps the kid for extortion purposes. She stinks as bad.

 

Wow, what a combo. Do you really want either one of these losers? You really sound like a supremely nice guy who is incredibly responsible and does right by people. Neither of these ladies has done right by you. I know you have feelings for them but you really haven't taken a cold shower lately. Step back from this situation and all you will see and smell is donkey dung.

 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say...now that I've gotten this far...is that Mary holds crap over your head even though she is extremely deceitful (at least you came clean to her) and guilty of much worse than you. Nah...too many women in the world to mess with her.

 

And there's Nikki. I don't think you really love her. It was just a grudge this and the kid may not even be yours. Even if it is, you are paying the money...why pay with a life of living with a greedy extortion artist.

 

I think once you get your senses, you will realize you don't love either one of these ladies. You have too much character to admire the stuff they are made of.

 

Get away from both of these worthless chicks and take some of your money and enroll in courses to help you meet nice ladies who have morals, principles, who are decent, loyal, unselfish, etc...they are out there.

 

These two are OUT as far as I'm concerned. You are just way too nice to bog yourself down in crap right now.

 

You really don't have to do anything with either of these ladies. Send them on their way. You were on top of the world a year ago and when you forget these two you will be back there again.

 

And God Bless you too.

 

Disclaimer: Though you specifically requested an answer from God, I am most humbly filling in for him/her while he/she is out to dinner.

 

Don't forget the cold shower!!!

[Stargazer]

Hi David K,

 

I think it's very important you find out if this child really is yours, through DNA testing procedures, you have every right to demand whatever tests are necessary. Nikki sounds like a piece of crap to me, I wouldn't be surprised if she's been with a string of guys - you just happened to be the one with the better morals and of course with the better bank balance.

 

As for Mary, where does she get off bringing your little indiscretion up every time you argue and beating you up with it, she hasn't exactly been a saint herself, now has she! Did she ever admit that she was having an affair with the guy from work? Bet she didn't - she's projecting her guilt onto you every chance she gets.

 

Personally I think these two deserve each other, you, well you would definately be better off without either of em. You deserve better than the manipulations of these two.

 

They are NOT worth you considering ending your life, that would be very tragic and a great pity.

 

Good luck and warm hugs to you

[:-)]

just from reading your post it is so obvious what a decent, good hearted, caring person you are. i'd go so far as to say that you are too good for both of these women. lets see...

 

MARY: only confessed to her cheating when you were suspicious. has the nerve to hold your past encounter over your head as though she's never done anything wrong? what a hypocritical cow. you were honest and she holds that over your head? and just one question - please correct me if i'm a bit slow today, but why are you paying mary monthly support? i hope to god she is not taking advantage of your economic status.

 

NIKKI: a manipulating cow. i can't help but think that she took advantage of your vulnerability and your pain over mary, to try and get what she wanted out of it. personally, i think she is low-life money-hungry bitch. to take the abortion money, and then to extort money from you? what kind of sane human being asks for $200,000 to "get away". i personally want to smack her in the head, she makes me so mad.

 

i would definitely suggest a DNA test. you have to find out once and for all if this child really is yours, then you can decide what to do. if the child is yours, keep up the payments. it doesn't mean you have to be with her. there is nothing morally wrong whatsoever in having a child out of wedlock, or 3 different children to 2 different mothers. you were single when this happened, there is not a damn thing wrong with what you did. it's this woman's actions that are disrespectful.

 

in the meantime, decide what is right for you. if you can't decide between which woman to choose (for the RIGHT reasons), then don't choose any. if you want to get on top of things again, it might be better that you do it on your own without anyone manipulating you. i personally don't think you've lost any respect at all through your actions. how were you to have any idea what would happen? don't let ANYONE take you on a guilt trip.

 

whatever you do, DO NOT GET BACK WITH NIKKI BECAUSE OF THE CHILD. this woman is has no integrity and does not deserve you one little bit. she is a user, and i can guarantee you she will find someone else to use in the near future. you are 50 million times better than her, and WAY too good for her. she will only take for one hell of a ride.

 

don't let these 2 women, out of a world full of lovely ones (hey, you found a lovely one in your ex-wife, she's proof they are out there), make you feel suicidal. it's just very unfortunate that you are in this situation right now, but you won't always be.

 

think about all the positives in your life: 2 wonderful children, a lovely ex-wife, a great job, your friends, your family, YOURSELF. don't ever give up. you are not the piece of crap in this situation, that's for sure.

 

God bless you too :)

[Juds]

There has been some wonderful advice given so far, and apart from that the only thing that I can add is this:

 

Perhaps if after DNA testing, the child does turn out to be yours, you should perhaps refocus your life on your children and yourself, rather than these (excuse me) BITCHES. If the baby is yours, and you are expected to help support the child, why not spend some time with the baby? You seem like you love your older daughters very much, and even though Nikki seems like a manipulator, the child would still be yours and would give you much love and pleasure over the years.

 

Don't despair, take some logical steps to sorting out this mess, and all will be allright. Mary sounds quite unkind. During your time of need, if she is a potential long term partner, she should be moving heaven and earth to support and encourage you, rather than using your crises for her own manipulative purposes.

 

Life could be worse mate. A little baby has been born, and if it does indeed turn out to be your child, could give you a new lease on life. Just forget the mother. Any woman that manipulates like that deserves nothing in my book.

 

You sound like a wonderful man. Ride out this storm and it will all settle down. These women are not worth the emotional torment you are going through. Try and rise above their games. Don't try and validate yourself with either of them.

 

Personally, I think you should sit down with your girls and explain to them EXACTLY what happened in this situation. Children have a remarkable understanding if we are honest with them. Their love for you will win out every time if you are upfront with them. Maybe they'll take a while to adjust, but they'll come around, and if the baby is yours, then they will probably love having a new little baby to love. Teenage girls have lots of love to give. You are their Dad, nothing changes that and their love and respect will never falter if you love them and respect them.

 

Forget these two women, and focus on the two women in your life that need you the most. Your daughters, they are your reason for living.

[Rachel]

I agree with Tony. I don't think that baby is yours. I bet that woman was already pregnant by somebody else, except you were the only person who could afford to support it.

 

If you want some peace of mind, INSIST on a DNA test, and say you won't pay a dime more until you get a DNA test. Those tests are for all practical purposes, 100% accurate.

 

Anyway, what I was thinking was that you have to start thinking of yourself as a person and what is good for you. Start by removing yourself from some of these horrible people in your life.

 

The Mary woman, I bet, is also in need of money. I bet you if you told her you couldn't afford to pay for her for a few months, until your "financial situation" got straightened out, that she would walk. I think she only loves you for your money.

 

Sounds like you let these and all women know that you are successful(which you really dont' want to do until you know someone well), and therefore, you have put yourself in a situatio of attracting these user types.

 

You were married for a long time, sounds like it didn't work out. But at least sounds like the Ex-wife is a decent person, all said and done.

 

Can you move to that state, and be a better father, and start rebuilding yourself?]

 

You know money isn't everything, although it IS important for the comforts of life. And there ARE good jobs everywhere if you look long enough.

 

ANyway, think with your head, not your balls, which is DEFINITELY what you've been doing.

 

Also, I am convinced that that baby is not yours. I would bet on it. That woman is a con artist of the worst type.

[Laurynn]

First of all, I doubt this is your baby too....

 

Think about it......she worked with you, so who'd know better than her, the fact that you have a great income? Seems to me like she set this up from the get go........saw you as a goldmine. I mean, what kind of human being would be willing to have no further contact with their baby's father (for the baby's sake, I mean) for $200K? That's just bent and twisted, no matter how you slice it. Seems to me if you were REALLY her baby's father, she'd want so much for you to be a part of the baby's life.........and that could never be replaced by $$$.

 

She has the morals, ethics and scruples of a toenail.

 

I'm surprised your attorney hasn't brought up the issue of DNA testing.....I got the impression he hadn't????

 

As for Mary........am I understanding correctly that not only did you pay the $15,000 for her custody battle, but you're still supporting her somehow? How so? She's a cheating cow who sounds like an opportunist too. You need her like you need a hemorrhoid. The fact that she holds this other woman over your head like that, that is cruel and unloving.

 

You are obviously a very intelligent, caring, articulate, goodhearted man. Nobody can take that away from you. Okay, you made some bad decisions but who the heck doesn't?

 

And like someone mentioned, your older daughters are probably a lot more understanding than you imagine. I'd bet on it! :-)

 

Right now you need some direction and peace. I say get away from both of these women.......get your lawyer working on the DNA testing stuff.........get papers drawn up stating that until paternity is established, you'll not pay any child support. Cuz you know you won't be getting that back and this wench doesn't deserve one single penny if it's not your baby, and I'm really doubting it is.

 

If you had the inclination, would be interesting to have a P.I. do some checking on her.........find out her story......whether she has any criminal background.......how many kids she's got..........whether she has a history of extortion/pregnancies/etc. Might help your case in the long run....find out if she has any psychiatric history....

 

Things are GOING TO GET BETTER, they truly will. Right now you're feeling very overwhelmed, torn, ashamed, depressed, scared, used, lost.

 

Please know that you're more than welcome to post here ANY TIME, day or night.........when you need to vent, get support, advice. Feel free to email me too, if you ever need a friend: <e-mail address removed>

 

You might consider talking to a professional....a counselor, therapist.........it's not a sign of weakness but your life is tough now.......you need some support as I don't imagine you have many people (if any?) in your life right now that you feel comfortable divulging this all to. DOn't carry this all by yourself.

 

Sending hugs and prayers your way. Have faith, no matter what God'll never abandon you...ever!

 

Laurynn

[Deejette]

Your main obligation is to your children, so all your decisions should be around what is best for them.

 

If you really want God to help you decide, close your eyes and pray and wait quietly for the answer. You have spent a lot supporting your kids, you have spent a lot traveling to see Mary every other weekend, and you will now have to spend a lot on Nikki if you fall for her crap.

 

Step back and see how you want your life to be, going forward. Say goodbye to Mary, who is obviously cheating, and Nikki the extortionist, and set your sights on a woman with character, honesty, and other good qualities.

 

What kind of woman do you want to bring into your children's lives? She can be sexy and pretty and still be a good person.

Please God, help me decide. My story is one that would only happen in a soap opera or Jerry Springer. Things like this don't happen to "normal" people. I am wrestling with a decision that will effect many lives as well as my own and I need some sound advice from an emotionally removed third party.

 

I am a divorced 39-year-old male with a great job and I make a good salary. I have two older children (late teens) who live with their Mom and her new husband out of state. I pay a huge amount in child support but I don't mind because my ex is a great Mom. We were married for 14 years and my kids are wonderful. We were divorced 5 years ago. I met a beautiful lady a year and one half ago (she is 25 and lets call her Mary) who has a 5-year-old daughter who lives out of state so we have had a long distance relationship for the past year. We were engaged this last spring and I see her every other weekend or so. We tried to get full custody of her daughter to move out of state and after six months and $15,000 in attorney's fees, the case was lost. She cannot leave her city or state without giving up the rights to see her child. I cannot move to her state without taking a $70,000 a year pay cut. I have considered making our home in her state and traveling to see her on the weekends. That is the easy part of the decision. Here is the hard part&. Six months into the relationship, I had some suspicions that Mary was seeing someone else at work. She would always turn her phone off when I stayed there and one night I turned it on to see what would happen. Low and behold the guy (he was married) called at 6:15 am on a Sunday morning to say "goodbye" because he was headed to Europe for a week on a business trip. I asked her if she would mind if I could listen to the voice mail message he left and she refused. She said she was willing to let me walk out in order to protect his message. An argument erupted and I walked out. I was very hurt after spending so much time and effort on our relationship that she would hide this from me. I left that morning and went back to the next state over where I had my temporary apartment and I been temporarily working for my company for the last year. A woman at work (lets call her Nikki) had been clearly pursuing me for the last two months and she asked me to go out with her. I figured what the heck and went for it. I was hurting and I explained the story to her. She was very nice about the whole thing and one thing lead to another and we had a few drinks and we made love. Mary and I made up after a week or so, went on vacation and got engaged to be married. About I found out a week later that Nikki ( girl with the one night stand) had been divorced twice and wanted to have a child in a bad way. As it turns out, she got pregnant that night and I think she did it on purpose. We discussed the situation and we both thought it was best that she terminate the pregnancy. I gave her the money to do it and all she did was keep the money and said she couldn't have the abortion and she wouldn't consider giving the child up for adoption. Nikki told me she loved me and wanted to pursue a relationship with me! I felt like I was being railroaded into this and told her no way. She then told me she wanted $200,000 to go away and I told her I just couldn't afford it. She now wants $500 per month child support or she will go to the authorities. I contacted an attorney and he said there is nothing I can do but pay. If I let her take me to court, the courts will probably award her even more because of my income. I came clean to my fiancée Mary about the situation in June and she wanted to end out relationship at first but then decided to continue it. I give Mary monthly support as well paying her legal bills for the custody battle. The only problem is, every time we have any disagreement, she holds it over my head and beats me up about it. I have budgeted the $500 monthly extortion money into my life style but I am concerned there will be no end in sight for this horrible situation I have got myself into. The child was born last month and I have been paying Nikki the "support" money for a couple of months now. I consider suicide about every other week or so and the only thing that stops me is the pain my two wonderful daughters may go through. I have even thought of ending my relationship with Mary and getting together with Nikki to try and add some respect back into my life. At least if my daughters found out about this I may be able to regain some respect from them. I feel like such a low life piece of crap.

 

I was on top of the world a year ago and now I feel like the biggest loser on earth. What do I do? I have wrestled with this for nine months and I just don't know what to do. I make major decisions every day effecting people lives and this one is just to close to home for me. Please, any advice would help me. Thank you and may God Bless you,

[Juds]

I have already posted down further, but after reading these posts, I have to agree. The fact that Nikki works with you and probably has a fair idea of what you earn very well be a contributing factor.

 

Be careful in future on letting anybody know what you earn until you are sure about their motives. Money is a huge driving force for some people (usually the ones that have none).

 

I was with a man for 3 years who was on a HUGE income. We never told anyone, and the few people who did know how much he earned were very trusted friends. I guess when I first met him, he trusted me, and I never took advantage of the fact. I find it amazing to think that women could possibly behave in the way she did. $200000 - she is a HORRIBLE person. And a nutter by the sounds of it.

 

David K, there are so many NICE women out there. I am a sole parent, and you don't know how much I would LOVE to meet a man with the morals, ethics, and sense of responsibility that you have. You sound like a wonderful man. Please don't let these women destroy your confidence in yourself.

 

I also agree on the Mary issue. WHY are you giving her money? Cut it off for a while and put her to the test. If she sticks by you, then great, but if not, although a hard lesson to learn, you will learn to keep your money where it belongs. Either in your bank a/c or with your children. These immoral women don't know how lucky they are with you.

 

It's a difficult phase in your life. Try and view it as a lesson,albeit a hard one. You are being considerate and responsible. They on the other hand are money hungry cheaters/extortionists. You are not the one at fault here. Never lose sight of that.

[Sandy]

1) Make sure the child is yours.

 

2) Don't stay in either relationship. Also, If i were you I would stay away from all relationships till you see youself through all this mess , and give yourself time to heal or you will be in even more trouble.

 

3) If the child is yours which I doubt , support it ,love it ,and have a relationship with the child , because the child did not ask for it .

 

4) Don't let either one hold anything over your head , you are a good man and I am sure you have done more for both then they could ever ask for , they are emotionally abusive, not to mention selfish, and minipulitive. You deserve better .

 

5) Have Faith . You will and can get through this.

 

Faith

 

© by MS H

 

Faith is that one time when you give

 

your all if only for that last time. It

 

drives us and keeps us going even when

 

the galaxy itself seems stacked against

 

us. As humans, faith is all we have

 

to hold on to, our faith is what keeps

 

us going in both the good and bad

 

times. It gives us hope, when there

 

seems to be none and through that hope

 

dawns a new beginning. Look towards

 

that faith, that strength that we pull

 

from the deepest areas of the soul and

 

believe. Believe that everything will

 

work out. Believe that the path to the

 

light is only but around the corner.

 

Have faith, in me and have faith in us.

 

Have faith that the love of your life

 

will never go astray and that person

 

needs you more than anything. Believe

 

in that love and turn to that love for

 

that love is faith and we all need that

 

faith in our lives. So to my faith, I

 

am turning to you to help me and to

 

nourish me. Your love is my faith and

 

if your faith burns out so does my

 

light. And without that light, to try

 

and exist becomes futile because there

 

will be no faith, no love and no light

 

to nourish the soul.

 

Believe

 

God bless

[Tony T]

That was really nice of you to do. You have no idea how many times I have been at the point where I had no where else to turn to.

 

It really works...I'm still here!!!

[Rogue]

What you need right now, more than a DNA test for the child, more than a lawyer, is a good friend. Isn't there a buddy you can talk to? If not, how about talking to a minister or priest at a local church? Don't underestimate those guys, they deal with this sort of stuff all the time. They'd be glad to help,if you'd open up to them.

 

Listen David, it's easy to get down on yourself at a time like this.Sometimes the hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself! It's important to realize the mistakes and weaknesses we all have, but we have to move on as well. What I'm trying to say, is that don't equate this whole situation with your personal worth. It's not all your fault. Never stop caring about yourself, even if everyone around seems not to care about you.

 

Believe it or not, good things can from all this. It seems hard top believe, but it's true. Your life won't always be this painful, there are good days ahead of you too. Don't forget, to take the good as well, not just the bad.

 

But you really need to talk to someone,man. Do yourself a favor and make an appointment with a minister or priest, ok?