Am I over thinking this?

[lostsoul6486]

Hey, all. I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months and I'm having an issue. Most of our relationship has been great. We go on dates about once a week and even though we haven't moved in together, we stay over each other's places every night. The other night, we were both busy at our university. I thought I was going to be busy until later than her so I told her to let me know when she was done and I'd let her know too. She sent me a text at around 10 p.m. saying that she was done but she was going to hang out with some friends from the class she was in. I said ok. This is not unusual. She usually just hangs out on campus and talks to her friends when I'm in class until later than her because she likes to wait for me.

 

I finished at 10:30 and called her twice but got no answer. I sent her a text a few minutes later that just said "I'm out." She answered my text and said, "You're out already? Did you call?" I said yes and she told me to go home and change to comfortable clothing since I was in a suit and she would call me when to go over. At this point I'm puzzled. If she's home, why can't I go over? I have comfortable clothes at her house. I asked if she was still on campus and she said no. She said she was at a party. This angered me because she never told me she was going to a party and I didn't know who the guy hosting the party is.

 

I got in my car and drove to her house. When I got there, I checked my phone and saw a message she had sent while I was driving that said she didn't know the guy who was hosting it either and her and her friends were crashing the party. The problem with that is she was home when I got there. I have a key to her place so I just walked in and saw her and a guy I've never met sitting on the couch watching Netflix. I was furious, but I somehow contained my fury and acted cool. They weren't cuddling and they were both dressed in party clothes. I told her I thought she was at a party but she said that her friends decided to wait until later to go because they wanted to crash the party, not attend it and it had just started. They were going to wait until a little later. I believed her because they did look like they were going to the party at some point.

 

After about an hour of awkwardly watching Netflix with this guy and my gf, she said she had a headache and decided she didn't want to go to the party. The guy left and that was that. I was ready to explode on her, but I didn't. She had a migraine and felt extremely sick and could barely even walk. I took her to bed and put her to sleep.

 

For the next few days, I tried to get that night out of my mind. She realized that I was acting strange and kept asking me what's wrong and I would shrug it off and say that I'm just tired. I didn't want to talk to her because when I do, she almost always finds a way to turn things on me and make me look like the bad guy, but I finally somewhat cracked and told her that I was upset she didn't tell me she was going to a party that night. She got mad and told me that she knew I was mad about that but she was testing me to see if I would finally tell her. I defended myself by saying that I didn't tell her because she has enough stress with her job and full time school schedule to be worrying about things that anger. She told me that's ridiculous and that I take precedence over that and made me promise to tell her when things bother me so that she knows. She's tired of guessing when I'm upset with her. She's right. It's not fair that I keep things like that from her, but how could she expect me to talk to her when she always makes me the bad guy? I'm more upset about the fact that she lied and said she was at a party, but I never told her that because I know she'll lecture me about how I don't trust her.

 

Yesterday, she told me her grandfather went on a business trip so her grandmother may stay over her place on some nights that he's gone. Her grandmother is very religious and would not approve of us sleeping together so she told me to stay at my place last night because her grandmother would be going over. I said ok and told her to lmk when she got home from school. She was in the library with some friends that are in a student organization with her. One of the guys in the organization is the guy that was at her house that night. She sent me a text at 2:30 in the morning saying she was home. I was asleep so I didn't see it until this morning. I know the school library closes at 1 a.m. so I asked if she was at school until 2:30 and she said yes. Idk what to think. Her car was not on campus because I had dropped her off so someone must have taken her home and I can't get the thought of it being that guy out of my head. Maybe her grandmother wasn't even there and she wanted to hangout with this guy. She was discouraging me from going over the night she said she was at the party...I used to trust her with everything she said, but idk anymore. I love her and I want to take her at her word. I know myself and I tend to over think things. Am I reading into this too much?

[Philosoraptor]

Well you do need to tell her when something is upsetting you. But her "testing" you is quite a sign of immaturity in itself. Her story is also quite sketchy and changes based on what you find out on your own.

 

She is flipping everything on you, and in that, validating her choices not to be honest with you and do who knows what with these other people. You don't trust her, and you have no reason to it doesn't look like. But you're also reaching for things like her grandparents not being there, etc. The facts are she wasn't honest about the party and was spending time with some random guy instead. Were they doing anything? I dunno. But there are obvious issues between honesty and her blameshifting.

 

If you want to keep going with her, I'd start calling on her BS. If she tries to shift the blame don't let her. Don't speak based on emotion, speak based on facts.