Mycatsnuggles Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I think this post says so much. why the secret affair hurts, no one to share the joy with and no one to share the pain with. so i come here and voyerer others looking for some similarities. right now we are good and i wish i could tell others how happy he makes me but i know there will be grief in our future too. for all those that feel a similar conflict. When Love Has No Witness 2 Link to post Share on other sites
legalgirl Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Absolutely true! What I told my MM. I said several friends/family know about you but no one knows about me. It hurts when I think about that. Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 The feeling is 10 times worse when he eventually chooses his wife over you because that is what will happen, some will say he loves u in the "bubble" blah de blah - but men think with their heads when it comes to splitting their home up while us women think with our hearts and are too willing to tear everything apart for the name of "love" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 The feeling is 10 times worse when he eventually chooses his wife over you because that is what will happen, some will say he loves u in the "bubble" blah de blah - but men think with their heads when it comes to splitting their home up while us women think with our hearts and are too willing to tear everything apart for the name of "love" And the feeling is a 1000 times worse when he leaves his marriage, but not for you and ends up with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 And the feeling is a 1000 times worse when he leaves his marriage, but not for you and ends up with someone else. Wow that would suck donkey balls right enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I think this post says so much. why the secret affair hurts, no one to share the joy with and no one to share the pain with. so i come here and voyerer others looking for some similarities. right now we are good and i wish i could tell others how happy he makes me but i know there will be grief in our future too. for all those that feel a similar conflict. When Love Has No Witness This is so on point.. So true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Wow that would suck donkey balls right enough. You have no idea. Link to post Share on other sites
maybemine Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 It seems a pretty skewed idea of love...love means risking it all to be with the one you love, not hiding it or offering up some lame excuse on why not....I am sad that anyone settles for this type of so called love... We do risk it all to be with the one we love. We hide it because it would hurt people close to us, not because we don't love the person we are with. I can't speak for everyone else, but for my particular situation, I'm not settling at all. We make each other very happy, but we have children to think of and obligations, so we understand each other on a deeper level then most I suppose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
maybemine Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I think this post says so much. why the secret affair hurts, no one to share the joy with and no one to share the pain with. so i come here and voyerer others looking for some similarities. right now we are good and i wish i could tell others how happy he makes me but i know there will be grief in our future too. for all those that feel a similar conflict. When Love Has No Witness I do agree with how you feel. I wish personally that there was more support on this site for those of us going through this experience. I too came on this site to share and learn from similar conflicts, I don't like that on every thread someone has to tell us how wrong we are. I too am very happy with my situation and would love to share it with someone that wont judge and tell me how wrong I am to be so happy. If you like you can pm me.:-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I've seen very little judgment on this site. After all, almost all of us have been there or are there ourselves. That said, we can't just sugarcoat things because things will not end well for you. The deeper you get in the worse the ending will be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I've seen very little judgment on this site. After all, almost all of us have been there or are there ourselves. That said, we can't just sugarcoat things because things will not end well for you. The deeper you get in the worse the ending will be. You make a good point. Support does not have to come in the form of cheerleading cheating. It can come from folks from all walks of life. Actively being involved with a married person is not a requirement to post here, thankfully. I imagine it is very hard to feel like you cannot talk to anyone about the pleasure or pain in your life. Isolating I am sure. I imagine we all could identify with the feeling but not the cause. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I've seen very little judgment on this site. After all, almost all of us have been there or are there ourselves. That said, we can't just sugarcoat things because things will not end well for you. The deeper you get in the worse the ending will be. I agree and disagree with this. Sometimes A's end in heartbreak, at the other end of the spectrum they can end in Marriage. I've seen simple questions get constructive answers as well as personal attacks. So Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I too am very happy with my situation and would love to share it with someone that wont judge and tell me how wrong I am to be so happy. If you like you can pm me.:-) I am content with my relationship with my MM. Aside from the odd fleeting thought or lonely night, I've never been happier. Never felt so connected with anybody like I do with him. That being said I'm really easy going and patient, which in my experience is very important in a A relationship. PM me anytime, although I think you need more posts, time registered to take advantage of the PM's. Cheers Girl! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 We do risk it all to be with the one we love. We hide it because it would hurt people close to us, not because we don't love the person we are with. I can't speak for everyone else, but for my particular situation, I'm not settling at all. We make each other very happy, but we have children to think of and obligations, so we understand each other on a deeper level then most I suppose. I'm curious, what does settling mean for you? In my mind, settling is putting up with a situation which isn't your ideal out of either fear, you feel like you can't do better, etc. Is an A your ideal relationship style? Like if you had other choices available, that would be the one you would choose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mycatsnuggles Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 It's a different dynamic when you are both married. We accept each other unconditionally with no expectations. I give my love to him and he returns the same to me. Difficult for most to understand but no it's not settling we enhance each other's lives. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 It's a different dynamic when you are both married. We accept each other unconditionally with no expectations. I give my love to him and he returns the same to me. Difficult for most to understand but no it's not settling we enhance each other's lives. I do think an affair with both people being married is on a more level playing field than with the single AP and MP. The cake-eating tends to work well for both people in the married APs scenario, until one person decides to leave their spouse and expects the other to follow suit and it doesn't happen, then it starts to look like the single AP/MP scenario. Likewise with single APs more often than not, even if it starts out as"I don't want them to leave", most times it still ends up being an imbalance where the MP seems to get more out of it and the single AP is settling for what the MP can offer or they don't really want an affair but that is all they can get from the MP so find ways to be satisfied with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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