zara Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 The guy i was seeing had a gf and didn't tell me (another thread) and i have now told her what has been going on. But he has told her (and told me that he told her - idiot!) that i was pursuing him and he only slept with me once. This is all lies. He pursued me and invited me to stay at his place, he made all the moves on me and he then proceeded to help me move house, cooked for me, came round to watch a movie and talk, he stayed in to take delivery of my furniture, assembled it all for me, as well as having sex! You see, i think that a lot of girls would say that just sex they can handle and dismiss as some sort of base animal urge that men can't resist when handed to them on a plate (which it certainly wasn't but that's how he is trying to portray it to her) - but those personal intimacies and generosities like cooking for me, bringing me wine, building my bed - damnit, the man did my washing up! - those are the things that would really cause hurt and upset. What do people think? And should i try to let her know what a rat he's been or should i leave her to believe his lies and get hurt even more by him? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 leave them both alone. the gf hopefully will see that reguardless of what happened, he cheated and therefore he is a rat. run away and start NC for both of them! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 Unfortunately i have to see this guy at work every weekend. And his gf usually comes in and waits for him to finish work. And if he's stirred her up (she's only 20 and obviously easily manipulated) then i just want to be ready for her to be in my face. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 which is the biggest reason not to get involved with co-workers! ok, lesson learned. can you switch up your schedule somehow, or get a sub for this weekend? i know it is really short notice, but maybe if a week goes by it will be better. if not tell your boss that "billy's" gf is harrassing you and loitering up at the work place. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe tell your boss that "billy's" gf is harrassing you and loitering up at the work place. I second that. If she tries to speak to you, make it clear that you said all you needed to say to her previously and walk off. She has no right to come in and harass any of the workers at the club. Don't speak to either one of them. He's a certified loser, she's an even bigger one if she buys that horses*** he is trying to sell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 Told my boss the whole story - she asked if i wanted him sacked but i figured that would just make things worse. She said she'll have a word with him and said it's cool for me to take this weekend off. I'm hoping things will blow over in the space of the weekend - although men with bruised egos (he likes to think of himself as intelligent but i found him out and spoilt his little game) can be vicious. and i'm actually a little concerned for my personal safety now. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 great...i am glad you have a cool, understanding boss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 The problem is i didn't tell her all i should have! This is why i just know she will believe him when he tells her "it was a one night stand" and whatever other lies about me chasing him and lord knows what else! Link to post Share on other sites
soccer_809 Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Why do you care what either of them thinks?? The best thing you can do for your personal safety is to stay away from both of them now. If he thinks he can get away with his latest scam, he will probably just leave you alone. Don't stick your head in the nest again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 I care because this is my workplace and i don't want either of them to make it more difficult for me to do my job. The approach i have been taking is just to ignore his calls and texts. Link to post Share on other sites
soccer_809 Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Well if he is still harassing you, don't blame you for being worried.. at a loss .. sounds like its right to stay away. If you told your boss he's still bugging you, would she warn him off you? Maybe he might back off if he is concerned about losing his job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 23, 2004 Author Share Posted November 23, 2004 the problem is he's already told me that he's thinking of quitting his job and moving, so he's got nothing to lose really. Whereas he has already made veiled threats about causing trouble for me with my job (he knows where my daytime job is) and he knows where i live... Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by zara the problem is he's already told me that he's thinking of quitting his job and moving, so he's got nothing to lose really. Whereas he has already made veiled threats about causing trouble for me with my job (he knows where my daytime job is) and he knows where i live... Ok, I don't see the big deal here. 1. You've told your boss the situation ahead of time so if he makes trouble you're arse is covered. Good thinking there. 2. For future reference: Don't dip your pen in company ink, don't fish off the company pier etc. etc. 3. If he makes trouble for you at the daytime job, get a restraining order (only do this if he's seriously being an idiot) 4. No contact with either of them except for business/work, don't talk about the relationship etc., he's dead to you in that regard. Don't talk to his gf etc.. Its not worth it. She knows he cheated (even if its been portrayed as "all your fault"), its her own fault for believing his lies at this point IMHO. "She led me on! I was be-witched! Then, oops I slipped and fell in her vagina!" 5. Oh, for future reference, dont date co-workers. 6. Move on and find a guy who isn't a cad. We do exist, or so I'm told. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 You see, i think that a lot of girls would say that just sex they can handle and dismiss as some sort of base animal urge that men can't resist when handed to them on a plate GrrI hate that. I would NEVER dismiss is as some sort of "base animal urge". If he really cared about her he would have been able to resisit. If she forgives him for it then that's her problem, what's important is that you don't contact them anymore. Who knows what other lies he's telling her that could her on your case. You don't need people like that in your life, I suggest you forget about him and her and find someone who will treat you better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Originally posted by zara Men with bruised egos (he likes to think of himself as intelligent but i found him out and spoilt his little game) can be vicious. I am actually a little concerned for my personal safety now. Know all about that. They get all winey and defensive if you don't play into their game in the end. Originally posted by zara The approach i have been taking is just to ignore his calls and texts. I think you are doing the right thing there. Keep it up! Wouldn't it be great if you could somehow show the girlfriend all the texts his been messaging you though? If you haven't deleted them straight away. That would proove to her what he has been doing behind her back. Wouldn't recommended it though. It would only cause more trouble. You don't wanna that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zara Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 ziggue - that's what i've been thinking, (i have most of them - hey, i'm a smart girl, i try not to let good evidence go to waste!) but i think everyone is right and it is best for me to keep a dignified silence. After all, i'm a grown woman and i am not about to get into some playground argument over some idiot male. But i do feel sorry for the poor girl. Fritz - "She led me on! I was be-witched! Then, oops I slipped and fell in her vagina!" SEVERAL TIMES! lol! i have already paid a preliminary visit to the police and warned my boss that i've had a falling out with the guy i've been seeing. i want to thank everyone for their reassurance that i am doing the right thing, sometimes you just need some outside perspective, you know? It's nice to have some LS support! Link to post Share on other sites
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