doityourself Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 hey all i have a ? .. why is it that men want to treat us women like grab bags?? we need a little warming up before getting to the deed..it is almost as if men are thinking of them busting a nut and not worrying about how we are feeling.. please help me understand this!!! thanks Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 I take it you're meaning men want to get right to it with no preperations for the lady? First of all not all men are like that. There are men that take their time to get their lady "warmed up." I would suggest if your husband or partner is not doing this for you then you should tell him how you feel. Is this an all the time thing when it comes to sex, or does this just happen from time to time? Link to post Share on other sites
doityourself Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 hey analyzer thanks for the reply yes i mentioned it to my h and he says that he can't help it.. i think its a control thing and if all he is wanting is him to get the nut then thats all its about and he don't care about me.. no it doesn't happen all the time but it happens more than i would like it.. it use to not happen .. he use to be able to last along time maybe its because in the past he has been abusive to me and regrets it i don't know.. we are going to counseling wonder if this has anything to do with it.. not the counseling but him being so agressive to me in the past.. Link to post Share on other sites
ShareHer Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by doityourself hey all i have a ? .. why is it that men want to treat us women like grab bags?? we need a little warming up before getting to the deed..it is almost as if men are thinking of them busting a nut and not worrying about how we are feeling.. please help me understand this!!! thanks Why is it that all women ever want to do is shop? Why is it that women talk on the phone so much? Why is it that women gripe so much? I'll bet if I started a thread with those comments, I would catch a lot of flack. Don't you think your comment appears to lump all men together? I think this would be a good opportunity for you to insert "some men" or "the men I date" into your post. Isn't it possible that "some women" don't like foreplay and want you to get right to it? My wife is like that. No fooling around, just get in there! If anything ever happened to our marriage and I had to date again, I'd be in trouble. I think I've forgotten what foreplay is! Link to post Share on other sites
Honesty Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by doityourself hey all i have a ? .. why is it that men want to treat us women like grab bags?? we need a little warming up before getting to the deed..it is almost as if men are thinking of them busting a nut and not worrying about how we are feeling.. please help me understand this!!! thanks Maybe you should think more like a man. use him instead. Once you are done you are out. You warm yourself up if you have to and then let him do the rest once you are done tell him that's it! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 Maybe its like you said, since he used to could, but now since things have happened maybe he feels bad for the things that he has done. However I think that by him wanting to get it over with shows he doesn't want to try and connect with you on another level intimate wise. I'm sure thats ok sometimes to do a wam bam thank you ma'am but I wouldn't think most women would want that all the time. Most women want the loving touch, foreplay emotional connection etc. to get them motivated. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 I guess I'm a grab bag. I like it that way and I'm a woman. Forget foreplay, let's f*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 I might be able to shed a little light on this. My wife and I are constantly looking into how to improve our marriage and she's been reading a book on the subject. One thing she's discovered is that sex to men is what conversation is to women. By that I mean a man feels more connected with his spouse when he's making love to her. Women feel more connected through conversation and quality time with her spouse. To a woman, the whole act of sex is sometimes a physical, "chore". That's why you'll find men complaining that he never gets enough. And why women complain that they don't get enough time alone with her spouse. Men are all too anxious to feel that connection and the same goes for women as well. Then you have the men, (Such as myself), that are just horn dogs that want it all the friggin' time....... Link to post Share on other sites
doityourself Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 thanks for your replys.. i understand there are women that want to get to the deed and don't want foreplay but what about some of us women that do want foreplay.. i tried to explain to my h what i want but he refuse to do it.. so what am i to do now? Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted November 23, 2004 Share Posted November 23, 2004 lol I think you all are getting off topic. doityourself, if you have talked with your husband about this and he still refuses, then sounds like he is being selfish. Try some suggestions to him, like back rubs, or slow music, instead of wanting him to do it, you do it first. Let him follow your lead as to what you want. Maybe he needs to be shown. _____________________________ "Don't argue with me, you wont win." Link to post Share on other sites
Honesty Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Originally posted by ShareHer Ummmmmm, can you say Run-on Sentence? If I was butterflygrl I would stop replying ... period. Who cares about her run-on sentence!!! That's not the point of this thread Is that the best you can come up with??? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 I've been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was younger I needed no foreplay, nor did I want any. And I also climax very easily, it only takes me 1-2 minutes. As I've gotten older I've learned to appreciate different kinds of sexual experiences. Some that don't necessarily culminate in penetration, even. I still climax easily, but I get bored with the same routine. MAybe you should explain to your husband that you want more variety in your sex life, as in, different types of sexual experiences with the same man. He should be able to accomodate you! Also, RE: premature ejaculation, I've noticed this myself - in longterm relationships you learn how to please each other and as time passes the guy climaxes faster and faster (in my experience). So, you have to change things up. How often do you initiate sex? How often does he? Is there a difference in the sex when you intiate? Are you active in bed, or do you tend to lay back and let him do more of the work? My feeling is that we all have to take charge of our own sexuality. Otherwise, no one will know how to please you. And if he continues to ignore your needs, that is a reflection of a serious lack of intimacy, and needs to be addressed through conseling. I wish you the best of luck, having an unsatisfying sex life is SO frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
doityourself Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 hey blind otter, yes i am active in bed... no i don't just lay there!! even when i am in control he still has this problem of not being in control of getting his nutt!! so i know it isn't me .. he has made a comment that maybe he needs something to help him with his stamina .. i think it is a control thing and he don't want to control it cause he don't want too!! thanks for the replys Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Control is something that has to be learned. Especially for something like that. Does he want to learn to to control it? Or does he not care about it? If he doesn't, then sounds like he is out for number one. By you saying he just wants to get his nut, thats almost as if he doesn't want to connect with you on emotional intamacy level. He doesn't want to share with you the emotional, spiritual bond that most couples share during love making. Maybe get him a blow up doll for christmas if thats all he wants. Sorry couldn't resist. ________________________ "Don't argue with me, you wont win." Link to post Share on other sites
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