Affair Pregnancy

[sweet_pea]

BS:

 

Have any of you gone through having OW/WW being pregnant from the affair (or know someone who has)?

 

What would you do if you found out that your WH got OW pregnant? Or that OM got your WW pregnant? Would you have a different reaction if you found out during/around DDay or if you found out during reconciliation?

 

If you were to stay and reconcile, how do you think the relationship between the WS and the OW/OM/OC (Other Child) should be handled? No contact between all parties? Some/low contact?

 

A few threads in the past couple of weeks have sparked my interest.

 

Feel free to answer these questions or just share your thoughts on it.

[ChooseTruth]

This was how I found out. She came to me one night and told me she was pregnant. After I recovered from that (we hadn't been trying...anymore) she told me she had been an awful wife...and that she didn't know who the father was.

 

She begged that I not take our (then 9yr old) daughter away from her. She didn't really understand about "no fault" divorce yet.

 

I asked her if divorce was what she wanted, and she said it wasn't. She asked me if I wanted her to have an abortion, I said no because I had a GF in HighSchool who had been through that(before me) and the whole experience was a nightmare for her.

 

I managed to drag out of her who the other possible father was that night. I said I would do my best to support her. We weren't sure what was going to happen or how we were going to handle it if he had been the father and not me. We wouldn't know until after the baby was born. We didn't know if OMM wanted to be involved or not. It was completely surreal.

 

A week later we had to go to the hospital because she was bleeding a lot. They probed her with what she called, "Mr. Tuna Can" because...well...it was "as wide as a tuna can" and cold and metal. There was a joke she had heard about guys with ...um...a lot of girth. "It may be short but it's as WIDE AS A TUNA CAN!" Ok I'll stop ^^ Opposite emotion now.. a couple days she walked my daughter to school, and on the way back a call came in saying she wasn't pregnant anymore. I heard her shriek outside and she came in completely hysterical. She made it halfway up the stairs where she collapsed in my arms sobbing like a banshee. She kept saying "It was in me and it died. It was in me and it died! I felt it die." I had never seen her like that in 17 years. I held her silently stroking her hair...feeling only calm relief that I wouldn't have to raise another man's child. sigh. I had only known for a week. I hadn't expected a baby. We had stopped trying, thinking we couldn't do it...and now her goal was to get her Masters. It was so confusing. None of it had ever been real enough for me to experience any feelings of loss. I did experience guilt though for my lack of grief. She said to me, "I don't want you to be glad". I said I wasn't, and I wasn't. Of course I wasn't glad that a child had died. I'm not that heartless, but nonetheless I did feel a weight lift.

 

In hindsight, I was foolish to think this was going to work. If the OMM had been the father he would have wanted to be involved. I know this because I called him a day or two later trying to get his story. He didn't know about the miscarriage yet and said something like "We can work something out." I informed him that the child was lost.

 

So...as I was getting to, our marriage ended anyway because they wouldn't stop contact with each other. Our marriage was doomed when she got pregnant. I was completely naive to think we could survive that kind of craziness. We were doomed even without the complication of someone else's child in our house.

[SidLyon]

My d-day was in late 2008, when I discovered that my fWH had an affair that stated in early 2002. A son was born to the OW in late 2002, so he was already 6 years old when I found out. My H and the OW had broken off the affair in 2005.

 

The child had been brought up as being the son of the OW's own BH. The BH had died in mid 2008 and I found out because they were trying to rekindle the affair. Meanwhile the OW had been having another affair with another MM and this MM and his BW had their d-day just before my d-day. The other MM ended up leaving his BW for the OW.

 

All this time the OW denied that her son could have been my H's and insisted that he was her BH's son. Despite involving lawyers (and me being a lawyer myself) we have not managed to have paternity confirmed or denied.

 

At this stage we therefore have proceeded on the basis that the boy (now nearly 11) is not my H's child. However my H plans to contact the boy when he is old enough to make his own decisions which is several years away.

 

Finding out that your WH has (possibly) fathered a child is particularly devastating for a BW, but we have still managed to reconcile.

Edited September 20, 2013 by SidLyon

[ChooseTruth]

My d-day was in late 2008, when I discovered that my fWH had an affair that stated in early 2002. A son was born to the OW in late 2002, so he was already 6 years old when I found out. My H and the OW had broken off the affair in 2005.

 

The child had been brought up as being the son of the OW's own BH. The BH had died in mid 2008 and I found out because they were trying to rekindle the affair. Meanwhile the OW had been having another affair with another MM and this MM and his BW had their d-day just before my d-day. The other MM ended up leaving his BW for the OW.

 

All this time the OW denied that her son could have been my H's and insisted that he was her BH's son. Despite involving lawyers (and me being a lawyer myself) we have not managed to have paternity confirmed or denied.

 

At this stage we therefore have proceeded on the basis that the boy (now nearly 11) is not my H's child. However my H plans to contact the boy when he is old enough to make his own decisions which is several years away.

 

Finding out that your WH has (possibly) fathered a child is particularly devastating for a BW, but we have still managed to reconcile.

Oh....I can't even imagine....

 

And my MIL told me I had no right to tell the OMM's BW what had happened. That BW might have been in your shoes if there hadn't been a miscarriage. I remember saying to her once on the phone, "For a week I was looking at the possibility of raising your H's child". There was a deep breath from her and silence. I think we moved past that topic after that. That must have been a scary scary thing for her to think about.

 

What you don't know can't hurt you.......sure. Never hurts anyone, especially not that innocent 11 yr old boy .

[SidLyon]

Oh....I can't even imagine....

 

And my MIL told me I had no right to tell the OMM's BW what had happened. That BW might have been in your shoes if there hadn't been a miscarriage. I remember saying to her once on the phone, "For a week I was looking at the possibility of raising your H's child". There was a deep breath from her and silence. I think we moved past that topic after that. That must have been a scary scary thing for her to think about.

 

What you don't know can't hurt you.......sure. Never hurts anyone, especially not that innocent 11 yr old boy .

 

Your story is tragic too.

 

The innocent victims in all this include not just me and the 11 year old boy but his older brother (both lost the man they called Dad) and both have a skank for a mother. Also the BH's parents do not know if they are helping raise a grandchild who may not be their son's child and my own children whose father betrayed them too, and who know they may have a younger brother.

 

The older/adult son of the OW and her parents in law (the other BH's parents) also live with the knowledge that their father and son died while saving his wife's life and that she was systematically betraying him with other men for years.

 

Meanwhile the other BW and her 4 children have lost contact with their husband and father who is effectively acting as stepfather and raising the boy who may be my H's child.

 

It's an utter mess if you think about it, as are so many of these stories.

[SidLyon]

"their father and son died while saving his wife's life"

 

Can you elaborate on that?

 

In 2008 the husband (BH) of the OW died in an accident while saving the life of his wife (the OW) and their son. Basically I don't want to give out the exact details; but a life threatening situation developed and the BH saved the lives of 3 people (the other was a person they didn't know who just happened to be there at time) but lost his own life in the process. The other 2 people's lives he saved were his wife's (who was the OW of both my H and another MM), and the son.

 

At the time his youngest son was nearly 6 years old and may or may not be the son of my H. The older son is an adult.

 

The dead BH's parents who are the parents-in-law of the OW are helping raise their "grandchild" (who may be my H's son) as is the other MM she (the OW) was also having an A with.

 

I hope this clarifies.

Edited September 20, 2013 by SidLyon

[jnel921]

I remember my h having many discussions with me about wanting a baby. But because the 3 we have respectively are older and we were in our mid 40s I really didn't feel that having babies was a good idea especially with our bills and the our teens now about to start college.

 

 

When my h had his A I learned that he had unprotected sex. This in itself was upsetting for many reasons beyond trying to get this OW possibly pregnant.

 

The OWs BF at the time told me that he believed that was my H's goal. He knew my H always talked about having more children. However this didn't happen thankfully. To be honest it would have been the ultimate deal breaker for me.

[SidLyon]

All I can do is shake my head.

 

Sounds like a tragedy all around. When I hear stories like this, I find it difficult to imagine the people involved. Who is this OW? Does she have redeeming qualities? What does your H think of her now?

 

Kudos to you for staying strong.

 

Well I don't think she has any redeeming qualities at all.

 

My H considers her a big mistake now but that of course is with the benefit of hindsight and perhaps for my benefit too. He can certainly see the devastation caused to so many people by their affair and I think he feels bad about that. I think he was upset too to find she was having an A with another MM, while trying to get him to leave me and our kids. Mmaybe he even felt betrayed by her.

 

Oh the hypocrisy!

[BetrayedH]

This was how I found out. She came to me one night and told me she was pregnant. After I recovered from that (we hadn't been trying...anymore) she told me she had been an awful wife...and that she didn't know who the father was.

 

She begged that I not take our (then 9yr old) daughter away from her. She didn't really understand about "no fault" divorce yet.

 

I asked her if divorce was what she wanted, and she said it wasn't. She asked me if I wanted her to have an abortion, I said no because I had a GF in HighSchool who had been through that(before me) and the whole experience was a nightmare for her.

 

I managed to drag out of her who the other possible father was that night. I said I would do my best to support her. We weren't sure what was going to happen or how we were going to handle it if he had been the father and not me. We wouldn't know until after the baby was born. We didn't know if OMM wanted to be involved or not. It was completely surreal.

 

A week later we had to go to the hospital because she was bleeding a lot. They probed her with what she called, "Mr. Tuna Can" because...well...it was "as wide as a tuna can" and cold and metal. There was a joke she had heard about guys with ...um...a lot of girth. "It may be short but it's as WIDE AS A TUNA CAN!" Ok I'll stop ^^ Opposite emotion now.. a couple days she walked my daughter to school, and on the way back a call came in saying she wasn't pregnant anymore. I heard her shriek outside and she came in completely hysterical. She made it halfway up the stairs where she collapsed in my arms sobbing like a banshee. She kept saying "It was in me and it died. It was in me and it died! I felt it die." I had never seen her like that in 17 years. I held her silently stroking her hair...feeling only calm relief that I wouldn't have to raise another man's child. sigh. I had only known for a week. I hadn't expected a baby. We had stopped trying, thinking we couldn't do it...and now her goal was to get her Masters. It was so confusing. None of it had ever been real enough for me to experience any feelings of loss. I did experience guilt though for my lack of grief. She said to me, "I don't want you to be glad". I said I wasn't, and I wasn't. Of course I wasn't glad that a child had died. I'm not that heartless, but nonetheless I did feel a weight lift.

 

In hindsight, I was foolish to think this was going to work. If the OMM had been the father he would have wanted to be involved. I know this because I called him a day or two later trying to get his story. He didn't know about the miscarriage yet and said something like "We can work something out." I informed him that the child was lost.

 

So...as I was getting to, our marriage ended anyway because they wouldn't stop contact with each other. Our marriage was doomed when she got pregnant. I was completely naive to think we could survive that kind of craziness. We were doomed even without the complication of someone else's child in our house.

 

You're a f ucking hell of a guy, NH. Your wife was a damn fool not to recognize how fortunate she was to have a real man for a husband and father of her children (rather than some putz that says, "We'll work something out.")

 

I'm thinking your ex and mine should be best friends. That way they can spend their time trying to figure out how to screw each other over and leave the rest of humanity alone.

[screwedovertwenty]

This was how I found out. She came to me one night and told me she was pregnant. After I recovered from that (we hadn't been trying...anymore) she told me she had been an awful wife...and that she didn't know who the father was.

 

She begged that I not take our (then 9yr old) daughter away from her. She didn't really understand about "no fault" divorce yet.

 

I asked her if divorce was what she wanted, and she said it wasn't. She asked me if I wanted her to have an abortion, I said no because I had a GF in HighSchool who had been through that(before me) and the whole experience was a nightmare for her.

 

I managed to drag out of her who the other possible father was that night. I said I would do my best to support her. We weren't sure what was going to happen or how we were going to handle it if he had been the father and not me. We wouldn't know until after the baby was born. We didn't know if OMM wanted to be involved or not. It was completely surreal.

 

A week later we had to go to the hospital because she was bleeding a lot. They probed her with what she called, "Mr. Tuna Can" because...well...it was "as wide as a tuna can" and cold and metal. There was a joke she had heard about guys with ...um...a lot of girth. "It may be short but it's as WIDE AS A TUNA CAN!" Ok I'll stop ^^ Opposite emotion now.. a couple days she walked my daughter to school, and on the way back a call came in saying she wasn't pregnant anymore. I heard her shriek outside and she came in completely hysterical. She made it halfway up the stairs where she collapsed in my arms sobbing like a banshee. She kept saying "It was in me and it died. It was in me and it died! I felt it die." I had never seen her like that in 17 years. I held her silently stroking her hair...feeling only calm relief that I wouldn't have to raise another man's child. sigh. I had only known for a week. I hadn't expected a baby. We had stopped trying, thinking we couldn't do it...and now her goal was to get her Masters. It was so confusing. None of it had ever been real enough for me to experience any feelings of loss. I did experience guilt though for my lack of grief. She said to me, "I don't want you to be glad". I said I wasn't, and I wasn't. Of course I wasn't glad that a child had died. I'm not that heartless, but nonetheless I did feel a weight lift.

 

In hindsight, I was foolish to think this was going to work. If the OMM had been the father he would have wanted to be involved. I know this because I called him a day or two later trying to get his story. He didn't know about the miscarriage yet and said something like "We can work something out." I informed him that the child was lost.

 

So...as I was getting to, our marriage ended anyway because they wouldn't stop contact with each other. Our marriage was doomed when she got pregnant. I was completely naive to think we could survive that kind of craziness. We were doomed even without the complication of someone else's child in our house.

 

One day she will realize that she lost a real man when she lost you!

 

I really don't think I could have done it. I actually think the OW in my situation was trying to get pregnant. Her idea to not use condoms. She had no idea my husband had been fixed years ago!