Forcing Change?

[pigloo22]

Oh my god. He moved out yesterday. Well, in the end I had to move him out as he wasted a whole day and I got back just before the school run to find nothing was packed. So I started chucking it in bin liners. He actually thought that he could pack while the kids were there.

 

I know why I am doing this. I am doing it because for the last 4 years he has been irritable all the time, depressed beyond belief and out of work. I have grown so tired of doing everything. I put an ultimatum in place and he did not meet it.

 

But I still love him. This is the worst time of my whole life. I know that if I stayed with him he would never change. It was 4 years of it. 4 years of napping in the day, yelling at the whole family, not helping out. 4 years of me becoming the greatest nag the world has known in an attempt to kick him up the ***.

 

And now it has come to this. I have no partner, kids have no family unit. All because he was apathetic for too long.

 

Did anyone get to this stage and it fixed the relationship? I am not doing it so we get that outcome of course. It had to stop. But in my heart of hearts I am yearning for something to happen to him that fixes this.

 

So heartbroken.

[littlejaz]

In my experience, you might as well give up. He is not going to change. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change, so as hard as it is, cut your losses and move on. It is what I am doing and it is starting to feel pretty good. It has been a long, hard road but the light at the end is bright and happy. I have found myself smiling for no reason, laughing and dancing to music. My advice go through the bad so you can't get back to feeling good about and with yourself.

[Balzac]

You are engaging in magical thinking. Hopefully you see that it's folly.