Jealousy - from a dumper.

[Joebloggs91]

So I broke up with my first long term girlfriend, we'd been together for around 16 months, planned our lives together, looked at flats etc. I started to get doubts about whether she was the right person for me, mixed in with a few other issues I was having including my job and battling depression.

 

I decided that I would break up with her, I was fairly certain that this was the right call for both of us. I was honest and open about it and there is nobody else that has been involved. At first I was fine, almost felt like a weight off of my shoulders, but I was sinking lower and lower into depressive states, only work got me out of bed in the morning, and I would go in and try and put on a brave face.

 

Break up was around 3 weeks ago and I was starting to feel myself again, moved in with a friend, got myself a new job and generally looking forward to life a bit more. But I have found out (through stalking her social networking sites, I know!) that her ex has been back in touch with her, and has said of his undying love for her etc etc. We got together literally weeks after they broke up - he cheated on her several times.

 

This has hit me like a train, It looks like they are going to get back together, and it has now thrown so much doubt into whether she was just with me for a rebound, or to take my mind off of him. Even though she expressed her deep love for me, and we planned our futures together, went on holiday etc. I know feel like it was all a lie.

 

She hates me, I have tried contacting her to try and make her see sense but she simply says that it is none of my business, which I know is true, but I could not live if I saw those two together.

 

Has anyone else had this?

[Philosoraptor]

Stop looking for information about her and you won't have to worry about this. Yes, her life is none of your business and you're just wasting your time and emotion checking up on her.

 

Yes, many people suffer from jealousy. But it's not based on anything outside of seeing someone else with someone you used to have. Stop paying attention to her life, and focus on your own, and you won't have to worry about these feelings anymore.

[colombiana28]

I know how you feel. I'm really good friends with my ex who I dumped mid last year. Our personalities always meshed so well, but I felt like he was never willing to put forth any effort when we were together. Now that we're not together, we get along great and hang out several times a week, have always been open about who we're dating, who we're hooking up with, blah blah. Then suddenly a couple weeks ago he met a chick who he "like likes" and suddenly he's wining and dining, charming the hell out of her, all the things he never did for me (he never "had to do that stuff" for me...ouch). I have bouts of jealousy now (new and horrible feeling, i've never been particularly jealous) because i'm paranoid that it's me, not him, even though he tells me that our relationship was a learning experience and he realizes he needs to change his ways to hang onto a good woman. even with the reassurance, I still constantly compare myself to this woman I've never met and know nothing about.