How can my marriage be saved?

[No_closure]

Long story short, we have been married 10 months and are really young. He FLIPPED out on me the day he left, saying he needed space (which has never, ever happened before)

 

He went to his mom's house, who is a very bizarre woman and calls him 15 times a day just to ask if he's eaten..... So, he left me in the apartment, came back next day, still angry with me, then lied to me said he loved me and he will be back. 2 hours later he ends it in a text message by saying "I don't think this is going to work."

 

I did the whole begging, crying, pleading with him in person and he assured me everything was ok. So once he told me it's over, I did the begging and all that in text message. He didn't respond to any of it.

 

Next day he says, "Can you pack my stuff?" next day after that, "Are you there?"

 

I left the apartment during all this and came back 4 days later and all his stuff was gone and he put in his 30 day notice and told the manager he wants ME to pay half the rent even though he solely supported me.

 

I waited over a week when I sent him an email just going over things like what happened to you? Why are you so angry? And just pointing out facts of our marriage and how good it was. And also my own faults and some of his faults. I didn't beg or plead. I was strong and at the very end I said "Can we please talk and be civil?"

 

He didn't respond until 5 days later saying "How much you want for the dog? You know he is better off with me and not you. Please let me have him."

 

...That dog is my registered companion dog. I know, stupid, but I love that dog so much and he knows that. And he knows I am not money hungry so why would I sell the dog? What on earth...

 

So now it has literally been 3 whole weeks since all of this. I want to talk and work it out SO BAD but the day he left, he refused counseling, lied to me saying he loves me and would be back and to call him and we can talk while he was gone.

 

Everyone says cut my losses and move on. I would if we weren't married. I just...can't give up on a marriage like this. Our anniversary is coming up in October. But I don't see what else I can do? I feel like I have done and said everything.

 

I know you can't force people to love you or work it out. But literally the day before this happened he CARED SO MUCH about marriage, his ring, everything.

 

I know NC you can't work it out but I feel like him not hearing from me will make him come around.... I know, stupid. But it's all in his hands at this point. I just wish I could send an email saying please talk to me. But then that just starts the process alllllllll over again.

 

There is no cheating involved. I found his new facebook and he is all alone and no one commenting or liking his stuff. His face looks scary... something wrong with his eyes. I checked all the girls he works with and they all have boyfriends or new pics with other guys. I mean, who knows.

 

 

Is there any way to save this marriage? We are so young it is such a shame to just cop out. He loved me and cared about me so much the day before this all happened. So why?

[JoelBarish]

Hey buddy.

 

As you know, I am not married. However, in your situation, I can't imagine what more you can do. Your hubby left on his own out of nowhere. Nothing changed on your part. So I imagine if he wants to save your marriage it is something he is going to have to decide for himself. All you can do is take care of yourself and right now you are in a lot of pain. So in other words NC and work on you and be prepared for him NOT to come back just in case.

 

I do think it sounds like the GIGS. That particular thread may be helpful to you if you haven't read the whole thing yet

 

Any one else have any thoughts?

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah.

 

Horse.

Flogging.

Dead.

A.

 

Rearrange into a well-known phrase or saying.

 

When you say, "Really young" what exactly do you mean?

 

Ages?

 

If we're talking barely out of teens, I'm sorry, but honestly, you are so much better off single for now.....

[TaraMaiden]

I've just looked at your posting history (23, you, 21 him).

 

He's so immature I'm surprised he doesn't still wear nappies.

 

And don't wait around for him to change any time soon.

he knew this was a mistake for him a long while ago.

I'm frankly surprised parents endorsed the marriage at all....

 

You've posted too much about this to pretty much the same advice, time and again.

 

How many times are you going to need telling, hun?

 

Quit, give it up, and look ahead to moving on.

Edited September 20, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[No_closure]

I've just looked at your posting history (23, you, 21 him).

 

He's so immature I'm surprised he doesn't still wear nappies.

 

And don't wait around for him to change any time soon.

he knew this was a mistake for him a long while ago.

I'm frankly surprised parents endorsed the marriage at all....

 

You've posted too much about this to pretty much the same advice, time and again.

 

How many times are you going to need telling, hun?

 

Quit, give it up, and look ahead to moving on.

 

I know, I know and I am sorry. I don't mean to sound like a broken record it's just like is there really NOTHING I can do? I just feel so bi-polar like one minute I am moving on then the next minute I can't accept it....

 

And yeah our parents endorsed it because he had everyone fooled. He stepped up to the plate long before we got engaged. Everyone honestly believed it was a good idea. He worked hard at his job and was just really good to me.

[TaraMaiden]

THERE - IS - NOTHING - YOU - CAN - DO.

 

Nothing.

 

Really.

Take this as the 'for sure, for sure'.

 

What are you trying to salvage exactly?

To what end?

And, more importantly, why?

 

You can't love enough for two, on your own.

And he's just not playing ball.

 

It's like playing table tennis on your own.

No return, ever, and after a while, the balls are all on the other side.....

 

The person who cares the least, controls the most.

 

You have to change your mind-set, and give a complete and phekking damn.

[JoelBarish]

You doing ok today NoClosure?