leon23 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I found out my boyfriend made out with a girl he used to date apparently they dated but never had sex (according to him) they saw eachother at a party and from what I understand made out not once but twice. He says they didn't have sex..we've been dating for a little over a year and I'm so confused now. We were supposed to move in together?! He seems to think because there was no sex that it isn't cheating. The worst part is that I found out from someone else. I don't know what to do now. He says that he hasn't contacted her since the incident and apparently she hasn't either. I'm with him on the weekends so I know he hasn't seen her. I think this is a serious offense am I over reacting? Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I found out my boyfriend made out with a girl he used to date apparently they dated but never had sex (according to him) they saw eachother at a party and from what I understand made out not once but twice. He says they didn't have sex..we've been dating for a little over a year and I'm so confused now. We were supposed to move in together?! He seems to think because there was no sex that it isn't cheating. The worst part is that I found out from someone else. I don't know what to do now. He says that he hasn't contacted her since the incident and apparently she hasn't either. I'm with him on the weekends so I know he hasn't seen her. I think this is a serious offense am I over reacting? agreed, a serious offense. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I think this is a serious offense am I over reacting? Yes, serious. DOn't let your bf make you believe otherwise. He cheated not once, but each time he engaged, disengaged and then re-engaged in the kissing. He wanted to, did and now is trying to rationalize at your expense. Worse, he is trying to pull one over you thinking that you will be foolish or gullible enough to believe his explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Look, a good definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other. That's cheating. Now, If you were at that party with your boyfriend, would he be inclined to "make out" with this girl in front of you? I venture to say.....NO! Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 yah, no biggie, let it slide. Go make out with his best friend, I'm sure he'll be okay with that because it's not cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leon23 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 I think I'm going to nix the moving in, the sad thing is that he thought he could get away with it. He claims he was drinking and said he behaved poorly he is 37 years old! Grow up! Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Dump him ASAP and have absolutely no future contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leon23 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Yep 37, the other thing that bothers me is that he knew this girl , it wasn't a random girl he met. Not sure if I should now break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leon23 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Yeah, I just don't know if I can stay, he seems remorseful and while there hasn't been any contact between the two of them the trust has been damaged. I really cared about this person and thought he wanted to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
thishatteredsymphony Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 YES! Break up with him! You must have enough self respect! If you don't break up with him you will move into "door mat" category in his mind and he will continue this kind of behavior. Think about it. A year from now, 2 years from now you will be crying your eyes out because he's cheated or left you for another! Say goodbye to this idiot now. You deserve better I second this. If you dump him you show him you're better than this. If there's anything I'd give to go back in time to do it would be to break up with my ex after I found out she cheated, rather than grovel pathetically as I did. Anyone who cheats isn't worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I found out my boyfriend made out with a girl he used to date apparently they dated but never had sex (according to him) they saw eachother at a party and from what I understand made out not once but twice. He says they didn't have sex..we've been dating for a little over a year and I'm so confused now. We were supposed to move in together?! He seems to think because there was no sex that it isn't cheating. The worst part is that I found out from someone else. I don't know what to do now. He says that he hasn't contacted her since the incident and apparently she hasn't either. I'm with him on the weekends so I know he hasn't seen her. I think this is a serious offense am I over reacting? Anyone that begins an answer with "It was just"..... is someone whom you should not trust your money or your genitals with. I apologize as I should have read this thread before I posted on your other thread, because I said on the other one to be skeptical unless you had some sort of proof...obviously you do and I am afraid you might want to throw your boyfriend out with the garbage. Please understand that a minimizer will always believe that their actions really have no consequences...please show this guy some consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Yeah, I just don't know if I can stay, he seems remorseful and while there hasn't been any contact between the two of them the trust has been damaged. I really cared about this person and thought he wanted to settle down. Young lady, "Seeming remorseful" is taken out of the Cheaters Handbook, Chapter 3 Section 12...lol They always SEEM remorseful until they get busted again, which this guy will. Take a look round these threads or any other infidelity thread where the betrayed comments that their significant other SEEMS remorseful. All that Seeming usually lasts about a few weeks until more information trickles out or the cheater is provided another opportunity. Please be advised that one thing all cheaters have in common is that they are liars. Please get rid of him now so you are not coming back here after it happens again, which it will...because when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Umm...no. While many people will "seem remorseful" and lie, there are plenty of people who genuinely feel bad about doing what they did. I doubt this guy is one of those people, but... Not all cheaters are liars. Far from it. Link to post Share on other sites
thishatteredsymphony Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Umm...no. While many people will "seem remorseful" and lie, there are plenty of people who genuinely feel bad about doing what they did. I doubt this guy is one of those people, but... Not all cheaters are liars. Far from it. By the very definition of cheating, lying is generally involved. If your relationship aims to be exclusive, then by cheating on your partner you are lying to them. "Genuinely feeling bad" about their action doesn't excuse it. If you can't control yourself while being in a relationship with set boundaries, you don't deserve to be in one. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Umm...no. While many people will "seem remorseful" and lie, there are plenty of people who genuinely feel bad about doing what they did. I doubt this guy is one of those people, but... Not all cheaters are liars. Far from it. Go sit in the corner, dumbass! Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Not all cheaters are liars, I agree with that. but all cheaters are untrustworthy. Link to post Share on other sites
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