Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 3 months NC for me and he is also the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. In fact, he is in my thoughts all throughout my day. However, I am doing a lot better and not as sad or depressed as I once was. I shed tears here and there when I am reminded of something personal. I have those thoughts too when I wake up or go to sleep. Last night I dreamed of her. I always dream she came back to me. It just takes time. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Day 26 for me. Hang in there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Day 5 for me. Would have been 7 but I broke down and texted him so I had to start over. Try, try again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 i started again after a week of nc she contacted me on sunday i replied and met the day after. the weird thing is that she was acting like she was really into me all over again until we had sex( i wasn't expecting that cuz i want more than that) and she said she felt stupid after we were done? idk what she meant by that but anyways before we parted ways she told that i should let go of things? she is going to keep in touch with me im the dumpee. so its day 1 now. because i txted her twice if it was really over between us, after a couple of minutes had past i txted her im letting go. Don't settle for breadcrumbs. Just let go... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UnknownFX Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 so those are breadcrumbs, alright thanks, i'm letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 I honestly wish I'd done things differently. All this silence after all his feeling is Just doing my head in. I have to admit that earlier tonight I had the cockamamie idea that maybe I would write him a real snail mail letter letting him know that we could be friends later on and with much passed time and most likely, after I had begin to see someone else. The only thing that stopped me was the fear of what would happen, how upset would I be if he didn't respond. I can't even dream of sending any such letter until I am sufficiently healed that all his lack of response would cause in me is a small shoulder shrug. That time is not now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 so those are breadcrumbs, alright thanks, i'm letting go. I take anything other than "I want you back" as breadcrumbs. Why settle for less? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) I honestly wish I'd done things differently. All this silence after all his feeling is Just doing my head in. I have to admit that earlier tonight I had the cockamamie idea that maybe I would write him a real snail mail letter letting him know that we could be friends later on and with much passed time and most likely, after I had begin to see someone else. The only thing that stopped me was the fear of what would happen, how upset would I be if he didn't respond. I can't even dream of sending any such letter until I am sufficiently healed that all his lack of response would cause in me is a small shoulder shrug. That time is not now. Anya, I respect your feelings. I just don't see why would you want to be friends with him? I know that you are truly heartbroken over him. Why would you settle for friendship when your heart desires much more? There are plenty of others out there who would gladly be your friend. Why is he so special that you absolutely must have him in your life as friend but in your heart you will always be reminded that he did not want you the way you wish that he did. As I said I respect your feelings if that is what you want. For myself, I know it is too hard emotionally. Even when my ex has been friendly to me since the break up I have gotten upset afterwards. To me it's just so upsetting to be around her and remember how things once was between us and to know it can never be that way again. I would rather remember it as it was when it was good and pure and not be reminded how she twisted and destroyed it. I know it seems I am blaming her but I did my part. I apologized for my part in it all and I was willing to work on it. She is the one who left. That's just how I feel about it. Edited October 3, 2013 by JoelBarish 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Anya, I respect your feelings. I just don't see why would you want to be friends with him? I know that you are truly heartbroken over him. Why would you settle for friendship when your heart desires much more? There are plenty of others out there who would gladly be your friend. Why is he so special that you absolutely must have him in your life as friend but in your heart you will always be reminded that he did not want you the way you wish that he did. As I said I respect your feelings if that is what you want. For myself, I know it is too hard emotionally. Even when my ex has been friendly to me since the break up I have gotten upset afterwards. To me it's just so upsetting to be around her and remember how things once was between us and to know it can never be that way again. I would rather remember it as it was when it was good and pure and not be reminded how she twisted and destroyed it. I know it seems I am blaming her but I did my part. I apologized for my part in it all and I was willing to work on it. She is the one who left. That's just how I feel about it. I could probably come up with several reasons/justifications. I suppose probably if I scratch too far below the surface, it is still the last dregs of a little bit of hope. If I knew that he didn't have feelings for me (even if it was a false impression because in an alternate universe he kept his feelings in during our last meeting) it would be difficult (as I know from the official "breakup" where he was cold and distant) but it wouldn't be like this. Being 99.99 percent sure from the many different indicators that all align to give the same message, that he had strong feelings for me. It is making it difficult to extinguish those last dregs of hope. But you are right. And it is quite possible that when I have sufficiently recovered from this, that I won't want to be friends. That I will consider the fact that he did this anyway, despite my concerns of losing a friend, albeit in a different way than last spring, was really going to be bad for me, and decide that his own emotional "stuff" right now means that he isn't able to be a good friend. Not because he's not a good guy, rather, right now he lacks the emotional self-regulation skills necessary to be able to balance someone else's needs with his own. I know that I will never know why he pushed me away despite his feelings. But I think you are essentially right. I think it is just more stupid hope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Your feelings are not stupid Anya. And who knows, maybe time and NC will make things clearer. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 They are when they cause me to hold onto irrational hope that this can be salvaged. The truth is, is that if he could have found a way to surmount whatever was holding him back from acting on his feelings, he would have. He's not going to, now, no matter what I hope. So they become stupid when they persist in the face of all evidence. I remember at one point when he was grilling me about the job prospects for what my graduate degree will be in, in our area. Around here, most of the positions are filled. But I told him that when two people love each other enough, they will find a way to be together. I think my point is dishearteningly obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Your feelings of hope aren't stupid at all. Hope is a valuable feeling that we all feel. We thrive on hope, and although with break ups we always have that unfortunate hope that someday the one who left will come back, it doesn't mean that it's stupid to hope they will. Because you love/loved him...so of course you'd put and have hope in him to realize he made a mistake and that he'll come back and things will be all peachy again. It just takes time for that hope to dwindle and set into a harsher reality. Then once it does you can set your hopes higher to meeting someone who won't leave you, or who won't give up on you, etc...regardless of the circumstances. It is always okay to hope 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Never apologize for your feelings. They are yours and you are justified in feeling them because you are you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lizrd3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Started NC on 1st of october, so almost 3 days now. she broke up with me, and I'm left feeling sad and empty missing her all the time, depressed and whatnot. oh well, I'm sure she'll realize what she's missing in time, but by that time, I won't be there for her. worst thing is, i think she thinks i'll be waiting for her, which I'm not, haha! Deleted her FB, number, told her I don't want to speak to her till i'm recovered, even though our break up was as peaceful as could be, even had some fun together that day! Oh well, I hope she hurts as much as I am when she realizes I'm the one who got away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaAnna Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Started NC on 1st of october, so almost 3 days now. she broke up with me, and I'm left feeling sad and empty missing her all the time, depressed and whatnot. oh well, I'm sure she'll realize what she's missing in time, but by that time, I won't be there for her. worst thing is, i think she thinks i'll be waiting for her, which I'm not, haha! Deleted her FB, number, told her I don't want to speak to her till i'm recovered, even though our break up was as peaceful as could be, even had some fun together that day! Oh well, I hope she hurts as much as I am when she realizes I'm the one who got away. Stay strong! You can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 There are a couple things here. The hope is causing me more pain. That is all it is doing right now. And if I were truly doing every rational thing to squelch it, and some persisted, that would be one thing. But there is a part of me that can't quite let go of the hope yet. The hope that whatever barrier out there exists, he'll find a way around. There is a part of me that is slightly encouraging the hope. And that I allow myself to do what is so obviously detrimental. That is at the least irrational. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoelBarish Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 There are a couple things here. The hope is causing me more pain. That is all it is doing right now. And if I were truly doing every rational thing to squelch it, and some persisted, that would be one thing. But there is a part of me that can't quite let go of the hope yet. The hope that whatever barrier out there exists, he'll find a way around. There is a part of me that is slightly encouraging the hope. And that I allow myself to do what is so obviously detrimental. That is at the least irrational. True. I have hope for my ex too. But as I said, time and NC might make a difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UnknownFX Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Deleted/Blocked her today on FB Feels good man so i guess im back to day 1 D: Link to post Share on other sites
iwanttobewell Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Day 10 since BU, day 5 NC. Mutual split because we fought all the time and just couldn't make our different personalities work together. I reached out a few days post BU because I wanted to keep trying. He was sweet, but did not share my desire to be together. I wished him well and then deleted his contact info. I feel lost, confused, alone, disappointed, and empty. Pretty sure I'm going the route of numbing out for a while as a means to not feel any more pain. How are you doing ScieceGal? Still in NC? Nice idiom; nicely done. Link to post Share on other sites
iwanttobewell Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Made it to 9 weeks No Contact and he got in touch Now 8 days No Contact and not answering his calls or texts again I am curious to know: How did it go after nine weeks of NC? Were you stunned? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 How are you doing ScieceGal? Still in NC? Nice idiom; nicely done. I am doing alright. When I get sad, I just remember some of the hurtful things he said to me, and how he wasn't very loving. I think of all the reasons it wasn't working and how I sunk into a constant state of disappointment and unhappiness. Then, I imagine myself in the future, sharing my life with someone who truly loves me. It will happen. Still NC, 18 days now. Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 180 days Had to use a calculator, I don't keep count anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Today is day 53. Not easy...especially on the weekends...that was when we always hung out. Same here! weekends are so hard for me!! :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
im_thedude Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I've not really kept track, but it's been a month or so of no texting or calling. No actual communication, and I have no desire to contact her for a variety of reasons. I did stupidly look snoop on her social media and feel like I'm right back at square one now Link to post Share on other sites
aaron11892 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 2 weeks and 2 days. The last the i did was post a handwritten letter to her. Really regret doing that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts