Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 About 6 months ago I caught my bestfriend and wife in bed together I lost it and ww3 happen I kicked his ass and kicked her ass out.It took some time but I forgave her and everything was getting back on track until I finds out she still is in contact with him when I told her no contact.i packed her bags and kicked her out.now is crying and begging me to give her another chance. Background Me 24 Her 23 Him and me has been friends since the age of 3 Me:College graduate Him:Highschool Dropout Me:Own my House Him:still staying with parents Me:No heavy drugs just a pot smoker Him:coke head Me:Never Cheated Him:serial cheater Me:about a million in the bank and making $175,000 a year Him:No job and no set goals PS. I paid for everything while she sat home and screwed my Ex-best friend Think god I was smart enough to get her to sign a prenup she gets nothing her safety net is gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 is this just an FYI or is there a question? sounds like you have got it all handled. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 is this just an FYI or is there a question? sounds like you have got it all handled. This is a way for me Vent don't have nobody else to talk to lost the two who meant everything Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Don't allow her back. At least not for a long while. She needs to prove to you on all levels that she is worthy of another chance. She's in desperation mode right now and will do or say anything. Take your time, figure out if she is worth it. Think about your marriage. Before she cheated, how were things between you? Did she treat you well? Was she a good wife? Loving, kind, supportive and also fun to be with? Let her understand the consquences of her selfish actions and suffer for a bit. She will not change her ways until SHE hits rock bottom. Sorry you're hurting. Double betrayal sucks and it's really shi.tty that your so called best friend did this to you, as well as the woman you thought had your back and loved you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 This is a way for me Vent don't have nobody else to talk to lost the two who meant everything ah, well it sucks.... it happened to my best friend. His wife cheated on him 3 times before he finally gave her up. The first was with his best friend of 12 years. He forgave her but not his best friend. It happens alot, it seems women cheat wit those in the circles of people they know rather than outside the known circle of people. You are not alone and there are a lot of great people on here who have been there as the betrayed spouse and the opposite whom have been the exact same as your wife. Your best friend should have been in my opinion the fail safe to stop something like that, that is why they are our wing man. I think women who love us, also love the things we love when it comes to those closest to us which likely share the most of us in life such as a best friend. I think that may be the hardest for you having been his best friend for so long. Sometimes we also do not see that our best friends are our worst enemy, such as the start out as such but something untold to us sets off jealousy and rage and starts the clock for something like what he did to you. I have seen it unfortunately As for your wife, that is your relationship to deal with, she strayed and betrayed.... if you do not have much together such as kids and assets, it is easier logically and legally to leave but your heart will have to catch up to your mind on that one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) Wow, your wife and your best friend since you were three years old? That is harsh. I am so, so sad this happened to you. I hope you find peace and know that you will be okay. I can not even imagine the betrayal you are feeling right now. Please take care of yourself. Know that this is on them and not you. Best of Luck, Grumps Edited September 21, 2013 by Grumpybutfun 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Don't allow her back. At least not for a long while. She needs to prove to you on all levels that she is worthy of another chance. She's in desperation mode right now and will do or say anything. Take your time, figure out if she is worth it. Think about your marriage. Before she cheated, how were things between you? Did she treat you well? Was she a good wife? Loving, kind, supportive and also fun to be with? Let her understand the consquences of her selfish actions and suffer for a bit. She will not change her ways until SHE hits rock bottom. Sorry you're hurting. Double betrayal sucks and it's really shi.tty that your so called best friend did this to you, as well as the woman you thought had your back and loved you. I this point i can't forgive her B4 all this started i taught we were solid even if we used to have couples spats from time to time we used to make up like an hour later i never hated our marriage. I still do love her but can't spend the rest of my life with someone i can't trust 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Wow, your wife and your best friend since you were three years old? That is harsh. I am so, so sad this happened to you. I hope you find peace and know that you will be okay. I can not even imagine the betrayal you are feeling right now. Please take care of yourself. Know that this is on them and not you. Best of Luck, Grumps That what me the most as long as i can remember he was in my life and both of us the only child we were like brothers i even stayed at his mom house when my parents died when i was 16 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Leaving: Did she give you any reason or indication of why she cheated with yr best friend? Did he mention anything about it? What did they say? G Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I this point i can't forgive her B4 all this started i taught we were solid even if we used to have couples spats from time to time we used to make up like an hour later i never hated our marriage. I still do love her but can't spend the rest of my life with someone i can't trust You are young and as much as you love her it's good that you can see that there's a real good possibility there's gonna be a divorce. Not all forgive and not all are worth fighting for. Your wife is broken inside, and extremely selfish. She turned your world upside down, all for what? The bad boy! Well, her loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 Leaving: Did she give you any reason or indication of why she cheated with yr best friend? Did he mention anything about it? What did they say? G when first caught she told me it was a bad mistake and tried to put all the blame on saying he came on to her.I quickly reminded her that it was her choice to her open legs she could have said no and it was her choice to bring that scum in our martial home. As for him i haven't had no contact other then last time i caught him in bed with my wife and doing that time it was more about me trying to kick his azz( And i Did- black eye,busted lip and nose and big knot on the back of his head) then trying to talk to him 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 You are young and as much as you love her it's good that you can see that there's a real good possibility there's gonna be a divorce. Not all forgive and not all are worth fighting for. Your wife is broken inside, and extremely selfish. She turned your world upside down, all for what? The bad boy! Well, her loss. Divorce is going to happen 100% sure of that(not going to lie i am going to miss her but she gotta go) 8 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Divorce is going to happen 100% sure of that(not going to lie i am going to miss her but she gotta go) i hear ya, best of luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
readytohouse87 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Wow that's horrible. I can't imagine how traumatizing it must have been walking in on that. When you initially gave her the second chance she blew once again, how were you able to still look her in the eyes after what you saw? Link to post Share on other sites
happysong Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 About 6 months ago I caught my bestfriend and wife in bed together I lost it and ww3 happen I kicked his ass and kicked her ass out.It took some time but I forgave her and everything was getting back on track until I finds out she still is in contact with him when I told her no contact.i packed her bags and kicked her out.now is crying and begging me to give her another chance. Background Me 24 Her 23 Him and me has been friends since the age of 3 Me:College graduate Him:Highschool Dropout Me:Own my House Him:still staying with parents Me:No heavy drugs just a pot smoker Him:coke head Me:Never Cheated Him:serial cheater Me:about a million in the bank and making $175,000 a year Him:No job and no set goals PS. I paid for everything while she sat home and screwed my Ex-best friend Think god I was smart enough to get her to sign a prenup she gets nothing her safety net is gone. Bravo! I salute you for handling this well. I learned my lesson twice not to give a second chance to a cheater. Once you forgave her you just told her it's alright to cheat you again. Link to post Share on other sites
happysong Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) rLeaving: Did she give you any reason or indication of why she cheated with yr best friend? Did he mention anything about it? What did they say? G Hear her reason for what so that she can sweet lie you again and just forget what she did? Edited September 21, 2013 by happysong Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 You are handling this very well. Make sure you get tested for STD's. I hope you have contacted her parents and exposed her affair to everyone. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeadCase3 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 WTF?? Big man, there are LOTS of other women in this gigantic world. Kick her ass to the curb like you have already done and move on my man. Keep that piece of mind you already have when u gave her the boot!....not once, but TWICE!!! Hopefully she didn't give you any STD's from douchcanoe Dave or whatever the F his name is. Good lord! Your first reaction was the BEST! Good luck brother! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 You are handling this very well. Make sure you get tested for STD's. I hope you have contacted her parents and exposed her affair to everyone. Good luck. Her parents knew about the first time and they were mad azz hell told her how could she hurt the one she loved.I definitely going to get tested Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaving Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 WTF?? Big man, there are LOTS of other women in this gigantic world. Kick her ass to the curb like you have already done and move on my man. Keep that piece of mind you already have when u gave her the boot!....not once, but TWICE!!! Hopefully she didn't give you any STD's from douchcanoe Dave or whatever the F his name is. Good lord! Your first reaction was the BEST! Good luck brother! this time she's not coming back to home that i bought basically she cut off she on her own now won't have me waiting hand and foot trying to keep her happy.should have kept that slut outta my house when first caught 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 It's good to blow off steam and you are doing a really good job of it Stay away from her until your anger subsides - it's safer for both of you. The betrayal you feel is made worse by the fact she screwed your best friend - they both stabbed you in the heart. You should think about seeing a counselor - they can help you get through a crisis like this. And you need someone to help you begin repairing the damage she has done to you. If I were you I would make sure you have no physical contact with your cheating wife. Understand that this was no "mistake" on her part; it's who she is and she isn't going to change without a lot of hard work. There is no reason for you to throw away any more of your life with her. Divorce her and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 The mind movies of what you walked in on would take you the rest of your life to get over. I now have zero tolerance as my policy regarding infidelity, no second chance, no do over, no exceptions. They know the consequence before they consider the act. My next relationship will include a postnuptial agreement, I have too much to loose, just not going to happen again. Your wife does not respect you enough to bang your friend in your own bed, chances are it wasn't their first time, just the first time you caught her. If you have no children involved and your only 24, why waste anymore time on a bad investment, cut your loss's. The girl is broken and will need years of counseling. She turned down your gift of reconciliation by continuing to communicate with him, she was choosing him over you and your marriage. You are doing the right thing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Do not weaken and take her back. Reason you are young and have the time to start over. No kids, no financial entanglements. Your case is an example when not to save a marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Good on you, OP. I join the choir in recommending that there is no need to hear her side or your former buddy's. It will be something like, you had it all and he was jealous, she wanted the attention etc etc: but it matters not a bean. For Chrissakes avoiding her 100% is the only safe way. She will rationalise and apologise and blameshift and try to worm her way out of it if you let her, and the part of you that misses her will be vulnerable sometimes. Beware, and avoid. Come back after the divorce and tell us how it went: from here, it sounds like the good news for you will by then have begun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I can understand giving a wayward spouse a second chance. But when they've seen what this does to people only to do it again, well, no third chances. Good luck with your divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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