Wife and bestfriend

[manticore]

Emotionally i'm better then i was when this first started but i do have my triggers from time to time she calls almost everyday but i return her calls like 3 days later to show her what she trying to say is really isn't that important to me

 

you should implement the 180 degree guide to detach completely from her, at this point when you already decided to divorce and move on, communication with her (returning her calls) just bring you unresolved or nostalgic feelings, that end making you harder to move on.

 

If there are instances when communication is necessary about the divorce or other impersonal subjects (possesions, financial accounts matter, etc), you can do it impersonal by mail, or trough the lawyer, if you return her calls she will keep contacting you, this also make your triggers to happen be more often.

[Leaving]

 

 

Happy for you man, yes I read about her in your posts, but I thought she was a side project and that you will take your time to be in the market for a while.

 

just remember not to jump to something serious to soon, sometimes in difficult times is easy to get attached to people who brings us support or make us feel better about ourselves (that is how many revenge affairs begin).

 

As of right now were just friends and trying to see where things are going nothing to major yet(just a friendship)

[manticore]

I understand you are hurt, but I think it really lowers you to put her info on a site like this. I wouldn't even consider being with a partner who would do something like that. It seems very vengeful.

 

disagree, I don't know your story but I am guessing for your emphaty towards the cheater, that you are one or at least you are the kind of people that justify affairs.

 

he is not writing lies nor he is defaming her, as all is actually true.

 

people always want to know if a murder, a rapist, a child molester or a criminal move into their neighborhoods, well, wouldn't will be nice to know before entering in a relationship with someone, and giving your love and loyalty if that person had been a cheater or not.

 

cheaters tend to cheat again, I am not saying that there are no exceptions, but most people who already crossed that line will have less problems crossing it a second time.

 

In fact with the new information about his exfriend, he should be posting him also in CV, but in the end is up to him.

Edited November 17, 2013 by manticore

[lollipopspot]

disagree, I don't know your story but I am guessing for your emphaty towards the cheater, that you are one or at least you are the kind of people that justify affairs.

 

he is not writing lies nor he is defaming her, as all is actually true.

 

people always want to know if a murder, a rapist, a child molester or a criminal move into their neighborhoods, well, wouldn't will be nice to know before entering in a relationship with someone, and giving your love and loyalty if that person had been a cheater or not.

 

cheaters tend to cheat again, I am not saying that there are no exceptions, but most people who already crossed that line will have less problems crossing it a second time.

 

In fact with the new information about his exfriend, he should be posting him also in CV, but in the end is up to him.

 

I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on.

 

Unlike these other things, cheating is not a crime, and it often happens in the context of a complicated relationship where many "wrongs" have been committed.

 

I just don't think it shows any dignity to do something like this, and to me shows a vengeful character. He's trying to shame and punish her publicly among strangers, future employers, etc. If the relationship is bad, just learn a lesson, get out of it and move on.

[Leaving]

I understand you are hurt, but I think it really lowers you to put her info on a site like this. I wouldn't even consider being with a partner who would do something like that. It seems very vengeful.

 

Vengeful is sleeping with my bestfriend for almost 2years

 

Vengeful is bringing that POS in our martial home and bed

 

Vengeful is lying

 

Vengeful kissing me know you have been with my bestfriend

 

Vengeful is taking the money i earned and spending it on that POS

 

Vengeful is that fact you put your self in a spot where you could be carrying another man baby and aborting it.

 

I have no regrets putting her on cheatervilles

 

PS i didn't use her real name just a pic

[lollipopspot]

Not using her real name then doesn't really do much - she wouldn't be searchable - so I guess it was just symbolic for you to do that.

 

I will just point out that your examples are not descriptive of the word "vengeful"

seeking to harm someone in return for a perceived injury

 

more "unethical" or something like that.

 

You're good to be rid of that person.

Edited November 17, 2013 by lollipopspot

[manticore]

I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on.

 

Unlike these other things, cheating is not a crime, and it often happens in the context of a complicated relationship where many "wrongs" have been committed.

 

I just don't think it shows any dignity to do something like this, and to me shows a vengeful character. He's trying to shame and punish her publicly among strangers, future employers, etc. If the relationship is bad, just learn a lesson, get out of it and move on.

 

Dr Michelle Werner had a rape victim, who also was victim of infidelity, she claimed that was more painful being cheated that being raped.

 

as the one that raped her was a crimal that she didnt know while the cheating came from man she trusted the most in her life, I am no woman but her words and explanation make sense to me.

[lollipopspot]

Dr Michelle Werner had a rape victim, who also was victim of infidelity, she claimed that was more painful being cheated that being raped.

 

as the one that raped her was a crimal that she didnt know while the cheating came from man she trusted the most in her life, I am no woman but her words and explanation make sense to me.

 

No one can make a blanket statement about that. It completely depends on the circumstances.

 

I would much rather have been cheated on in my situation than raped in almost any other.

 

If a stranger breaks into your house and rapes you, or grabs you on the street, you also have the fear of death in that situation (you don't know where he's going to end it), and probably lifelong fear of being on the street or alone in your house too. I'll take infidelity where at least I haven't had all choices taken away from me, my body violated and thought I was going to die.

Edited November 17, 2013 by lollipopspot

[manticore]

BTW infidelity is a crime, is just not punishable as others (In USA), besides it might not be under real sanction In USA, but in other countries is punishable with jail, and In more extreme countries even with death (like Jordan).

 

while other countries don't have excuses as "temporaly insanity" to justify vengance or murder. You can't judge all the world in base of your world vision.

 

there are many psicologists and therapists that have classified cheating as shocking as the death of a son or a daughter, to the point that there are grieving process and there a many steps to recover from such a devastating effect.

[lollipopspot]

Yeah, I'm not looking to the middle east for what constitutes a crime. It's also a crime for a woman to drive in Saudi Arabia.

 

I'm sorry that you were devastated by infidelity. Many people are. But don't compare it to rape and try to make some blanket statement that it's worse. Rape isn't only in the moment. It also circumscribes women's entire lives trying to avoid it. Give me the threat of infidelity any day, because if I fear infidelity I just don't have to get into a relationship - problem solved. There's no such simple solution to avoid rape.

[manticore]

No one can make a blanket statement about that. It completely depends on the circumstances.

 

I would much rather have been cheated on in my situation than raped in almost any other.

 

If a stranger breaks into your house and rapes you, or grabs you on the street, you also have the fear of death in that situation (you don't know where he's going to end it), and probably lifelong fear of being on the street or alone in your house too. I'll take infidelity where at least I haven't had all choices taken away from me, my body violated and thought I was going to die.

 

Well I prefer to have my car stolen that my life partner sleeping with other guys, and in your post you justify being informed about a criminal but not about a cheater.

 

lets agree that we disagree, I know that we are not going to come to an understanding by this medium, just let me tell you something, the user is looking support and use his thread as medium to cope with his sitatution, you may not agree with his actions, but as these are a reaction from a betrayal and he is posting the truth about what happened.

 

for you it may be seen as vengance, well you may have a big heart to forgive, but again, he is not doing anythig but saying the truth, this is consequences of his STBXW actions and id not an illegal act.

 

finally, if it bothers you that much, I invite you to visit others threads, I for my part feel disgusted reading the OM/OW threads, that is why I try not to visit or post in them unless they ask for other people point of view.

[Darren Steez]

about 5mins ago When checking my email i noticed my scum of an x best friend had wrote me earlier today basically saying sorry 4 stabbing me in my back.

 

He also told me not to let a female come between a friendship that has lasted over 20yrs(bro's b4 ho's-his words)

 

He said that they had only been fooling around a couple months and it was her who pursued him he just got caught up(Lying Piece of ****te does't know she already told the truth)....

 

your words.. fists b4 jaws

[lollipopspot]

Well I prefer to have my car stolen that my life partner sleeping with other guys

 

So would I. But having your car stolen is in no way comparable to rape. Get some sensitivity man. Really.

 

you justify being informed about a criminal but not about a cheater

 

Cheating happens in the context of a complicated relationship. It's happens within the dynamics of that relationship. It has nothing to do with me. I don't need to know if my neighbor is a cheater. I also don't need to know if he told his wife he would be home at 5:00 but didn't make it home until 7:00, or is a video game addict. I do want to know if he is a serial rapist though, because it may affect me.

[manticore]

But don't compare it to rape and try to make some blanket statement that it's worse. Rape isn't only in the moment. It also circumscribes women's entire lives trying to avoid it. Give me the threat of infidelity any day, because if I fear infidelity I just don't have to get into a relationship - problem solved. There's no such simple solution to avoid rape.

 

last comment that I will respond to you because we are changing subjects of the thread here.

 

I will never dare to compare something with rape to win an argument, because I can't even begin to imagine what being woman and be under those horrible circunstances are, I just quoted something said by a world renowned professional that he have used as point of comparison to illustrate the subject.

 

you can look the references if you want (that is why a put the DR name).

Edited November 17, 2013 by manticore

[manticore]

I'm sorry that you were devastated by infidelity. Many people are. But don't compare it to rape and try to make some blanket statement that it's worse.

 

Well I guess I will break my promise, but this is about my psychology not about the discussion.

 

I am not a betrayed spouse ( I have never been married), If In the past I could had been classified as something, I was a mysogynist player, who was blessed with money and looks, but who also had crazy mother who vented and ranted against his sole male child about the actions of his serial cheating father, I never trusted women (and humans beings in general), for me were emotional and unreliable beings, I have been In IC for years, and I had my first long term relationship at 28 (and my most powerful instigator is my desire for kids).

 

even if my relationships lasted months or weeks, I never cheated, and I never was consciously the OM, so no I am not a BS looking to destroy all the cheaters out there, I even believe reconcilation is possible in some cases (maybe 1/20 or less).

Edited November 18, 2013 by manticore

[turnera]

I plan to do something with her but instead of a dinner i was thinking a nice picnic in the park while wooing her with my guitar then a horror(since were are both big fans of them)

lol, you just reminded me of my DD23, who has a list of types of guys she WON'T date. One of them is a guitar player. Why? Because every guy she dated in high school was learning guitar and expected her to be happy to just sit there and be pretty and listen while he showed off the guitar playing, ie, stroke his ego.

[Leaving]

Hello loveshack

 

What i'm about to say will make some mad(so please no you're not acting like a married man)

 

So last night sarah came over to watch a movie with me we ended up snugged on the couch she leaned in and went for a kiss and i kissed back a kiss that last about 30 seconds felt like an hour it was great and magical:D first kiss but i hope many more to come

[Clay]

It is nice to move on isn't it. To start to feel alive again. There is nothing wrong with living a little after what you have been through. Lets be clear you ended things with your stbxw. You are in NC with her. You filed for divorce. I don't see how a someone could interpret you actions as being disrespectful to your marriage. I am sure others will have there opinions but this one is mine.

 

I say good for you:)

 

PS How did the storage Idea work out?

 

Clay

[Leaving]

It is nice to move on isn't it. To start to feel alive again. There is nothing wrong with living a little after what you have been through. Lets be clear you ended things with your stbxw. You are in NC with her. You filed for divorce. I don't see how a someone could interpret you actions as being disrespectful to your marriage. I am sure others will have there opinions but this one is mine.

 

I say good for you:)

 

PS How did the storage Idea work out?

 

Clay

 

the storage ideal is going great she has to the end of this year and after that the auction block her stuff will go( At least $15,000 worth)..The best part is that i don't have her stuff around to remind me of what she put me thru this year she's mad and so is her parents told me i haven't given her enough time to move her stuff

[Clay]

I heard the same exact thing. I also heard from all of her family it was my fault she cheated. I simply replied to her mom. "Its clear where she learned this behavior from". Let me tell you that did not go over well. I hung up and have not talked to any of them sense.

 

 

I hate to say it I still find myself upset about the whole mess from time to time but for the most part I get the joy of knowing the OM she picked is worthless. He can't hold a job to save his life and she begs for money all the time. I recently had the pleasure of telling her "No You have proven to be not a trust worthy person with your cheating and lieing." The silence on that phone worth a million dollars.

 

My life has been so much better since.

 

I am glad it worked out for you.

 

Clay

[Untouchable_Fire]

I have no regrets putting her on cheatervilles

 

PS i didn't use her real name just a pic

 

That pic gave me the creeps because I know a girl in Seattle who looks just like that. I felt better because it was the wrong name. Now I'm hoping your exW is generic looking and/or doesn't go to bars.

[atreides]

Cheers Leaving and to many more happy moments

[manticore]

Hello loveshack

 

What i'm about to say will make some mad(so please no you're not acting like a married man)

 

So last night sarah came over to watch a movie with me we ended up snugged on the couch she leaned in and went for a kiss and i kissed back a kiss that last about 30 seconds felt like an hour it was great and magical:D first kiss but i hope many more to come

 

good for you man, dating is part of the healing process.

 

there are some people out there that claims that until the divorce is signed you are married bla bla bla.., but for those people I always put mi parents as example, for financial, custody and even aphaty reasons, their divorce lasted almost 4 years, when from day one when they filed they didn't care anymore for each other.

 

as long as you have filed and both parts are aware the marriage is over there is no wrong doing.

 

getting a hobby is also a good source or relieve, going to the gym, joging, etc.

 

Hope you keep moving foward.

Edited November 23, 2013 by manticore

[Leaving]

Hope everyone thanksgiving is going good.Don't forget to tell the ones you love how you feel because you'll never know if it's the last time you'll see them.

 

I always get sad around this time thinking about thanksgiving past shared with my mom and dad the traditions we shared all the love that was given and watching the game with my dad chilling drinking root beer

 

I'm also sadden this is the first thanksgiving without my bestfriend.

 

On a good note I will be spending thanksgiving with sarah and her family

[manticore]

I hope you had a nice holyday dinner with Sarah.

 

You are right man, many times we don't appreciate family time because it seems normal as a daily occurence, hopefully one day you will be able to recreate that scene with the root beer with little kids around you.