Anyone else notice that those who cheat are more attractive.

[sickpuppy]

You really have to wonder if being a good person actually matters to anyone these days. It's almost as if you are too "boring" and "safe" no matter how much people "complain" about cheaters.

 

Now I'm not saying just because you wouldn't cheat automatically means more people should like you or want to be need to be with you. But it almost seems like it really isn't a valued commodity these days.

 

People get cheated on and it gets more of a reaction or "I love him/her".

 

I think most people love to complain about cheaters yet it sparks more feelings in them IMO than someone who wouldn't and they get defended more most times.

 

What is the allure of those who would most likely or have hurt other people? Is society that weak or sick that they believe "complaining" about cheaters is just how things are? It's like if you aren't the type to cheat you're too "innocent" and or not "experienced" in "love".

Edited September 21, 2013 by sickpuppy

[sickpuppy]

Wow! There are some very hurt and jaded people on this board. I'm sorry for what you have gone through "sick puppy". And sadly, I believe that your experiences have made you what you are calling yourself. Having said that, to answer your question, I believe that some people view cheaters as more desirable because they are elusive by definition. Hard to pin down, and people want what they cannot have.

 

 

No actually I got that from reading multiple threads on here and hearing others nonsense. It reminds me of the below:

 

 

Where Did All The Good Men Go?

 

Satire by AldenHamil

 

I am a woman of Generation Y and I've just turned 29 years old. I've been looking for Mr. Right since I was 26 and there's one little problem I keep running into: There are no Mr. Rights lining up to marry me! I know I'm not alone here, because I've seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem. I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why men aren't more interested in me.

 

I'll admit... I've made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there'd never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of 30. You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years "finding myself" by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs. There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholeseome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn't care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever. I've been with over fifty men, not counting the ones I just fooled around with. Is this hurting my chance to find true love?

 

There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene. They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them. I did, I'll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits - the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness - I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being. I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?!

 

Now I'm 29 years old. I only drink on the weekends and I've curbed my smoking somewhat, but it's taken a real toll on my body. My looks are fading, and my biological clock is ticking. I am a single mother of one child born out of wedlock to an abusive, no-good father who never loved me or even had a relationship with me. Not that I wanted a relationship - he was just some guy I met in a bar and I liked how he talked to me like I was dirt. What can I say, it made me hot. He's currently in prison for armed robbery, so he's not coming back for another eleven years.

 

I guess it helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Nearly all of my girlfriends made the same decisions I made, and we're all having trouble landing quality, marriage-minded men now that we're getting older. Where did all of those good men go? Didn't they realize that all we needed was a decade of promiscuous, no-strings-attached sex with non-committed, low quality men, after which we'd be ready to "settle" for a decent, stable man and a house with a white picket fence?

 

I mean what gives? I'm done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn't have kids, hasn't ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?

 

Signed,

 

The Women of Generation Y

[dancehead]

I'm done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn't have kids, hasn't ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?

 

Signed,

 

The Women of Generation Y

 

Perhaps they have all settled down with the women who appreciated a woman who wanted a decent man, and left the bad boys chasers to get on with being treated like ****.

[waiting4u]

I read an article on this and apparently there is scientific evidence that women who cheat are generally regarded as more attractive and it has to do with fertility. Pretty people are more fertile and thus have a stronger urge to reproduce.

 

Not sure I agree, but google "attractive people cheat" and you get a lot of people same the same sorts of things.

[irc333]

I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall

 

To answer your question, yes..she IS asking too much

 

That's part of her problem right there, 6 feet is quite the unrealistic expectation, and a few others you list as well, that being said, I do not feel sorry for her.

 

Though , this is not uncommon, women, esp. the "Generation Y", have these long laundry lists of unrealistic expectations. I get sick of seeing, "Must be 6 feet tall to contact me!" and a few other list of crazy, out in the left field criteria that simply do not matter when it comes to marriage minded (by the age of 30) ladies such as them.

 

Seriously, why must the man she marry be 6 feet tall?

Edited September 21, 2013 by irc333

[carhill]

Anyone else notice that those who cheat are more attractive.

 

IMO, it's probably, if true, a combination of two factors:

 

1. Attractive people have more opportunities to be unfaithful

 

2. Attractive people are noticed more and desired more, hence considered more attractive and are more conspicuous, so their actions will be more likely to be analyzed and remembered.

 

Invisible people are, well, invisible. They're still people and are as imperfect as any other person but their opportunities are more limited and what they do isn't noticed as much.

[soccerrprp]

I read an article on this and apparently there is scientific evidence that women who cheat are generally regarded as more attractive and it has to do with fertility. Pretty people are more fertile and thus have a stronger urge to reproduce.

 

Not sure I agree, but google "attractive people cheat" and you get a lot of people same the same sorts of things.

 

This doesn't make evolutionary nor modern-observable sense. The more attractive, the more fertile?! NOT.

 

I am aware of plenty of so-called less attractive people who cheat or have cheated. I also question whether more attractive people do cheat more.

Edited September 21, 2013 by soccerrprp

[gaius]

What is the allure of those who would most likely or have hurt other people? Is society that weak or sick that they believe "complaining" about cheaters is just how things are? It's like if you aren't the type to cheat you're too "innocent" and or not "experienced" in "love".

I think it's because cheaters in general go elsewhere if their needs aren't being met. They don't bring that angst from being ignored or not slept with into the relationship. Women find angst and neediness in guys very unsexy. So the ones who are able to go get those needs met elsewhere and keep their composure and strength are more attractive than their more loyal counterparts. Who might be affected by the behavior of the women they're with. Since they're the only source for what they need.

[giblesp]

The woman here has a pain addiction. She got to a point where she could only be with men who fed her emotional pain addiction. It's usually rooted in a deep insecurity, a feeling that I am good enough and that's all I deserve.

 

You'll notice she came from an abusive, broken home. In such a environment a kid is taught that he/she is not good enough, that the broken home around them is all they have.

 

So to such a person a cheater, a dysfunctional and unhealthy partner, is going to be subconsciously more attractive. Consciously the person wants love and stability, but can't accept it into their reality.

Edited September 21, 2013 by giblesp

[JourneyLady]

 

Seriously, why must the man she marry be 6 feet tall?

 

Maybe 'cause she's 5'9" tall?

Most women do tend to want a guy who is taller than they are.

I'm a little over 5'4". I've had a boyfriend who was 5'6".

 

I don't see it as any different from the males who post "I'm really fit, so my date must be too." Women like me who are overweight don't even try to go there... Even though I'd LOVE to have a partner who'd go walking and hiking in the woods a lot - it's assumed because of my weight that I don't do those things or am not healthy. In actuality, I'm dying to do that more often, but would prefer a male companion to do those things with.

[silicone]

Maybe 'cause she's 5'9" tall?

Most women do tend to want a guy who is taller than they are.

I'm a little over 5'4". I've had a boyfriend who was 5'6".

 

I don't see it as any different from the males who post "I'm really fit, so my date must be too." Women like me who are overweight don't even try to go there... Even though I'd LOVE to have a partner who'd go walking and hiking in the woods a lot - it's assumed because of my weight that I don't do those things or am not healthy. In actuality, I'm dying to do that more often, but would prefer a male companion to do those things with.

 

I forgot men could control their height

 

Oh wait...

[silicone]

They don't care if you can control it or not. If you don't tick the box, you're hosed. That's it, there is no fair chance for everyone and there never was any.

 

It's why I've somewhat become a serial cheater and see women as disposable objects. I don't like who I've become but I no longer yield any respect for them.

[Ebelskiver]

It's why I've somewhat become a serial cheater and see women as disposable objects. I don't like who I've become but I no longer yield any respect for them.

 

And believe me, we don't have any respect for you either. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is about asking for what you want out of a DATING WEBSITE. Yes, I like tall men. When I was on OKCupid I requested tall men. I'm also financially stable and am not interested in someone whom I have to pay for all the time or can't afford to do the type of things I want to. I prefer men with advanced degrees, I have one too. The thing about dating sites is that you can put all of these little desires into words. I've dated short, poor, uneducated men and have had a good time. But if I'm on a frickin' DATING site, I'm going to ask for what I want. Men do it too.

 

The whole argument that because you have standards or requirements of a partner that you are therefore being unreasonable is ridiculous! And the vignette letter is hardly a realistic view of womanhood. The women I know that are looking for partners aren't 29, they're in their late 30's and didn't spend their younger years partying. They spent that time becoming doctors, lawyers, scientists, starting their own businesses, etc, etc. Most have been married...often to men who have cheated. So now that some poor sap got turned down by a gal who wasn't attracted to him (newsflash, just because you want us does not mean that we are obligated to screw you.....same goes if you're nice to us) he writes some letter that blames it all on her poor choices. What about his? Is he the most desirable mate he could be? Does he take care of his fitness and personal hygiene? I can't tell you how many men I've see who lambast women for not choosing them that are fat and smell bad.

[Ebelskiver]

Another thing I've noticed on dating sites is that some men have a seriously inflated sense of themselves that isn't serving them at all. When I was on OKCupid I would occasionally get e-mails from.....no "nice" way to say this.....fat, barely literate, extremely unattractive men who put little to no effort into their profiles. When I stated I wasn't interested I would get abusive replies demanding to know why I wasn't giving them a chance. I realize rejection on dating sites can be a bitch, but I don't owe anyone an explanation for why I don't find them attractive. A realistic idea of your own appeal to the opposite sex would help. I don't harass the male underwear models.....I know they're not interested in me!

 

As for the "more attractive people may be more fertile" comment; that actually has a fairly solid basis in science. Although only in a matter of degrees. The more symmetrical your facial features the more likely you are to be considered attractive. The more symmetrical your features the more genetically stable you are, the less likely you are to carry genetic defects. Basically healthier overall and more fertile in general.

[Misfortune]

Cheaters are not attractive to me at all, it's probably because I live in the real world. Some of them might as well be in the Mob seeing as how they're so ruthless, untrustworthy, cold hearted and only look out for self.

 

Cheaters live in an "everything is perfect, screw everyone else" blissful world. Real world problems(bills, death, family visits, kids, etc) that don't make their panties wet/their d**ks hard is a hassle and unattractive to them. They're like kids who love to visit their well off families but realize that things are complete different when they live there. Fun visits are ok, long stays that involve chores and responsibilities, no go.

 

Everyone loves the attractive socialite/cheater until they live with him/her and the facade wears off. People are infatuated by the lack of responsibility and the thrill of escaping the real world that's their life.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Another thing I've noticed on dating sites is that some men have a seriously inflated sense of themselves that isn't serving them at all. When I was on OKCupid I would occasionally get e-mails from.....no "nice" way to say this.....fat, barely literate, extremely unattractive men who put little to no effort into their profiles. When I stated I wasn't interested I would get abusive replies demanding to know why I wasn't giving them a chance. I realize rejection on dating sites can be a bitch, but I don't owe anyone an explanation for why I don't find them attractive. A realistic idea of your own appeal to the opposite sex would help. I don't harass the male underwear models.....I know they're not interested in me!

 

Well, I'm a good-looking guy in good shape with an advanced degree and a good job. My only "problem" is that I'm short.

 

I was on POF for a while and it took me months to figure out how to get dates from there (I had to carefully construct my profile, pics, and messages). When I finally started getting dates (I had 3 in one week at one time), POF apparently decided that I was doing too well and deleted my profile. -___-

 

Oh well, I ended up meeting my current gf IRL.

 

As for the "more attractive people may be more fertile" comment; that actually has a fairly solid basis in science. Although only in a matter of degrees. The more symmetrical your facial features the more likely you are to be considered attractive. The more symmetrical your features the more genetically stable you are, the less likely you are to carry genetic defects. Basically healthier overall and more fertile in general.

 

The only place I found articles that claim that attractive people are more fertile is newspaper publications that claim statistics, but don't cite peer reviewed studies.

 

I'm a scientist, by nature (and somewhat by career). Those really aren't credible sources.

 

Even peer reviewed journals may not be credible (that's beyond the scope of this thread though).

 

Either way, don't always believe what you read.