The @$#%! holiday season!

[mischafan160]

Girl, don't even worry about it, we all enjoy your venting sessions and there is nothing wrong with a little anger sometimes! Anger is a much more productive emotion than sadness at any rate.

 

Ahem...why do people always feel the need to give advice when it has not been asked for...

[KaiaMahina]

Thank you, mischafan.

 

And Merin, I laughed honest-to-God-OUT-LOUD at your post! Something I haven't done lately. Thank you!

[Merin]

Originally posted by KaiaMahina

Thank you, mischafan.

 

And Merin, I laughed honest-to-God-OUT-LOUD at your post! Something I haven't done lately. Thank you!

 

You're welcome girl:)

 

You've made me Laugh as well with your sense of humor and Wit.. Venting is good for the heart and soul sister!

[Weird]

Originally posted by Merin

 

I shall drive around in my Dads prelude (as my freaking car was stolen today) I will look at the sweet little houses with the christmas lights and the happy little couples inside.. (well she is inside, he's outside freezing his a** off trying to untagle the light up reindeers that some highschool kids put into the getting busy position on the front lawn because she asked him too)

 

I shall watch the snowfall on the window of my dads car while I drive and wonder where the f*ck my car is... I shall listen to the christmas music they play on one really annoying station day and freaking night..

 

I shall stop at Starbucks and stand next to the ridiculously happy couple in line.. I shall order the eggnog latte' and spike the crap out of it with rum once I get back to my dads car...

 

I shall drive my happy a** to the mall.. I will look at the other ridiculously happy couples doing thier christmas shopping... I shall walk my festive a** to the hallmark card shop.. I will walk right up to the sales chicka with the santa hat on her head.. I shall smile and politely ask her where I can find the "Get F*cked" card section and IF they so happen to have this section that really says it all.. I shall buy one for my EX.. and pass this valuable information as to where you to can obtain such a "wonderful greeting card" at that oh so special hallmark shop.

 

Hang in there girl:)

 

hahaha nice.

 

Sorry about the car.

 

Kaia,

 

You have a great sense of humour and I hope you never decide to change your posting style on here.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Weird

hahaha nice.

 

Sorry about the car.

 

Kaia,

 

You have a great sense of humour and I hope you never decide to change your posting style on here.

 

Thanks Rob.. the car being stolen really does blow.. but whatcha gonna do right? The ****ers!

[Weird]

yeah those *****heads! What kind of car?

 

I wont even get started on what I think of the ass monkeys who steal personal stuff from people....lets just say those thieves should be thankful I don't control the legal/punishment system.

[moimeme]

And I have never been dumped because of any of the characteristics which you seem determined to pin on me.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not some wild woman with frazzled hair and a bloody hatchet, running amok and causing men to flee from me in repulsion!

 

Huh?????

 

Hello????

 

I didn't even remotely suggest that anybody flees from you in repulsion. Not exactly sure why you got in a snit at all. I said that you ought not be getting into relationships to get over relationships. That's not good for people.

 

Nor was I complaining about your venting. Vent away. I'm concerned that you are distressed, unhappy, and angry and think it would be great if those feelings would go away so you could have a happy, peaceful holiday with or without someone.

 

I gather you misunderstood:

 

I don't necessarily want my entertainment at the expense of someone's feelings.

 

And I'm sorry you did. Thanks so much for first asking me what I meant before launching an attack.

 

 

 

Meaning while you're funny, there's unhappiness under the humour and so I can't laugh at it in good spirits because it bothers me that you're unhappy.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Weird

yeah those *****heads! What kind of car?

 

I wont even get started on what I think of the ass monkeys who steal personal stuff from people....lets just say those thieves should be thankful I don't control the legal/punishment system.

 

It's a 2004 Jetta.. only had it for 7 months.. *sniff sniff* Damn, sucks!

[KaiaMahina]

You know how the phone rings and, even though it's been 6 agonizing months of silence, you still think, "Check the caller ID, girl! It might be him"? And you know how it's never "him" but always some unintelligible telemarketer who can't pronounce your name, or a reminder call about your gynecological appointment, or someone related to you by marriage or DNA that you don't particularly care to speak to, but, as polite society demands, you must?

 

Yeah. And you know how sometimes the phone rings and it's your EX ex-boyfriend from 4 years ago, the one you dumped because there was no serious commitment or reciprocity of emotion from his end? The EX ex-boyfriend that you spent an entire year in mourning for until finally he breaks down and calls you? In my case, it's the one I spent a disastrous weekend with after that long year, at the end of which (after bedding me several times) he informed me with this look of pure innocence on his face that he "didn't call me to get back together again."

 

Did I or did I not ream him a brand-new, fully-functioning, turbo-charged a**hole in the middle of a plaza in downtown Boston? You bet I did. Turned on my heel and walked away. Met the most recent ex, got engaged and then this past fall the EX ex shows up again. Agreed to be ONLY friends with him after much persistent calling on his part.

 

The fiance unceremoniously dumps me (for no reasons to do with the EX ex) and I embark on a no-strings-attached friendly fling with the EX ex until he pisses me off again with his disrespectful, adolescent behavior and I cast him off once again two weeks ago. So the phone rings last night and....it's the EX ex looking to see what else he can plunder from the treasure chest and it just got me to thinking how ironic life is.

 

I remember wishing, hoping and praying that when the phone rang it would be him, the EX ex, on the other end of the line. And how devastated and heartbroken I was when it wasn't. Now, I couldn't care less. He's in the same league with the telemarketers and the credit card companies as far as I'm concerned: a disappointing nuisance, a painful spike in my hopeless hopefulness, a mockery of my pathetic response to the ringing of a telephone!

 

They say you don't know what you got til it's gone...but how come by the time they realize just what they had and call you up, you know what you had wasn't worth it and you're glad it's gone? Because what you felt for them has been eaten away by whatever mean-spirited antics they perpetrated against you, or the spineless way they dumped you via telephone or email, and the months of misery and loneliness you endured waiting for them to see the light. Hallelujah.

 

Eventually, there's always that vile, useless, vaguely insulting phrase, "I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are" on your voice mail or in an email. As if they'd just seen you last week under the most pleasant circumstances, not months or years before when they had cut your heart out and handed it to you on a paper plate!

 

The big question is: will my most recent ex call me and, when I look at the caller ID will I think, with great exasperation, "oh, not that **hole!" because I'm anxiously awaiting the call of yet another ex? Am I trapped in some endless loop of getting what I want when I don't want it anymore, like some wickedly ironic Twilight Zone episode? This is the third ex who has contacted me, with far too little, way too late. A day late and a dollar short, as they say.

 

I consulted a psychic who had foretold the return of the EX ex, and he, without prompting from me, informed me that the most recent ex would also be back. He looked at me and said, "They all come back, don't they?" He also said that when it happened, there would be a chance I wouldn't care anymore. Duh.

 

To be honest, I think the most recent ex is too much of a lollipop sucker to ever dream of contacting me again. But in a way, there's some comfort in the idea that if he does, I won't care anymore. Because that means that this, too, shall pass. That one day the hurt I've been feeling for 6 months will be a just a memory. And that's something to look forward to... I guess. Funny, the things that will cheer a body up!

 

They say variety is the spice of life, but I'm thinking maybe the real spice is irony.

[mischafan160]

::The big question is: will my most recent ex call me and, when I look at the caller ID will I think, with great exasperation, "oh, not that **hole!" because I'm anxiously awaiting the call of yet another ex?::

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA this totally cracked me up. I know how you feel, I went home for Thanksgiving and saw the boy who broke my heart when I was 16, and three years later he never went to college, and still hangs around the same old Starbucks that we all hung out at when we were 16 because we thought we were soooo cool...I just look back at how I was so "in love" with him at the time, and I feel affection for my young self, and that's all...it gives me hope that someday I will think about my breakup, which right now I believe was REAL TRUE love, and I'll look back on my nineteen year old self with affection because hopefully I will be with someone better, and experience a whole new level of love that I never even knew existed...

 

Hopefully, when your current ex calls you some years down the road, you will look at your caller ID and think, "Awwww," turn off your phone, and go back to bed with your new perfect boyfriend Because for someone as hilarious and smart as you, I do see more worthy men in your future!

[immoralist]

Good to read about the irony, kai. That you can muster an appreciation for irony, not to mention the tone, tells me you're putting some distance between yourself and the painful loss. Irony is the armor we wear when we experience pain, turmoil and loss from a distance.

 

Ironic distance helps to blunt the pain: the mind's analgesic for the broken heart.

 

Keep going, girl: You're getting there.

[KaiaMahina]

"The mind's analgesic for the broken heart..."

 

Yeah. I like that!

 

Thanks, mischafan and immoralist.

 

[moon]

Thankfully my holidays turned out okay because I was with my family. We actually got along fine. It was weird. We went to dinner, church, ate, drank and were merry together. I missed my ex, though. Who really knows why? Why do we miss the people who hurt us the most? I never really missed my ex much when we had broken up before, but once he left me with this big zinger of an ax stuck in my back, I started to miss the guy. Emotions are strange...??? I won't try to analyze that right now.

 

I enjoyed the orignial post too. I agree. I feel like I also know how to be alone. Being with somebody is what I need to work on persumably. Or selecting better men.

[moon]

Thankfully my holidays turned out okay because I was with my family. We actually got along fine. It was weird. We went to dinner, church, ate, drank and were merry together. I missed my ex, though. Who really knows why? Why do we miss the people who hurt us the most? I never really missed my ex much when we had broken up before, but once he left me with this big zinger of an ax stuck in my back, I started to miss the guy. Emotions are strange...??? I won't try to analyze that right now.

 

I enjoyed the orignial post too. I agree. I feel like I also know how to be alone. Being with somebody is what I need to work on persumably. Or selecting better men.

[mj108]

I hope everyone had a great holiday...Mine sucked (& I'm the one that was trying to think positive ). It all caught up to me Christmas day about 2:40 p.m. I'm going down the road & they are playing Christmas music on the radio...I felt like I was going to puke. I started missing my ex & I started thinking about him having a lovely time with his family...not even thinking about me...the person that was in his life for over 2 years! It all caught up with me. In a way I missed him but then I thought of all the heartbreak he put me through....then I thought "In 2005..I wonder if I'll be with someone new Christmas 2005 & he'll be the one that wants to puke while going down the road...lonely?" Hmm...you never know.

 

Anyway, I want to know how the holidays went for you KM & MF160. Did ya'll have a good one? Let us all know!

 

From: Scrooge,

MJ

[Curt]

Kai,

 

On behalf of all the singles at this holiday season, thanks so much for your post, girl.

 

You know what, Kai? I just spent a good hour (in the wee hours of the morning) reading every single post in this thread.

 

As has already been noted, your writing style is fantastic. Nonetheless, what is even more fantastic is your blatant honesty and acrid clarity.

 

Tonight, I was feeling very alone. I can't say that I feel any more O.K. with being a single of the Season after reading all of the above material. However, at least I know your thoughts and ideas are, in many ways, representative of my own this Christmas Season.

 

Let me tell you just how much of a proverbial "grinch" I allowed myself to be this year. I didn't even bother to open many of my gifts until after Christmas Day had passed. I just was so NOT in the mood.

 

I know some of my family just did not (and likely still do not) understand why I didn't bother do so. To be certain, it wasn't that the presents (which, I suppose to some people, equate to loving gestures from family members) were unappreciated. It's just that I'm not a "stuff" person. In addition, I've just had one hell of a summer and fall, both personal life- and work-wise.

 

I can think of nothing that I want more than a loving longterm relationship right now. Oh, Heck, I CAN do the single thing. I'm a pro. Nonetheless, there just comes a time in one's life when one wants to share life's journey with a loving spouse.

 

{{{You all know what I mean that "vision" to be, right? You know ... to have that special, close relationship with a loving (and loved) partner, the home, the kids, the family dog/cat/whatever, etc.}}}

 

I honestly look at all those who do have those things that I quest after, and I can't help but feel a little envious. No, I take that back. I feel damned envious.

 

That doesn't mean that I believe in some delusional idea that all couples (and families) in the world (save perhaps, for myself) go along, positively resplendid with loving, happy relationships. Everyone goes dancing down the halls of their holiday-adorned lives, complete with holly berries and mistletoe hanging round their cheerful heads.

 

I know full well that a vast chunk of reality is FAR from that vision.

 

Nonetheless, there is something in my heart that so needs my OWN relationship / family scene right now. Selfish as it might be (and likely is), I am finding it difficult to get away from that, perhaps admittedly narrow-focused ideal, to rejoice as much as I know I probably should in those things I DO have this Christmas, that others do not.

 

Please don't get me wrong, I am greatly thankful for my job, my health, my mother, my brothers and sister, my neices, etc., and don't dare anyone suggest that I am not. It's just that a major piece of the puzzle (a much valued piece for me) feels to be missing ... and it has an impact emotionally.

 

I am so not into things this year either Kai. No, I won't even be subconsciously burying anyone in a tar pit or anything interesting like that. My my, I'm even attempting to pull off (read fake?) a "jolly" spirit around friends and family, at least to some extent.

 

You know what though? I may be pulling it off around some, but I don't think I'm fooling many of my family members (at least, I don't think). I know one thing: I'm darn sure that I'm not foolin' myself.)

 

Hey ... and now, there's gonna be New Years to go through ...

 

{Dear God, please help make this coming New Year one which will see all of us posting on these threads happier than we currently are.}

 

Yikes ... why do I feel like I'm tempting fate here?

 

Thanks again, Kai. A much needed vent for me has resulted from your generous(?) honesty.

 

Merry Christmas and HAPPY NEW YEAR for ALL!!!!

 

Peace all.

 

Curt

[Three of Swords]

Oh ****e - here I thought that getting through Christmas was going to be the goal.

 

I managed - barely. Today, some well meaning co-worker asked me how my Christmas was and I replied the first thing that came to mind "It sucked". Well, I immediately felt bad - no not really I am tired of being falsely cheerful, but felt duty bound to say "oops - sorry". Who knows why? I also told her it was my first Christmas separated. Her reply - "oh". What else can be said to such bluntness.

 

And now after reading all these postings, realize that there is another day coming up - New Years.

[mischafan160]

My solution to the problem of New Year's was to gather my five single girl friends, dress up, get piss drunk and go party. I fully believe in alcohol's power to make everything okay, even the fact that I have no one to kiss at midnight.

 

Christmas was okay, not bad. I spent it on the plane coming back from Mexico, and then just at home with my family because we were all groggy from the flight. We ordered Chinese takeout.

 

The new guy who I'm semi/sort of seeing now left me a message while I was gone...I don't have the guts to call back though. Somehow the thought of calling a guy seems so scary to me now...every one of them has the power to hurt me and plunge me into despair of rejection. I'm glad he left the message though, I'll just see him when I go back to school.

 

I'm glad we all survived Christmas. If you have doubts about New Year's, I heartily suggest that we surround ourselves with people who love us and get very drunk.

[mj108]

MF160---LOL I'm planning on grabbing some friends & doing the same thing. We're all going to ole Miss. We're going to gamble & hope we win some dough while we get free drinks. So if you're near---head on out to ole Miss & we'll have a loveshack throw down ex-bashing New Years party.

 

3ofswords--I answered the same thing..."It sucked!" Atleast we're honest, you know?

 

Curt--I know the feeling. I didn't even send out cards this year because I was so down.

I know your vision...that's me too. I played the single thing but it's not me. I stick to one person only & the guy that I started dating told me last week that he's 'hibernating' until March & that he can't stick to dating one person only. Well, that's fine if you're like that but I'm not & him and I ended it but on a friendly note.

 

Well---everyone I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!

 

MJ

[KaiaMahina]

Let's do a head count...one, two, three...are we all still here? No one did a Marilyn Monroe and ended up in a chilly little drawer, courtesy of the local county morgue? Then it was a Merry Christmas all 'round despite our benighted spirits and we only have to make it over the top of New Year's Eve and we're home free!

 

No offense meant by the morbid scenario, and none taken, I hope. It's just that I feel old Marilyn serves sadly as a symbol for my own naive-yet-hopeless meandering romantic journey in life. Let's face it...she was devastatingly disappointed in love and whether she ended it deliberately or was just trying to get through another lonely night, she wasn't a happy camper. Me...too cheap to indulge in the pills-n-booze thing, and damned if I'm gonna bring down any more negative karma by offing myself, so I'm here for the duration.

 

I survived Christmas. I didn't fall victim to any of the usual syndromes: the maudlin drinking/sobbing/praying syndrome (never had this one, but my sister was a past master); the curling up in a bathrobe for 3 straight days eating nothing but Betty Crocker frosting in a can and only getting up to use "the facilities" syndrome; or even the ransacking the entire apartment trying to find one pathetic item -- a forgotten shirt, a receipt, even a hair for god's sakes! -- that once belonged to the ex to either (a) enshrine it or (b) use it in the preparation of a voodoo ceremony designed to either (1) bring him crawling to the door vowing to untie my sneakers with his teeth and lick the sock fuzz from between my dainty toes or (2) render him horrifically impotent for the rest of his natural life syndrome.

 

What I was then, and am now, is numb. I drove 1000 miles to spend Christmas with my sister and brother-in-law and all I could think the whole time was, "Here I am again, single, spending Christmas with other people who are coupled and have a home together, and I'll go home to an (almost) empty apartment (remember, I have a pet rabbit) and have no one to talk to."

 

This s**t doesn't get any easier with practice. Curt had it down: there's a time in your life when being single, no matter how GOOD you are at it, and no matter how strong and self-sufficient and happy in your own company your are, that you need a loving, committed relationship with a partner to build a full and rich life together. Face it, if you were on a desert island with no worries about food/clothing/shelter, you'd still be miserable because you would be alone. All these wretched pep talks about being happy with yourself and having a wonderful life as a single person are pure-d bulls**t.

 

The last four hours of my 20-hour non-stop drive home from my sister's was spent in a ferocious snowstorm in the NY-Mass mountains and I was giving the ex holy hellacious what-for the whole time. Sure kept my mind off of careening off a bridge into the Hudson River. The rest of the entire trip was spent smiling and laughing and being obliging while I felt absolutely nothing except a relentless and limitless emptiness where my heart usually resides. The biggest, deepest, coldest funk I've ever been in.

 

Here we are in the dip between Christmas and New Year's and I feel totally displaced from the face of the earth. Sorta like one of those slow-moving outer planets, the ones with the orbits that take them way, way out into the frozen darkness where the sun is just a memory. Ugh. Last year, there was hope. Hope that we'd be married, hope that we'd start a new life together, hope that this Christmas we'd have our own place, and our own tree and our own dinner. Some hope, huh?

 

I feel as though I don't exist and may never exist again. The concept of a "New" Year holds no thrill for me. Cripes. Last New Year's, I was with my fiance at midnight! Where will I be this year? Watching the Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi channel while gorging on cheese popcorn and Diet Coke. No wonder I feel nothing but nothing. It's safer that way.

 

And mischafan, I hear you. The guy I had a date with and then who called me again (miraculously!) about a week later, asked in our last conversation if we would talk again once my trip was over. I said yes...but I'm once again ambivalent. I don't think I'll hear from him, which is already disappointing. But, as you pointed out, if he DOES call again and if we DO start dating...he has the potential to send me into another tailspin in about 6 - 10 months like the others have. It's disheartening to realize that each and every person of the opposite sex that you meet has the wherewithal to make you the most miserable human being on the planet at any given time.

 

I'll end with this observation...I bought a cup of coffee at Starbuck's today. The paper cup is bright red with cheerful white snowflakes dancing about on it and there's this little blurb written on it:

 

It's time for making merry

Let's get a tree. Let's dress it up with our favorite ornaments.

Let's invite the family. Let's invite our friends.

Let's invite some people we don't even know.

Let's get jolly under the holly.

 

Let's? Us? We? Even Starbuck's is down on singles! You go in to buy a cup of coffee and come out with a commentary on your love life. Oh! I can hardly wait for New Year's Eve!

[immoralist]

It's disheartening to realize that each and every person of the opposite sex that you meet has the wherewithal to make you the most miserable human being on the planet at any given time.

 

I believe it was Sartre who wrote that "Hell is other people." He was on to something, but he got it only half right. "Heaven and hell is other people." There lies the pathos: How the same person can transport us to heights of ecstasy one moment and then the next moment send us plummeting into the fiery depths of hell.

 

We've all been there, Kaia: Saved and damned in the same relationship. One moment we're lolling around on a beautiful beach, and the next we're being dragged out to sea by some horrorific "Relationship tsunami."

 

The thing is, my friend, is that there are never ever any guarantees. At best we borrow someone's time and body, and they borrow ours. There's no relationship insurance. What we have, at the end of the day, is our own best friend--ourself.

 

Rejoice in the fact that you are capable of loving and being loved. Through the grace, wit and tempered rage of your writing you've charmed quite a large number of Internet strangers on LoveShack, which is no easy feat. This is a tough crowd.

 

Your day will come, my friend. Trust me, it will.

[Three of Swords]

As previously mentioned I barely survived Christmas, only to realize there is one more hurdle - New Year's Eve.

 

Yesterday I fell into a funk which seems as deep as Kaia. Today I burrowed there even deeper. I have been alternatively weepy and numb at both jobs today. (Numb is definately easier to hide).

 

Unfortunately my demeanor reflects aforementioned funk. As a 'nice' co-worker said when I came into work at my evening job - you look like sh*t.

 

Furthermore, I have fallen ill with a cold AND I have PMS.

 

I have decided to go to work on New Year's Day. I most likely will be the only one there - but at least I will be productive and get a bit of extra pay. I am not sure I can actually handle the lonliness of another full three days off from work and remain sane.

 

PS : Immoralist - I like your analogies re the beach/tsunami.

[Three of Swords]

Even Starbuck's is down on singles! You go in to buy a cup of coffee and come out with a commentary on your love life. Oh! I can hardly wait for New Year's Eve!

 

Boycott Starbucks

 

Second Cup is better anyway.

[mischafan160]

Kaia, I'm so sorry you're feeling low... I am too, I just wrote you a PM about it

 

Go out on New Year's! Get drunk!!!! I strongly, strongly encourage this!

[KaiaMahina]

Wow...immoralist is a regulah poet! (And he says such nice things!) And quite correct in his observations of relationships...we really do "borrow" one another...and have only ourselves to keep. It's just that sometimes I feel like a three-day Blockbuster rental...

 

I hope, immoralist, that your prophetic powers are as fine and shining as your intellect and your writing, and then I have something look forward to.

 

Three of Swords, I am with you all the way with the three-day-weekend-holiday-blues. You want to know who really deserves all those Best Actor/Actress awards they throw away on amateurs every year? Those of us who have to carry on with a stiff upper lip and roll out of bed every morning with a duffel bag of depression/loneliness/anger/devastation/etc. on our backs and actually behave as though we give a damn. Do the work. Clean the apartment. Wash the clothes. Pay the bills. Soldier on. While many around us chatter like brainless little birds about their secure and cheerful domestic lives and their technicolor holiday plans.

 

Sometimes it's just too much and believe me, girl, I have also been straddled with the triple whammy you've gotten thrown: broken-heart/PMS/some variety of cold, flu or bubonic plague. Oh, yeah. It don't get any better than that. As strange as it may sound, going to work may be just the thing for you...it's a distraction (no matter how mundane and dreary the work may be), and it gets you the hell out of the house (without having to observe other happy couples). It's the perfect compromise.

 

And I am boycotting Starbuck's!

 

Mischafan, I don't know if I'll get totally drunk, but I'm going to be gently glowing at midnight on December 31!