girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 this guy ive bin seeing for alost a year up and asks me to marry him and i dono what to say i mean i love him a lot but i dont know if im ready for marrige i told him i need time and he keeps avoiding me and when he sees me he asks "so have u figured it out yet" today he asked "baby u know i love you..is it cuz u dont love me??" i love him i just am scared he might not be my one person im sopposed to love ..and im cathloc so its not like divorce is an option concidering hes catholic too and it would be nice if i could get as many woman and males opinions as possible...t/y Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 If you have to post in a forum on the World Wide Web to ask if you should marry a guy or not, you are certainly not ready for marriage and you do not sufficiently love this guy enough right now to want to spend the rest of your life with him. When you meet the right guy, you will have no need whatsoever for posting here. That doesn't mean that at some future time you won't change your mind and become more excited about this guy who is pursuing you. Personally, I think he's playing his cards all wrong. He would get a much better response from you if he dropped the matter. Don't marry anyone unless you are excited that that person is THE person you want to be with forever. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 If you are not ready for marriage and you know it, don't do it. Marriage is a big step. You have to be sure that it is what you want to do. To me it sounds like you are definitely not ready to get married--at least not to this guy. If you know this guy is not right for you, you may as well end the relationship now. What is the point of continuing to date someone you know is wrong for you? You are just wasting time and distracting yourself from meeting someone who may be potentially better for you. this guy ive bin seeing for alost a year up and asks me to marry him and i dono what to say i mean i love him a lot but i dont know if im ready for marrige i told him i need time and he keeps avoiding me and when he sees me he asks "so have u figured it out yet" today he asked "baby u know i love you..is it cuz u dont love me??" i love him i just am scared he might not be my one person im sopposed to love ..and im cathloc so its not like divorce is an option concidering hes catholic too and it would be nice if i could get as many woman and males opinions as possible...t/y Link to post Share on other sites
girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 see i know i love him...more then anything.. i just dont know yet if im ready and marrige is a big step that takes a lot of time and im just thinking about if im ready to commit that much to him i love him and all but its just that im not sure if im ready yet... im realllly young... If you are not ready for marriage and you know it, don't do it. Marriage is a big step. You have to be sure that it is what you want to do. To me it sounds like you are definitely not ready to get married--at least not to this guy. If you know this guy is not right for you, you may as well end the relationship now. What is the point of continuing to date someone you know is wrong for you? You are just wasting time and distracting yourself from meeting someone who may be potentially better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 From what you said in your first post, you weren't even sure if he was the right person for you. If you have raised that question in your mind, he obviously isn't someone you want to marry. Tell him, you would like to continue seeing him(if that's what you want) but you are too young to get married. Tell him you have goals or things you would like to do before you settle down. Really think it through. If decide in the end that you never want to marry this guy, tell him instead of leading him to believe you eventually do it. see i know i love him...more then anything.. i just dont know yet if im ready and marrige is a big step that takes a lot of time and im just thinking about if im ready to commit that much to him i love him and all but its just that im not sure if im ready yet... im realllly young... Link to post Share on other sites
girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 in the first post i said what if??? anyone who gets proposed to has doubts and questions even if theyhave said yes after they think is he really the one for me??? im not leading him on im just having a hard time deciding is he the one im sopposed to be with??? is there someone better? is this the last person im going to kiss?? is he gonna be the father of my kids? is he gonna be a good dad to them??? its hard i was just recently raped and am scared to make any major decisions and im just trying to put into perspective if im emotionly...phisicly...and just ready period to give my mind body heart and sole into him to give it all to him, it just seems to me that i need to think about this... From what you said in your first post, you weren't even sure if he was the right person for you. If you have raised that question in your mind, he obviously isn't someone you want to marry. Tell him, you would like to continue seeing him(if that's what you want) but you are too young to get married. Tell him you have goals or things you would like to do before you settle down. Really think it through. If decide in the end that you never want to marry this guy, tell him instead of leading him to believe you eventually do it. Link to post Share on other sites
girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 ur always so quick on answering my friends questions and u always seem to side with the person who isnt asking for advice ive read a lot of ur responses isnt it when some one on her comes and askes for advice they wanna help there part of the relationship??? i mean the other person isnt on here asking to help there part in the relationship but u tell how they can fix it it doent make any sense to me im not tryig to be a bitch or a smart ass but it just made me curious as to how ur quick to put the person whos in emotional distress down and not the one who doesnt see this.. i mean if u were asking for advice wouldnt you want advice on what u asked about and not the hidden information ur looking for? just curious If you have to post in a forum on the World Wide Web to ask if you should marry a guy or not, you are certainly not ready for marriage and you do not sufficiently love this guy enough right now to want to spend the rest of your life with him. When you meet the right guy, you will have no need whatsoever for posting here. That doesn't mean that at some future time you won't change your mind and become more excited about this guy who is pursuing you. Personally, I think he's playing his cards all wrong. He would get a much better response from you if he dropped the matter. Don't marry anyone unless you are excited that that person is THE person you want to be with forever. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 Well, I am just judging by your posts. I sense a lot of confusion and uncertainty as to whether or not you want to marry this guy. Most people I know that have gotten married, didn't have a doubt in their minds as to whether or not they wanted to marry the person they are currently with. You definitely sound like you are not ready as I said before. I never said you were leading him on. I am just saying if you decide that you never want to marry him, you should tell him that. in the first post i said what if??? anyone who gets proposed to has doubts and questions even if theyhave said yes after they think is he really the one for me??? im not leading him on im just having a hard time deciding is he the one im sopposed to be with??? is there someone better? is this the last person im going to kiss?? is he gonna be the father of my kids? is he gonna be a good dad to them??? its hard i was just recently raped and am scared to make any major decisions and im just trying to put into perspective if im emotionly...phisicly...and just ready period to give my mind body heart and sole into him to give it all to him, it just seems to me that i need to think about this... Link to post Share on other sites
girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 and i will tell him if i dont i think im going to just tell him i dont knwo if im ready for marrige i think its too soon we both need to live a lil more (together) and see if itll work out in the future... but thanx for listing to me Well, I am just judging by your posts. I sense a lot of confusion and uncertainty as to whether or not you want to marry this guy. Most people I know that have gotten married, didn't have a doubt in their minds as to whether or not they wanted to marry the person they are currently with. You definitely sound like you are not ready as I said before. I never said you were leading him on. I am just saying if you decide that you never want to marry him, you should tell him that. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 Good luck to ya and i will tell him if i dont i think im going to just tell him i dont knwo if im ready for marrige i think its too soon we both need to live a lil more (together) and see if itll work out in the future... but thanx for listing to me Link to post Share on other sites
Mizu Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 Just an innocent bystander's opinion: I don't think Tony was putting you down at all, he was just being blunt. A lot of people take offense when they don't get the response they were looking for when they post, but that's part of what makes forums like this interesting - you can get so many different viewpoints. I agree with Tony said, if you're not sure, then you're not ready to get married, and he should not be pressuring you for an answer. And he made another valid point when he said your feelings may change in the future, but right now, it seems you're experiencing too much doubt to get married. ur always so quick on answering my friends questions and u always seem to side with the person who isnt asking for advice ive read a lot of ur responses isnt it when some one on her comes and askes for advice they wanna help there part of the relationship??? i mean the other person isnt on here asking to help there part in the relationship but u tell how they can fix it it doent make any sense to me im not tryig to be a bitch or a smart ass but it just made me curious as to how ur quick to put the person whos in emotional distress down and not the one who doesnt see this.. i mean if u were asking for advice wouldnt you want advice on what u asked about and not the hidden information ur looking for? just curious Link to post Share on other sites
kappadisney Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 Everyone has probably already given you all the advice youneed, but just to throw my own two cents in there too - I think that you may just be scared of loving him initially, or you may be feeling this way because you know deep inside this isn't the one for you but you are just worried about ending the relationship. No one least of all I, can tell you how you feel - I am a student teacher - high school/English and we do these exercises withthe students called random writing experiments. In these you just write downhow you feel for a certain amount of time 10-15 minutes and you can never pick up your pen just keep writing whatever comes to mind about your topic - just statements - no questions. You may be surprised what comes out sometimes. Just a suggestion - and hey if you have free time - it may prove to be worthwhile! This is a really big decision and that may be what's freaking you out about it. So good luck and my rather cryptic message is that - the answer is within you! (maybe I've read too many self-help books!)Well, take care and we wish you all the best!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 If he loves you he will respect you enough to give you the time you need, whats the rush? Just explain that its a life long commitment to you and it should be to him ,and you want to make sure everything is right , before you plan your future . The best marriages are those who seek counceling before they even marry to learn how to deal with certain issues that you may have and those that may pop up later , if I knew what I know now I would have . here are some questions you should ask each other 1) Do you want kids? how many? 2) Do you want a career ? before or after kids? who will take care of them mainly ? 3) If you make more money then him will it build resentment? 4) Where do you want to live ? 5) What kinda house do you want ? How are you gonna accomplish getting and maintaining a mortgage? 6) Who will pay the bills ? 7) What are your life goals ? What is it gonna take to reach them? 8)How will you put your kids through college? well you get the picture ,this alone will back him up a bit ,you have to be mature about this and don't do it until you are ready without a doubt. good luck to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
girl whos heart is ???? Posted January 9, 2001 Share Posted January 9, 2001 thank you your the first person that told me what i needed to know what u said made so much sense ima try that i was juist scared that he wasnt ready for marrige i know im not cuz i still wanna live a little ya know??? i just dont wanna loose him or hurt his feelings so ima sit him down and talk to him about this thank you If he loves you he will respect you enough to give you the time you need, whats the rush? Just explain that its a life long commitment to you and it should be to him ,and you want to make sure everything is right , before you plan your future . The best marriages are those who seek counceling before they even marry to learn how to deal with certain issues that you may have and those that may pop up later , if I knew what I know now I would have . here are some questions you should ask each other 1) Do you want kids? how many? 2) Do you want a career ? before or after kids? who will take care of them mainly ? 3) If you make more money then him will it build resentment? 4) Where do you want to live ? 5) What kinda house do you want ? How are you gonna accomplish getting and maintaining a mortgage? 6) Who will pay the bills ? 7) What are your life goals ? What is it gonna take to reach them? 8)How will you put your kids through college? well you get the picture ,this alone will back him up a bit ,you have to be mature about this and don't do it until you are ready without a doubt. good luck to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
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