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Went on my first date since my breakup and miss my ex more than ever

abby_tx

By abby_tx,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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abby_tx

abby_tx

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My boyfriend of three months broke up with me almost three weeks ago. I went on a date last night with a new guy thinking that it would help me move on.

 

Instead all it did was bring back memories of all the good times I spent with my ex and how much I miss him. Going on these bad dates just makes me realize how special what I had with my ex was. It's hard to think that he wouldn't feel the same.

 

Sorry I'm not asking for advice I guess. I'm just really sad and having a hard time moving on. Aside from a quick text a week ago, we have gone two weeks of no contact and I want to break it so bad. :(

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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Never think of dating again, until you can handle seeing them with a new squeeze.....

 

Waaaaay too soon.

 

Poor 'rebound' guy.... :(

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abby_tx

abby_tx

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Never think of dating again, until you can handle seeing them with a new squeeze.....

 

Waaaaay too soon.

 

Poor 'rebound' guy.... :(

 

I'm suppose to wait to date someone new until the idea of my ex with someone doesn't upset me? That would take forever.

 

I thought maybe getting out and meeting guys would be good for me. It would show me there are other fish in the sea. But I guess not?

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JDPT

JDPT

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"That's what happens man, that's what happens..."

 

I'm of the opinion of not dating after a breakup. Your mental state just isn't there. Ill use the analogy of just coming out of surgery and wanting to run a 5k the following day. You just aren't ready to play the field. Pace yourself, you are in this for the long run. I understand you are lonely, we all are, but understand that it's too soon to easily substitute someone who you had so much history with overnight. You will only run in place getting nowhere fast. Once you can understand this fundamental concept you will be in much better shape.

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KatZee

KatZee

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It's not going to take forever.

 

Put the relationship you had into some perspective. You dated for a mere 3 months. I know this seems like a long time for you, but think of it like a job. The first three months are the probationary period. It's the trial period. At three months, you either remain on staff, or you get fired for whatever reason.

 

He realized it wasn't working for whatever reason- if you guys are young it's just because guys at a young age don't have any desire to be in long term "things" with girls. They want to experience everything they possibly can.

 

It wasn't the "one of your lifetime" and it wasn't going to lead to marriage. It was a short fling.

 

Hang with your friends, and just go back to living the life you had before you started dating him. It'll fall back together much quicker than you think.

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abby_tx

abby_tx

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Well, we were both 30 so we weren't young. This breakup has also been harder than my 7 year relationship because it was so great and felt so "right" and him dumping me totally came out of the blue.

 

It's just hard because with my job and schedule, I never meet anyone new and my friends are busy with their own families. So, I probably shouldn't go on a second date with the guy I saw last night. I wonder if I should just admit to him I'm not ready for a relationship.

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KatZee

KatZee

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Well, we were both 30 so we weren't young. This breakup has also been harder than my 7 year relationship because it was so great and felt so "right" and him dumping me totally came out of the blue.

 

It's just hard because with my job and schedule, I never meet anyone new and my friends are busy with their own families. So, I probably shouldn't go on a second date with the guy I saw last night. I wonder if I should just admit to him I'm not ready for a relationship.

 

Yeah, I feel you. I'm in the exact same situation. I'm only 29 but I refused to date 20-something's anymore because they're all so stupid. The last guy I dated was actually 32. I was seeing him for about 2+ months. So older than your "30" and he was STILL as stupid as these 20 something guys! I've gone out with a few 32 year old guys and they're just as stunted and have the fear of commitment.

 

That's probably what happened to this guy, it got too real and he ran. I've really come to expect this of guys. It seems they all pull this same thing.

 

You need to pull back your emotions. You can't know if anyone is so "right" after a mere 3 months. You should still have your guard up and watching everything he's doing/saying. Don't get so caught up and carried away.

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reddragon588

reddragon588

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Well, we were both 30 so we weren't young. This breakup has also been harder than my 7 year relationship because it was so great and felt so "right" and him dumping me totally came out of the blue.

 

It's just hard because with my job and schedule, I never meet anyone new and my friends are busy with their own families. So, I probably shouldn't go on a second date with the guy I saw last night. I wonder if I should just admit to him I'm not ready for a relationship.

 

Shorter relationships can be more difficult to get over than longer ones as you're still in the "honeymoon" phase. Everything seems right because you're still learning everything and it all seems so exciting. By the way, 30 is young and even at 30 many guys don't want to be in long term relationships and still experience the "dating" world.

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Simon Phoenix

Simon Phoenix

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Yeah, I feel you. I'm in the exact same situation. I'm only 29 but I refused to date 20-something's anymore because they're all so stupid. The last guy I dated was actually 32. I was seeing him for about 2+ months. So older than your "30" and he was STILL as stupid as these 20 something guys! I've gone out with a few 32 year old guys and they're just as stunted and have the fear of commitment.

 

That's probably what happened to this guy, it got too real and he ran. I've really come to expect this of guys. It seems they all pull this same thing.

 

You need to pull back your emotions. You can't know if anyone is so "right" after a mere 3 months. You should still have your guard up and watching everything he's doing/saying. Don't get so caught up and carried away.

 

This is painting with a very broad brush.

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JDPT

JDPT

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This is painting with a very broad brush.

 

Somewhat of a broad association but I can certainly resonate with the concept. There is certainly a maturity level to undoubtedly consider here for both gender of course.

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happydate

happydate

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Yeah, I feel you. I'm in the exact same situation. I'm only 29 but I refused to date 20-something's anymore because they're all so stupid. The last guy I dated was actually 32. I was seeing him for about 2+ months. So older than your "30" and he was STILL as stupid as these 20 something guys! I've gone out with a few 32 year old guys and they're just as stunted and have the fear of commitment.

 

That's probably what happened to this guy, it got too real and he ran. I've really come to expect this of guys. It seems they all pull this same thing.

 

You need to pull back your emotions. You can't know if anyone is so "right" after a mere 3 months. You should still have your guard up and watching everything he's doing/saying. Don't get so caught up and carried away.

 

Fear of commitment or fear of commiting themselves to dominating, bossy and manipulative women?

 

Please don't paint a broad stroke on all men with your opinion, because it isn't true.

 

Most of the guys are out there to find a special partner that they can live with together and share and grow their interest together with the right person.

 

But more than likely, both men and women are LOOKING to COMPLETE EACH OTHER with another person. When you are looking for someone to complete you, you will never find it. That's why you think men don't want to commit. It's not they don't want to, but you are looking for something impossible to meet and they felt it. So they ran. No man can ever complete you nor any woman can ever complete a man. Which is why the commitment thing is just an excuse for some people.

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Simon Phoenix

Simon Phoenix

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The brush may be broad, but it still paints well between the lines.

 

That's absurd. Plenty of women have married 20-something men and have come out well on the other end. I realize you might be bitter, but when you say things like that, it just makes you look foolish.

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abby_tx

abby_tx

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I struggle hearing the advice to pull back on my emotions. If I'm not fully in, then I will regret whatever does or doesn't happen because I was holding back.

 

I don't even have the first clue how to enter the dating world again if I'm supposed to hold back?? And I feel he was the one who set the pace of the relationship and I sorta followed. Once I felt he was interested, I let myself fall.

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