willpower654 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 The quick version of the story is that I recently moved into a house with my fiance. We have been together almost 2 yrs. When we first got together I remember him telling me about a girl who was persistance, and he had to tell her he didn't want a relationship so she would leave him alone VIA facebook. He didnt have the heart to tell her he wasnt interested for some reason, and says they never slept together. This past weekend I was using my fb account and we leave ours open. He told me to check a message on his from a mutual friend of ours discussing an invitation to a party and a how are you etc... Anyhow I saw a message from this girl in the above paragraph and opened it... It was a lot of back and forth from her sending two to three msgs like how are u, hows work etc.. and he answers like every second or third. Anyhow one of the messages she says she is doing x,y,z with her life, and he responds with I am moving to (a city) in september just me and my daughter on weekends... I obviously got upset. I realise that maybe I should not have even opened it but we are really open with everything and it hasn't been an issue in the past. i spoke to him about it and his response was that she is crazy and he doesnt want so many people knowing his personal life, and that she is nutty and he thought if he told her he is in a serious committment it will make her harass him more.. I know this is ridiculous... can anyone please offer their insight... I just need to hear it from people who have no bias... Thank you in advance for reading! I am devestated. Link to post Share on other sites
leon23 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I think what he's doing is mean it's sort of leading her on, if a guy doesn't like you and is in a committed relationship he should clearly state that to any interested party. Also, I hate it when guys who mess around with other women always paint the other woman as crazy or obsessed? REally are you that amazing that some girl is going THAT much out of her way to try to get with you? I think it's a way to diffuse the situation "oh she's crazy but I'm still going to fb message w/ her". Link to post Share on other sites
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) That's painful, I'm sure. Course, you should have respected his privacy. Going through his personal messages is a big no-no, which tells me you probably didn't trust him 100% to begin with...and what about now? Have you lost all trust? He sounds like a lying opportunist, who probably likes the idea of having another girl on standby. His own personal admirer who has been chasing him for at least 2 years. For me, this would be a very difficult situation. I'd test his loyalty and have him message her in front of me saying that he is in a long-term relationship and she needs to leave him alone. THAT might be a bit far, but I'd be devastated as well. Also, you can tell a lot about a person in how they act when nobody is around! Take that into account. Edited September 21, 2013 by Syconort Link to post Share on other sites
Author willpower654 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 ya that is all very true... I have always been the type not to check things and to really try to have trust in people... because once you start checking phones and social media it becomes so insane. And I had a previous bf like that. I just had this weird feeling and followed it when I opened the thread. All my family and friends have been telling me to leave because he is hiding the fact he is in a committed relationship and he should not be advertising that he is not. This week has been really hard, and I have lost trust I believe. Not too sure if I should run away now and save myself the possibility of a huge issue later, or stay and work on the trust and give him the benefit of the doubt? Link to post Share on other sites
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) It's a particularly difficult situation because it's your call. I wouldn't base the future of my relationship on feedback from a bunch of strangers who have not met me or my better half. Maybe other users have better insight having gone through similar circumstances. However, I'd trust the instincts of my friends and family over a forum. Edited September 21, 2013 by Syconort Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I wouldn't for one hot second believe that he's afraid of her harassing him so that's why he's hiding you. Please. He didn't mention you because he wants the other woman to think he's single. Why? He likes the attention, he maybe wants to meet up with her, who knows. His motives are very, very suspicious. I would follow your friends' and family's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts