Sometimes I wonder...

[DTNut1928]

... if I was Jack the Ripper in my past life because the amount of relationships that have died at my feet are pretty much tantamount to the murders of Jack himself. Or at least they feel that way.

 

I don't know if it's me, but mosts relationships I have die faster than an elder mayfly (even though every girl always says "It's not you, but..."). Not to mention that each of these relationships are few and far between. After each one, the girl always says that they want to be "friends" (which is the feminine phrase for "I really don't want to talk to you or see anymore, but I am merciful enough not to tear you apart right now, but let you squirm in the desert for an extended period of time until every other guy that I have dated has turned their back on me and you're really the only person left that I can almost spill my guts to, knwoing that from your past dating record, you won't turn me away because you're a good guy").

 

Yes, this sounds very typical of all early relationships, especially for people at my age, but frankly I've had enough. I've put both time and money into my relationships and have gotten virtually nothing in return (except for empty thank-you's and semi-hugs where the girl will put her arms halfway around you and then quickly back away). I know most people accept this as an inevitability and lift their head up hoping for a better realtionship. I used to be that way, but I've seen the effects that it has had on my friends and other people that are kind of like me. And it's not pretty. It's like seeing guys jumping out of a plane with a cheap parachute with holes and tears. Many fall 10,000 feet and break bones or even die. Yet it is possible that one man with this raggedy parachute may acutally survive the fall.

 

I realize there really is no question posted here, so I will do my best put my rantings into an interrogative format. Basically, the only major thing missing in my life is a woman. I have friends, family, a nice home, a band, a good education, a decent job with decent income, and enough stuff around my house to keep me occupied depending on my mood. The only emptiness I really feel inside is the lack of a good woman so I can share my love with and enjoy my time with. A woman who is not only interesting and intriguing, but also appreciates what I do for her. I have had nothing like that in all of my romantic endeavors. Again, it is what most people want, and I'm no different. I guess what I'm lookin for here is closure and resolution, since my friends have the romantic skills of a chimpanzee on New Year's.

 

So, can you help me out?

 

Here's the genereic responses I've heard so far:

 

"Don't worry. The right woman will come. Just give it time."

 

How much time exactly? The rest of my natural born life only to find a nice 98 year old woman who happens to like Dream Theater and existentialist literature? No thanks. Besides, the probability of a good woman coming to me under these circumstances are about equivalent to the Second Coming happening in my backyard on Pentecost. Possible, not likely anytime soon.

 

"You're too picky. Lower your standards a bit"

 

I beg to differ. If I was picky, I wouldn;t have so many bad relationships. I think I should be MORE picky, but not to the point of being a jerk. In reality, I'm actually a pretty easygoing guy who can get along well with anyone who makes any effort to show the same interest towards me. Besides, if I change, then I really won't be true to myself and thus will cause more problems.

 

"Look harder."

 

Hah! That's like saying to Yngwie Malmsteen: "Your playing is kind of sluggish. Pick up the pace a bit." With the other activities I have going on, I'd really rather spend more time with a girl than looking for one. I know it takes effort, but in all the searching I've done, the results really haven't been worth it. Looking for the right woman is like searching for the winning box of Cocoa Puffs for that free trip to Hawaii that is printed on one of every 86,540,000 boxes produced. There are consolation prizes, like a decoder ring or a coloring book, but not really what I was hoping to get at all. But like a sucker, I take the consolation prize because: Hey! Something is better than nothing, right?

 

"A simple greeting to a stranger opens many doors to those he who is looking for that certain treasure."

 

This is just something I found in a fortune cookie, but it's just about as legit as all the other advice I've been given by romantic sardines of friends.

 

In closing, I haven't really shown any of the previous cynicism or sarcasm in my realtionships, so that possibility is out. I only do so whenever I am left in the dark and I need to find the lightswitch. Normally though, I am more mellow and focused, so don;t use the above passage to judge the entirety of my character.

 

Thank you in advance for your time.

[Devildog]

What kind of places are you looking to find your relationships? You seem like a very educated and intellectual person. That can be a bit overwhelming for the typical barfly type of woman. Even alot of the college "educated" women might be intimidated by your vocabulary and your obscure references.

 

I think your best option is to look for potential mates in an environment where your interests really shine. There you would have a higher probability of finding someone with similar intellectual standards and similar interests.

 

The other possibility is to try toning down the intellect. Don't try to be so verbose in standard everyday conversations. I don't know if this is a good idea though because you may have a tendency to talk down to the other person and assume that they don't know what you are talking about. This can be very condescending and will drive most women away.

[Patiently waiting]

First of all, what is "your age" that "this" is so typical. Second, have you ever thought that you give yourself too easily? Perhaps you need to play a little more hard to get. Lots of women tend to take the ones that fall into their laps as not being challenging enough. Make them want you, the more YOU run away, the more they will chase you. Try listening to Tom Leykus on the radio too! He'll teach ya' how to break that "just friends" line you get from women!

 

Also, try to make a list of your good points as well as not so good. Ask yourself, why it is a woman would not want a long term relationship with you. If this is a pattern as you say, there has got to be an underlying reason somewhere if they ALL end this way. Think about it as if YOU were the woman.........

 

Perhaps maybe you are too intelligent for the women you date too. They may not know what the hell your talking about half the time and get bored talking to you. Just guessing here......

 

Another thing is that lots of women are not into guys that have a sort of "sarcastic attitude", they don't see it as a sign of an intelligent person who questions things and why they are the way they are, but just as someone who is "not so much fun to be around all the time". I don't know if that is you, but your writing reflects that you are a person who is smarter than the average Joe.......

 

Whatta ya' think? Am I just totally off on this one or what?

[Patiently waiting]

Sadly, these women don't know what they are missing......Who the hell wants a dumb guy???? I say the smarter they are, the sexier they are!!! Hang out at the library, you're bound to find someone there who will appreciate your intelligence!

 

hey, guess I was pretty insightful, the other poster said practically the same thing! We must have been typing simultaneously cause his post wasn't there before I began writing mine!

 

Guess I wasn't so thorough in reading your post, I went off a bit on the sarcasm thing, but I bet it shows in real life just a bit, ya' think?

[johan]

Read Mathematics and Sex by Clio Cresswell.

[Patiently waiting]

http://www.warriorlibrarian.com/FOUND/cresswell.html

 

Confirms my library suggestion as being right on the money! I should do this for a living, I'm better than I thought I was !

[DTNut1928]

In response to Devildog:

 

Basically, I look anywhere I can find them. I hang out at music venues, haunted houses, bowling alleys, Barnes and Noble, and parites that people throw. I figure I should limit my self to these places, since these are the only places I feel comfortable even approaching a woman. I'm also not trying to attract a barfly kind of woman. I want someone that is fairly intellectual or at least interesting. I suppose you're right about the whole vocabulary thing, but again this is how I tend to talk when discussing something of interest. I am sure not going to resort to "Yo! Wazzupp in da shizzy hizzle fotch mo' G-Dogg?!" or "How hangs thy mighty hammer!" That's just not me. As for the enivronment comment, this is where I go to meet people. Every now and then, there will be someone that just about fits my category. However, this person is either too old, not interested, or already taken by some loser guy with a shaved head and piercings to the teeth kicking bowling balls across alleys screaming curse words at a rapid fire pace. Unusual? I'd say so. And again, I'm not that verbose in everyday conversations; only when a topic really strikes me as interesting or if I'm just furious. And if women do feel intimidated of me (I don't see why: I'm just a harmless fuzzball), then it's probably best that she is driven away, since I refuse to put up with anymore mundane discussions such as: "So like, I was, like at the mall yesterday, and like, this one guy at Taco Bell was like, staring at me, like, he wanted to flirt with me, and like, he, like, kept staring, and I was like 'Omigod! Stop that you freak', like in my head, right? So I like, toatlly walked away, and like, to make a long story short, I bought this really cute outfit, that like, fits me so well, like......."

 

In response to Patiently Waiting:

 

I am 18. I know, I sound like a pretty jaded 18-year old, but it's just that I don't want to travel down the same paths that everyone that was once my age has traveled. And besides, I kind of want to give myself away. That's the whole point of having a companion. I don't want a thing where I have to jump through hoops just to land a woman. I also don;t feeling like playing games myself. I'm pretty straightforward when it comes to relationships, plus, I'm no prize pig myself. And again, my sarcasitc side doesn't come out unless I'm pissed off or I feel like playing head games with my freinds. Neither of these really occur during a relationship. Ok, once in this relationship, I got realy fed up becuase I knew this was going nowhere, so I just unloaded on this chick and proabably made her feel like a tub of lard, but this better than me feeling like a tool. And I appreciate the smart=sexy comment, but no one else of impportance thinks that way. Besides, the library is a place to reasearch stuff for papers, not to hook up with Miss Bookwrom (which I have absolutely no problem with, since I am a book guy myself, but she isn't really intersted in me as much as she is getting an A on her paper). In case I didn't note this, I am more interested in older women than women my age, who are frankly quite pampered, spoiled, and rotten to the core, that is, for the general population.

 

In response to Johan:

 

I didn't read that book, but I'm really not a math or sex guy per se. I can't solve a differential calculus problem to save my life. I also don;t really care about sexual relations right because 1). I don't want to risk having children, 2). I don't to go down in history as being bad in bed (which is exactly what will spread once I break up with this woman), and 3). I really don't want to waste money on condoms or any prophylactic for that matter. That stuff is kind of expensive in the long run (and the nearest Planned Parenthood is 30 miles north of me).

[Patiently waiting]

You're only 18? Well, I can understand now why girls your age find you completely impossible to have a relationship with. You sound like a divorced 45 year old! You really need to kinda lighten up a bit (just a bit, not saying you have to sacrifice your intellect), just relax a little. What path do you want to follow exactly?

You have to be able to meet half way on the vocab in most situations I think is what Devildog is trying to say. You don't have to be one extreme or the other. C'mon, you're a smart guy, you know that! Oh, and please stop being so negative. There are sooo many things you can't, won't or don't do........try some flexibility too.

 

Oh, and about the smart, sexy comment.......what is that supposed to mean "no one else of importance thinks that way" How would you really know? I have 20 years on you, and I am telling you that the way to stimulate a woman's body, is to stimulate her mind first! At least the older women (that you claim you are interested) in mostly feel this way.

 

Your whole response to Johan, well....bull****......

 

What decent woman would spread rumors? And c'mon, really......you don't think we have our own birth control? But honestly....you sound very bitter and well....also very selfish and cheap.

 

Give yourself a few years to grow out of your "Pissed off" stage. Why are you so angry anyway???

[DTNut1928]

"Why are you so angry anyway???"

 

I'm not so much angry as I am distressed. I'm the type of guy who prepares ahead of time for whatever pitfalls may come out of nowhere in the future. Considering the current trends of my life, it is very unlikely that my way of thinking will change in a major way (not impossible, just unlikely). I guess it would be safe to say that I'm a 21st century Chicken Little: afraid that the sky is going to fall because in some way it will. So instead of my mid-life crisis coming down on me like a ton of bricks, I am working hard now to try to avoid it later. I am indeed trying to better my dating skills, but I'm also trying to make it known that I am ready for a good woman.

 

"what is that supposed to mean 'no one else of importance thinks that way' How would you really know?"

 

How do you know that I am really a male? Only because I told you. You're trusting in that fact and holding me to the standard that I'm not lying and wasting your time. By saying "no one of importance," I merely mean of the people that I know or have known, and based on current trends, will know. Importance is a bad word. I guess Experience would be better, because of the experienced people that I know, no one believes that stimulating a woman's mind is the key to her body. And yes, I knew what you meant by the smart sexy comment. After all, I am a "smart guy" and I know that (sit Fido, good dog! Here's a treat! Fido: "Thank you, nice Patiently Waiting person").

 

"What decent woman would spread rumors?"

 

The answer is none. Many INdecent women will spread those rumours. For instance, my friend had a sexual realtionship with this girl (don't worry, he's 25) and they broke up. Both enjoyed the sex during the relationship, but after they broke up, my friend was saying how shallow (i.e. not deep in the "you-know" area) and likewise, she was saying how "small" (i.e. not big in the "you-know" area) he was and unsatisfying their sex was. In short, he didn;t find out until after the relationship that she wasn;t a decent woman. Again, maybe in California, that's not too common, but around me, it it. Why do you guys fear earthquakes? Is it because they happen a lot? Well likewise, we fear blizzards and hailstorms that could destory the windshield of one's car. And in the same vein, I fear women spreading rumours because the dirty women in my town spread rumours all the time.

 

"You don't think we have our own birth control?"

 

Nope. In fact, I wasn't even aware that there were such a thing as birth control pills, or diaphragms, or douche, or orthotricyclin (which comes in that funny Pez dispenser type of container). Nope, to this day, I know nothing of female birth control.

 

"You're only 18?"

 

Yes, only 18. Poor old dopey me. I just a widdle boy taking his fiwst steps owt on the stweets without my mommy or daddy. I guess that since I am "only 18," I insist that from this point on, that no one give me any respect whatsoever. In fact, I demand that from this point on that my age be mentioned in every post that I make just so that everyone knows that I am not a real human being, but a mere shadow or glimmer of one that has yet to rise from the ashes. Yes, I am only 18.

 

"Well, I can understand now why girls your age find you completely impossible to have a relationship with."

 

No kidding. And it's the other way around: I find THEM completely impossible to have a relationship with. Some like me, but I don't like them. I keep the relationship going because I feel better when someone is with me, but if both of us have had it, then it ends, but when it does, it always seems like I killed it. And I don't want that. That's the whole reason why I made this post: so I can prolong meaningful relationships.

 

"I have 20 years on you"

 

That's nice. You seem mature, but this again is not a guarantee that age is a sign of maturity. A friend of mine is 58 and still lives at home, but has lots of women. He also has the social skills of a Yahoo on Flag Day. He's old enough, but he really has no experience in anything. He just has money. So in short, knowing your age is nice, but really not necessary when discussing love issues. After all, as R.Kelly (or someone rap person) put it: "Age is just a number" or something along those lines. I really don;t remember to be honest.

 

"Oh, and please stop being so negative."

 

Another condescending comment from the peanut gallery. When you know anything about my life or me in general, then you can legitimately tell me to stop being negative. UNtil then, the age card will continue to be played so long as you have the upper hand.

 

"try some flexibility too."

 

Been there, done that. If it doesn't work now, chances are it won't work later. I've been so flexible, I even reached the point of being a major tool in a couple relationships. I know it's a "give little, get a little" theory, but I've done nothing but give and nothing had been received. Therefore, I plan to be more steadfast in the future.

 

"you sound very bitter and well....also very selfish and cheap."

 

Hey, if the shoe fits. Bitter? Yeah, I'd say so. Anger usually comes about from bitterness. And since I'm usually angry when I rant, then the bitterness factor would come into play here. Selfish? More or less. I'm what you would call an Objectively selfish person (if you want to know more, look it up on google or ask someone who happens to be skilled in objectivism). However, to cure my selfishness, I need a woman. That way, less will go to me, and more will go to her. I don't need much in return from her, just SOMETHING. Cheap? ....Nah. Poor is a better word. Cheap implies the fact that one has plenty of money leftover, money, but won't spend it. Poor implies that one has very little money to even spend in the first place. I have enough money to spend on what I need and what I want, and frankly, I don't want sex: plain and simple. I'd like romance, but not so much sex.

 

"Give yourself a few years to grow out of your "Pissed off" stage."

 

That I will. But the truth is, I've been this way for two years, and I still haven;t simmered down. I know that when I'm 40, I'll be too tired to complain, but I'm not 40 and I'm not wrecked yet. I have only been hit with an acorn, but that little acorn might give way to all the other acorns falling down in time. That's all.

 

And by the way, if ever one feels upset or offended by anything I say, keep in mind I direct none of this at any of you. I am merely blowing off steam through feverish typing many glasses of water. You, my friends, just happen to be caught in the steam and perhaps think I'm blowing steam at you. This is not at all the case. Although I'm not afraid to do something like that, I am not going to mainly because I know better.

 

"Why are you so angry anyway???"

 

I know I quoted this earlier, but in case you really want to know why I express shades of anger, then feel free to PM me or e-mail me.

[Patiently waiting]

You would need to enable PM's in order to receive them.

[DTNut1928]

Yeah, I guess i have to post some more before I can enable my PM. How many more posts do I need to activiate this thing?

[Patiently waiting]

Hmmm, I have no idea. I thought you could just go into your account and enable it. Did it actually say you need to post more items in order to enable PM?

[GirlDown]

douche is not birth control. that's all.

[alphamale]

Read the book How To Succeed with Women by Louis and Copeland. It is available at any large bookstore.

[DTNut1928]

Patiently Waiting:

 

If siad that it was possible that I didn't post enough. The other options were that I didn't enable it (which I clearly did), and that I wasn't given permission somehow.

 

 

GirlDown:

 

Yeah, I kinda figured that out after I calmed down during the post. It's just that when I thought about diaphragms, douche immediately came into my mind. I don't know why, but it did.

 

 

Alphamale:

 

I guess I'll check it out, but from all of the advice that I've been given through the past, most of it involves changing my approach entirely, which gives way to unsuccessful reationships because I won;t be myself.