Cheated On - Am Dying

[deathfrominside]

This past week has been the worst week in my entire lifetime. I really need help from those who are older (pref 30s?) and have experience with dealing with drunkeness state of mind. This post isn't so much about myself, but about my girlfriend. I will give a very quick background, then the details.

 

We have been dating since the spring and everything has been going very well. Family loves her, she has been a perfect mold to me. She worked in the music industry which involved getting people to go to shows and she left the company because it involved flirting with men and she found that inappropriate. This is/was the kind of person she is/was.... She left her last boyfriend because he did drugs and got drunk. She likes to drink, but remains in control...... or so I thought.

 

I am completely devastated. I have lost nearly 8-9 lbs this past week, stared at the wall for 6 days, and burst out crying randomly. I hardly have the energy to feed my pet fish. I simply cannot move and I am crying like a baby writing this - a grown man you could say.... I am 26 soon to be 27 in a few weeks and she is 22.

 

She went to Cuba with her mother and her brother and during her time there, cheated on me twice (two nights in a row) with the same person. From what I have found out in our talks, this is the recap.

 

Night #1:

---------

She was in the disco area with her brother, looking after him, and there were a bunch of people there. This one guy kept bringing drinks around to everyone, and she gave into peer pressure and kept accepting the drinks he gave her. She had a lot to drink and says she doesn't know how much she actually had. She went outside of the disco area and he followed her, trying to hold her hand - she told him she had a boyfriend and went to leave and he went to kiss her. She moved, and he kissed her cheek. He kept trying until she finally just sat there and he got her on the lips.

 

She pushed him off thinking of what she would say to me - and before she knew it, she was kissing him back. They proceeded to makeout and he felt her up and fingered her. She said she felt "instant regret" and wanted it all back.

 

 

Night #2:

---------

 

During the day of night #2, she was in the pool and this same guy was there, grabbed her foot, hugged her, and tried to kiss her - she pushed him off and got out of the pool and left.

 

At night, she got drunk again and this guy ended up seeing her again (he was also drinking so I am told). The same thing ended up happening, in addition to them walking back to his hotel room. She said as soon as she got to the hotel room, she left within 2 minutes because it felt so wrong and it hit her what was going on.

 

 

She spent the rest of the week crying and overdosing on anxiety pills.

 

 

My questions are:

 

1) WHY?????? I have never been drunk - can her being drunk really have caused this? I am tormented by the thoughts of him fingering her .....and her probably moaning about it. I haven't been this sick and upset in my entire life. I don't know if I can get over this. Why two nights in a row?

 

2) Can a woman who has done this please chime in? Did she think it was over after night 1 and was so disgusted that she drank herself to drunknesness to numb the pain on night 2 - but then was drunk again so it ended up happening twice? I'm at a horrible loss with no answers.

 

I haven't been able to function in a week, my job is suffering, i'm losing weight, and what I am feeling is so crushing I can't even put it into words. WHY?????

 

 

Below, are the notes she wrote me for context (names removed) - maybe someone who has done this can help me and help me with what to do.

 

Other factors to note - she comes from a broken home (parents) and suffers from ROCD (relationship ocd). Her meds were for depression.

[deathfrominside]

So i dont even know how to start this but it has to be done and was eating at me every single day. My whole trip to Cuba was awful and a mental hell because of certain things i did. it all started with me going off my medication I believe as something in the past happened similarly to this when i decided to go off my meds. Been on them for over 4 years and i should have never stopped as it helped me a lot. Thought i could just get off them as i was really happy with you and thought things would be different, turns out it didnt matter. I think my meds were also treating me for a minor case of bi-polar. i dont know how to say this... so hard as I actually do love you but my actions would imply otherwise. I really didnt mean for this to happen and if i could take it back I would, whole trip was ruined and would wake up wishing I never even went there and was back with you; like everything was back to normal. i ruined everything. I had a lot to drink one night and well there is no easy way to say this, but this guy kissed me and i kissed back. It meant nothing but still; i cheated and I cant believe I did. This has somewhat happened before when i went off my meds before and i dont know why. thats no excuse or anything but its a fact. I threw away everything we had as i know now things cant be the same. I literally caused myself to be physically sick and took a lot of the anxiety pills i had packed in case something happened. I took more than you should and would just sleep to numb everything. the whole trip was ruined after this and i couldnt help but cry and hate myself every single day. suicidal thoughts even crossed my mind; i would never do it but the thoughts somehow made me feel better as I deserved such things.

 

I truly dont deserve you and am much sicker than i thought. I dont really know who I am anymore and i do actually hate myself. I just ruined our whole future and now nothing will ever be the same. Im so sorry for screwing things up for us and breaking your heart. I messed up your life, i know this; and my own. I really dont know what else to say, im so guilty and ashamed. feel like i can never be forgiven by God for all this. i know this is just going to make your OCD so much worse and break you. Had to tell you though of course. My mom knows as she helped me get through the long week when I pretty much was sick with guilt and dying of shame. Guess this means things are over between us and i screwed up everything. You could never look at me the same and I dont blame you. Not too mention i know you will tell your mom all this so she would hate me and look down on me. Seriously dont know that part of me and it scares me so much. Like i will never find happiness again as you were it and now thats gone. Im really worried for you and how you will take all this. You dont have to write back or anything i would understand completely. Dont expect anything from you anymore, ive gone and thrown it all away. so yeah i dont know what else to say anymore. In case you dont ever want to talk to me again, just want to say you were an amazing boyfriend that treated me like gold. You were the best bf I had ever had and i enjoyed our time together. You deserve so much more even if sometimes you dont think so or find your OCD habits taking control. I only wish you the best *NAME* and wished I could have been the one to make you forever happy. Im sorry again for all i have put you through.

 

 

 

 

and after more discussion....

 

 

I will do my best to reply to everything. It kills to me to remember all the details as i hate every single one of them. i am so truly sorry for what i have done and so ashamed. in my life i have never done anything so wrong, stupid and outright hurtful. I really didnt know i could do that to someone i loved. This is something i will regret for the rest of my life.

 

1 & 2) I really dont want to give you the details because you will just imagine it all and put you through more unnecessary pain. But if you must its the very least i can do. after this i think we will part our separte ways as i cant live with myself with all the horrible things i have done. It started with a short kiss and i backed off and then he came again and i just resigned and kinda let it happen and yes tongue was involved and eyes closed. we kissed for about 5min before he started to feel me up and then i just wanted to leave. He placed my hand on his crotch area and so i touched it but moved my hand away after. i was having doubts about us that night thinking if you were really the one and this came up and i dont even know what i was thinking but i let myself loose control. as soon as it happened and i was walking back to my room i instantly regretted it and wanted to take it all back. If i was having troubles with us and thinking about certain things i should have just gone to you and we would talk it out.

 

3) i was in the club with *NAME* and the friends he made, a few were girls. it was around 1am and i was sticking around my brother as my mom asked me to, so i could watch out for him and make sure he didnt have too much to drink or get into trouble. we were all there together and i saw him get drinks and he would hand one to me which i drank of course, unfortunately. we didnt really talk that much as it was loud in there, just all congregated on the dance floor and that was that. I do not know how many drinks I had, but i did have a lot, nothing like my brother who was spinning and stumbling, but enough. I tried to take care of *NAME* but i couldnt even take care of my self, so shameful.

 

4) he was semi-attracted i suppose but its not like i wanted to make out with him when we met in the dance club. had no idea anything remotely would come close to what happened later. Did not use alcohol as an excuse at all to release any desires.

 

5) the why still eludes me. why did i throw everything away and hurt you in the most horrible way possible; it doesnt make sense. I cant believe i would do such a thing to anyone, let alone someone i love and care for. It wasnt because i though the guy was super attractive and just wanted to be close to him though. i was having mild second thoughts about us and in the beginning i had more control when i just had a couple drinks. as the night progressed though and i gave into peer pressure and had more drinks my actions lost all reasoning. we had something so good. a part of me thinks to myself maybe i didnt want to be happy, i have told you this briefly before once in the basement. That sometimes i feel like i cant allow myself to be so happy. it doesnt make sense. It is definitely apparent now that i do have commitment issues. The whole trapped thoughts were a clue; i guess it scares me to be with one person forever because i know things will come up and you have to work them out. what if people change like my mom and dad and then you live in a loveless marriage for over 10 years hating it all. How do you know when someone is the one. I sometimes felt like you were the one and then my OCD mind would bother me and ask me how and everything. What happened in cuba is quite obvious i am not the one for you...

 

6) you lacked nothing, it was me who ruined everything and for all this i am very sorry. i have caused you so much grief and unbelievable pain.

 

I dont think i deserve a second chance with you because this is all too much. How could i even feel good enough for you anymore. I would feel so low by your side and not worthy to be with you. Not too mention i could never face your parents ever again. i screwed it up way beyond fixing and for that i hate myself and will continue to do so for a very long time.

[deathfrominside]

Things she has told me in text messages so far.... for some extra context (without my input).

 

"It didn't mean anything because there was no connection or anything. Was a stupid random person who dind't take a hint."

 

"I did this to myself and to you. It was my sick self".

 

"Why do you even care? It's finished I lost your trust & I'm no longer anything to you".

 

"I'm a worthless POS that doesn't deserve anything anymore."

 

"Like I said, I was with my brother friends in the disco dance area. He kept getting me drinks and I would be like ok, laast one. Then we went outside to an area where less people were. He tried to get close to me & hold my hand and I made it clear I had a bf. So I left to get up and apologized if I wasted his time or whatever and he followed me. Then he went for my lips and I moved away so he just got my cheek and he was like awww come on but I didn't want to. Then after a few more times I didn't move and he got me on the lips. I had no idea what was going on and was deathly scared. First thought what I would say to you about this and needed a breather and just sat there pushing him off. Things ran through my mind about getting married and the first kinda talk we had in my basement in the beginning. Next thing I knew somehow was kissing him back. Was an outer body experience."

 

"You know pretty much everything now except two things. Might as well know everything seeing as how I thought we would just go our seprate ways after me telling you it all. He fingered me both times briefly and 2nd time went to his room to just cuddle but as soon as we got there I left within 2 min as it felt so wrong as I wasn't single yet."

 

 

I told her I forgave her and wanted to make things work over the phone....

 

 

"Well I really dind't expect this form you, as in forgiveness right away & wanting to try again and give me another chance. I really don't think I can every really face your parents though, especially your mom. I would like to try again I just really don't feel like I deserve another chance. I feel like I would never be able to look at you the same bc of me and my actions. That you would secretly always hold this against me."

 

 

"He had a lot of drinks. I wasn't that drunk though as in the morning I dind't have a hang over. Instead I felt totally sick with guilt and regret."

 

"About to start work now and was thinking abotu you all night and morning. I also remember something else. One of the night I was in the pool with a bunch of ppl and this guy grabbed my foot and hugged me and then tried to kiss me. I backed off and gout of the pool saying I needed to go. Was totally out of line. Really wished I could have done this before and walked away and avoided the other situation. Anyways just thought of it while I was lying in bed around 5am and so yeah."

 

Then she wanted to meet in the week.... so I let her come over to my place to talk - it was awkward... rough.... air felt thick - i started asking lots of questions I shouldn't have.. she said this about our talk....

 

 

"Last night was hard and didn't feel all that comforting. I felt like I was looking at you in a new way. It was a lot of hard stares an dmore questions about my awful mistake and jsut felt so different. I love you but that doens't mean or guarantee that we will be together again or whatever. It's not that I lost feelings for you, everything just changed. I'm confused if I want to try and make this work again as I really messed up and I'm second guessing everything."

 

I told her I loved her and we hugged slowly to music - she left with a small smile.... but still it was tough.... now I feel like leaving... I don't know WTF is going on.

 

Afterwards - I sent an email due to my emotions going through the roof and it was a novel of an email - it was basically a WTF email with a HOW COULD YOU DO THIS AFTER ALL I HAVE DONE type writing.

 

She wrote..

 

"my doctor is on holidays right now and earliest appointment i could get was octo 10, so far from now it seems. I am afraid and over analyzing everything. I seriously can't help it and i['m sorry. I wish I could control my brain and the way that i think but it's doesn't work that way. If you like, I could come over thursday".

 

I declined thursday.....

 

 

She wrote back to my long email with:

 

"I got your email and texts. Need to get my crap together. Not having my phone on me as much and shutting it off more so."

 

I then changed my mind and said she come thursday to talk - but she said she had work and accepted a shift b/c she wasn't welcome.

 

I apologized for my novel of an email rant and flying off the handle - saying I own up to my mistake for that.... then she wrote.

 

"It's ok. I forgive you, after everything I have done how can I not forgive you."

 

 

That was 2 days ago and I never responded to that text.... nothing since and do not know what to do.

 

The best I can deduce is that she has serious commitment issues due to her broken family of mother/father in a terrible marriage, combined with alcohol and I don't know what else.

 

This is such a shocker I can't even breathe. This is like finding out your mother is a serial killer and your dad a rapist. She was the kindest to me and it has been the best relationship I ever had. She was even looking at engagement rings playfully.

 

She suffers from some OCD (I suffer from it terribly - pureO). She told me she's worried if she's attracted to me now, that she was looking at all my photos 5x in one day to see if she was still attracted. I know OCD well, so that is a ritual in and of itself - just some side info I guess...

 

 

I don't know what to do. I"m tormented by the images of what was going on those two nights.

 

Could she really have made a big mistake on night one and then been so distraught that she drank on night #2 to forget, but was so drunk again that it happened again?

Edited September 22, 2013 by deathfrominside

[Sparkle304]

I'm sorry to tell you this but she's not really interested in you. TRUST ME! She's young and not ready for the type of relationship you desire. When I'm interested in a man, NO OTHER GUY STANDS A CHANCE! She can give you every excuse, but she's just trying to mask the fact that she's not that into you.

 

Protect your heart.........this relationship will not work.

[deathfrominside]

I'm sorry to tell you this but she's not really interested in you. TRUST ME! She's young and not ready for the type of relationship you desire. When I'm interested in a man, NO OTHER GUY STANDS A CHANCE! She can give you every excuse, but she's just trying to mask the fact that she's not that into you.

 

Protect your heart.........this relationship will not work.

 

If this is true, than I am a fool for I have no idea what interest in me would be. She always invited me over, made me dinner, snuggled in pajamas, got a dinner date ticket deal thing, was planning weekend adventures, asking when she could see me, was affectionate, brought her things to may place and left them there, would run towards me for kiss/hug when she saw me, laughed all the time...... none of that means anything? Before the trip, she switched out her whole schedule at work so she could have every other weekend off so we could do things.

 

What on earth is interest then?

Edited September 22, 2013 by deathfrominside

[todreaminblue]

I dont know if this is going to work out for you, it is a lot to deal with........for you and for her...guilt is killer as is infidelity......

 

 

alcohol and i have a problem i am very physically and emotionally reserved normally with guys......and in a relationship i dont drink at all.....havent actually drunk for a very long time ....bar last week where i broke my sobriety....and as usual , guys find it easier to get close to me.....because my back off vibes arent happening.......i also get playful and affectionate.......which doesnt help.....so my inner me comes out the side i reserve for someone special....that is what happens when i drink and guys who wouldnt approach me before or flirt even with me ....start to come onto me pretty agressively.....and i cave....because i enjoy physical affection ...i dotn go as far as making out..a few kisses and i start to think.......i normally take off before that happens....so yeah.....better that i dont drink and maintain sobriety and my integrity.....alcohol lowers barriers and boundaries that would not be lowered if a woman was sober.......these are the people who shouldnt drink..i am one....your gf sounds like one too.......alcohol....is a major factor in a lot of infidelity ...i know that isnt a solution to your problem....that solution lies in your gf and yourself being able to get over this or not........i wish you well....deb

[Sum12Luv]

Sounds like she got drunk to blame it on the alcohol. I teared up when you said you didn't have energy to feed your fish. It's like things that were important to you are not. Abandon this relationship like a sinking ship. She will hurt you again. I have been treated like this as well. Take time to heal and visit a counselor.

[heartshaped]

 

"Next thing I knew somehow was kissing him back. Was an outer body experience."

 

Wtf? An outer body experience is her explanation for kissing this guy? I've now heard it all.

 

"You know pretty much everything now except two things. Might as well know everything seeing as how I thought we would just go our seprate ways after me telling you it all. He fingered me both times briefly and 2nd time went to his room to just cuddle but as soon as we got there I left within 2 min as it felt so wrong as I wasn't single yet."

 

Cheaters always do this. It's called trickle truth. First, they tell you a little bit of what happened, then they tell you more, and then they tell you "everything". Only it doesn't turn out to be everything. I'd be willing to bet she slept with this guy.

 

"Well I really dind't expect this form you, as in forgiveness right away & wanting to try again and give me another chance. I really don't think I can every really face your parents though, especially your mom. I would like to try again I just really don't feel like I deserve another chance. I feel like I would never be able to look at you the same bc of me and my actions. That you would secretly always hold this against me."

 

She wants to try again basically if you give her a free pass and just forgive and forget so to speak.

 

"He had a lot of drinks. I wasn't that drunk though as in the morning I dind't have a hang over. Instead I felt totally sick with guilt and regret."

 

She said earlier that she had, had a lot to drink, but here she says she wasn't that drunk...which one is it?

"About to start work now and was thinking abotu you all night and morning. I also remember something else.One of the night I was in the pool with a bunch of ppl and this guy grabbed my foot and hugged me and then tried to kiss me. I backed off and gout of the pool saying I needed to go. Was totally out of line. Really wished I could have done this before and walked away and avoided the other situation. Anyways just thought of it while I was lying in bed around 5am and so yeah."

 

More trickle truth.

 

"Last night was hard and didn't feel all that comforting. I felt like I was looking at you in a new way. It was a lot of hard stares an dmore questions about my awful mistake and jsut felt so different. I love you but that doens't mean or guarantee that we will be together again or whatever. It's not that I lost feelings for you, everything just changed. I'm confused if I want to try and make this work again as I really messed up and I'm second guessing everything."

 

 

She cheats on you...and then has the nerve to complain that when you two talked it didn't feel all that "comforting?" and she was looking at you "in a new way"? She also doesn't know if SHE wants to try again....she cheated on you...but doesn't know if SHE wants to try again.

 

She suffers from some OCD (I suffer from it terribly - pureO). She told me she's worried if she's attracted to me now, that she was looking at all my photos 5x in one day to see if she was still attracted. I know OCD well, so that is a ritual in and of itself - just some side info I guess...

 

So she cheats, lies, and now doesn't know if she's attracted to you. I don't even know why you're on here asking about this. You already know the answer.

 

Could she really have made a big mistake on night one and then been so distraught that she drank on night #2 to forget, but was so drunk again that it happened again?

 

In short, no.

 

^See above.

 

You have to end this relationship for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing. Rely on your family + friends during this difficult time and seek professional help if you need it.

Edited September 22, 2013 by heartshaped

[ExpatInItaly]

I've read your thread and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It must be a terrible feeling. What she did to you is disgusting and you deserve so much more.

 

My thoughts are that alcohol is not the problem. The real problem is her lack of commitment to you. She's now shown herself to be untrustworthy and something inside her is giving her reason to doubt the relationship with you. She did this not once, but twice. With the same person. That tells me that she cannot - at this time in her life - give you what you want and need in an exclusive relationship. She's immature, too.

 

Also, I would not fully believe her side of the story. Cheaters typically minimize their actions. Listen to what she's saying, but don't buy it hook, line and sinker. There's likely much more to this than she's telling you.

 

When I was younger (in my mid-20s) I wound up kissing another man while I was in a long-term relationship. I was indeed very, very rattled by it....why? Because I knew one of the reasons I did it was because I was not all that interested in my boyfriend any more. I was being selfish and looking for someone else to "light my fire" that night, even though I couldn't yet admit it to myself. I ended it with my boyfriend not long after that. The fact that she did it twice is proof that she is just not ready to be your girlfriend. Or ANYONE'S girlfriend. It isn't YOU - it's HER.

[Darren Steez]

Ask yourself this. If she was so disgusted/violated/guilty that she had been kissed and fingered by this man. The very next night she goes back again, they flirt and she goes home with him? You know they definitely had sex and is minimizing it for you? She cheated, plain and simple. Time to leave.

[giblesp]

Sorry that you're going through this.

I have to spell this out for you, that's one terrible girlfriend. Why are you even spending time with her? She does have some issues, but can't you see that she is also manipulative? She's crapping all over you dude.

 

If you love someone, you don't let strange men finger you. Her issue is a lack of respect for another human being. She's happier with strangers in nightclubs then with what you have to offer? Then let her go do that.

 

It's good that you're being so gentle with her, but grab the proverbial bull by the horns man. Stand up for what you want and don't settle for less.

 

'Looking at your photos 5 times per day to see if she was still attracted.' Whatever.

If a woman is attracted to you, if she loves you, she'll tell you that and show it to you. You'll know.

In the meantime you sometimes have to go through these lesser encounters, to find out who you are and what you are looking for. Now you know that you're not looking for the type of girl you've just been involved with.

 

Move on and enjoy your new freedom.

[Debanked]

Time to let this one go. See your doc and get tested. You were "you" before her and will get over her. Be strong. Hang with friends and family. Don't sulk. Do what you like. Go NC and don't backslide!

[soccerrprp]

NO second chance need considering here.

[AnyaNova]

A second time? No. She cheated on you. She made the choice.

 

I know it hurts, but you deserve someone who will be faithful to you, and who will love you enough to be truthful, loyal, and to take responsibility for her mistakes.

[crederer]

Sorry to hear that man. I have to say though, the relationships that end with infedility are a lot easier for me to get over than the ones that you don't know why they ended.

 

I had an ex cheat on me and it was painful but I got over it in a matter of weeks. Then I got dumped for reasons I could never understand and I'm still struggling with it.

[ChessPieceFace]

Man up, move on, etc etc. Sorry but I think it's pathetic to be so devastated by a woman at your age. People betray you. Women lie. Welcome to reality. Your life will continue to be a disaster as long as you depend so much on what other people / your partner does in order to have sanity and stability.

[AllTooWell]

I am someone with a drinking problem. I have had many, many nights so blacked out drunk I do not remember even starting to drink.

 

That being said, even in such a state, I never once cheated on my ex because I loved him and valued our relationship.

 

She doesn't love you the way she should nor does she value her relationship with you. She went away, had her fun, went wild, knowing you'd be there when she got back.

 

Walk away.

[patience-patience]

I am someone with a drinking problem. I have had many, many nights so blacked out drunk I do not remember even starting to drink.

 

That being said, even in such a state, I never once cheated on my ex because I loved him and valued our relationship.

 

How do you know if you never cheated on him? Maybe you just don't remember?

[lylat333]

OP, sorry to hear about your story. I'm 27. Girl I started seeing last year got crazy drunk one night and something similar happened, though it didn't go quite as far. I understand your pain, especially playing out what happened in my head over and over and not understanding why she would put herself in situation and feeling I would have never done that to her.

 

Long story short, I also think you should let it go. If you try to reconcile w/ this girl it's going to be so, so messy especially considering how much it has devastated you. (which you should not apologize for) She said herself meds are not an excuse, and neither is alcohol.

 

This sounds so cold and harsh, but drop her like the cheater she is. It's not your job to baby her through this and help her learn the error of her ways. You will come out a confident man ready for better, sooner, while she will learn the very painful lesson she needs. Also - crazily enough - if you forgive her and pity her, she will very likely end up respecting you less because of it! People are attracted to those who have spine, principles, and aren't afraid to walk away.

 

I agree w/ Sparkle304, when a responsible person is attracted to and in love w/ someone, no one else stands a chance. imo alcohol brings out the true nature in people, and it's often not pretty. Do not let this one other person bring you down!! We've all been there, but just know that this isn't your fault and you don't deserve it at all. The fault lies in her.

[deathfrominside]

I threw all her stuff in a bag and told her to come pick it up. I give it one week - if no response - to the dumpster.

[KatZee]

 

"Why do you even care? It's finished I lost your trust & I'm no longer anything to you".

 

"I'm a worthless POS that doesn't deserve anything anymore."

 

Is she seriously for real? She's being a drama queen and throwing the worlds largest pity party for herself. She's successfully twisted it, so that YOU feel sorry for HER! Hah!

 

"You know pretty much everything now except two things. Might as well know everything seeing as how I thought we would just go our seprate ways after me telling you it all. He fingered me both times briefly and 2nd time went to his room to just cuddle but as soon as we got there I left within 2 min as it felt so wrong as I wasn't single yet."

 

Ohh whoa whoa... back up here. "It felt so wrong as I wasn't single YET." Single yet? So she was having thoughts of ending the relationship. Freudian slip here.

 

I feel like I would never be able to look at you the same bc of me and my actions. That you would secretly always hold this against me.

 

Pity party and using this as an excuse to get out of the relationship. I honestly don't think she wants to be in this relationship with you. I think she was looking for a way out, and she's trying to justify any and all reason NOT to be with you.

 

I also remember something else...[insert more sordid details here] Anyways just thought of it while I was lying in bed around 5am and so yeah.

 

Why does she feel the need to twist the knife after stabbing you with it? It's almost like she's getting off on telling you every last detail of how she cheated on you.

 

"Last night was hard and didn't feel all that comforting. I felt like I was looking at you in a new way. It was a lot of hard stares an dmore questions about my awful mistake and jsut felt so different. I love you but that doens't mean or guarantee that we will be together again or whatever.

 

She was looking at YOU in a new way??? SHE'S the one who cheated on you! Not once, but TWICE! She's also flat out telling you that she doesn't see her life with you. Tossing in the "or whatever" in the end is a real kicker.

 

Could she really have made a big mistake on night one and then been so distraught that she drank on night #2 to forget, but was so drunk again that it happened again?

 

Cheating is never a mistake. Especially cheating that happens twice. Cheating is ALWAYS a choice. A very poor choice. She had many choices that night. She could have not had alcohol. She could not have flirted with that guy. She could have pushed him away when he tried to kiss her. She could have pushed his hand away when he fingered her. Having "doubts" about the relationship doesn't give her the green light to go and cheat on you.

 

 

 

Honestly, this chick is 22. She's an idiot. She's not mentally or emotionally stable enough to be in a serious relationship for her age alone. Now mix in all her issues of bi-polar, anxiety and whatnot, and you have a recipe for a toxic and unstable relationship. I can guarantee you that this was never going to be the girl you married. I'm not sure why at 27, you're even wasting time with little girls. They are fickle, they don't even know who they are, let alone what they want out of life.

 

I think "working" on this relationship will be a waste of your time. And you will look back and regret not walking.