Heartbroken and desperate

[happy stillmore]

Cressida,

 

Consider yourself lucky. It sounds like you have a good support system. Also, you love yourself to know when a situation didn't feel right to you. This is the most important thing. To love yourself, to have the ability to be happy on your own and learn from this experience. I bet you have learned a lot about yourself through this. I know I have. For me, I have learned to face life head on, with honesty and openness. Nothing good comes from deceit and lies.

 

I also learned others don't know your situation as you do, so read the advice. Take what you find useful and discard the crazies.

[WrinkledForehead]

Believe me, I know exactly what you are feeling. I believed everything he said. The countless sweet words that I longed for. I believed we were perfect for each other. I believed we both married the wrong person. If only we had met each other first....I was clouded too in believing finances and his girls are what kept him in his marriage. I began to realize he was following his wife's rules. (She was aware of our relationship) he was not allowed out of the house alone, couldn't text me, etc. I began to see he was clearly more afraid to hurt her than me. As long as he lived in the house, he couldn't disrespect her by seeing me. I would think he would have been motivated to find a way to move out in order to be free of these rules. But his salary was needed to pay their mortgage, (not sure I now believe that. I believe she could have afforded on her salary. But she portrayed it differently) the end of story is that he didn't fight for our love. He chose to stay there. I'm hoping to save you the immense heartache I feel. I never experienced a heartbreak like this in my life. I really didn't date. I married the only man I dated. If you are single, be happy you can move on easier than I can. I'm married and working towards a divorce and living on my own. Be strong. Love yourself enough to not settle for bread crumbs.

 

Why can't these MMs be true to themselves? Live life honestly. Divorce if they are not truly happy?

 

By the way, don't feel stupid. We are human. We made a mistake. A momentary lapse of reason.

 

I wish I could hug you right now. This broke my heart.

[KentuckyGent]

Given what you wrote you have two choices. 1) walk away and never look back or

 

2) play his game - but play it better than him; what I see is someone who enjoys being in control; his possessiveness is not love, it's control. Plain and simple. His talking to his W frequently, being loyal, respecting her and letting you know that this is how he feels about her means he likes to play by his own rules which do not necessarily apply to himself, but he likes to apply rules HE makes. And he expects you to follow them. Control. He brings you to his house as a family friend? His rules. He controls the situation. Listen, he doesn't love you. He likes the control he has over you. He sounds like an experienced cheater. He makes women unhappy, because he wants to and because he can. Don't you think he knows you are too weak to walk away? He's got you on a string like a puppet. It empowers him. You, the 25-year-younger mistress. Lovely. Don't give him that. Use him. and live your own life, too. Go out. Be unavailable. Be in control. Date. Don't "lie to him" about it like he doesn't lie to you about being intimate with his W. play his game. See what happens. You're the stronger one. You're young, educated, free to choose. Take control. Take it from him. And see what happens. You meet him on your terms, when you're available, when you've got nothing better to do. Don't be mean about it, don't threaten, just do it. Have a rich, full life with other guys who are interested in you. Friends. Lovers. Passion. And whatever time is left beyond that.....you can spend that time with him. But make him your second choice, not your priority. And watch how he reacts when his control over you decreases.

 

 

I wish I had seen this post about 2 1/2 years ago.

[KentuckyGent]

Always, they tell us this stuff. I had a drawer full of cards and letters (not to mention texts and phone calls) saying just that: That as soon as X happens they're leaving and we'll be together. That they're in a miserable marriage and that you're their true soulmate and just give it time, ad nauseum.

[AlwaysGrowing]

KC...if we were talking of teenagers...I would understand..that they haven't lived long enough to know how life works. Of falling prey to words!!!

 

However, we are talking about adults. Adults who chose to toss aside all that they knew to be honourable and respectful. It was whatever you told yourself (a lie) that made it okay to disregard the truth. Most often...its the soulmate nonsense, of it being..meant to be, of everything happening for a reason. Somewhere, you gave yourself permission to lose your self respect and engage what everyone knows is hurtful actions against the bs and their children.

 

Actually, more importantly...hurtful actions that hurt yourself.

 

Many ap, seem stuck in the affair thought process...needing that validation fix. They continue the lies in their heads, blaming the bs, the married ap. Looking at ourselves isn't for the weak, you have to be honest, unbiased, truthful and willing to seek out ways to fix those areas of yourself.

[Ruffian1]

Cressida

Please listen to your brother. He is telling you the way it is. He is trying to protect you.

You need to get away from this man. He is emotionally abusing you.

This is not going to end well for you at all. It is just a matter of time, he will not be leaving his wife for you.

Why would you want him then anyway? He is a user. Get out while the getting is good.

[Cressida]

Happy stilmore and everybody else who wrote their opinions here.

 

Thank you for your input. I KNOW that those who went through this know better than me and I know he won't be leaving his wife. I just know it. He never promised me, but we made some plans as to include me in his life...as a side piece.

 

The day before yesterday we had an argument. Basically this is what prompted my utter despair and brought me here. My brain knows that statistically speaking, men don't leave their wives. I do however also know what not everything is black and white. He lived most of his post-30's life on his own, his wife didn't want to travel and live with him. The way he talks, and the way he tells me certain things, and the way I know him, it's my heart who won't stop believing him. I don't care about whether he divorces her or not, all I desperately want is for him to love me as much as I do. I can't describe what I am feeling right now, I feel like a boneless husk of a human being, a walking dead person.

 

He went to some family event with his family. He has a phone that he uses for me only. I know it, he showed me himself like it wasn't a big deal (we weren't fighting over it or anything) a couple of times. When he came back, I looked through his phone casually. He had photos of his wife smiling, laughing. Just her in the photos, then some more family/friends pictures. I felt my heart was sinking.

He saw me looking and asked what am I doing with his phone, I put it down, said 'nothing' casually. Then picked it up again because I wanted to see the date the photos were taken (she looked different in the photos, and the scenery was completely different from the one they went to). He caught me looking in his phone again and went furious. Called me names, told me never to look in his stuff, that how come I don't trust him when he loves me so much. I wanted to tell him that I saw the photos but something in me was broken already so it didn't really matter anymore. I denied having gone through his folders/photos and said I just checked the messages I sent him, for fun. He then gave me the phone so I'd 'look for myself', but his heart wasn't there. Maybe he was afraid he's get 'caught' and have to deal with the sh*tstorm. He told me never to look in his phones ever again.

He has been treating me like crap for the last days,. Keeps rejecting and treating me like an enemy. He seems so upset, and I can FEEL is a 'lucrative' upset-ness, he is angry at the situation. But when he says that he loves me so much that it hurts I don't trust him...I believe him, I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I have this pit in my stomach, this pain inside and my head feels like exploding. I just feel like I can't deal with losing him on the inside. I would be dead for a long time, even if I won't show it. I love him and nothing else, I just want to have what we had. We do spend most of the time together since he lives alone...I have grown so attached to it that breaking up would feel like ripping my heart out with my own hands.

[Cressida]

I wish I had seen this post about 2 1/2 years ago.

 

Oh Minnie09! I wish I did this in the beginning! He started controlling me from day 1, always getting upset whenever i told him i wanted to meet my friends. He said how he always feels afraid that I'll meet someone else. I assured him thousands of times I would never do that to him. He was like that for months and he was driving me insane, having me open my phone records and always suspecting me.

 

Now he is the one I don't trust anymore. No matter how ****ty his controlling crazy was, at least it was there. Now he still gets mad if I tell him i want to go somewhere but doesn't look through my phone anymore. He is still insecure, I don't know why he does it.

Maybe he has been feeling guilty over his wife, I told him he doesn't have to be and he seemed embarrassed of feeling guilty. I just don't know anymore. I can't part ways with him in this manner. Even if we do finish it at some point, I want us to be friends and keep in touch forever. This man has made me happy in ways words can't describe and the feelings I have for him are just too much.

[KentuckyGent]

Cressida: My MW did the same thing from day 1. It began with an absurd amount of gift giving and cards when we had barely met. Always got upset when I went out with friends but it was ok for her because I "knew she was with her H while she had no idea who I might be with." She had gotten my passwords to email, social media accts. and my phone records. She knew with whom I communicated and when. Although she was unavailable there was hell to pay if I dated at all. She accused me of unfaithfulness and claimed I had a harem of 10-15 women I had regular sex with. Looking back it was ALL about control and NOTHING about love. I'm guessing she has extreme lack of self-esteem that is masked in a very confident and sexual way. When I'm thinking clearly I don't miss that craziness. My sister, a trained counselor, says I am in love with a hologram of her that I've created; something that's not even real. in my moments of clarity I realize this. What hurts the most for us is realizing in a lot of instances our AP didn't really love us.

[KentuckyGent]

Even if we do finish it at some point, I want us to be friends and keep in touch forever.

 

Trust me I want the same thing. My mental make-up (separation anxiety?) is such that I can't fathom never speaking with or seeing someone with whom I shared so much. But it is not good for me and it is not good for you. You can't do that. You can't go backwards and they shouldn't expect it. it just isn't possible. I've tried it. You can (and likely will over time) become indifferent as long as they're out of your life completely.

[Cressida]

Trust me I want the same thing. My mental make-up (separation anxiety?) is such that I can't fathom never speaking with or seeing someone with whom I shared so much. But it is not good for me and it is not good for you. You can't do that. You can't go backwards and they shouldn't expect it. it just isn't possible. I've tried it. You can (and likely will over time) become indifferent as long as they're out of your life completely.

 

Do you think he is trying to get rid of me and doesn't know how to do it? what did ur OW tell u to break it off?

Oh boy. I feel so drained. I hope you're hanging on for dear life. I just find it so hard without him answering my messages. I don't know why he is doing this. To suck out the last drop of dignity I had and set the ground for me playing by his rules I guess. He is just so stubborn!

[KentuckyGent]

My MW never came out and said anything about it being over. her actions did it. Less and less contact, communication, visits etc. But she thrived on and still thrives on keeping just enough contact to keep herself in my thoughts.

 

He sounds very much like my exMW. He's not a good person. He's just like she is: cruel, manipulative, self-centered, selfish, controlling. We're in love with an ideal. We don't know the true them; only what they want us to know.

Edited September 23, 2013 by KentuckyGent

[AlwaysGrowing]

Cressida, he is not sucking out your dignity, you are.

 

It would be easy, to agree with everything you say. Not helpful though.

 

You have to be willing to look at YOU.

 

You have lost your Self Respect. Massive RED FLAG.

 

Only you can give up self respect. Once you lose that, everything else comes crashing down.

[Cressida]

Cressida, he is not sucking out your dignity, you are.

 

It would be easy, to agree with everything you say. Not helpful though.

 

You have to be willing to look at YOU.

 

You have lost your Self Respect. Massive RED FLAG.

 

Only you can give up self respect. Once you lose that, everything else comes crashing down.

 

I don't know if this is the case, I am so blinded I can't see anything. The pain is so intense. He's the type who throws tantrums and likes to see how far he can get, I guess. I tried to keep it strong in the beginning but slowly he creeped into my head. He likes to play it tough with me. He gets upset for the smallest things ever, if I don't text, if I text, if I don't go out, if I do, Nothing that I do is good enough for him.

He might be having second thoughts about our relationship. I can't get this thought out of my head.

[AlwaysGrowing]

We are all in charge of our own lives, and the decisions that we make in them. You are no different.

 

You allow the games.

You allow it to continue.

You put yourself in harms way.

You allow yourself to be demeaned.

[jlola]

Cressida: My MW did the same thing from day 1. It began with an absurd amount of gift giving and cards when we had barely met. Always got upset when I went out with friends but it was ok for her because I "knew she was with her H while she had no idea who I might be with." She had gotten my passwords to email, social media accts. and my phone records. She knew with whom I communicated and when. Although she was unavailable there was hell to pay if I dated at all. She accused me of unfaithfulness and claimed I had a harem of 10-15 women I had regular sex with. Looking back it was ALL about control and NOTHING about love. I'm guessing she has extreme lack of self-esteem that is masked in a very confident and sexual way. When I'm thinking clearly I don't miss that craziness. My sister, a trained counselor, says I am in love with a hologram of her that I've created; something that's not even real. in my moments of clarity I realize this. What hurts the most for us is realizing in a lot of instances our AP didn't really love us.

KG, does your sister think XMW may have Borderline personality disorder? They are usually very insecure, very sexual ,prone to affairs and seem like a damsel to save. Please click o this link.

BORDERLINE WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.

[Bluebelle38]

He sounds horrific.

 

He will never leave his wife - financially he has too much to lose and he has the 'good guy' image to uphold.

 

Tell him you have realised you deserve far more than he offers and to never contact you again.

 

He is not a good guy: he is a liar and a cheat and what hope is their for a relationship when you cannot even express how you feel?

 

Time for you to wake up and get real. You have only wasted a year, don't waste any more.

[jlola]

BTW,

 

I find it very odd so many of the OW have such older OM. It seems very common in affairs. Much more common than in regular relationships. Seems many Married men 40-55 seem extra needy,extra romantic,extra dramatic and huge ego boost to attract younger woman.

 

MM is usually controlling, but it does not seem that way initially, as OW thinks SHE has the upper hand. But it seems turned around to the point other younger woman is basically panting for an older man past his prime, earning potential,emotionally immature and declining health. Turning down men who are much better match and healthier for her. It seems to draw in a certain type of younger woman like moths to a flame.

 

It seems like a worse addiction than drugs. People do not realize this because it is rarely spoken about. But you can be addicted to another. The addiction is caused by how they make you feel. just like a drug. Like a drug it takes you to high highs and low lows. It is not available all the time. It makes you feel anxiety,fear,insecurity. The answer is no contact and a good therapist. One who helps you find out, what it is about your psyche that allows to to think this crazyness is love. Like an addict, you can end up with bad withdrawals.

 

This is why affairs are "toxic relationships". Like most other toxic relationships, you end up paying way too much in emotional,psychological pain when it is all over.

 

Like a drug a little pleasure, for the lot of pain you eventually pay. but until you are willing to go through the pain of withdrawal by abstaining, you will be an addict.It's up to you.

 

I guarantee you this. In 5 years, when you are 35 and he is 60 and you are in a healthy relationship and you look back on this. You will see how the crazyness of the addiction blinded you to the reality of what life would be with him. Life with him would not be good even of you got the prize!

 

Unfortunately, there are many people who have low self esteem, who do need validation. When they are competing with another for a man or women, the prize all of the sudden looks so much better. They idealize an OW/OM who may not even be up to par. But to be "chosen" becomes the obsession rather than to look at the situation with clear eyes.

[KentuckyGent]

KG, does your sister think XMW may have Borderline personality disorder? They are usually very insecure, very sexual ,prone to affairs and seem like a damsel to save. Please click o this link.

BORDERLINE WAIFS AND UNSUNG HEROES; Rescuing The Woman Who Doesn't Want To Be Saved.

 

 

Yes as does my actual therapist. As well as histrionic.

[KentuckyGent]

BTW,

 

I find it very odd so many of the OW have such older OM. It seems very common in affairs. Much more common than in regular relationships. Seems many Married men 40-55 seem extra needy,extra romantic,extra dramatic and huge ego boost to attract younger woman.

 

MM is usually controlling, but it does not seem that way initially, as OW thinks SHE has the upper hand. But it seems turned around to the point other younger woman is basically panting for an older man past his prime, earning potential,emotionally immature and declining health. Turning down men who are much better match and healthier for her. It seems to draw in a certain type of younger woman like moths to a flame.

 

It seems like a worse addiction than drugs. People do not realize this because it is rarely spoken about. But you can be addicted to another. The addiction is caused by how they make you feel. just like a drug. Like a drug it takes you to high highs and low lows. It is not available all the time. It makes you feel anxiety,fear,insecurity. The answer is no contact and a good therapist. One who helps you find out, what it is about your psyche that allows to to think this crazyness is love. Like an addict, you can end up with bad withdrawals.

 

This is why affairs are "toxic relationships". Like most other toxic relationships, you end up paying way too much in emotional,psychological pain when it is all over.

 

Like a drug a little pleasure, for the lot of pain you eventually pay. but until you are willing to go through the pain of withdrawal by abstaining, you will be an addict.It's up to you.

 

I guarantee you this. In 5 years, when you are 35 and he is 60 and you are in a healthy relationship and you look back on this. You will see how the crazyness of the addiction blinded you to the reality of what life would be with him. Life with him would not be good even of you got the prize!

 

Unfortunately, there are many people who have low self esteem, who do need validation. When they are competing with another for a man or women, the prize all of the sudden looks so much better. They idealize an OW/OM who may not even be up to par. But to be "chosen" becomes the obsession rather than to look at the situation with clear eyes.

 

I kind of resent, as a 45 y/o, the insinuation that men in the 40-55 age range are "past their prime, in declining health, past their earning potential" etc. I beat testicular cancer at age 42 and tolerated the brutal treatment regiment precisely because I had kept myself in relatively good condition. My earning potential right now is probably at its peak. You must be very young.

[Quiet Storm]

I don't care about whether he divorces her or not, all I desperately want is for him to love me as much as I do. I can't describe what I am feeling right now, I feel like a boneless husk of a human being, a walking dead person.

 

He caught me looking in his phone again and went furious. Called me names, told me never to look in his stuff, that how come I don't trust him when he loves me so much.

 

He started controlling me from day 1, always getting upset whenever i told him i wanted to meet my friends. He said how he always feels afraid that I'll meet someone else. I assured him thousands of times I would never do that to him. He was like that for months and he was driving me insane, having me open my phone records and always suspecting me.

 

He has been treating me like crap for the last days,. Keeps rejecting and treating me like an enemy.

 

 

He's the type who throws tantrums and likes to see how far he can get, I guess. I tried to keep it strong in the beginning but slowly he creeped into my head. He likes to play it tough with me. He gets upset for the smallest things ever, if I don't text, if I text, if I don't go out, if I do, Nothing that I do is good enough for him.

 

 

Even if we do finish it at some point, I want us to be friends and keep in touch forever. This man has made me happy in ways words can't describe and the feelings I have for him are just too much.

 

Why do you love this man? He is not a good person. Why would you ever want to be friends with someone like this? You do not have to be a slave to your feelings.

 

You are ignoring his character traits and are basing your love for him on the way he makes you feel. He has the communication skills to make you feel bonded & connected to him. He knows how to inspire "in love" and addicting feelings in you. This does not mean he is a good person! It means that he is good at manipulation.

 

You discard all of his bad qualities and the negative feelings...all because you are chasing the high that he gives you. It's the same way an addict will ignore all the negative parts of addiction in order to get high.

 

He sees you as a possession, not a person. Real friends have each others best interests at heart. He doesn't consider what is best for you at all. He just wants you to be his puppet. Your pain & heartache don't matter to him. It is all about him and what he wants & needs. He wants you to perform, to be his "ideal" mistress...you are not supposed to get upset, sad or angry.

 

He doesn't control because of insecurity. He does it because he wants to keep you in the role of OW as long as possible. He isolates you from friends because he doesn't want other people to influence you. He doesn't want you to smarten up and see him for what he really is. He uses control to dominate, to keep you in your role, to dictate what information you have about him.

 

It's not that he met you and thought you were so special that he decided to cheat on his wife. The truth is that he decided to cheat on his wife, and you were the one that was willing to accept the role.

 

You deserve so much better than this, and I wish you loved yourself enough to stay away from him. It's sad that you will accept this, and even sadder that you think this is love. You need to learn to love yourself, honor yourself & nurture yourself...then you will see that he is hurting you, and have the strength to stop it. If this was your friend, sister, daughter or mom... you'd never wish this kind of relationship on them. If you show the same care & concern for yourself, you'd save yourself a lot of heartache & pain.

[jlola]

Yes as does my actual therapist. As well as histrionic.

 

 

You are sooooooo lucky you got away! My oldest sister had BPD. We had her committed once after a failed relationship with pure narcissist. It seems NPD and BPD are a match made in hell. She was diagnosed then.

 

Anyway she has been married 5x. Last marriage was 2 years ago. She wanted to leave it after 3 months, but everyone convinced her to try harder. Husband number 5 ended up in hospital due to anxiety.

 

She has cheated on all her husbands. But swears she never did. Denial is her middle name. None of her ex's have ever remarried. I think she traumatized them so badly, they are done with women!

 

One of her ex boyfriends from teen years still is madly in love with her. Even though he has a great wife and kids, he told my other sister had he been the one to marry cheating sister, she would have only married once. What an ego!He has no ide that her BPD will have her looking for another "soulmate" soon after the wedding IF he had married her. He is lucky to get away.

 

Besides that, she comes off as a very sweet waif. men fall in love with her because she will make every new man the "love of her life".

 

She has told me and my other sister this about each new man. Her explanation when she meets new OM, she never loved BS. She just thought she did. But this new one is her true soulmate. Rinse,repeat.

 

When you remind her of how she left a full college scholarship go to marry husband #1 because she was so "in love", she minimizes it When you tell her she left her toddler son to go to husband #2 because she was so "in love" she minimizes it. You get the point. Each man is soulmate initially. BPD idealize you. Then they devalue.

 

But she will keep you around to give her validation. My sister has a book with all ex's phone numbers. when she needs her ego stroked she calls one of them. They all eat out the palm of her hands. All except ex husbands who are smart enough to STAY AWAY!!!!But the ones who never lived with her think of her as the one who got away. She has always had a ton of men interested in her. Yes, she is beautiful, but I am beginning to think many men like these crazy women,because these women make you feel like their hero. Their soulmate. Their "only one". Just as much as they accuse women of liking "bad boys".

[KentuckyGent]

Why do you love this man? He is not a good person. Why would you ever want to be friends with someone like this? You do not have to be a slave to your feelings.

 

You are ignoring his character traits and are basing your love for him on the way he makes you feel. He has the communication skills to make you feel bonded & connected to him. He knows how to inspire "in love" and addicting feelings in you. This does not mean he is a good person! It means that he is good at manipulation.

 

You discard all of his bad qualities and the negative feelings...all because you are chasing the high that he gives you. It's the same way an addict will ignore all the negative parts of addiction in order to get high.

 

He sees you as a possession, not a person. Real friends have each others best interests at heart. He doesn't consider what is best for you at all. He just wants you to be his puppet. Your pain & heartache don't matter to him. It is all about him and what he wants & needs. He wants you to perform, to be his "ideal" mistress...you are not supposed to get upset, sad or angry.

 

He doesn't control because of insecurity. He does it because he wants to keep you in the role of OW as long as possible. He isolates you from friends because he doesn't want other people to influence you. He doesn't want you to smarten up and see him for what he really is. He uses control to dominate, to keep you in your role, to dictate what information you have about him.

 

It's not that he met you and thought you were so special that he decided to cheat on his wife. The truth is that he decided to cheat on his wife, and you were the one that was willing to accept the role.

 

You deserve so much better than this, and I wish you loved yourself enough to stay away from him. It's sad that you will accept this, and even sadder that you think this is love. You need to learn to love yourself, honor yourself & nurture yourself...then you will see that he is hurting you, and have the strength to stop it. If this was your friend, sister, daughter or mom... you'd never wish this kind of relationship on them. If you show the same care & concern for yourself, you'd save yourself a lot of heartache & pain.

 

 

This cannot be "liked" enough. Especially the part where they tell you that you're so special as being why they cheated and that this is the "first time" they've done it. You likely weren't the first or only and won't be the last.

[jlola]

I kind of resent, as a 45 y/o, the insinuation that men in the 40-55 age range are "past their prime, in declining health, past their earning potential" etc. I beat testicular cancer at age 42 and tolerated the brutal treatment regiment precisely because I had kept myself in relatively good condition. My earning potential right now is probably at its peak. You must be very young.

 

 

Look, there are men who take care of themselves and in great condition at any age. That is rare. To have a 25 year age difference is big. They are at two different stages of life. I also referred this to many MM who are in affairs with OW. You are NOT a MM are you?

 

I said these much younger women are sitting there pinning for someone who will be in a different stage in life.

 

let me ask you a question. At 42, would you be chasing a MW with baggage, who puts you through the ringer,gives you anxiety and makes you compete for her time and attention if she were 62? How about 67, The same age difference as OP and MM?

 

A very young woman who is looking to involve herself with a much older MM can spend a lot of her years wasted waiting for this man to finally make up her mind. Would you be willing to wait years for a 62,67 year old woman you make up her mind? When there are tons of viable women your age, in he same stage of life all around?

[jlola]

Look, there are men who take care of themselves and in great condition at any age. That is rare. To have a 25 year age difference is big. They are at two different stages of life. I also referred this to many MM who are in affairs with OW. You are NOT a MM are you?

 

I said these much younger women are sitting there pinning for someone who will be in a different stage in life.

 

let me ask you a question. At 42, would you be chasing a MW with baggage, who puts you through the ringer,gives you anxiety and makes you compete for her time and attention if she were 62? How about 67, The same age difference as OP and MM?

 

A very young woman who is looking to involve herself with a much older MM can spend a lot of her years wasted waiting for this man to finally make up her mind. Would you be willing to wait years for a 62,67 year old woman you make up her mind? When there are tons of viable women your age, in he same stage of life all around?