Forgiveness and justice

[forgivenessfinder]

I have a relative I feel close to, call him "Frank", who I just learned has been hiding a large trust fund from me and some of my immediate family. When I politely confronted Frank and asked why he kept the fund a secret, he responded without remorse that he didn't have to reveal it. Frank is the trustee of the fund, and after speaking with an attorney it's clear that Frank has broken the law and committed fraud.

 

I don't need the money, but my other relatives could certainly use it. At least one other relative and probably more have been defrauded and likely don't know it. There is family collusion to withhold this information, though it's Frank's clear legal responsibility to disclose the funds to each of the beneficiaries. There's plenty of other manipulation and funny business going around the family surrounding all of this as well, but it's not worth going into the details.

 

I want to figure out how to handle this situation as gracefully as possible. I want forgiveness as an ultimate goal, but also want some form of justice and to put a stop to all of this impropriety. I personally don't see any way out of my hiring a lawyer to have Frank removed as trustee and to ask a judge to compel him to turn over copies of all trust documents as well as provide a full accounting to reveal what he has done. On the other hand, some of my relatives (even some who are also victims) just want me to let it go in order to not further escalate the problems.

 

I don't expect Frank to ever be remorseful or acknowledge what he's done, though of course it would be nice. I don't want revenge, I just want to make things "right." And by right, I don't mean an endless legal battle to punish Frank, I just want a judge to try to stop the bleeding. How does one reconcile the importance of justice vs. forgiveness? Are they incompatible?

[TaraMaiden]

Of course they aren't.

 

As a Buddhist, simply because I am taught that Loving Kindness, Compassion and Equanimity are virtues and factors to be cultivated, it doesn't mean that I'd let every rapist, paedophile or trickster off the hook.

 

Far from it - the Law isn't there to be broken, and justice should be served, with its full weight where and as applicable.

 

As I have heard it said, "Hate the sin and not the sinner."

 

Everyone is 'in pain', everyone is "Ignorant", and everyone acts - at one point, and to one degree or another - with selfish motives.

 

Natural, ingrained conditioned human traits.

Changeable, certainly....But sometimes, you have to draw them a diagram, see?

 

[turnera]

I'd just let a lawyer handle it and set up a new trust that's not family-run. Paying a manager would be cheaper than letting him syphon it off.

[forgivenessfinder]

It's almost inevitable that I'm going to hire an attorney and seek some type of remedy; I'm just anticipating that it will take on a life of its own and my close family and I fear that we might get drawn into a prolonged drama. I think I'm above that, but it's easy to say when it's hypothetical.

[turnera]

I'd ask the attorney to send a letter to everyone, explaining why this is being done. People question authority figures less.

[nescafe1982]

I personally don't see any way out of my hiring a lawyer to have Frank removed as trustee and to ask a judge to compel him to turn over copies of all trust documents as well as provide a full accounting to reveal what he has done. On the other hand, some of my relatives (even some who are also victims) just want me to let it go in order to not further escalate the problems.

 

...How does one reconcile the importance of justice vs. forgiveness? Are they incompatible?

 

I think you've answered your own question. I would speculate that the only way to "right" this wrong is to seek legal counsel and get Frank removed from the trust.

 

As for forgiveness? Well, you can forgive Frank his trespass, but you really have no control or authority over others. You won't be able to control how other defrauded family members will respond the this, nor will you have any say in how Frank responds to you seeking to fix the problem. You can, if you wish, perform forgiveness and encourage others to do so, though.

 

My opinion, though, is not to let this kind of fraud just sit. Drama or no, if a relative is effectively stealing from the rest of the family that needs to be dealt with, regardless of hurt feelings or potential embarrassment. But it will be difficult emotional terrain to navigate. Good luck to you!