Still talking to ex's parents....Hope?

[xxsilverdragonxx]

Hope, meaning that sometime in the future, me and my ex might have another chance, if we are both ready to commit and work at it. I won't go into detail about my situation(other posts), but this one deals with a visit to her house yesterday, only to see her parents. She hadn't got home from work yet.

 

You see, me and the ex's parents had a special relationship. I liked being in their company, I liked the house, I felt comfortable there. Me and her dad see each other about once a week maybe. You might could say its a small business factor that I go over there, but usually I don't spend a lot of time at the house. I know that both of them, especially her dad, sees me as a good person with a level head, and he has expressed the few times i've been back over there that he really likes me. This is weird for me, I've never had too many "grown-ups" say they like me, but anyways it made me feel better. At least someone still shows that they care for me. Its about the same with her mom, last night she showed me the turkey they were gonna fix, and how she got it for free, etc. The only bad part came when I had to walk through my ex's room to get to where it was at. I had decorated her walls with pictures, paintings, posters, etc, of all the things me and my ex went through. (the ex says whenever she walks into her room its just a big reminder of me) Anyways, I absolutely did not want to look at the walls in her room, for fear of getting hurt when I was in a good state of mind, like if she had taken some stuff down that meant a lot to us(me). I followed the ground with my eyes so I would not see anything, and I liked it that way. The dad during this time is working, so I procede to chat with the mom for a little, and then I go outside to talk to the dad.

 

We make the usually small talk, and it was very heartfelt. It doesn't feel like much has changed between him and me, although his daughter, my ex, seems to have went the other way. Whatever. I don't feel connected with her that much anymore. Well, dad brings up the fact that he still doesn't know whats happening between us. I wonder if she even told him we broke up, but i'm sure she has. He said he didn't understand what she was doing, and like him, she tends to close off on things, holding back emotions, etc. He said he passed along a lot of those traits to her. I said I knew both of them, so I could see it. He then asks if I talk to her much, which shocked me, but since I figure she isn't saying anything to them, I understood. I told him about when I went to see her at work during my lunchbreak, which was the 1st contact since the breakup about a month earlier.

 

I'm sorry im rambling. And maybe the title of this thread should have been different, because I don't really expect her to come back to me in the future. I've been slowly moving on, and as long as she isn't in the picture, I think I will pull through alright, and still have no problems in still talking to her dad. But here's the pickle. From her dad I got the impression that he at least thinks the situation is f-ed up. I know that a father knows his daughter best, and right now he is super confused about how she is acting and what not. I trust what he says, because he is very honest and heartful, but I try not to ponder on all the what ifs, but whenever the dad brings up this stuff, it leaves me feeling like there may be some hope left in me and my ex getting back together. This hope to me is paper thin, and her dad talking about it to me, actually confuses me more. I'd be happy just going over, getting what I needed from him, then maybe talking for a little about current stuff going on, but other than that, I don't want to hear about my ex. This false hope thing will either fade, as in eventually he will just accept that me and his daughter aren't together and won't talk about it much, or, he might try to bring it up to her, which might make me seem desperate, even though I'm not initiating anything, except keeping my relationship to her dad, which I enjoy.

 

I don't really have any questions, so again I apologize for making you read all this, but if anyone has ever been in a similar situation, give me some pointers, or how you handled yourself on still having a relationship with the ex's parents.

[zara]

i know that it's difficult when you have been in one of those cosy relationships whereby you are actually close to the whole family.

 

With a few of my ex's i have gotten on so very well with their parents it has been even more of a wrench to get over the break up. But in is better in the long run to just let go of that relationship.

 

You have to think about the future and it is difficult to face up to that if you still have that heavy attachment to the past.

 

Just imagine, what happens when your ex gets a new partner? Do you sit there with mum and dad and a cup of tea when she brings him home, saying "don't mind me, i'm the ex!"? How wounded will you feel? (Especially if mum and dad like the new partner). How awkward will mum and dad feel when she does get a new partner? Do they say that you are adopted/ a cousin/ lodger??!

 

Clinging to you relationship with your ex in-laws is a sign that you haven't moved on. And you will. No doubt the parents of your next GF will find you just as charming and loveable!

[tattoomytoe]

my little sis is very close with her bf's family. he just went off to school, far away. and they have been having problems. his family called her over to their home, told her that no matter what happens between her and the boy, she is a part of their family.

she is very active in her bf's little bro's a little sis's lives, takes them to movies and lunch, teaches them swim lessons.

 

i am concerned for when the FOR REAL break up happens.....but really i do not think it will be a major issue, especially with the son-her BF soo far away and off at school.

and i think the family set the bf straight when they breaked a month ago, cause there are back together..... which is a concern for me too. I do not want this boy to limit my sister b/c his family loves her, not him. and she does deserve way better than this bf of hers.

[xxsilverdragonxx]

Originally posted by zara

i know that it's difficult when you have been in one of those cosy relationships whereby you are actually close to the whole family.

 

 

Just imagine, what happens when your ex gets a new partner? Do you sit there with mum and dad and a cup of tea when she brings him home, saying "don't mind me, i'm the ex!"? How wounded will you feel? (Especially if mum and dad like the new partner). How awkward will mum and dad feel when she does get a new partner? Do they say that you are adopted/ a cousin/ lodger??!

 

It will never be like that in my situation. Like I said in my post, me and the dad have a small business arrangement, so I will have to see him once a week most likely. I don't go over there to sit and have lunch. It's the parents that are still talking to me when I go over there, and because of our relationship, I don't see this as being detrimental.

 

 

Clinging to you relationship with your ex in-laws is a sign that you haven't moved on. And you will. No doubt the parents of your next GF will find you just as charming and loveable!

 

Again, I see my behavior regarding the parents is a way of moving on. I do not go over to the house in order to maybe catch a glimpse of my ex, or on a happenchance that she will be there and want to talk. I don't need that, I don't feel it.

 

But because of my nature, I don't give up on people who show me geniune caring, which they have. And if they stop talking to me friendly, and it's just business, I'm ok with that too. It's not like I'm losing out either way.

 

Thanks for the post!

[xxsilverdragonxx]

tatoo-

 

In that particular relationship, it seems like she is trying to hold on to an eventual ending relationship. Almost like she is trying to integrate as much into the family is possible, even when a breakup is on the horizon. This I see could have disasterous results for both parties. She won't be able to help out and do the things she is doing now. It would be awkward for both sides, if not majorly hurtful to her. I think she's setting herself up for a major heartbreak. She might need to focus her attention and strength on something else, while her b/f is far away. Like keep things on the radar, just notice them slightly far away.

[zara]

i think i misunderstood your post!

 

If you have this business relationship then keep it that way. Although you did have personal ties, this is no longer true and you must find a firm but polite way of making this clear to her father so that he will understand that you do not want him to tell you these things about your ex girlfriend.

 

If she is asking him to drop hints, well, she should just be woman enough to come out with it and certainly not involve her parents in trying to arrange this.

[tattoomytoe]

Originally posted by xxsilverdragonxx

tatoo-

 

In that particular relationship, it seems like she is trying to hold on to an eventual ending relationship. Almost like she is trying to integrate as much into the family is possible, even when a breakup is on the horizon. This I see could have disasterous results for both parties. She won't be able to help out and do the things she is doing now. It would be awkward for both sides, if not majorly hurtful to her. I think she's setting herself up for a major heartbreak. She might need to focus her attention and strength on something else, while her b/f is far away. Like keep things on the radar, just notice them slightly far away.

 

 

i agree too, but let me add they have been dating over 4 years, so she ha been involved with the family a while.

 

but i think she needs to give herself space too, but she is 18....and not to the point where she can see the big picture yet.

[debs]

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Regarding being friends with an ex's family.....

I will remain friends with my ex mother-in-law. I was her youngests sons wife and her friend and she agreed she can't let go fo me over it! I will remain close to "momma" Like I care if he goes home to Oahu and brings the new one?

In asian families you remain family!

I love that woman and no one is going to stop our relationship from continuining!

I disagree with letting it go if the ex family wishes to remain close!

[xxsilverdragonxx]

Originally posted by debs

[font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color]

Regarding being friends with an ex's family.....

I will remain friends with my ex mother-in-law. I was her youngests sons wife and her friend and she agreed she can't let go fo me over it! I will remain close to "momma" Like I care if he goes home to Oahu and brings the new one?

In asian families you remain family!

I love that woman and no one is going to stop our relationship from continuining!

I disagree with letting it go if the ex family wishes to remain close!

 

 

Yeah, I don't wanna let go to that. Even though I spent time with my ex at her house for a year and half, I also spent most of that time around or with the parents, and over time a relationship developed with them. I'm not gonna give that up as a spoil to having been broken up by their daughter. I still care for them deeply.