AlwaysGrowing Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I do not think that is unusual at all. Most women are attracted to strong men. Men who lead, and your husband has taken over the reins. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 I'm sure there is an element of wanting what you can't have , and possibly feeling desperate. Maybe he is in the mood for some hysterical bonding as well. Wouldn't hurt to try. “Always want what you can't have” LOL That’s so true sometimes What do you mean by hysterical bonding? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 This doesn’t really have anything to do with my current situation well I guess it does. I don’t know why but I find myself extremely turned on by the way my husband is handing this. It’s a serious turn on maybe I’m just a little weir. I’m so hot for him right now it. It might just be all these emotions talking. Has anyone ever experienced something like this or am I the only one. It's normal. You're seeing your husband in a different light. He is fighting back and his strength and determination is sexy to you. A part of you is scared of what he's doing but another part of you admires the power he's exuding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 “Always want what you can't have” LOL That’s so true sometimes What do you mean by hysterical bonding? Google it, I'm not great at explaining, but know it will speak to you. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 The advice that you could sue for sexual harassment when you know it was consensual, would be on your conscience. All because we can do something, doesnt mean we SHOULD Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 OK not to make light of your sitch........maybe you should just ask your H if you should resign and if he will feed you until you find a new job...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 The advice that you could sue for sexual harassment when you know it was consensual, would be on your conscience. All because we can do something, doesnt mean we SHOULD Just to be clear, I was not advising her to do that and do not think she should do that at all. Her company however will not ask her if she is going to file suit; they will just assume that she may be able to or may do it as a defense to termination given the supervisor MM. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Sofie Won't your husband have to support you if you lose your job? If he got the OM fired then he has really good evidence. HM Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Do you not know whether you did or did not? I still think they may not take any action against you because you can theoretically turn around and say your supervisor(who has the power to influence your employment) coerced you into the A. That is a classic quid pro quo sexual harassment case which most companies will want to avoid at all costs. However, doesn't mean they wont find a way to get rid of you later or block your career advancement in ways you cant challenge just because now they consider you a problem employee or a troublemaker for them. I suggest you leave an urgent voicemail for your attorney to ask her advice. All that being said, what are the pros/cons of resigning. Do you want to be working there under the cloud of this situation and in proximity to MM BW. Is she in management as well? If you are fired it will make it harder to find a new job. Do you have family other than your H to help you until you find a new job? I plan to call my lawyer in the morning and I already sent her an email. Well I already been planning on leaving my job the only thing was I didn’t want to be without one till then. Yes if I do get fired find a job would take forever. I could ask my family (parent) for help but I rather not get them involved. I haven’t even told about the divorce yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 The advice that you could sue for sexual harassment when you know it was consensual, would be on your conscience. All because we can do something, doesnt mean we SHOULD I don’t want to do anything like that yet. I need to talk to my lawyer first Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Sofie Won't your husband have to support you if you lose your job? If he got the OM fired then he has really good evidence. HM Well my lawyer said if he proves adultery then alimony or any kind of spouse support goes out the window. Yeah he has to have something good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Google it, I'm not great at explaining, but know it will speak to you. I just looked it up and I find it extremely interesting. It also seem to help rebuild a marriage but how do I get him to play along. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I plan to call my lawyer in the morning and I already sent her an email. Well I already been planning on leaving my job the only thing was I didn’t want to be without one till then. Yes if I do get fired find a job would take forever. I could ask my family (parent) for help but I rather not get them involved. I haven’t even told about the divorce yet. Yeah, normally its a good idea to find a new job first. Youre in a difficult spot. Explaining no job to a new company is easier than explaining you were fired. In rereading, I saw they suspended rather than immediately fired exMM; so it sounds like there is some process they go through rather than on the spot firing. Perhaps there is also an appeal process? Anyway, it may be possible if they do something similar to you could offer to resign at that point rather than be fired. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I just looked it up and I find it extremely interesting. It also seem to help rebuild a marriage but how do I get him to play along. I do not think your husband will "play" along. It is the playing that got you into this mess. Sex between you two can effect the divorce. Why not be honest and ask him..... Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Oh and get some IC hardcore. Every time I hear a woman fall for a friending player I do a forehead smack. ugh Player 101. Scares me how effective and insanely simple it is. Blaming men for the choices that women make is condescending. Sure, lots of women will grab a hold of that, it absolves them of the choices/hurt that they caused. Interesting that a man would be told, that the ow never held a gun to his head and its his own fault. And that women are often told, that the om/mm was a "player". Both willingly played the game. Its effective and insanely simple for either a man or a woman to fall from a friend relationship to an AP dynamic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Well my ex mm sentme a very nasty email. Now he blaming for everything. He claims it’s my faulty he’sgoing to lose his job and now his marriage which I didn’t think he would I reallythought my friend would take him back I guess not. What he doesn’t realize is I’mlosing just as much if not more than him. I haven’t sent a reply yet and I won’t.Its whatever he can blame me all he wants I have bigger things to worry aboutright now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 I do not think your husband will "play" along. It is the playing that got you into this mess. Sex between you two can effect the divorce. Why not be honest and ask him..... How can sex affect the divorce who even going to know we hadsex but us? I want but I’m scared of getting turned down which would probablyhappen Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I don’t think he would be able to use the timeline. I don’t even know if he read it let alone still have it. Of course HE DOES. This is a person that makes a late night call then says nothing for a month and gets your AP fired, files for D under adultery. he is maximizing his revenge. you lost him, AP, BF, job... BTW this tale is provides two lessons --- deny, deny, deny AND confess only if R is possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I just looked it up and I find it extremely interesting. It also seem to help rebuild a marriage but how do I get him to play along. Hysterical bonding does not always happen. HB can go 6 days to 6 months long. HB will only happen when both parties sexual need to reclaim their territory. Your BH does not want to reclaim anything at this point. All you can do is to plan A your BH. As to work do not admit anything or sign anything. Best to head them off at the pass and consult with a labor rights lawyer for options for you to take so you do not get hurt financially. Do not just leave. With this economy employers do not want to hire you if you are out of work. That is a huge red flag. Because if you were any good they would on not let you go. They may not fire you because their lawyer advised to do so could result in you filing a sexual harassment suit. They just will silently pressure you to leave. Give you dead line to hard to meet. Give you the drudge work. No raises. Slowly give you more negative work evaluations. Deny you promotion, raises, transfers. Until you leave of your own accord. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Am I the only one not a big fan of this whole thing? Playing 007 hardcore for proof. LOVE IT! helped on another board 20 busted wives under my belt. Divorce. YEP! Outing her to first circle friends so they knew it was her doing. Bingo Outing to first circle family so they know the divorce was her fault. LOVE IT LOVE IT! Going for NO alimony because she cheated. SIGN ME UP! Going for a one sided assets ruling. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!! Destroy the OM? The Klingon in me approves! except Systemically destroying the wayward wife MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN and her career so she can not support herself. Sorry. This is where I get off this train. Sofie. Stand up for yourself. YOU need to play hardball. Please pull up those panties, FIX YOURSELF playtime is over. Your soon to be ex is destroying you and you are having dinner with him while he laughs at you. You need to look your boss in the eye and make a deal. Gimme 120 days to find something else, or face the harassment lawsuit. Here is a resignation letter dated 120 days in the future to prove I am not lying. All subject to your lawyer of course. The only person who can stand up for Sorie is and should be Sofie. Oh and get some IC hardcore. Every time I hear a woman fall for a friending player I do a forehead smack. ugh Player 101. Scares me how effective and insanely simple it is. I get where you’re coming from I do.I already talked my lawyer she give me number to a labor/ employment lawyer shetold me not to do anything till I talk to him and since I haven’t been toldanything yet I just have to wait it out. I already set up IC for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Sofie. Stand up for yourself. YOU need to play hardball. Please pull up those panties, FIX YOURSELF playtime is over. Your soon to be ex is destroying you and you are having dinner with him while he laughs at you. You need to look your boss in the eye and make a deal. Gimme 120 days to find something else, or face the harassment lawsuit. Here is a resignation letter dated 120 days in the future to prove I am not lying. All subject to your lawyer of course. The only person who can stand up for Sorie is and should be Sofie. Do not do this bad advice. Let your employer make his first move. They may do nothing but try to discourage you to leave on your own accord. Better this way. You have income with know deadline to find another job. If the do come after you this is why you need a lawyer to protect your employment rights. He will advise you on how to play hard ball so you get the best severance package possible. Remember the OM was your superior. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Well my ex mm sentme a very nasty email. Now he blaming for everything. He claims it’s my faulty he’sgoing to lose his job and now his marriage which I didn’t think he would I reallythought my friend would take him back I guess not. What he doesn’t realize is I’mlosing just as much if not more than him. I haven’t sent a reply yet and I won’t.Its whatever he can blame me all he wants I have bigger things to worry aboutright now. This blame game from the OW/OM seems to be a very repetitive thing in most stories on LS. I guess i will never understand the logic behind blaming the OM or OW, it's as alwaysgrowing stated, no one is holding a gun to either's head. What... possibly is the OM thinking? He is losing his job because of choices he made. I guess that did not come across to him when he was getting it in. It's the same thing with another user on LS, coolit, her OM is blaming her too, and he is the one who conducted his fantasy of a 3some...lol, I mean the nerve of some of these people. Then of course there is the OW/OM H or W that also blames the AP. I liken it to "not my child!" I digress... Sophie, it does appear that your H is out to not only step on you but step hard and twist his foot a bunch of times... just to make sure. I am not sure what your options are legally... your lawyer knows best but at least he seems to be fair with you on making arrangements with the kids but not much else. As others have stated, it's time to defend what you can and hope for the best. It seems like your lawyer is doing just that. So sad... thus far, i believe we have a WS who truly is remorseful and is getting squashed like a bug vs others whom are joke and get forgiven. meh... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Of course HE DOES. This is a person that makes a late night call then says nothing for a month and gets your AP fired, files for D under adultery. he is maximizing his revenge. you lost him, AP, BF, job... BTW this tale is provides two lessons --- deny, deny, deny AND confess only if R is possible. No. No. And, no. Every BH deserves the truth. No BH is required to forgive his WW affair. No excuse for not following the sage advice do not manure where you eat. One thing for a WW to have an affair. No way to not expect double and triple collateral damage when the WW bangs an OM who is a co worker, BH's friend, BH's relative, or WW's friends husband. Edited October 2, 2013 by road 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Well my ex mm sentme a very nasty email. Now he blaming for everything. He claims it’s my faulty he’sgoing to lose his job and now his marriage which I didn’t think he would I reallythought my friend would take him back I guess not. What he doesn’t realize is I’mlosing just as much if not more than him. I haven’t sent a reply yet and I won’t.Its whatever he can blame me all he wants I have bigger things to worry aboutright now. This is normal. It's called, being thrown under the bus. Just stay NC, block him if you're able. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 This doesn’t really have anything to do with my current situation well I guess it does. I don’t know why but I find myself extremely turned on by the way my husband is handing this. It’s a serious turn on maybe I’m just a little weir. I’m so hot for him right now it. It might just be all these emotions talking. Has anyone ever experienced something like this or am I the only one. You're having the urge to hysterically bond with your BS. It's just a subconscious, primal and animalistic urge to "reclaim" what you believe is yours. Nothing more than that. Some people get it and some don't. I would suspect that your husband will not follow through with your advances. If he's a lawyer then he'll know that in some states if he has sex with you now, then it can be looked at as forgiveness for the adultery in the eyes of the law and he would have to change the reasoning for the divorce in the petition. BUT! He could be having those urges as well and if he follows through with sex. It would probably be his "hysterical bonding" moment and NOT an at of forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
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