playing headgames?

[udelgirl]

hello!

 

i used to be real good friends w/ this guy a couple years ago. i knew him cos he dated one of my friends and then we got to be friends (they stopped dating though). i'm in college by the way... if that makes a difference...

 

we talked a whole lot and got to be real emotionally close but then he started treating me w/ less respect like not canceling our get togethers, being late, flaking out, acting condescending in a 'jokin' way yet being confusing by trying to hit on me by mentioning how i looked real pretty sometimes or saying hey beautiful stuff like that.. but he'd always cancel our plans to get together, make up stuff like saying he had stuff to do, when later i found out he was just hanging with this girl that lived nearby (we lived 10-15 min away)

 

over the summer he started flriting a lot, indirectly pressuring me for sex and said our friendship couldn't really continue if not, i told him i don't do that kind of stuff (i sorta have a rep for being a prude...really conservative), he backed off and stopped talking to me as often, i backed off too...but we were still 'friends'.

 

then i tried to avoid him during the school year, after summer....esp when i found out he started dating this one chick without letting me know (i found out he later would say stuff like 'hey don't act like we're going out, dana likes me' whenever he'd pass me by w/ his girlfriend)

 

...i got sorta upset since we were still friends at the time. sent him this note saying i didn't like him keeping secrets and didn't like how he threw all that sex stuff on me over the summer. he wrote saying he's sorry that our friendship had to end like this and stuff.

 

so we didn't talk for a real long time, year or so, after that. found out his g/f cheated on him later, heard from friends that he's been smoozin all over girls to get back at her, then i saw him at a party and he grabbed me saying he was so sorry, really valued me as a friend, told me how his g/f cheated on him, how he tried to get back at her, said sthg weird about how he liked me all along, we hugged and he said we'd get lunch the next day....

 

so i call him and he's all acting too buddy-buddy, condescendingly jokin around again, calling me kiddo and stuff, just felt weird... i call him 10 min before our 'lunch date' and he says he's got a job interview and won't be back for an hour... says he'll call me when it's done...

 

after the hour, he says he's still not ready (later on my friend told me she saw him partying til late the night before, and probly slept in, no job interview cos his car never left his house)....

 

at this pt i'm like screw it, called him & said maybe another time, he apologized a lot again, said to call him if i ever needed anything and tried to put off the lunch date for the next half hour... i was nice and just said not this time...

 

is he back to being the same guy again? flaking out as usual before, not taking me seriously? what's up w/ him saying he liked me 'all along' when i saw him at the party, was he just trynna get some ass or was that truth coming out? oh yeah.. one more thing.. also a friend told me she saw him kissing this girl at another party, the night after the party he told me 'sorry'. what the...? confused. anyone got any ideas on what this guy is thinking? this whole deal? (is it even worth pursuing? not quite sure what to do) thanks for reading all my stuff...

 

ps-

[his ex still says she loves him (i hear this thru a friend) and is sad she cheated on him and wants him back but he won't forgive her, they're still friends and talk tho]

[udelgirl]

hello!

 

i used to be real good friends w/ this guy a couple years ago. i knew him cos he dated one of my friends and then we got to be friends (they stopped dating though). i'm in college by the way... if that makes a difference...

 

we talked a whole lot and got to be real emotionally close but then he started treating me w/ less respect like not canceling our get togethers, being late, flaking out, acting condescending in a 'jokin' way yet being confusing by trying to hit on me by mentioning how i looked real pretty sometimes or saying hey beautiful stuff like that.. but he'd always cancel our plans to get together, make up stuff like saying he had stuff to do, when later i found out he was just hanging with this girl that lived nearby (we lived 10-15 min away)

 

over the summer he started flriting a lot, indirectly pressuring me for sex and said our friendship couldn't really continue if not, i told him i don't do that kind of stuff (i sorta have a rep for being a prude...really conservative), he backed off and stopped talking to me as often, i backed off too...but we were still 'friends'.

 

then i tried to avoid him during the school year, after summer....esp when i found out he started dating this one chick without letting me know (i found out he later would say stuff like 'hey don't act like we're going out, dana likes me' whenever he'd pass me by w/ his girlfriend)

 

...i got sorta upset since we were still friends at the time. sent him this note saying i didn't like him keeping secrets and didn't like how he threw all that sex stuff on me over the summer. he wrote saying he's sorry that our friendship had to end like this and stuff.

 

so we didn't talk for a real long time, year or so, after that. found out his g/f cheated on him later, heard from friends that he's been smoozin all over girls to get back at her, then i saw him at a party and he grabbed me saying he was so sorry, really valued me as a friend, told me how his g/f cheated on him, how he tried to get back at her, said sthg weird about how he liked me all along, we hugged and he said we'd get lunch the next day....

 

so i call him and he's all acting too buddy-buddy, condescendingly jokin around again, calling me kiddo and stuff, just felt weird... i call him 10 min before our 'lunch date' and he says he's got a job interview and won't be back for an hour... says he'll call me when it's done...

 

after the hour, he says he's still not ready (later on my friend told me she saw him partying til late the night before, and probly slept in, no job interview cos his car never left his house)....

 

at this pt i'm like screw it, called him & said maybe another time, he apologized a lot again, said to call him if i ever needed anything and tried to put off the lunch date for the next half hour... i was nice and just said not this time...

 

is he back to being the same guy again? flaking out as usual before, not taking me seriously? what's up w/ him saying he liked me 'all along' when i saw him at the party, was he just trynna get some ass or was that truth coming out? oh yeah.. one more thing.. also a friend told me she saw him kissing this girl at another party, the night after the party he told me 'sorry'. what the...? confused. anyone got any ideas on what this guy is thinking? this whole deal? (is it even worth pursuing? not quite sure what to do) thanks for reading all my stuff...

 

ps-

[his ex still says she loves him (i hear this thru a friend) and is sad she cheated on him and wants him back but he won't forgive her, they're still friends and talk tho]

[Merin]

ANY guy who would tell you that IF you don't want to have sex with him then the friendship needs to come to an end is an a**hole!

 

This guy isn't "back" to being the same jackass you knew previously.. he is STILL the same jackass that he's always been.

 

Don't go out this guy or attemt a "real friendship" you can and will do better than this idiot.

[whichwayisup]

over the summer he started flriting a lot, indirectly pressuring me for sex and said our friendship couldn't really continue if not, i told him i don't do that kind of stuff (i sorta have a rep for being a prude...really conservative), he backed off and stopped talking to me as often, i backed off too...but we were still 'friends'.

 

THIS right there is your reason. Sorry, but that guy is a real a**h***! He isn't a true friend to you. He's an addiction and someone who doesn't respect you! Has he really BEEN There for you as a friend? Could you count on him to really help you out or just be supportive, understanding and to listen?

 

Anyone who is like that, pressuring you for sex, but then saying or even hinting 'our friendship can't continue w/o sex' is NOT a sincere honest person. That's just a controlling issue and you need to distance yourself from him. He's made you feel some self doubt...and I bet you always wonder if you did something to piss him off, and he runs with it right? Control issues.

 

Sorry to be harsh, I just think he's not worth it. Causes you more heartache than anything. Distance yourself from him, say NO to him when he wants to get together...I bet you'll soon FEEL emotionally better not talking and seeing him as much.

 

All the best! I hope this helps abit...

[udelgirl]

thanks for your supporting words!

 

part of me still believes he might mature up, though, b/c we did have some very emotionally deep convos & used to talk ALL the time... and i (was) one of his few friends....maybe i am naive but i am trying to find some hope...i also 'forgave him' when we talked, and he believes now that we're 'friends again.' so if i flat out don't hang out with him anymore, ....

 

is there any way to make him take me seriously??

[udelgirl]

when he apologized, though, he said that he didn't want me out of his life, and that he considered me one of his really close friends, and that he ****ed up over the summer by saying that stuff to me...i don't know whether to take his words seriously...part of me still wants him in my life, b/c we used to talk almost every day, and had deep convos and really connected....is there any way to get him to take me seriously?

[suspicious2]

he's a player plain and simple. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who uses every girl he can get into bed and then tosses her aside like a kid with a runny nose and an unending supply of kleenex! I know (AND was dumb enough to fall in love with) a guy like that- Go your seperate ways-look him up in 5 years and see if he's matured yet-but don't hold your breath and whatever you do DON"T sleep with him-trust me -he'll end up utterly crushing you b4 it's all over if you let him. Let him go.