ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 OK...i'm a teenage boy. I've known this other boy, who's like my best friend, for about year. We are really good friends and i really don't want to lose him but I have a really big confession that I feel like if I don't tell him I am literally going to lay down and die. Its...i think I am in love with him. And its not like I'm usually like this; I love women. But there's something different about him, something that I love and I never want to let it go. I really don't know what he will say, but I am pretty sure he isn't like that, BUT he is also not the kind of person to just leave me there if I did tell him...so my question is simple: Should I tell him that I love him, risk everything, or just stay friends and go on feeling like this? Any info would be helpful, thnx. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Hey Confused...I can see why this is a tough one. Just skip ahead abit here. What purpose would be served if you told him? What are you expecting him to say and react? Do you know him inside and out? Do you think he'd freak out or be flattered and just know how much you love him as a friend...Or are you looking for it to go further? Seems you are just very emotionally attached to him, and I think that is wonderful. There is NOTHING wrong with feeling strong feelings for someone who you are close with. BUT...(sorry...) If you are romantically interested in him, I would hint around abit, crack some jokes and see how he reacts. Just be real sure of what you're doing. Good luck and keep posting. Any more info would be good so I can help you more... WWIU Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 When you say LOVE...are we talking about the "I want to hold you and kiss you and eat you up" kind of love, or are we talking about a close, warm, friendly feeling? In other words, is this sexual, or is it just strong hetero affection? I need to know specifically before I can advise you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 Its very strong sexual and romantic affection amd i want to take it as far as i can....and thnx whichwayisup, i'll try your "cracking jokes" idea as well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2004 Share Posted November 24, 2004 Your welcome! Just take it slow. How do you think he'll react? What's your gut telling you? Just remember too, that even if you decide to talk to him, there's a chance he won't react the way you want him to, or maybe he'll be cool about it and who knows? Maybe he feels the same way as you. If you're anything like me, sounds like you are, you can't hold stuff in and sooner or later you're gonna blurt it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 24, 2004 Author Share Posted November 24, 2004 To tell you the truth, I have no idea what he will say. All I know is that I have come close to saying it several times, and I have even asked him "If I were to tell you something entirely life-changing, no matter what it was, would you stay friends with me?" His answer being, "Maybe, it depends," leaves me very scared of rejection and ultimately, the end of our entire friendship. But if he were to say I feel the same way...it would make me feel in an entirely opposite manner. Thanks for the info, and I'll take it as slow as I can handle. Any more tips would be very helpful and appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Hmmm...Maybe just ask him again...Push him abit more and see if he'll answer that question. IT depends is very untelling. How was his mood when you asked him? Mood and timing too could be a factor of his reaction as well. Maybe write out your feelings, tell him what you want...Get it all down and then the right thing will come of how to handle it and how to tell him if you decide you will. Do you kinda get the feeling he could be interested? How long have you liked him more than a friend? Has something happened to make these feelings push forward or was this a shocker for you as well... Sorry, question period is over! LOL! WWIU Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 25, 2004 Author Share Posted November 25, 2004 Well, for the first few months of our friendship, we didn't talk much. But then out of nowhere these feelings "pop into place" and I can't stop thinking about him, so this did come to me as sort of a surprise as well. And when I really think about it, I think there is a pretty good chance he may end up feeling the same way. Also, I'll start on writing down my feelings about it right now...and if you don't mind, you seem to be helping me a lot, so could I get back to you tomorrow on this if I need any more advice? Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Confused, anytime ofcourse!! I'm around alot, so I'll keep an eye out for you. If you're feelings are that intense so fast...Chances are he's feeling it too. Does he at all feel weird or uncomfy around you? Do you pick up on any uneasiness? I bet not right? People connect for various reasons...I Do believe that everything happens for a reason, good and bad. Soo, on that note, think about what's in your head, speak from your heart because it's always honest and you'll do great!! Talk to ya soon. Link to post Share on other sites
DayumQuitPlayin Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Confused, I know exactly how you feel. I was in a similar situation. Let me just type up a few things, if you'll wanna read about it: Me and my bestfriend.. we've known eachother for a long time. We're best friends. He looks up to me.. always comes to me for advice.. and tells me everything. He thinks the same way as me too.. which is another reason why he's my best friend. We would always sit in my car at night, and just talk about life.. about people.. and about things that we wanted out of life. One night.. after we were talking.. I told him if he needed anything..anything at all.. that he can always count on me. And I really did mean it. I guess after all that we've talked about.. he came out and said: You know what man, I don't want you to think I'm weird or anything, but I love you, You're my best Nigga That really touched me.. I didn't know what to say to him.. but I said it back. The only thing about it tho.. it was a friendship love.. and knowing him.. and the area where we're from.. you don't really say things like to to people.. so thats how I know that we're close. Anyways.. Ima fast forward a little bit. One night.. we were at my house..just sitting on the porch talking and what-not. Well.. I forgot how we got onto this subject.. but the subject of my sexuality came up.. and it was the hardest thing for me to say to him.. but I told him that I'm bi-sexual. It was sooo hard to bring myself to say it to him. He's my best friend.. I've told other people.. but the fact that I couldn't tell HIM.. it was so hard.. but once I told him.. I felt soooo relieved. He was real cool with it. Keep in mind that he's 100% straight. He then asked me some questions concerning my sexuality.. and we laughed at a few things. Now.. to this day.. we're still the same as before. I remember having feelings for him too.. like I would think that I loved him.. like ..more than just friends. Like sexually. And there's been times that I wanted to tell him that, but I never did. Honestly tho, I'm glad that I've never told him that.. because I feel that if I had told him that.. that our friendship would be different. I think that maybe if I had told him things would be different for maybe a little while.. but then it would gradually go back to the way it was before. I'm not sure.. but all I know is that this feeling that I had.. it went away. I no longer loved him sexually.. I only grew to love him more as a bestfriend.. as my nigga. So when you think about this.. you really got to think: Is it worth it? How close am I with him? How would he feel if I told him? Are my feelings for him real? Would they ever change? You should think about that. Would you want him as a boyfriend, or lover? Or would you value him more as a good friend? Those are questions you should really ask yourself and think about. What do you value more.. your friendship with him.. or your feelings for him sexually. If you feel you guys are close.. then by all means.. atleast let him know that you're interested in guys. Don't tell him you like HIM.. you should see what his reactions are to what you tell him. See if he's comfortable with it. If he's not.. then don't tell him your feelings for him.. it will be too much for him. If its a positive reaction.. then wait a couple days.. and talk about your sexuality.. and then.. find a good time to tell him how you feel about Him. Only do that once you feel comfortable with it.. but always know.. that when you make that call.. that whatever you choose to do.. that you'll always have him as a friend. I wish you the best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 All I can say is, take it slow. Maybe learn more about homosexuality and see whether that applies to you. I am afraid for you, that your best friendship could be hurt by a revelation of sexual feelings, if they are not reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 25, 2004 Author Share Posted November 25, 2004 Wow, thnx for that situation DayumQuitPlayin, I think I'll try telling him that...then maybe another time tell him its Him. The only problem about that is that I already told him "Ok, I have something really big to tell you" and he asked "What is it about" and I said..."Him." So I guess I'll have to pretend that they are two different situations and that it isnt what I was going to tell him in the first place. Also, thnx for ur info 2 Sole. Oh yeah, and do you think I could do this over the phone with him, or does it have to be face-to-face? (Telling him I may be by-) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 You really need to do it in person and to approach it gradually. In fact, what you could do is start out by having a conversation about homosexuality in general, unless you already know. See how he reacts to that. Then don't just blurt out that you like guys. Approach it carefully, and absolutely do it in person so that you can watch his expression. This is not news you should break on the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedPerson101 Posted November 25, 2004 Author Share Posted November 25, 2004 I understand, in the mean time, Ill just keep quiet about it until I see him in person again. Thnx for all the info guys/girls, if you feel like leaving anymore tips, all will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
DayumQuitPlayin Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme You really need to do it in person and to approach it gradually. In fact, what you could do is start out by having a conversation about homosexuality in general, unless you already know. See how he reacts to that. Then don't just blurt out that you like guys. Approach it carefully, and absolutely do it in person so that you can watch his expression. This is not news you should break on the phone. I agree with Moimeme... don't go to fast with it.. approach it gradually. Also its better if you do this in person.. even though you may feel that it would be easier through the phone. This is something serious..and serious things should always be done in person. Plus you'll have to be able to read his body language. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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