why is he such a jerk?

[carla]

i've been with this guy for about two years now and things have been o.k. since i have this problem with jealousy i always thought all of our problems stemmed from that.

 

well now i've gotten my jealousy under control for the most part, i am starting to see that things are not all my fault.

 

he is very impatient he expects you to hurry when he is in a hurry but gets mad when i try to hurry him or get disappointed because i have to wait for him longer then expected.

 

also when he has to repeat something to me he says " i already told you once or twice or however many times it is" he is becoming a real jerk and i'm at a point where i don't know if i want to be with him anymore.

 

i'm tired of being treated like s*hit yet it is his personality as he is that way with everybody that i've noticed except his clients who bring him in money.

 

on the other hand tho, he is good to me, when he is in a good mood, relaxed and not worried or pressured then he is alot of fun and we laugh and have fun together, unfortunately that isn't very often.

 

we have been living together for a while now and have accumulated alot of things together mostly he paid for them tho, but i don't want to break up our home, but i'm tired of being treated like this.

 

i don't know what to do, i've talked to him about his impatience and he says he'll try harder but it is short lived.

 

what can i do short of shooting him...lol!

 

i am wondering why i am putting up with this crap from him, even tho i know he is just this way, it makes no difference, it don't seem to bother others, but i am very sensitive and he hates that too cause he feels like he has to walk on egg shells, (his words).

 

if it didn't hurt to leave him, then i'd be gone, but we split up once before because of my jealousy for four days and they were hell and i don't want to go through that again! that was so painful!

 

i do love him tho, i just need to wake him up to the fact that he needs to treat me with more respect or else....

 

please help! i'm so desperate i don't know what to do, i love his mom and grandma and get along so well with his family, there like my new family to me....so leaving him, leaves me alot to lose.....thank you!

[Deejette]

He feels he has nothing to lose so he can be short with you, but he knows better than to treat customers (who can pay him) that way.

 

You need to show him in some way that it really hurts you when he treats you curtly. He has to know that that behavior is something that you cannot tolerate. Counselors use a technique called "Fair Fighting" in which two people meet to resolve a problem that either one can bring up. The person with the problem uses "I" messages, such as, "I feel so bad when you yell at me." They don't use "you" messages, which are like, "You are such a dumb jerk when you yell at me." That way you do not put each other on the defensive and only talk about how you feel, which no one can argue with.

 

You might want to try communicating with him like that.

i've been with this guy for about two years now and things have been o.k. since i have this problem with jealousy i always thought all of our problems stemmed from that. well now i've gotten my jealousy under control for the most part, i am starting to see that things are not all my fault. he is very impatient he expects you to hurry when he is in a hurry but gets mad when i try to hurry him or get disappointed because i have to wait for him longer then expected. also when he has to repeat something to me he says " i already told you once or twice or however many times it is" he is becoming a real jerk and i'm at a point where i don't know if i want to be with him anymore. i'm tired of being treated like s*hit yet it is his personality as he is that way with everybody that i've noticed except his clients who bring him in money. on the other hand tho, he is good to me, when he is in a good mood, relaxed and not worried or pressured then he is alot of fun and we laugh and have fun together, unfortunately that isn't very often. we have been living together for a while now and have accumulated alot of things together mostly he paid for them tho, but i don't want to break up our home, but i'm tired of being treated like this. i don't know what to do, i've talked to him about his impatience and he says he'll try harder but it is short lived. what can i do short of shooting him...lol!

 

i am wondering why i am putting up with this crap from him, even tho i know he is just this way, it makes no difference, it don't seem to bother others, but i am very sensitive and he hates that too cause he feels like he has to walk on egg shells, (his words). if it didn't hurt to leave him, then i'd be gone, but we split up once before because of my jealousy for four days and they were hell and i don't want to go through that again! that was so painful! i do love him tho, i just need to wake him up to the fact that he needs to treat me with more respect or else.... please help! i'm so desperate i don't know what to do, i love his mom and grandma and get along so well with his family, there like my new family to me....so leaving him, leaves me alot to lose.....thank you!

[Sandy]

No pain no gain !

 

even in love , You are excepting the way he treats you and because you do not stand up for yourself, he will continue to treat you this way , he is using your love for him as a weapon against you . maybe because you left before and came back ,he thinks he can do what ever he wants and you won't go anywhere . Its emotional abuse and it will only get worst if you don't stop it now . So take a stand tell him the very next time calmly that you don't appreciate the way he is treating you and if he continues to put his bad mood on you for no reason you rather not be with him , because you did nothing to deserve it . Do it everytime he treats you this way and if it doesn't get better---- get out ,because it won't get better and you will live a life of pain and heartache.

 

We always hurt the people we love,----but we shouldn't .

 

Let us know how it goes