OW- do you ever feel tired of it all?

[LaceyS]

I am an OW, 2 years. I have recently found myself living with no immediate family members near by, nearest one about five hours away. I have struggled, although I have good friends, with this posistion. I have ended up evaluating what I have 'left'.. And have found myself wanting. I haven't seen him for approaching three months now, despite living in the same town. He's never physically there when I need him, some nights he can't reply to me on the phone (we talk daily). I am getting tired of my second place rosette... The last week or so I haven't jumped when its been him on my phone, or rushed to reply. He said he 'needs to see me'.. Where is he, then? Do any of you get tired of this? I don't even feel I can cope with the aftermath of seeing him at the moment, and have told him so. (Always feel down afterwards).

 

There is a lot of care for one another, and our day to day, I do 'get' a lot from him..I have just realised not when I need it, truly need the love and support. It feels like it would be better to go through the family stuff alone, than want to cuddle and chat about it with someone that I can't.

 

Any of your own experiences please? I am very close to saying enough, and sorting my life so eventually someone who I love, can love me.

[Sooverhim]

Hi Lacey, I'm so sorry you are hurting and yes, you will get a lot of support from the people here who have been where you are, or who are there still.

 

I've been where you are now, although I am married with children, so I was never on my own. I ended my A after 2 years because I had reached the point where I had had enough, and it sounds as though you are pretty much at that point yourself. You are realising that your needs are not being met as they should be, and your relationship with MM is unsatisfactory. I read somewhere that 2 years is the point at which most As come to an end ... it seems to be the timeframe whereby at least one of the APs reaches the end point.

 

So, although it doesn't necessarily feel like it at the moment Lacey, this feeling you have .... of not getting "enough" from your MM when you need it, and of being close to the point where you will say you've had enough, is actually a gift ... it will give you the motivation and strength to end this thing which is not making you happy, and is not fulfilling and enriching your life, and will give you the opportunity to find love, as you said, with someone you deserve in a proper, full time, committed, loving relationship.

 

Love and hugs x o x

[LaceyS]

Thank you, I agree with your reply as well, that this feeling will help me. I have children, who are of course a great distraction . I'm happy to be without a boyfriend - it's just holding an expectation of someone, and they fail to fulfil time after time.. I've had a good few months of disappointment now, and times where I've had to be publically ignored. I shouldn't have to be hidden, I should be able to have a cuddle and a cry with him when my last family member moves..but I can't, because I wear my OW badge. It'd be better just having myself, my wonderful friends, to rely upon.

 

I am scared to voice this to him in its entirety, as the consequences worry me - the silence from him, that person just gone after two years of investment. I almost feel it's better now after not seeing him, than seeing him again soon. He of course will be 'devastated', and say all sorts. He has won me round before. I am tired of it.

[canuckprincess]

I am an OW, 2 years. I have recently found myself living with no immediate family members near by, nearest one about five hours away. I have struggled, although I have good friends, with this posistion. I have ended up evaluating what I have 'left'.. And have found myself wanting. I haven't seen him for approaching three months now, despite living in the same town. He's never physically there when I need him, some nights he can't reply to me on the phone (we talk daily). I am getting tired of my second place rosette... The last week or so I haven't jumped when its been him on my phone, or rushed to reply. He said he 'needs to see me'.. Where is he, then? Do any of you get tired of this? I don't even feel I can cope with the aftermath of seeing him at the moment, and have told him so. (Always feel down afterwards).

 

There is a lot of care for one another, and our day to day, I do 'get' a lot from him..I have just realised not when I need it, truly need the love and support. It feels like it would be better to go through the family stuff alone, than want to cuddle and chat about it with someone that I can't.

 

Any of your own experiences please? I am very close to saying enough, and sorting my life so eventually someone who I love, can love me.

 

 

First off I'm sorry your here feeling the way you are. After almost 8 years I'm at my breaking point. compared to most ow's I get a lot from mm. I get 2-3 hours a day of phone chat, love making at least once a week and quick meet ups about twice a week. It use to be more but almost 2 years ago we had a dday. I believe I get more of him then his wife ever has or will. I know he loves me unconditionally. Well after his wife reads my posts that might change but I don't care anymore. Everything I post is the gods honest truth.

[LaceyS]

Thank you for your reply, too. I am actually feeling ok, after a week of feeling very down. I feel I get a lot from my 'M'M too (he's not married but may as well be, children, etc) - but just not when it counts anymore.

 

I wish you the strength to go through your tough time at the moment x

[canuckprincess]

Thank you for your reply, too. I am actually feeling ok, after a week of feeling very down. I feel I get a lot from my 'M'M too (he's not married but may as well be, children, etc) - but just not when it counts anymore.

 

I wish you the strength to go through your tough time at the moment x

 

What's really funny is I'm the strongest woman I know when it comes to all aspects of my life except for my mm , even superman has a weakness. He is mine lol.

[Goodbye]

Absolutely. I think that is what ended things between me and exMM...I got sick of it. Of course, for a large part of the R, I was under the false understanding that he was getting divorced. It just became too demoralizing...waiting for calls, not having him around when I needed comfort, being an island in the R, feeling anything but normal.

 

I started a thread a few weeks ago about "what I do not miss" about the exMM...lost of people chiming in. Lots of people just worn out and beaten down by being second place, from keeping secrets, from the lack of predictability.

 

Hang in there. Don't ignore your feelings...they may be steering you in a better direction.

[LaceyS]

Canuckprincess - I am similar. He has a manner of talking to me that just melts me. Not in a future faking ILY way, just his manner, the way he speaks.

 

Goodbye - yes, I completely agree with how you describe your feelings.

 

BS posted a photo online of the two of them. She looks so happy, and here I am, 'ruining' her little world, and she has no idea. If I'm totally honest I never used to feel guilt; since that picture, I do. I feel like the secret I am. I actually feel second now.

 

Our contact has been less since I told him how my family member moving has made me feel. He vaguely addressed it, and has since avoided it and become more ingratiating. I don't feel my heart is in it anymore, however I am afraid of opening it all up with him. I don't really know where to go from here.

[harrybrown]

Date someone that is available for you all the time. Find a single man and date him. You have many options for you.