Girl I like captions photo as "Me and my boyfriend <3" but tells me she doesn't?

[fmfan08]

Dude, she didn't write it, one of her girlfriends did! It wasn't about you! Hell, the girlfriend doesn't even know you! That girl could have written it about her own boyfriend, the girl you like knows her story and "liked" the tweet because she knows what's going on with her GIRLFRIEND and is showing her support!

 

Dude, stop over analyzing everything!

 

Ohhh, I thought her retweeting or favouriting it meant that she thought the same too. Sometimes I do that to save the effort of writing it as it's easier, but guess you're right.

 

Is there a way to stop overanalysing? I try to keep busy, but in my free time it doesn't help. It's like my mind randomly goes into overdrive, annoys the hell out of me!

[Chi townD]

Ohhh, I thought her retweeting or favouriting it meant that she thought the same too. Sometimes I do that to save the effort of writing it as it's easier, but guess you're right.

 

Is there a way to stop overanalysing? I try to keep busy, but in my free time it doesn't help. It's like my mind randomly goes into overdrive, annoys the hell out of me!

 

 

Yeah, live your life and when you have the opportunity to speak with her or IM with her, it's just you and her, no one else. And no one else matters because SHE chose to spend time with YOU! To take time out of her day to talk to you because she wants to! So, take advantage of those opportunities and when it's over, go back to your life. Stop obsessing over her. You want to scare her off? That's what's going to do it!

[fmfan08]

If she responds well to the card, back off for a couple days..

 

Alright, I think I understand this now. Basically, so the gesture looks genuine rather than looking as if I'm trying to get attention from her, i.e a conversation/reply from her.

[fmfan08]

Yeah, live your life and when you have the opportunity to speak with her or IM with her, it's just you and her, no one else. And no one else matters because SHE chose to spend time with YOU! To take time out of her day to talk to you because she wants to! So, take advantage of those opportunities and when it's over, go back to your life. Stop obsessing over her. You want to scare her off? That's what's going to do it!

 

Thanks for the advice! You certainly are right. I feel with the quoted conversation I've posted before, I might have slightly done that.. but I think I was right to immediately change topic onto something personal about her. She responded better.. so maybe it isn't dead in the water if I am getting replies. She put in her time to talk to me, I understand that now.

 

She could just completely ignore me, but she hasn't.

 

The week leading up to this by the way, after the "over-teasing", I was calm and not insecure as I've been appearing. She replied two days later to one of my replies, then 5 days the next. My rule at the time was, the ball was in HER court. My reply was sent, so it was up to HER to reply. She ended up replying when she realised that I wasn't chasing up with a second reply.

 

I've noticed it's the moment you don't appear bothered, they interact back. Unfortunately, I ruined that rule of mine with the "is something up" and "boyfriend" nonsense

[Chi townD]

No, you didn't screw up. That was a valid question to a misunderstanding. If ANYTHING you needed an answer to, it was that. So you wouldn't be wasting your time and making waves in her relationship.

[fmfan08]

No, you didn't screw up. That was a valid question to a misunderstanding. If ANYTHING you needed an answer to, it was that. So you wouldn't be wasting your time and making waves in her relationship.

 

That's the logical answer, but "The Way I Am" mentions I approached it the wrong way. I shouldn't have said that I'll back off, I shouldn't have sent those two messages really as there were a couple of sentences in each.

 

I should have been straight to the point and just ask "Do you have a boyfriend?" instead.

 

I'm not sure there's any coming back from this though, even if I start asking her questions about herself and I start making her smile/laugh again. Even if I never act insecure with her ever again, she knows that I did it one time.

 

That picture is now starting to ring true, still no other evidence despite them being close mates, but my gut says it's a weird caption to use. However, I will continue talking to her (without the insecure nonsense) and I'll assess if anything points to her being in a relationship. It's because I think she might have said "No I don't" for the sake of it, to shut me up.

Edited September 27, 2013 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Oh also, since I sent that message last Sunday about that photo, noticed today she's made her instagram private. That's either good or bad. Good, because it stops me overthinking (unless she posts it to her twitter) but bad, because I don't want her to think I'm stalking it and that's why she's done it.

 

Although, I did say I saw it on her twitter (her instagram is linked to it) and you can still see that particular picture

 

So I'm overthinking again, but it was a bit of a coincidence.

[fmfan08]

Just an update..

 

I sent her this yesterday morning for her birthday:

 

Instead of me writing on your wall for your birthday.. click this -> http://imageupload.co.uk/files/rbckcuc1252o8vuwgvry.jpg

One rule, you can't use your phone

But I noticed 25 minutes later on Twitter, her guy mate (the one in that picture) tweeted something like "Omg, proper f*cking cringy" and it's made me paranoid whether what I sent her was cringey and she sent it to him? I mean, it could have been to do with his tweet 5 or so minutes before.

 

 

But then again, she didn't reply to what I sent her and it's been well over a day. Although, all her activity on Facebook yesterday such as comments to birthday wishes were done on "mobile" and I did tell her she can't use her phone to view.. but surely she'd have used her laptop by now. Oh well.

 

 

Also, I remember seeing she liked a guy's photo (ages ago) that she added some weeks back and he liked her photo, didn't think anything of it as she's single, her business. But I saw he wrote "Happy birthday "cutie" have a nice day" and she replied "Haha OI what've I told you! My word! X".

 

 

Then later, when she uploaded a picture of herself before her night out, he commented "Wit actual woo cutiepie ;)" and she "liked" his reply. Then an hour later on the same photo I saw he writes "#hashtagMyword #Worldie" which she "likes" the comment again, although she did like her girl mates comments too.

 

 

That's me overthinking, but my gut tells me she's talking/flirting with this guy like I was with her through inboxing her. It might explain why she's continued to act distant/not reply to my birthday gesture because she's seen a better prospect. Thing is, she doesn't know him in person and they have no mutual friends either.

 

 

Anyway.. no contact from me and I'll disappear off her radar (which will be odd, as we haven't gone long without contacting each other for the last few months of talking).

 

 

Maybe she'll see I've disappeared and not pursuing her now, possibly contact me after a while of no contact. I won't hold myself to that idea though, she seems to have someone else to give her attention and to flatter her (he's the type to flirt with a lot of girls/like their pics) and if it doesn't work out, I really don't want her to come back and see me as the option.

 

 

In fact, if she does then my responses to her will be stern and uninterested.

[Chi townD]

At this point, dude, I think it's time to move on.

 

You asked you a question about something you saw on her instagram or whatever and then she blocks you from it.

 

You question her about her boyfriend status, and she pretty much stopped talking to you. You can see her communicate with everyone else but you.

 

You send her something for her birthday and she doesn't even acknowledge it. But, she thanks everyone else for their well wishes.

 

I think, that at this time, you're more invested in this than she is. And it's over someone you've never met in person.

 

I think you might want to start looking for girls around where you live that would have loved the little ecard you made for them. Someone, you can actually take out on a date.

 

This girl is playing games now, and that's not fair to you. I wouldn't even respond to anything she would send at this point.

Edited September 29, 2013 by Chi townD

[fmfan08]

At this point, dude, I think it's time to move on.

 

You asked you a question about something you saw on her instagram or whatever and then she blocks you from it.

 

You question her about her boyfriend status, and she pretty much stopped talking to you. You can see her communicate with everyone else but you.

 

You send her something for her birthday and she doesn't even acknowledge it. But, she thanks everyone else for their well wishes.

 

I think, that at this time, you're more invested in this than she is. And it's over someone you've never met in person.

 

I think you might want to start looking for girls around where you live that would have loved the little ecard you made for them. Someone, you can actually take out on a date.

 

This girl is playing games now, and that's not fair to you. I wouldn't even respond to anything she would send at this point.

 

She didn't block me from her Instagram, she just set to private, although that was a few days later. I can still see her instagram posts on her Twitter.

 

Yeah, I don't know if she didn't respond because of how "off" we were acting with each other :/ but she was replying. I'll leave it and see. Maybe 2-3 weeks down the line I'll contact her and see how she is and if it's the same thing then whatever.

 

She's the sort to play hard to get though, she has been putting up a "front" lately and a couple of weeks ago she even took 5 days to reply, then replied suddenly after that.

 

My message was 4 days after hers, maybe she's waiting a similar period or she saw it and forgot to thank me.

 

Part of me REALLY wants to put a facebook status up mentioning about putting effort into a nice gesture for someone and not getting at least a thanks back (indirectly to her) but not sure that'd be a good idea.

[fmfan08]

Also, I'm wondering if she thought it was cringey? That guy mate who was in her picture tweeted 25 minutes after me sending that ecard to her "Omg, proper f*cking cringy" although 7 or so minutes before he tweeted "Doritos and dip is more morish than heroin" so maybe he was on about that.. he seems eccentric.

 

Her lack of reply makes me believe she found it cringey too.

[The Way I Am]

Part of me REALLY wants to put a facebook status up mentioning about putting effort into a nice gesture for someone and not getting at least a thanks back (indirectly to her) but not sure that'd be a good idea.

 

NO! Bad, bad idea. Only whiners and drama queens post cr*p like that.

 

Also, I'm wondering if she thought it was cringey? That guy mate who was in her picture tweeted 25 minutes after me sending that ecard to her "Omg, proper f*cking cringy" although 7 or so minutes before he tweeted "Doritos and dip is more morish than heroin" so maybe he was on about that.. he seems eccentric.

 

Her lack of reply makes me believe she found it cringey too.

 

Two things.

 

1. If she thought that, f*ck her. Have some confidence in yourself. If some girl doesn't like your gesture, too bad for her. Find one that will.

 

2. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!! Just stop over analyzing everything.

 

She didn't reply at all, but replied to several other people. You should give up. Don't contact her at all. Don't make any posts about her. Just move on.

 

I agree with Chi townD, I don't think you should bother replying to her if she sends you a message at this point. If she doesn't care enough to thank you right away but thanked other people, she's not worth your time. At best she forgot, but if she was into you, she would have remembered.

 

I didn't know you've been chatting with this girl for 2 months. No wonder you're reading into so much. You've been building up your feelings for this girl for 2 months while she's probably had no more interest in you than any other guy she's chatting up.

 

You'll save yourself some trouble next time if you ask a girl out a lot sooner. You might get more rejections that way if you don't have success immediately, but by asking sooner rather than later, you don't build up an attachment to a girl who isn't interested. -- Don't confuse this suggestion with the "ask out as many girls as you can until you get a yes" approach some people take. That to me seems kind of desperate. What I mean is if you like a girl, ask her out fairly early after meeting her. If she's attracted to you and available, she'll say yes. If she's not, you won't waste your time.

 

Sure, the long drawn out thing eventually worked out for your sister's boyfriend, but the majority of the time, it ends up just like this. One person builds their hopes up and starts falling for the other but the other person has barely been giving them a second thought. It can work like it did with your sister and her bf, but it's usually a lot more painful, so I wouldn't recommend that approach to dating.

 

Oh, and local girls are a better option. You can actually ask them on a real date.

Edited September 30, 2013 by The Way I Am

[fmfan08]

NO! Bad, bad idea. Only whiners and drama queens post cr*p like that.

 

 

 

Two things.

 

1. If she thought that, f*ck her. Have some confidence in yourself. If some girl doesn't like your gesture, too bad for her. Find one that will.

 

2. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!! Just stop over analyzing everything.

 

She didn't reply at all, but replied to several other people. You should give up. Don't contact her at all. Don't make any posts about her. Just move on.

 

I agree with Chi townD, I don't think you should bother replying to her if she sends you a message at this point. If she doesn't care enough to thank you right away but thanked other people, she's not worth your time. At best she forgot, but if she was into you, she would have remembered.

 

I didn't know you've been chatting with this girl for 2 months. No wonder you're reading into so much. You've been building up your feelings for this girl for 2 months while she's probably had no more interest in you than any other guy she's chatting up.

 

You'll save yourself some trouble next time if you ask a girl out a lot sooner. You might get more rejections that way if you don't have success immediately, but by asking sooner rather than later, you don't build up an attachment to a girl who isn't interested. -- Don't confuse this suggestion with the "ask out as many girls as you can until you get a yes" approach some people take. That to me seems kind of desperate. What I mean is if you like a girl, ask her out fairly early after meeting her. If she's attracted to you and available, she'll say yes. If she's not, you won't waste your time.

 

Sure, the long drawn out thing eventually worked out for your sister's boyfriend, but the majority of the time, it ends up just like this. One person builds their hopes up and starts falling for the other but the other person has barely been giving them a second thought. It can work like it did with your sister and her bf, but it's usually a lot more painful, so I wouldn't recommend that approach to dating.

 

Oh, and local girls are a better option. You can actually ask them on a real date.

 

At 1) I didn't go that route, remaining happy is best.

 

I wrote a Facebook status this morning saying "Me and this time of the morning will never get on!" and I had a bunch of girls liking the status. Then over an hour later, I see this girl I've been on about likes my status. I don't get how she doesn't acknowledge my birthday gesture, yet likes my status. I'd assume if she didn't want me to talk, she wouldn't give me encouragement like that. I know she's keeping her options open, that's obvious. It's either mind games, her playing hard to get and trying not to drop her "front" after I sent her that nice gesture, or maybe she just isn't that interested.

 

2) I see that now, had she replied and acknowledged/thanked me, I wouldn't have worried.

 

My only concern is that from the conversations I posted, she had been acting off with me, but replying. It is like she's got this front/shield up because I was a bit insulting with my teasing (I didn't make it seem like a joke over text)

 

I'm going to contact this other girl who my best girl mate introduced me to (her best mate) and see how things go. It died off last time as I wasn't up to any involvement with a girl, but I'll see how it goes (she might already have her eyes on someone, but worth sticking my toes in the water and trying).

 

With this other girl, it's confusing that she liked my status yet didn't respond to my message (maybe she did and I didn't get it/maybe she mis-pressed the send button), part of me feels it's because she's still off about my teasing.

 

I'm wondering if it's best to just regard her as a friend, being the circumstances. I think I've come on too strong and when she sees me talking to her, no doubt she's assuming that I'm "looking for a relationship/something more" when she just wants some fun. So maybe it's best just contacting her in a week or two and just being casual.

 

I know that if you show more interest in a girl than they do in you, it puts them off. I want to show that my interested isn't high, that I'm seeing other girls.

Edited September 30, 2013 by fmfan08

[Chi townD]

 

 

I agree with Chi townD, I don't think you should bother replying to her if she sends you a message at this point. If she doesn't care enough to thank you right away but thanked other people, she's not worth your time. At best she forgot, but if she was into you, she would have remembered.

 

 

 

This is why I'm telling you to move on. Girls that have a guy that they're interested in; that sent them something nice would have responded at the first available moment. She never did and if she was brazen enough to share that card with someone else to have a laugh at your sincerity....well, that doesn't say a lot for the maturity of the girl. (if this was the case).

[fmfan08]

This is why I'm telling you to move on. Girls that have a guy that they're interested in; that sent them something nice would have responded at the first available moment. She never did and if she was brazen enough to share that card with someone else to have a laugh at your sincerity....well, that doesn't say a lot for the maturity of the girl. (if this was the case).

 

I see your point. I'd understand if it was after some good conversations, but the conversations me and had weren't exactly great after my teasing. Feels like she's still got her shield up.

 

Liking my status too, been a while since she's done that. But I can't understand how she'd not acknowledge my message, yet acknowledge my status enough to "like".

 

I think now, seeing as I was last to send a message, the ball is in her side of the court anyway. She can like my statuses all she wants, but if she wants to contact me, she knows what to do. Usually, I have a second message rule.. If a girl doesn't respond after two messages, I give up.

 

So I'm unsure whether to eventually re-initiate down the line once things have calmed down (if she forgets what happened/decides to forgive) or see if she comes to me.

 

I think I prefer the second option, because any interested girl would check to see where I was after a while. But, we can't rule out the possibility that her message didn't send/reach me, even if she did.

Edited September 30, 2013 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Anyway life is weird and random, girls change their minds constantly. You never know what's around the corner. I feel confident in not contacting her now, let her come to me if she wants to talk. I've always believed in persistence though, until I get a clear answer by the girl.. I feel like if I took a step back, I'd open the door to this guy. It's not as if she's giving me any reason to talk anyway.

 

I've been "too there" and she knows that she'll always get a response from me. Asking if she had a boyfriend didn't help at all, she knows that it affects me and that she could openly flirt with a guy and I'll see it and get jealous. This isn't going to happen, I'm cutting contact until she knows how to put effort it, this will also make me look more of a challenge too (which can help in the future with other girls)

 

It's up to her now. She can like all the statuses of mine that she wants, but I don't communicate in that way *thumbs up*

Edited September 30, 2013 by fmfan08

[Chi townD]

 

I've been "too there" and she knows that she'll always get a response from me. Asking if she had a boyfriend didn't help at all, she knows that it affects me and that she could openly flirt with a guy and I'll see it and get jealous. This isn't going to happen, I'm cutting contact until she knows how to put effort it, this will also make me look more of a challenge too (which can help in the future with other girls)

 

It's up to her now. She can like all the statuses of mine that she wants, but I don't communicate in that way *thumbs up*

 

 

Dude, watch out. I even believed that you had a chance into fostering a relationship with this girl. Not anymore. You need to not respond to her.

 

Another thing that some girls like to do is keep you on the hook. Pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. They do this to get an ego boost from you. If the guy she's flirting with isn't flirting back for whatever reason. Then, she might get down in the dumps and she'll reach out to you, so she can get you to re-affirm that she is still desired! And once she gets her fix, you're back on the sidelines.

 

So, your best bet is to try to get with a local girl that will have the full benefit to get to know you. To take the time to go on a date with you. To actually see the romantic side of you. And someone you can actually touch.

 

You need to adopt the attitude of, "You know what? HER LOSS!!"

[The Way I Am]

But, we can't rule out the possibility that her message didn't send/reach me, even if she did.

 

Highly unlikely. Besides, you sent it on fb right? Doesn't fb tell you if a message has been read? Mine tells me the date and time the person read the message. I'm looking at one right now that says "Seen Thu 10:25am" right on the bottom.

 

Another thing that some girls like to do is keep you on the hook. Pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. They do this to get an ego boost from you. If the guy she's flirting with isn't flirting back for whatever reason. Then, she might get down in the dumps and she'll reach out to you, so she can get you to re-affirm that she is still desired! And once she gets her fix, you're back on the sidelines.

 

Exactly. Guys do this, too. I've taken the bait before, thinking "oh he did xyz, maybe I misunderstood before and he really does like me". Nope. Once you take the bait a few times, you start to realize you shouldn't second guess yourself because of little meaningless gestures.

 

This girl's not into you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You seem like a sweet guy. Some girl will appreciate that. Just have more confidence in yourself. If you're interested in dating a girl, let her know. Ask when you first meet her. That's attractive. It shows you know what you want and aren't afraid to go for it.

 

So, your best bet is to try to get with a local girl that will have the full benefit to get to know you. To take the time to go on a date with you. To actually see the romantic side of you. And someone you can actually touch.

 

You need to adopt the attitude of, "You know what? HER LOSS!!"

 

This.

[fmfan08]

Dude, watch out. I even believed that you had a chance into fostering a relationship with this girl. Not anymore. You need to not respond to her.

 

Another thing that some girls like to do is keep you on the hook. Pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. They do this to get an ego boost from you. If the guy she's flirting with isn't flirting back for whatever reason. Then, she might get down in the dumps and she'll reach out to you, so she can get you to re-affirm that she is still desired! And once she gets her fix, you're back on the sidelines.

 

So, your best bet is to try to get with a local girl that will have the full benefit to get to know you. To take the time to go on a date with you. To actually see the romantic side of you. And someone you can actually touch.

 

You need to adopt the attitude of, "You know what? HER LOSS!!"

 

How come not anymore? Just curious.

 

I was fearing what if I was a backup like that, but I guess I could still talk to her on casual terms and if she chooses to meet, fair enough. When I say this, I will be getting to know local girls.

 

I have been slowly going towards that mentality anyway. This other dude, they seem to be talking but not in a serious way that I can gather. He does seem like a player though, so that's up to her to find out if she pursues it.

[fmfan08]

 

This girl's not into you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You seem like a sweet guy. Some girl will appreciate that. Just have more confidence in yourself. If you're interested in dating a girl, let her know. Ask when you first meet her. That's attractive. It shows you know what you want and aren't afraid to go for it.

 

 

 

This.

 

Haha, well after a week, she still hasn't followed me back on Twitter.. but she randomly liked my status today, that's annoying.

 

It's annoying, she seemed to be before I messed up. I don't know, part of me wants to re-initiate and talk on friendly terms at least, as we've been penpals for a long time anyway, just the interest in each other came later until I made mistakes.

 

But I wouldn't hold my hopes on meeting up, I don't know, if casual conversation and being friendly doesn't work, I'm tempted to just deactivate my facebook and stick with my Twitter.

[Chi townD]

How come not anymore? Just curious.

 

I was fearing what if I was a backup like that, but I guess I could still talk to her on casual terms and if she chooses to meet, fair enough. When I say this, I will be getting to know local girls.

 

I have been slowly going towards that mentality anyway. This other dude, they seem to be talking but not in a serious way that I can gather. He does seem like a player though, so that's up to her to find out if she pursues it.

 

 

Seriously? Dude! You text her and it takes her days to respond! Whenever I started a new relationship, we would constantly talk! Remember the days when you started a new relationship and the two of you would just talk into the late hours of the morning because you didn't want to get off the phone with each other?

 

That's not happening here.

[The Way I Am]

Haha, well after a week, she still hasn't followed me back on Twitter.. but she randomly liked my status today, that's annoying.

 

It's annoying, she seemed to be before I messed up.

 

Don't dwell on the idea that you messed up and what might have been if you just hadn't done xzy. You tried something, it didn't go the way you wanted, and you'll learn from it.

 

I don't know, part of me wants to re-initiate and talk on friendly terms at least, as we've been penpals for a long time anyway, just the interest in each other came later until I made mistakes.

 

Do you really think anything good will come of that? I think you'll just end up hung up on her longer wasting energy that could be better spent.

 

But I wouldn't hold my hopes on meeting up, I don't know, if casual conversation and being friendly doesn't work, I'm tempted to just deactivate my facebook and stick with my Twitter.

 

Why would you get rid of your FB because one girl wasn't into you? And is meeting girls all you use it for?

 

Casual conversation and being friendly does work, but you can't carry that on indefinitely. You have to make your interest in dating the girl known fairly soon. Don't wait months to ask a girl on a date.

 

Maybe you're not ready yet to ask girls you like out immediately after meeting them. (Which btw is not at all creepy if you're doing it in person as opposed to trying to date girls you meet through FB.) But try to work up the nerve to ask a girl on a date sometime within at least your first half dozen interactions with them. And if they say no, just move on. You can still be friendly with them if they're someone you see regularly, but consider them off your list of possibilities.

 

And it's not going to work every time, but you can't get discouraged about asking a girl out because you were rejected by a different girl. Some girls just won't be attracted to you, and there's nothing you can do about that. I'm not attracted to Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt, but that doesn't mean they can't get plenty of other women.

Edited October 2, 2013 by The Way I Am

[fmfan08]

Don't dwell on the idea that you messed up and what might have been if you just hadn't done xzy. You tried something, it didn't go the way you wanted, and you'll learn from it.

 

True. I'm more for learning on the mistakes of talking to a girl for too long though because I realise how much of a waste of time it was in this situation. I understand she had concerns with me being a stranger, but I should have dropped it earlier. Me jumping to conclusions and being an idiot didn't help either.

 

 

Do you really think anything good will come of that? I think you'll just end up hung up on her longer wasting energy that could be better spent.

We were friends before, used to text a lot and I enjoyed that. We had good friendly conversations before this a while back and personally, I'd rather tell her that I still want us to be friends rather than cut contact off completely. I enjoyed talking to her, but the "attachment" got in the way and I've learned from that, so I hope I can at least salvage being friends.

 

As this week has gone on, I've grown unattached to her and taken your advice that there ARE more girls out there that are local, I just have to work on myself.

 

But I think I came on too strong/too much pressure with this girl and I think that online card pushed it when I SHOULD have sent her a simple message (but who's to say she wouldn't reply to that).

 

Why would you get rid of your FB because one girl wasn't into you? And is meeting girls all you use it for?

I figured it was boring anyway, as I use Twitter a lot but keeping FB means I can show how exciting I am/my day is and she'll see it. I don't use it for girls, mostly friends.

 

Casual conversation and being friendly does work, but you can't carry that on indefinitely. You have to make your interest in dating the girl known fairly soon. Don't wait months to ask a girl on a date.

My rule seems to be to talk to a girl over two or so weeks, then ask out. If they use an excuse but offer an alternate date then fine. I'll try one more time. If I get the same again, move on.

 

Maybe you're not ready yet to ask girls you like out immediately after meeting them. (Which btw is not at all creepy if you're doing it in person as opposed to trying to date girls you meet through FB.) But try to work up the nerve to ask a girl on a date sometime within at least your first half dozen interactions with them. And if they say no, just move on. You can still be friendly with them if they're someone you see regularly, but consider them off your list of possibilities.

Yeah, I'd use text to make them laugh really. Why bother having a conversation over text/or even the phone when you can arrange a date and talk in person instead.

 

And it's not going to work every time, but you can't get discouraged about asking a girl out because you were rejected by a different girl. Some girls just won't be attracted to you, and there's nothing you can do about that. I'm not attracted to Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt, but that doesn't mean they can't get plenty of other women.

Haha, yeah don't worry I have this mentality. If a girl isn't attracted to me, I figure it's because they have different preferences or are taken and are loyal to that. Some of my friends find certain girls attractive that I don't.

 

I was just led to believe that this girl DID like me, maybe she did but I blew it. The "you started it, again" message shows that my repeated bad behaviour annoyed and put her off. If I cut her off completely, then that's it. If I keep her around as friends, who knows in the future? I'll obviously be with other girls by then but it can't hurt to keep her around just in case she comes around in the future. Cutting her off doesn't achieve anything.

 

Also I met a girl locally by the way, my only problem is she's 3 years younger than me.. but she seems mature. I guess it's because I've always dated/gone out with girls my age, give or take a year older/younger.

Edited October 3, 2013 by fmfan08

[fmfan08]

Seriously? Dude! You text her and it takes her days to respond! Whenever I started a new relationship, we would constantly talk! Remember the days when you started a new relationship and the two of you would just talk into the late hours of the morning because you didn't want to get off the phone with each other?

 

That's not happening here.

 

If only I kept her texts to show you some of our conversations, we used to do that. But I think I was too strong or used too much pressure.

 

Talking to her as friends relieves that pressure and we might just enjoy talking to each other again, I'd rather take that than losing it all completely. I'd essentially be friendzoning her anyway, but we've never met in person so it's not as if true attraction could have been created without meeting anyway.

 

I'd rather not lose that friendship of sorts. It's funny how I've realised this is the best option in the current situation.. being too attached to her blurred my mind from straight thinking.

Edited October 3, 2013 by fmfan08

[The Way I Am]

Generally, what makes something creepy vs not creepy is whether the girl is into you. The key to not being creepy is recognizing a girl's interest level and keeping your actions appropriate to that level.

 

In retrospect, I think that a short message would have been more appropriate here. But without the ability to gauge her interest level, sending the card was the best way to find out.

 

So I don't agree with you that you should not have sent the card. You came to that conclusion based on thinking that if you'd just played it cool, she'd eventually be into you. But that's not likely. It's more likely that you would still be continuing to be hung up on her now instead of realizing that you should focus your attention elsewhere.

 

Don't make the make of thinking the lesson here is that you shouldn't do nice gestures for women or express your interest in them. The lesson is that you need to build your skills in recognizing when a woman is attracted to you or not. (That's easier to do in person.)