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Does the Truth Always Come Out - Dday?


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We've ended things....been a few months now...work together (which is brutal)...still have mutual friends. But it's only professional now..a few breadcrumbs were tossed up over the last 7-8 weeks, but nothing that I classify as anything significant...to my knowledge nobody knows....even if there are suspicions (how cold there not be).

 

I'm left feeling like I am the only one with actual consequence...broken heart, picking up the pieces...I often feel like xMW feels like I was just a mistake she discovered and "oops...i really do love my H...and i can't believe i just did that". While I am glad this didn't blow up with families knowing etc...i guess I wonder if somehow this plays out...i feel like her H and I were the ones to hurt the most...(except that since he doesn't know, ignorance is bliss) and she hasn't even had her hand slapped. He is cluless...essentially made to be the fool I guess...and me...well, I'm the other fool.

 

Just my rant for the day....i'm on one of the downhills of this rollercoaster...feelings some anger, resentment etc...needed to vent.

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We've ended things....been a few months now...work together (which is brutal)...still have mutual friends. But it's only professional now..a few breadcrumbs were tossed up over the last 7-8 weeks, but nothing that I classify as anything significant...to my knowledge nobody knows....even if there are suspicions (how cold there not be).

 

I'm left feeling like I am the only one with actual consequence...broken heart, picking up the pieces...I often feel like xMW feels like I was just a mistake she discovered and "oops...i really do love my H...and i can't believe i just did that". While I am glad this didn't blow up with families knowing etc...i guess I wonder if somehow this plays out...i feel like her H and I were the ones to hurt the most...(except that since he doesn't know, ignorance is bliss) and she hasn't even had her hand slapped. He is cluless...essentially made to be the fool I guess...and me...well, I'm the other fool.

 

Just my rant for the day....i'm on one of the downhills of this rollercoaster...feelings some anger, resentment etc...needed to vent.

 

Z, I feel the exact same way. We get left holding the bag while they continue on their "happy" little lives. We get the broken heart. I suspect the H knows what he's got with her. I can one up you: My MW apparently did leave the M, but not for me and has made it known to me that she has someone else. I suspect that's why she "broke up" with me 7 months ago (she'd found another AP). I too have been accepting the breadcrumbs in the form of a phone call every few weeks that made me feel worse than if I had not heard from her. We can only hope that Karma truly is a b!tch. She'll get hers. But your thoughts are very valid and I am sure there's a lot of truth to it---they don't skip a beat.

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Does the truth come out on Dday? Hell, Ddays only happen about 50% of the time by the best stat I've seen. Half of those were confessions, the other half, discoveries.

 

Speaking as a BS, the whole truth is pretty close to zero.

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Does the truth come out on Dday? Hell, Ddays only happen about 50% of the time by the best stat I've seen. Half of those were confessions, the other half, discoveries.

 

Speaking as a BS, the whole truth is pretty close to zero.

 

I've been a BS and my ex wanted to get caught I have to believe...came home stoned and drunk at 5 am...pretty telling...So I get the truth is pretty close to zero also.

 

So I guess some just get to live lives like nothing ever happened...what a shame...

 

But hey..life ain't fair...i was just curious.

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Rollercoaster Rider

I don't believe the truth comes out. Maybe bits and pieces..but I am sure not the whole truth. After our DDay, he told me how hard it was for him to have to tell his wife that he slept with another woman. They were together for 23 years, he was her first and only. Do I believe that he actually told her that??? Hell NO... and I would be a fool to think differently. He tells me what is going to get him the most sympathy.

 

I can totally relate to the way you all feel. Since our DDay, he has been a totally different person. We still are "together".. whatever that means, but just so different. I am definitely on the side now, where before I was in front. But, he still won't let go. Tried the NC thing, and that lasts for like 2-3 days..then the texts and eventually back to where we were before. It really sucks... but to weak to walk away, right now that is.

 

Maybe it's easier to think that they didn't just get to walk away and continue on their "happy" little lives....

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I think in a dday, no matter how the dday happened the "tip of the iceburg" truth is exposed/confessed. If the BS goes digging the rest of the truth trickles like a leaky faucet.

 

I'd bet a billion $, a whole truth has never been discovered/confessed on a dday.

 

Take any A of a public figure in the news. Its never as simple as the breaking story begins.

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I got thinking though,

 

Unless possibly in the case of the AP going to the BS with the full story, although even then probably in a lot of cases the BS shuts the AP down or out before the whole story would be exposed.

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We've ended things....been a few months now...work together (which is brutal)...still have mutual friends. But it's only professional now..a few breadcrumbs were tossed up over the last 7-8 weeks, but nothing that I classify as anything significant...to my knowledge nobody knows....even if there are suspicions (how cold there not be).

 

I'm left feeling like I am the only one with actual consequence...broken heart, picking up the pieces...I often feel like xMW feels like I was just a mistake she discovered and "oops...i really do love my H...and i can't believe i just did that". While I am glad this didn't blow up with families knowing etc...i guess I wonder if somehow this plays out...i feel like her H and I were the ones to hurt the most...(except that since he doesn't know, ignorance is bliss) and she hasn't even had her hand slapped. He is cluless...essentially made to be the fool I guess...and me...well, I'm the other fool.

 

Just my rant for the day....i'm on one of the downhills of this rollercoaster...feelings some anger, resentment etc...needed to vent.

 

Expect to feel this a whole lot more, the roller coaster is just beginning on the road to anger and denial and acceptance..... I have had (still do) conversations with xmw in my head and told her off and yelled and done it all.

 

I've got more to my story, I've been holding it in, but I see a few guys posting as of late, hurting, whether we are single or married, the pain is there and real.

 

I've come to see alot and learn alot, and after reading another thread, the words to that song, 'sometimes love just ain't enough' hit really reallly hard.

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Expect to feel this a whole lot more, the roller coaster is just beginning on the road to anger and denial and acceptance..... I have had (still do) conversations with xmw in my head and told her off and yelled and done it all.

 

I've got more to my story, I've been holding it in, but I see a few guys posting as of late, hurting, whether we are single or married, the pain is there and real.

 

I've come to see alot and learn alot, and after reading another thread, the words to that song, 'sometimes love just ain't enough' hit really reallly hard.

 

I'm starting to feel that also Rick...and I guess I've come to realize I should expect more...i felt pretty good for a few weeks and then past 5-10 days I feel like crap again...everything triggering me lately.

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What I'm really wondering is...like in my case there was non dday at all....does this person really get to move on in life and live without any repercussion?

 

Just seems unfair...not only to me..but to her H

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What I'm really wondering is...like in my case there was non dday at all....does this person really get to move on in life and live without any repercussion?

 

Just seems unfair...not only to me..but to her H

 

I had a dday, she went on with her life, but I can't say for sure there were no repercussions based on some things she revealed as of late... but hell, after she and I ended and I fought for my M, she got a new ring, a new car, nothing seemed to happen to her, she went on, and I dont know if she cared or not .....

 

I'm probably going to start my own thread and admit to my latest stupidity and all it did was cause me more pain and set me back after coming forward so far.....

 

Triggers will be everywhere, and you won't even know, it may even be a song and you'll have no idea why. It sucks Z, it really does, I know the feelings and highs and lows all too well. You may be fine all day long, one thing, one single thing, a thought a smell, a sound, and you are angry and sad and hurting in that one instance and it's crippling.

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I had a dday, she went on with her life, but I can't say for sure there were no repercussions based on some things she revealed as of late... but hell, after she and I ended and I fought for my M, she got a new ring, a new car, nothing seemed to happen to her, she went on, and I dont know if she cared or not .....

 

I'm probably going to start my own thread and admit to my latest stupidity and all it did was cause me more pain and set me back after coming forward so far.....

 

Triggers will be everywhere, and you won't even know, it may even be a song and you'll have no idea why. It sucks Z, it really does, I know the feelings and highs and lows all too well. You may be fine all day long, one thing, one single thing, a thought a smell, a sound, and you are angry and sad and hurting in that one instance and it's crippling.

 

Ugh...i feel for you man...you've often been a foundation of advice and strength on here for me...like slapping some sense into me...hope you're doing ok.

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Ugh...i feel for you man...you've often been a foundation of advice and strength on here for me...like slapping some sense into me...hope you're doing ok.

 

I'm as good as I can be. I got good at giving advice but not so good at following my own advice. I can tell you with time feelings will lessen but even the smallest exposure can bring them rushing back to the surface

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I'm as good as I can be. I got good at giving advice but not so good at following my own advice. I can tell you with time feelings will lessen but even the smallest exposure can bring them rushing back to the surface

 

Not sure there is anything someone can do about that...except maybe develop coping mechanisms and a plan ahead of time..

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Not sure there is anything someone can do about that...except maybe develop coping mechanisms and a plan ahead of time..

 

 

Ha! We plan, God laughs. I thought I knew exactly how I'd react if I had the chance to speak to her, contact her, had it all planned in my head down to the perfect Go F yourself..... didn't work that way lol. Hell, have a had a really good guy helping me through so much of this since I came on here, he even told me how you think you are going to react is not anywhere close to what will really happen.... I've given him a chance for alot of I told you so's

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Triggers will be everywhere, and you won't even know, it may even be a song and you'll have no idea why. It sucks Z, it really does, I know the feelings and highs and lows all too well. You may be fine all day long, one thing, one single thing, a thought a smell, a sound, and you are angry and sad and hurting in that one instance and it's crippling.

 

Thank you for saying this because...I thought it was just me who felt like that and I thought I was going mad :o

Triggers really ARE everywhere!!! In the silliest of things too or unexpected places; someone with the same name...or even a church with the same name as him because he has a Christian name(!) A particular station, a sandwich, a cookie...even chopping bloody garlic the other day made me think of "him"

Hmmmmm...

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Triggers really ARE everywhere!!! In the silliest of things too or unexpected places; someone with the same name...or even a church with the same name as him because he has a Christian name(!) A particular station, a sandwich, a cookie...even chopping bloody garlic the other day made me think of "him"

Hmmmmm...

 

Or people with the same car, in a strange coincidence my dad went and bought unknowingly the exact same car as MM (and its not a common car), even the interior is the same, freaks me out when my dad comes to visit.

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Or people with the same car, in a strange coincidence my dad went and bought unknowingly the exact same car as MM (and its not a common car), even the interior is the same, freaks me out when my dad comes to visit.

 

Oh man tell me about it :eek:

Every time I see his make of car my eyes dart to the registration...especially when I see one of the same colour...

Its crazy!!! I am crazy!!! :p

A friend gave me a lift home and said "for my next car, I want the...."

He wants the exact same model of car the exMM has.

Good lord :(...

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We've ended things....been a few months now...work together (which is brutal)...still have mutual friends. But it's only professional now..a few breadcrumbs were tossed up over the last 7-8 weeks, but nothing that I classify as anything significant...to my knowledge nobody knows....even if there are suspicions (how cold there not be).

 

I'm left feeling like I am the only one with actual consequence...broken heart, picking up the pieces...I often feel like xMW feels like I was just a mistake she discovered and "oops...i really do love my H...and i can't believe i just did that". While I am glad this didn't blow up with families knowing etc...i guess I wonder if somehow this plays out...i feel like her H and I were the ones to hurt the most...(except that since he doesn't know, ignorance is bliss) and she hasn't even had her hand slapped. He is cluless...essentially made to be the fool I guess...and me...well, I'm the other fool.

 

Just my rant for the day....i'm on one of the downhills of this rollercoaster...feelings some anger, resentment etc...needed to vent.

 

 

Don't have much to add, but feeling very much the same way.

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Don't have much to add, but feeling very much the same way.

 

Goodbye..i'll chase back through your story...but you're in a similar boat?

 

I don't want to be petty...i just feel like xMW hasn't had even her hand slapped...and it's just sad to me...it's not about "fair"..but at the same time...it just seems wrong! Part of me wishes she would be outed...but not by me!

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OP, one way to look at it is that you have a lot of company out there and, now that the soft focus lens has been removed, you have clarity. There's a lot of value in clarity, IMO.

 

Lastly, one can never know what is in the mind of another. You know, completely, what is in your mind. That matters. Focus on that in the days and weeks ahead. Good luck.

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Goodbye..i'll chase back through your story...but you're in a similar boat?

 

I don't want to be petty...i just feel like xMW hasn't had even her hand slapped...and it's just sad to me...it's not about "fair"..but at the same time...it just seems wrong! Part of me wishes she would be outed...but not by me!

 

 

Well fortunately we do not work together other than on an alumni association, so seeing him is not an issue. I was referring more to the feeling of being cast aside while their old life is resumed...feeling like being left behind with the emotional mess alone.

 

I don't believe my exMM suffered ANY consequences. I don't believe he told her anything and there wasn't a d day. In fact, I think she started to work harder on the marriage as he became distant during his A.

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Well fortunately we do not work together other than on an alumni association, so seeing him is not an issue. I was referring more to the feeling of being cast aside while their old life is resumed...feeling like being left behind with the emotional mess alone.

 

I don't believe my exMM suffered ANY consequences. I don't believe he told her anything and there wasn't a d day. In fact, I think she started to work harder on the marriage as he became distant during his A.

 

I am feeling the same thing...I was a cure at the cost of my own health and happiness.

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Goodbye..just saw that you had posted a similar thread....

 

This is exactly what I guess I was wondering. I feel like she'll resume life and I'm left the only one with consequence, hurt etc...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/414717-discovery-after-fact

 

 

Well, we could out each other! Just kidding...

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