TooPatient Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I've been battling an addiction to opiates for well over 6 years. I've actually used for the better part of a decade, but realized it was a problem in 2007 and have been trying to get clean since. I have a plan in place to take 2 weeks off from work in November so I can cold turkey. Work stress seems to be my #1 cause for relapse. I can stay clean and suffer through the weekends just fine, but when Monday comes and the first stress hits me, I run to the pills. I've maintained fairly well. I have my career and graduate degree. I generally just take enough to feel "well" so I can function and cope. Nobody knows that I use drugs at all aside from my close friends. To the point. I've now been dating a girl for nearly 5 months. She has never even had a cigarette in her life, so she wouldn't understand addiction at all. The most I told her is that I USE to have an addiction to painkillers, as in past tense. I'm not even sure it registered, the conversation moved on and hasn't been brought up since. I'm pretty set on not telling her that I'm actively addicted. I've asked for input from friends and other people, not one person so far has said I should tell her...mainly b/c she just wouldn't understand. I hate keeping secrets tho. I do plan on telling her more about the addiction, but not until I'm in active recovery in November. We've had some discussions about me moving in with her, but that wouldn't be until after November. I absolutely cannot put her through this when I'm living with her. I don't want to bring her into my stress/problem. What do you guys/gals think? Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Keep your personal stuff to yourself, ESPECIALLY in the early stages of a relationship. So-called "deal breakers" in the early stages often aren't once the person is truly happy being with you. It's illogical, but that's how it is. Good luck. I also hate to even suggest this, but perhaps pot might help to kick the opiates. I wouldn't know, I've only done opiates a couple of times. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Addicts lie. Why would you want to live w a clueless girl? Good luck w cold turkey though. It's staying off the junk that's really hard. Often the worst lies are the ones we tell to ourselves. Addiction is a rough road. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooPatient Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 Addicts lie. Why would you want to live w a clueless girl? Good luck w cold turkey though. It's staying off the junk that's really hard. Often the worst lies are the ones we tell to ourselves. Addiction is a rough road. Thanks for the input guys. Balzac, are you saying I should tell her? Staying off the junk is the tough part. Especially when I work a very stressful job. NGC1300, I just quit pot less than 2 weeks ago. I have to find a new, less stressful job. Plus I'm looking for a job in the city so I can live closer to the girl. I wish that I could use the pot, but it was so easy to quit and I don't really miss it even. I wish quitting the opiates were half as easy... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueJeanTangerine Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 If you can get yourself into an in-patient treatment program ASAP. If you've been having this problem for nearly a decade two weeks cold turkey is not going to cut it for very long. You should tell her without a doubt, she will either be supportive or not. Take care of yourself above all and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 What is your support plan? I'm not sure I'd tell her until you've got a plan. Telling her and having an active job search...hmmm. This is highly risky stuff. Curious if this is how you got through undergrad and grad? Finally - do you work in the medical field? Big Pharma? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooPatient Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 I don't think that I'm going to tell her until I'm in active recovery. I doubt she'd leave me at that point. If I'm successful, I may not tell her at all. She just has no idea about addiction or drugs in general. If it's affecting us somehow, then I'll tell her. I plan on taking the 2 weeks to cold turkey and stay at a friend's house. When I've attempted sobriety before, the stress from work always brought me down. That's another big reason I need to find a different job...it's incredibly stressful. I live 50 minutes from the girl, we both want to see each other more than once during the week and then on weekends...and since she's got a successful business going, I'm the one with the expendable job. Plus she lives in the city, I live in distant burbs where there's not much to do. I do behavior therapy for people with disabilities and/or mental illness. Much like a teacher, I have a respectable job that's under-paid. So anyway, it was her idea for me to look for work in the city, she even offered for me to move in with her. I'd like to find my own place however. She lives in a high-rise and has a nice place, but it's a bit small for the two of us...just a one-bedroom condo. I wasn't really addicted in under-grad, just used here and there b/c I didn't have a steady connection. By grad-school the addiction was definitely there, I was using daily and couldn't go a day without being in withdrawals. Still graduated with honors and worked full-time during school tho. I've pondered pumping the brakes with this girl. It's hard to describe, and I really like her, but I'm just not sure if it will work and I seem to be having some trust issues toward her, which I don't generally have with girls I date. So I haven't brought up me moving in with her since it was initially discussed a few weeks ago. When I quit I'll be going to NA meetings and hopefully get a sponsor. I'd also like to see a doctor for the sleep and anxiety issues that I seem to have when sober, but just for short-term treatment of those symptoms. So I'm actively looking for new work now, ideally I'd like to find something within a month or so after getting sober...but if a good opportunity comes along before that I'll have to take it. I've been sober for a few weeks here and there and I seem to function ok, but like I said, work stress always throws me back off the wagon. I'll need low stress for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Too Patient: Usually when someone is an addict, they are using because they have other 'issues" and they need something to use as a coping mechanism. Until you figure out what the underlying reason is that you began relying on opiates, you will not be successful in quitting because you will still need them as your coping mechanism. Since you didn't provide much background information, I understand that I could be way off base, but still would you consider that you are using because you need a crutch for something else, and it may not be work stress? In support, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Your opiate addiction is relatively long term. Have you considered going on maintenance short term, and then tapering off that? Finding a good clinic, with good support and a good maintenance med for you is probably the best bet. At the moment, your girlfriend is the least of your worries. Check out http://www.bluelight.ru - you will find a lot of useful info there regarding your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I was seriously addicted to opiates. A very happy stage of my life, and my daughter's, was destroyed because of my ex husband's addiction. I've been clean and sober for more than 2 decades. First, you are being very dishonest if you keep this from your girlfriend. She has the right to decide for herself if she wants to be in a serious relationship with a person who has this kind of issue. Chances are that your relationship will be irreparably damaged when she learns that you kept this from her in order to manipulate her into staying with you. Even if she does stay with you. I promise you that just taking 2 weeks off in November and "going cold turkey" is not going to rid you of your addiction after you've been feeding it all these years, and I believe you know this. You are blaming your past failures at sobriety on "work stress." Other stressors are awaiting. A new relationship is a profound stressor; that's why recovering addicts are typically advised to hold off on getting involved until they have at least one year of sobriety under their belt. You need to learn how to deal with stress, and with life. Until you do, you will probably go back to your comfort zone, which is opiates. If you just stay in the "cold turkey" mode, you will probably be a mess for years. I hope you will go to a recovery program, or at least commit to NA meetings every day for 3 months, and finding a sponsor there. I don't think you are in a place where you'll seriously consider those options, though. Sounds like your addiction is still working for you and (pardon the lame cliche, but it's true), you have not "hit bottom" yet. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are going to have to lose a lot because of your addiction before you really do what you need to do to leave it behind you. I would like to be wrong and learn that you successfully kick your decade long addiction by going "cold turkey" at your friend's house, and live happily ever after with your new girlfriend. That would be nice. Very insightful and sadly, accurate post. Good luck OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooPatient Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the feedback guys. All very true and thoughtful replies. Yes, I've been trying to kick this for a while. I'm not a heavy dose user however, compared to most addicts who have used as long as me. Particularly in the past couple of years, I've just taken enough to "get by." I believe this is what makes my withdrawals pretty tolerable. I don't get the Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream withdrawals. I just have issues sleeping and get bouts of anxiety...and lack of energy of course. I've tried suboxone before and will never do that again. I was only on 4mg to start and then tapered until I was chipping off the smallest piece of a sub pill that I could. I took a week and a half of vacation days off work to kick, and the withdrawals didn't hit me until a third of the way through my vacation time. So by the time I went back to work, I was still in acute withdrawal and relapsed. I much prefer coming straight off the pills, the withdrawals are less severe and shorter in duration. I'm fairly sure that anxiety and boredom are the underlying causes to why I use pills as a crutch. I'm not a member of BlueLight almond, but I am a member of another drug forum and have read up and studied this addiction like crazy...I know more about opiate addiction than anything else in the world. So I've been addressing the addiction a lot on that forum, I came here more for input on how it relates to the new relationship. Nobody on the other forum or any of my friends have said that I should tell her, so this is the first time I've had someone say that I should. I don't like keeping secrets either, but I also don't want to bring her into my stress. Her only experience with addiction is what the media paints, so she may just view me as a "crack head" type that just needs to stop taking pills...not really understanding that addiction can happen to anyone and goes beyond just stopping the drug. So I've spent a lot of time documenting my triggers and patterns of behavior, and narrowed it down to work stress as the primary trigger. When I have vacation time and on weekends, I can stay sober with minimal discomfort. I won't let myself hit bottom, I was worse off a few years ago before I started just "maintaining." When I'm out of pills and money, I don't steal. I only leave the house with enough to get through the day, which in total is not enough for an overdose if I were to get pulled over and have to swallow them. As for my use, I generally can get by with 45mg of oxy a day. If I want a buzz, I need to take about 70mg at once. I haven't tried to get a buzz in a long time tho. Of course taking 2 weeks off is not going to cure my addiction. I'll have much more work to do after that to stay clean. I'll need outside support, whether it's a counselor or a sponsor. I'll definitely be attending meetings. I'm really banking on finding a new job, it's my life and this has to happen soon. Plus when I move to the city, I'll be that much further from my connect. Dating this girl has been a great thing for me. I know that I need to do this for myself, but she only helps to motivate me. She loves life and really has a passion for trying new things. I also enjoy the fun life brings, so I want to join her in her adventures, sober. Thanks for the input everyone. I have a "can't fail" attitude building towards this upcoming attempt to quit. The last handful of times have been spare of the moment, half-hearted attempts, and I've always left the door open for relapse. I'm going to tell my connect that I'm quitting for the first time ever...I've never told her before. Edited September 24, 2013 by TooPatient Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 First of all, about quitting cold turkey. I've been dealing with an opiate addiction around as long as you. Amazingly enough I kept my job most of the time, and then became a stay at home dad. I don't think anybody who came to the house or saw me play with my kids would think that I was opiate dosages high enough to kill most of a kindergarten class. The trickiest thing though, was the weeks and months after you quit, and after the initial withdrawals are over. The sleeplessness. The depression. For me it was the complete and utter lack of energy. It really might be a good idea to either go on a low dose of methadone or subutex, and slowly wean off. (Maybe, ironically your dosage was too low. It's often said that less is more when it comes to subutex, since its such a weird drug, and both energize and inhibit the opiate receptors. I think it's worth to a doctor about, at least.) About the girlfriend... I see the argument for and against. On one hand, its not that deep a relationship yet, she might not understand, and it might just needlessly scare her away. Is the latter the real reason you're hesitant to ask her? On the other hand... Just dropping off the grid for a couple of weeks or a week might seem a little shifty. What did you intend to tell her? "I'm going to Bangkok for a week or two, don't come to my house and I won't have email!"? And the biggest reason to maybe tell her. In my experience, and I think this is the case for most addicts, the dishonesty and lies that addiction sometime leads to, was what created the biggest problems in my romantic relationship. And while you're not technically be lying, you're lying through omission. And that always leads to more lies. And dishonesty. And a lack of trust. But when would tell her if ever? Before the wedding? After you move in together? That's the tricky issue. If things go exactly as planned, you'll never touch opiates again, and you might live happily ever after, get kids, etc. Then it won't really matter that you didn't tell her, cause it'll never be an issue. But... What if they show up again at some point. What if you relapse in a year, or two or five? What if there are kids involved? What will her reaction then be, about your initial omissions? There are things that are deal breakers in every relationship. Stuff you really need to disclose before the other person has made a significant commitment. Things as a unusually high or low sex drive, whether you want kids or never see yourself have kids, religion and of course stuff like sexual abuse and in some cases addiction. I'm not saying it IS a deal breaker, but it could be. And at least before you decide what more to disclose, and when to disclose it, talk some more to her about addiction and find out what her attitudes and thoughts of it are. I know, you told her about it in the past, but how much did you talk about it? Did you mention it briefly and what did she say? How much does it register with her, or is it somewhere right between "Had a serious car wreck in the past" and "His brother spent a couple of months in jail back in the day." on how much it mattered to her. At LEAST explore the subject with her some more. I've written you a novel, but I hope it's useful... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooPatient Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I don't have time to go back and read what all I've wrote, but when we were asking each other about secrets or something we don't know about each other, I told her I had an addiction before to the pills. It never really registered with her and still hasn't been brought back up, but I like the idea of discussing addiction with her more...just to see what she knows, how she feels, etc.. We're having other issues right now tho. Not a fight, but we're both just not sure if we're right for each other, which I still have to write more about in another thread I have going on here. Why do you suggest suboxone? I'm already maintaining on the oxy and the withdrawals from the oxy are so much less drawn out. My plan is to stay with a buddy for a couple of weeks. I'd probably just tell her I'm going on a fishing trip. Yes it's a lie, but for a positive cause. Being Chinese, a culture that is less accepting of drug use than here in the US...and her being as wholesome as they come, I do worry she wouldn't stick around if she knew I was still currently dealing with this. I thought I was going to have a drug test for a potential new job yesterday, so I spent the past weekend in acute withdrawals with her. It wasn't the most pleasant weekend obviously, but I managed. I actually had a head cold all last week so the sneezing and restlessness I attributed to that. Thanks for your input Criticality. This isn't a fun situation for sure. After I see if we're even going to stay together much longer, I think that I will bring this subject up and see her stance on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Why do you suggest suboxone? I'm already maintaining on the oxy and the withdrawals from the oxy are so much less drawn out. Well just because: 1: Suboxone is a lot less... Intoxicating I guess is a word that could fit, than other opiates, even when you're maintaining. People tend to be a lot more clearheaded. For most opiate addicts the only way they really feel Suboxone, is that they get withdrawals if they don't take it. 2: Suboxone has a much longer half life. You only need to take it once a day, and can even skip a day or two in some cases. Plasma levels are a lot more stable with fewer peaks and valleys, which is beneficial in terms of maintenance. 3: Most addiction psychiatrists recommend being on Suboxone for an extended period before completely quitting opiates. Suboxone has the potential to "heal" the endorphins transmitters in your brain that have "taken damage" during your addiction. Unlike other opiates, Suboxone is an agonist as well as an antagonist. That means it releases endorphins, but also blocks the endorphine release at the same time. And about drug tests btw: Which test was it? Cause most tests only react to heroin/morphine and not oxycodone, so it might not be necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
davidhdl Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Her and I going to meet up this week, she I believe has been in a homelss shelter for the past 30 days.I really dont know what to expect, however she stated that there has to stipulations on our relationship, just a question is 30days of possible treatment enough for a zanax addiction. Dont know what she means by stipulations so any thoughts about this up coming conversation would be much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
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