Do you think she will say Yes!

[Esp0125]

Hello Everyone,

 

Could use some advice from anyone on this one. I am rather new to the forum board and I wanted to tell everyone about my situation. I am 34 My girlfriend is 31. I met her about 6 months ago and ever since our 6 hour first date we have had the absolute greatest connection.

 

Here is where I want to see if I am reading things correctly. She lost her mother suddenly and unexpectedly 11 months ago, that will make sense from what I am saying later. We talk about everything we have talked about the future together and she says she looks forward to "OUR" future together but its hard for her to think about without her mother there. Which I fully understand and am in no way upset about that.

 

She has always told me before she lost her mom she wanted to get married and have a family but she says now seeing that everything can all be taken away in the blink of an eye it scares her. She has told me and a few of her friends that I am the "one" I feel the same way about her, she told her father (who I have a very good relationship with) "get used to Him because he will prob be your son in law one day"

 

Ok which brings me to current week... She was having a rough week because next month is the 1 year of her mothers death so I am going to be making sure I am her rock and will be there for her whatever she needs. She texts me the the other day saying that her dad was telling her where he thinks we should get married and that he feels there will be an announcement by me in the near future hahah she was giggling so I knew that made her happy. She told me she told him she wasn't in a rush, not because she doesn't love me but because it was very hard for her to be able to think about that day and not have her mom be there.

 

We are together this weekend and she was telling me how she told her friends, these are ones that I know well what her father said and they were talking about it in detail.

 

Ok here is my question... For a woman who has a rough time talking about the future because her mother isn't there from what I said does this forum think that she deep down still does want the same thing that she wanted before her mother passed? I mean i know she says its hard to think about, she must be because why tell her dad, and her friends they talked about us getting married right?

 

I really appreciate any questions, comments or advice

 

ps I am not going to propose to her tomorrow or anything but I did start pricing out some stuff just to get an idea.

 

Thank you all in advance.

[CherryT]

As someone who has lost someone dearly close to me, I still wanted the same things. I had the same feelings as her in the sense that it was hard to envision that day without them there. But deep down inside, I still wanted that kind of love and commitment.

 

I say, be there for her when her moms one year is up. That's going to be tough... and it will probably be tough that week or that whole month. It was for me. And when she recovers from that anniversary, ask her. But DON'T take away from her mothers anniversary by proposing.

[HokeyReligions]

What CherryT said. Be prepared for her emotions to change suddenly at unexpected times. You might consider a grief support forum where you can gain more insight to the grieving process and how it will effect her.

 

I always knew I would lose my mom. Parents are supposed to go first. I'd been married a long time - and I timed my wedding specifically so mom could be there - but even 7 years after her death there are moments it still hits me like a ton of bricks. It was actually worse the second year of her loss. The first year I navigated my emotions with milestones. Holidays. Birthdays. Anniversaries. I thought about them in advanced. I planned when and how I would mourn - like a grief itinerary. The second year the emotions and the dates seemed to sneak up on me. I've talked to many people - usually women - who said they felt similarly. It may be like that for her. I know I drove my husband nuts and he didn't know what to do for me. Just quietly holding me helped the most. Or even leaving me alone sometimes.

 

You've been together six months. Maybe waiting untill the one year anniversary of when you met or your first date or some other happy moment between you two will be a good time to propose. Get thru a couple years together.

[crederer]

What's the rush? Take more time 6 months is way too soon, imo. She's not going to go anywhere because you didn't propose.

 

There should be a lot of talk about marriage before the proposal comes. If you're unsure of what her response will be, tells me that you haven't talked about marriage all that much yet.

[Vogeltron]

Bro, good story. Sounds like a great girl. At your age sounds like a grown up time in life to think about getting married.

 

My question would be. Why do you have a discussion with her about your future together. A sit down and what not. What you both are thinking and wanting about the relationship, etc. Family in the future and all that.

 

I mean this with all due respect. This the conversation everyone should have with someone they want to ask to marry. If you avoid the conversation and she says yes. Great but the rate of divorce etc, this is myself personally but I would want to make absolutely sure, anyone I was going to potentially marry we where on the same wave length.

 

Best of luck with everything. My opinion is not gospel. An opinion at that and maybe something to think about.