chickflick Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Do you keep photos/love letters/notes/emails that were received by exes and other people you've dated in the past? Even though you may not refer back to them, do you just keep them? and why? is it un/reasonable for the current significant other to request they be put away, or even destroyed? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Based on your posts, I think that you have a jealousy/insecurity issue. You need to evaluate and fix why you feel insecure or dump him. Life is too short. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 It is unreasonable because you are demanding that somebody erase part of his life. Nobody should ask anybody to do that. You could die and then you'd be a memory, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Its the responsibility of the new person to not really care that much and of the person with the mementos to neither hide it nor make that big a deal out of it. For younger people, too many mementos go hand in had with some other issues (being too close to an ex or something like that). My g/f has a t-shirt from her former b/f's employer that she wears a lot -- painting my apartment. Make your own history and laugh at the mementos. But asking/demanding that they be destroyed will show insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I destroyed a lot of stuff from a previous relationship once I met my husband. Looking back now I wish I hadn't. I had some fond memories when I was with my previous boyfriend and it would have been nice to look at the pictures and remember them. I really regret that I threw them out. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I get rid of it on my own. If he asked me to, I probably wouldn't mind, depending on what it was...but most likely not. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I keep photos because they document a part of my life, an age I was, and things I did. However the sappy letters, cards, emails and whatnot that are purely a token of the relationship get tossed. llama Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 This week actually I stayed at my bf's apartment for the first time and while he went to class I "cleaned" his room...and well i found some stuff... Some of you might know the ex gf story about the girl that lives in california that didnt work out... Well he has a black folder in the closet with their pictures together and plane tickets and other things but the pictures killed me. Pictures of them kissing, huggin, doing things together. He had the paper she wrote her phone number on. And I cried looking at it. It bothered me that he didnt leave that stuff at home but actually packed it up and brought it to college with him? But then I snapped out of it and thought the past is the past. I have pictures somehwere that would kill him too...If it wasn't for her he might not be the guy I have today. Those are his memories and they meant something to him and I can't take that away from him. ~~~But I can rip the really pretty one of her in the black dress and throw it away and hell never know~~~ hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd This week actually I stayed at my bf's apartment for the first time and while he went to class I "cleaned" his room...and well i found some stuff... Some of you might know the ex gf story about the girl that lives in california that didnt work out... Well he has a black folder in the closet with their pictures together and plane tickets and other things but the pictures killed me. Pictures of them kissing, huggin, doing things together. He had the paper she wrote her phone number on. And I cried looking at it. It bothered me that he didnt leave that stuff at home but actually packed it up and brought it to college with him? But then I snapped out of it and thought the past is the past. I have pictures somehwere that would kill him too...If it wasn't for her he might not be the guy I have today. Those are his memories and they meant something to him and I can't take that away from him. ~~~But I can rip the really pretty one of her in the black dress and throw it away and hell never know~~~ hehehe I am laughing my butt off EC! Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I think it is not really fair to force your partner to get rid of what was once part of his/her life. I still keep photos and letters from my previous relationships and I have even some love letters that I got from a guy when I was 14, he was 12 at that time . And I have never got rid of them because they are very cute. But I can understand why people have troubles to deal with their partner´s past. Especially if these people dint have many experiences themselves and therefore they dont keep much of the stuff from their own past. The reason why you have troubles dealing with photos and letters of your partner´s past might be coming from the feeling of inferiority. I personally dont have troubles looking at the photos of my boyfriends´girlfriends except for one girl and the reason is because this girl in my view was very attractive. When I stay at my boyfriend´s place and I everytime I feel thirsty and I want to make a drink or a cup of tea for me, or my boyfriend or a friend that comes for a visit, I do ignore on purpose a cup that my boyfriend got from this girl for his birthday. But on the other side I dont have troubles making drinks to different cups even to those ones that he got from other girlfriends. But I understand that this is only my problem and I would never stop wearing a pullover (that I got from my exboyfriend and that I like so much) if my significant other wanted me to do so, either. Maybe you feel by keeping photos and stuff from your partner´s past he is not fully "devoted" to you, he has some level of privacy and of his own life and every single photo of his past is reminding you of it. Try to occupy your mind by something creative, try to have your own "world" besides having your relationship and it will reduce your insecurity, dependence on your partner and maybe it will help you to understand more and deal with your partner´s past. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I kept my wedding album - but that sucker cost $6,000, so no way in hell I'm throwing it away. I looked great. He looked semi-ok. HAH. But, that said, I feel really sh*tty now because I ripped up all the pictures of my ex-BF, and heck we had some great times. I really liked that trip to St. Augustine, and now it's all burned. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Originally posted by chickflick Do you keep photos/love letters/notes/emails that were received by exes and other people you've dated in the past? Even though you may not refer back to them, do you just keep them? and why? is it un/reasonable for the current significant other to request they be put away, or even destroyed? Most men I know do keep momentos and pics and ltrs from past loves. It is fun to break them out and look at and read them, esp if from someone real special. It is reasonable for your current SO to ask you to keep them hidden but no reasonable to ask you to destroy the momentos. See, the current SO may become an ex-SO so how would she feel that the guys next SO wanted him to destroy her stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
SteveInOz Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hmmm.. I agree to a degree.. but my current girlfriend who is 35 has crates of mementos. Not just happy snaps but hundreds of letters, cards, CD's of pictures, diaries, tickets.. Just so much stuff. There are boxes under her bed, bags of them in the garage.. After about a year or so I had to tell her to deal with it. Some stuff is ok, but not too much, especially since she still received emails, sms and phone calls from some of them. One of her ex's also lives next door.. I didnt think it un-reasonable to ask her to clean out some of the skeletons in her closet. It was like she was living in her past. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm1010 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 it depends on what it is.. i keep old photos but i dont keep them out to rub in my mans face. gifts and stuff like that... it depents on what it is.. i dont really keep love letters cos i think its disrespectful to him. but if its just a tshirt or something then i will.. i dont like keeping things around that scream i love you from somone else other than my fiance. its all a matter of personal taste though. its something u should talk about together i mean if u wanna keep ur memories and she/he doesnt mind then why shouldnt u? but if u dont really care about keeping the stuff and he/she prefers u throw it away then just throw it away. Link to post Share on other sites
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