ConcreteHeart Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Ok...I am obviously missing something. The MM sent me a texted saying he saw me in passing while driving. Hoped I was well. I returned his texted and said I was doing great, which I am. It was a friendly and kind exchange and I guess I read too much into the exchange as usual. We have attempted to be friends before and after this exchange I thought that we would be ok....friends nothing more. So I texted this am to say hey and thanks for the other day...think about having coffee...and now? Nothing...his behaviour is so confusing. I have no idea what the expectation is. I guess I have to go back to the beginning and go NC. I thought it was me...but now I'm starting to realize that he can't handle being friends. All this time I thought it was me. This is such a learning process! But I refuse to blame his behaviour on me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Neither of you can handle being friends. Don't try to figure out his angle here, only be concerned about yourself. It's obvious you can't handle it as it's too easy to read into anything he says, plus you still have feelings so it confuses you not know exactly where you stand with him. Him not replying is how he's handling it. He doesn't want you to call the shots. If you two are gonna get together for coffee, it'll be HIM to suggests it, and he knows you'll accept. If you ask, he'll ignore or say he's busy (insert excuse). Sorry you're hurting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Simple: He's a game player, a mind-****er and a manipulator and gets off on keeping you in knots over him. I have one too. We have to get off the train. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tiernan Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Concrete, he got scared you would want something more. Leqave him be. You can have plenty other friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 CH... This type of move always seems so tempting doesn't it? "I'll respond, but I'll be aloof, I'll be able to show him how 'light and breezy' I can be about this whole thing so I appear to be the cool, collected chick who's confident enough to pull this off." Unfortunately, this only works when you've actually reached the point where you ARE genuinely collected and confident about the situation. Having said that, when you actually HAVE reached that point, you'll know it, because you won't give a damn about the need to prove it to him, and you won't have the slightest interest in responding to his texts to begin with. You'll get there... you're just not quite there YET. We kid ourselves sometimes. I don't know your situation (I apologize... pretty new here). We say we want to be "friends", we can handle it, but seriously, what's the point. There are too many good people on this earth to look towards for friendship. Good luck to you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Just a thought... I know that posters use acronyms on the board for MM, OW, BS, etc., and I get that it's for the purpose of convenience. As someone new, and pretty unhappy that I found myself belonging to this "club" (due to regret, not the membership), I wonder if it doesn't also give people a way to minimize the situation they're in. For myself... saying or typing the word AFFAIR, and MARRIED MAN, actually makes a much sharper (ugly) impression in my own mind (sort of forcing me to look at it) than breezing over it by using letters that allow me to mask the actual truth of what I'm typing. Not sure if that makes sense, just saying that writing it out actually helps me face me see my situation for what it was. Sorry for the "off topic" thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConcreteHeart Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Now I'm just royally pissed. I am a smart woman who is completely stupid when it comes to him. He is so good at controlling everything and then making me feel like I'm the one who is needy and annoying. I am really starting to hate his guts. Maybe that's a good thing. I wish there was some sort of procedure to have him removed from my brain. NC seems to be it, but I wish there was some sort of magical pill. And every time I start to make headway in my own marriage and life...up he pops. Without fail. I have to admit that I have not protected myself we'll enough regarding my phone and email etc. that's on me. But being a total a$$. Is on him. Just leave me alone! If you don't want me around say so...don't pull and push it's just stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Ok...I am obviously missing something. The MM sent me a texted saying he saw me in passing while driving. Hoped I was well. I returned his texted and said I was doing great, which I am. It was a friendly and kind exchange and I guess I read too much into the exchange as usual. We have attempted to be friends before and after this exchange I thought that we would be ok....friends nothing more. So I texted this am to say hey and thanks for the other day...think about having coffee...and now? Nothing...his behaviour is so confusing. I have no idea what the expectation is. I guess I have to go back to the beginning and go NC. I thought it was me...but now I'm starting to realize that he can't handle being friends. All this time I thought it was me. This is such a learning process! But I refuse to blame his behaviour on me anymore. It really is impossible to be friends after an A. It then sets the stage for one to feel unrequited love. I think after an A ends it is best to go NC and withdraw from the situation. The friendship helps keep you hoping and that is torturous. Plus it's also not fair to you or his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Can you really consider having coffee with someone you betrayed your husband with as working on your marriage? Your behavior was and always will be your responsibility. Twosadthings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 Now I'm just royally pissed. I am a smart woman who is completely stupid when it comes to him. He is so good at controlling everything and then making me feel like I'm the one who is needy and annoying. I am really starting to hate his guts. Maybe that's a good thing. I wish there was some sort of procedure to have him removed from my brain. NC seems to be it, but I wish there was some sort of magical pill. And every time I start to make headway in my own marriage and life...up he pops. Without fail. I have to admit that I have not protected myself we'll enough regarding my phone and email etc. that's on me. But being a total a$$. Is on him. Just leave me alone! If you don't want me around say so...don't pull and push it's just stupid! Don't be too hard on yourself. Just knowing that he will be in touch again, at some point, should allow you to begin imagining how excellent you're going to feel when it's YOUR choice not to respond. It's empowering... not because you're being nasty, but because you'll begin to realize you're back in control of YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
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