rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I'm trying to end my affair. I am doing good in my own eyes because I haven't contacted him, other than to respond and ask him to stop texting but he has acted as if I haven't asked him this at all. He sent me a pretty dirty message this morning and I sent one back that said, we have to keep this clean.. I have never said anything like that to him before, I usually just play right along with his game so he probably does feel rejected, which isn't very fair considering his hot and cold behaviour this last few months has left me feeling so rejected and it didn't seem to bother him, so he sent me a message saying "it's not over, or I'll tell her." I read that and almost threw up.. Within five minutes he wrote back "lol, Im just playing. Hit me up when you miss me." Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 This man thinks he owns you now. You are getting a glimpse into what a future with him will look like. He's abusive and manipulative and you NEED to get away from him. You're probably going to have to tell your H and his wife yourself to stop all of this 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 RL...what is the goal of your posts/questions? You constantly state that you are not in contact..except for...besides....responded to.... Its all everything you have ever asked/questioned/been told/ advised/CAPITAL LETTERED TO/dismissed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 This guy sounds like a complete ass 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 "Publish and be damned" - The Duke of Wellington to his would-be blackmailer, 1824. He survived the storm. His blackmailer and his former mistress fared less well. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I'm trying to end my affair. I am doing good in my own eyes because I haven't contacted him, other than to respond and ask him to stop texting but he has acted as if I haven't asked him this at all. He sent me a pretty dirty message this morning and I sent one back that said, we have to keep this clean.. I have never said anything like that to him before, I usually just play right along with his game so he probably does feel rejected, which isn't very fair considering his hot and cold behaviour this last few months has left me feeling so rejected and it didn't seem to bother him, so he sent me a message saying "it's not over, or I'll tell her." I read that and almost threw up.. Within five minutes he wrote back "lol, Im just playing. Hit me up when you miss me." Any response fulfills his goal. Just delete his stupid dirty texts and don't respond. Don't feed into his blackmail threats...I suspect he is just manipulating given he has as much to lose as you. IGNORE. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 RL...what is the goal of your posts/questions? You constantly state that you are not in contact..except for...besides....responded to.... Its all everything you have ever asked/questioned/been told/ advised/CAPITAL LETTERED TO/dismissed My goal? To get the thoughts out of my head where they are sitting festering. I also used to text him twenty, forty times a day and now I don't at other.. Other than the off response which is what he did to me for months in between .. He would be all over me one minute then silent for days , but I never took the hint. Now that I'm ignoring him he's coming on so strong and going back and forth from coming on to me, to acting like he does in our group, just a friend.. And now almost threats, then back to joking. It's like he's panicking. On Saturday night he told me he doesn't think he can go back to just being married and having one night stands every couple of years, he wants me and his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 I mean that posting here, even when I receive harsh criticism, is better for me than texting him. I log on and read and post every time I get the urge to talk about it with him. I don't have anyone in real life I can tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Any response fulfills his goal. Just delete his stupid dirty texts and don't respond. Don't feed into his blackmail threats...I suspect he is just manipulating given he has as much to lose as you. IGNORE. What's his goal?? Seems like it keeps changing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I mean that posting here, even when I receive harsh criticism, is better for me than texting him. I log on and read and post every time I get the urge to talk about it with him. I don't have anyone in real life I can tell. Keep that up! Keep up the NC too, I understand how addicting and easy text-contact can be. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I should say keep up the LC, not NC. Hopefully he will get bored and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 My goal? To get the thoughts out of my head where they are sitting festering. I also used to text him twenty, forty times a day and now I don't at other.. Other than the off response which is what he did to me for months in between .. He would be all over me one minute then silent for days , but I never took the hint. Now that I'm ignoring him he's coming on so strong and going back and forth from coming on to me, to acting like he does in our group, just a friend.. And now almost threats, then back to joking. It's like he's panicking. On Saturday night he told me he doesn't think he can go back to just being married and having one night stands every couple of years, he wants me and his wife. Rae you are enjoying the attention he is giving you. You'd much rather he does what he is doing now than rejecting you. You also come here for the attention and to talk about him because you have no one else in your life you can talk about him to. Why don't you get professional help since you have so much money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 RL, what do you think will help you? Where do you realistically see this going? How do you see it ending? What have you learned from posting here? Besides...I am down to 10 texts a day instead of 40? Have you sat down and made a plan...an actual...hand written action plan? If so, what do you see as the number 1 action to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Typical narcissistic sociopath. I am still baffled why you like a man with so little to offer. At the same time he is profoundly insecure. In fact, he may be more insecure than you. Like you, OM is also non-authentic and pretends to be cool in front of you. Underneath his behavior lies the most profound insecure man with an inferiority complex. If you reject him he will go nuts. He is also a typical manipulator, which another sign of profound insecurity. I very much doubt he will tell his wife. If I keep ignoring him will that make it worse then or he will eventually give up. Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I mean that posting here, even when I receive harsh criticism, is better for me than texting him. I log on and read and post every time I get the urge to talk about it with him. I don't have anyone in real life I can tell. What happened to the counseling referral you were getting from your doctor? Don't you think you should start telling this story to someone who can actually help you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Rae you are enjoying the attention he is giving you. You'd much rather he does what he is doing now than rejecting you. You also come here for the attention and to talk about him because you have no one else in your life you can talk about him to. Why don't you get professional help since you have so much money. So much money? I don't have so much money.. I had mentioned my husbands family has a fair amount but nothing crazy. If I wasn't posting here, yes I'd be writing to him. It's a fact I can't change overnight, whether its for attention or not, I just don't want the thoughts in my head anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I very much doubt he will tell his wife. Why don't you? That would certainly end the affair, wouldn't it? If I keep ignoring him will that make it worse then or he will eventually give up. How will it make it worse? Every time you respond or acknowledge a text, you are leaving the door open to him. The only way to get him to stop IS to stop acknowledging his texts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 [/b] What happened to the counseling referral you were getting from your doctor? Don't you think you should start telling this story to someone who can actually help you? Nothing's happened with it, it's a busy time for work right now and I'm an hour away from the city, so I can't get an appointment for at least another 30 days. I asked that he not contact me for at least 30 days on Saturday so I could start to think straight but so far the longest he's went is 12 hours or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rae_lana Posted September 24, 2013 Author Share Posted September 24, 2013 Why don't you? That would certainly end the affair, wouldn't it? How will it make it worse? Every time you respond or acknowledge a text, you are leaving the door open to him. The only way to get him to stop IS to stop acknowledging his texts. Because the man acted totally withdrawn for the last two months and now that I'm ignoring him it's like he won't stop trying. He's went into overdrive. But it's only been a few days so maybe it will stop. It always has before his pattern of hot and cold just this time it's hyper active. He doesn't want the affair to end, his wife is my friend, I asked him if we could end it, he threatened to tell her so that it doesn't end.. Not so it does. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 He doesn't want the affair to end, his wife is my friend, I asked him if we could end it, he threatened to tell her so that it doesn't end.. Not so it does. Of course he doesn't want the affair to end -- why should he when you are giving him the best of both worlds? He won't tell her - that is just his manipulation of you. So why don't YOU take control and power of the situation and tell her yourself? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Time to come clean. Tell your husband. Tell his wife. And put this loser on ignore. Block his calls and texts. End the friendship. No good can come from staying in this situation, and it will continue as long as you allow it. Continuing to respond to his contact is giving him attention. Just like giving negative attention to a child who is misbehaving. He will continue to provoke you as long as he is getting a response, even if it is a negative response. Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 RL...either way you are better off getting away from him..whether he chooses to try and out you or not...you can maintain with this sociopath. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 So much money? I don't have so much money.. I had mentioned my husbands family has a fair amount but nothing crazy. If I wasn't posting here, yes I'd be writing to him. It's a fact I can't change overnight, whether its for attention or not, I just don't want the thoughts in my head anymore. Then get professional help. This is equivalent to reporting to a gf about what your secret lover is doing behind your husbands back. At least if you get professional help and are found out you can tell your husband that you were aware of your problem and are trying to fix it. You just want to talk about him here and report everything he does and see if you can get any ideas of what he will do next. You are also trying to solicit sympathy under the guise that you are being manipulated when you are as manipulative as he. There's no help for you here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 My goal? To get the thoughts out of my head where they are sitting festering. I also used to text him twenty, forty times a day and now I don't at other.. Other than the off response which is what he did to me for months in between .. He would be all over me one minute then silent for days , but I never took the hint. Now that I'm ignoring him he's coming on so strong and going back and forth from coming on to me, to acting like he does in our group, just a friend.. And now almost threats, then back to joking. It's like he's panicking. On Saturday night he told me he doesn't think he can go back to just being married and having one night stands every couple of years, he wants me and his wife. This is sick. it's too bad his wife doesn't know so she could boot his Narcissistic ass out the door. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 rae-lana after reading many of your posts about this man I don't even think he is worthy as a friend, lover or future partner. He is being awful to you and his wife. Very disrespectful You have the power to end this, find it! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts