Too much to salvage?

[losingme]

Just to start off I’ve NEVER posted anything on the internet before, but after years of struggling with my issues, I thought I’d try.

 

A couple years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer, while going through cancer treatment,surgery, radiation, and all the emotional crap that goes along with it, my husband of 12 years decides to have an affair with a co-worker. Somehow in my own self absorption I began to notice clues that something was not right with him. He told me he didn’t love me anymore, and we needed to think about separation. It was then I realized he had another woman on the side.

 

Looking back, I do believe I completely had a mental breakdown. Begged him not to leave me, and tried to make changes to myself so he would be attracted to me again. This is COMPLETELY NOT the normal way i would have handled this situation. I know if I wasn’t so scared for my own health and my children’s possible future without a mom, his ass would have been curbside.

 

He agreed to try to work things out, we went to marriage counseling, my ONLY requirement was that he stopped working with his affair partner, NO CONTACT of any kind with her, but he refused to stop working with her. He say’s he stopped talking to her, and eventually (months later) she quit.

 

All this time I had been regaining my sense of self, months had passed, I’m feeling better, stronger, and the cancer is in remission. I realize his refusal to help me cope by transferring jobs made me stop caring. I checked out of the marriage, and I think I stopped loving him. I decided I wanted a separation, I moved out, and began to move on with my life.

 

It was THEN he decided to love me again, he did a 180, started showing me an obsessive amount of attention, to the point he was almost suffocating me with attention. He says he loves me, is sorry for hurting me, promises he has changed, blah, blah,blah.

 

We’ve been separated for over a year now, he’s in counseling (my requirement), and SEEMS to be actually trying to change. I just don’t feel anything for him anymore. I would LIKE to, I would like to have my marriage back, like to have my best friend again, I just don’t feel it though. It’s like I’m dead inside. I still love my kids, but for him there’s nothing. No love, no like, no hatred, just a realization I would LIKE to feel something towards him again, but I don’t know if that’s possible or how to do it if so.

 

Sorry about the long post,I’m just tired of feeling like my life is hold for something that may or may not happen. I anyone has ever dealt with similar feelings, I would love some advice.

[Philosoraptor]

Well what he did was pretty hard to deal with. He abandoned you and your marriage when you needed him the most. I can't say I wouldn't have checked out either when abandoned when I was going through a life critical situation.

 

Since you would LIKE to make it work, I can only suggest MC for the marriage, as well as IC for yourself. You went through a period where your life was in jeapordy and on top of that you were cheated on. Even if you decide not to try again with him, I'd suggest IC just to help you navigate that "dead" feeling inside.