RappinShoe Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 Hi people Im 20 years old and still mourning the loss of my ex who I was with for three and a half years. It has been over 6 months now since we broke up but I still miss her terribly and would do anything to get her back. I have tried almost everything to forget her and move on but everything I do and anything I try she is still in my heart. We had a brilliant and very loving relationship and even though we were so young we really fell for each other and agreed that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. It was a very real relationship and I never thought I would find someone so special who would love me for who I am, she felt the same. When we broke up she told me she had just fallen out of love with me, but she seemed so angry at me and I couldnt work out why. She was very upset and I was sure there was more to this than met the eye. I later found out from her friend that she had found some letters sent to me by a girl that about a year previously I said I may have had feelings for. It was the hugest mistake I ever made because I realized later that it had been a silly crush but we had always agreed to be 100% honest with each other about everything so i told her. Her friend told me that the reason she split with me wasnt to do with love but trust. I think rather than facing being hurt all over again she just cut her losses and put up her walls to protect herself rather than confronting me with it. Me and her have never spoken about the letters etc, but have kept in contact through phonecalls and texting. She says she just wants to be friends and recently I told her that I didnt want to talk to her for awhile because it hurt me too much. She was upset by this too but said she understood. We have just started talking again, and I have tried to stop loving her but I cant. I need a womans opinion on this, if she still wants to be in contact with me does it mean she still loves me? I really get the feeling she still cares about me but refuses to trust me. We were so close and Ive never hurt so bad. I miss what we had and Id do anything to know what was going through her mind. She says she knows I never cheated on her but I wish she would talk to me about the real reasons we split. I dont want to bring it up in case it ruins our friendship. Im so confused. When we split she said she would miss me and she is always saying she hopes im ok. I hope this has all made sense, its a confusing story! Any comments appreciated. Would like to know if anyone thinks I still have a chance and if so how to go about bringing it up with her.Thanks
hurtingandconfused Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 I need a womans opinion on this, if she still wants to be in contact with me does it mean she still loves me? I'm not a woman but here's my theory on this. No matter what happened between you two, she will always love you. You guys shared something very special. However, she's a young girl and she needs to experience new things. The whole letter situation was just an excuse. I really get the feeling she still cares about me but refuses to trust me. She still cares for you, and still trusts you: but in a different level.
fukedup Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Hi, Im not a girl either but I recently split up with my girlfriend of three years. The best advise I can give you is to have no contact with her. At first I tried to have contact with my ex girlfriend and it only makes everything worse. You speak to them and feel happy for a moment but as soon as you put the phone down you feel even more confused and lonely and back to where you started. In all honesty I just dont think you can be friends with an ex as there is to much history and to many feelings. By keeping in contact it just prolongs the pain and stops you from moving forward.You need to stop all contact right away as it is just causing you pain and giving you hope. I have found the longer that I go without talking the easier it becomes. Im not saying that it is easy and I still face many moments of sadness but Im sure they would be ten times worse if I was in contact. Give it time and maybe in six months or a year when you have healed you can have a friendship but when you still have feelings for the other person trying to have a friendship will make matters worse. It is so hard to not contact my ex girlfriend but you just have to stay strong. Dont live in the past and think about what may have been because the past has been and gone and you have to live in the now. You will never heal if you continue this contact. Just think to yourself what is meant to be is meant to be and you cant make your girlfriend change her mind about you. If she comes back to you then it is great but then again she may not but there is nothing you can do about it. NC is not a way of getting the other person back in your life but but a way of healing yourself and moving on. I have only done NC for a few weeks now but I already feel better and know that I am getting stronger and stronger by the day. The first thing you need to accept in that it is over and try and move on with your life. Keep busy and do anything to occupy your mind. Go running, climb a mountain, do anything so you dont have those thoughts of what may have been running around your mind. The past is the past and now you have to make yourself happy as no one else can do that for you. When you are starting to heal you never know what may happen. She may come back to you but then again if she doesnt at least you are further down the line of healing yourself and getting on with life. Cut all contact today. Delete her email, phone numbers etc and let yourself heal. If you dont do this you will be in the same position in six months time and still feeling like crap. I know this is hard advise to stick to but I have realized that nothing I do will bring my girlfriend back and if we were meant to be together then it may happen down the line. If not then thats just life and by then Ill be back to my old self. When I feel down I remind myself how lucky i am to be alive and healthy. If you were dying of a terminal illness then you would really have something to be sad about. Girlfriend come and go and breaking up is just part of life and a learning experience. Good luck and keep postive and live those dreams but its now time to heal yourself.
Author RappinShoe Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 I know, and I have tried no contact and I know that you are right. But I have just told her that we should wipe the slate clean and be friends the other day. If I turn around for the second time and say I cant be her friend in the space of a few days then that would be a really ****ed up thing to do. Im not necessarily unhappy about it all the time but I just miss what we had. I was her first and I realize she has to explore the world and new things and perhaps I should be doing the same. It sounds pathetic but I really cant see myself finding such an amazing person again. She is so beautiful on the inside and on the outside and I just cant cut her out of my life. I wish it was an option but its just not.
Author RappinShoe Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by hurtingandconfused The whole letter situation was just an excuse. How could it have been an excuse?she didnt tell me about the letters. Weve never discussed it, I had to drag it out of her friend. She originally just told me that her feelings for me had changed and that she didnt love me anymore. You dont just fall out of love with someone that you have been with for almost 4 years for no reason.
beautiful Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 An ex is an ex for a reason! Time to move on and not dwell over the past. There are other people out there.
theone44 Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by RappinShoe I know, and I have tried no contact and I know that you are right. But I have just told her that we should wipe the slate clean and be friends the other day. If I turn around for the second time and say I cant be her friend in the space of a few days then that would be a really ****ed up thing to do. Im not necessarily unhappy about it all the time but I just miss what we had. I was her first and I realize she has to explore the world and new things and perhaps I should be doing the same. It sounds pathetic but I really cant see myself finding such an amazing person again. She is so beautiful on the inside and on the outside and I just cant cut her out of my life. I wish it was an option but its just not. Man get grip on yourself,and get some backbone. Once a woman break-up with u,she have reason,but most women alway's beat around the truth when dumping men. Rememeber she left u,so u need to do the "no contact " thing.......Good Luck
theone44 Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by RappinShoe I know, and I have tried no contact and I know that you are right. But I have just told her that we should wipe the slate clean and be friends the other day. If I turn around for the second time and say I cant be her friend in the space of a few days then that would be a really ****ed up thing to do. Im not necessarily unhappy about it all the time but I just miss what we had. I was her first and I realize she has to explore the world and new things and perhaps I should be doing the same. It sounds pathetic but I really cant see myself finding such an amazing person again. She is so beautiful on the inside and on the outside and I just cant cut her out of my life. I wish it was an option but its just not. Man u can do it just be strong and don't contact her whatsoever. My ex gf was the bomb to,she beautiful inside and out,and since she broke it off in July 2004,i haven't contact with her since then,do i miss her....yeap.....but i move,cause life is so wonderful to be worry about an ex.....
Author RappinShoe Posted November 27, 2004 Author Posted November 27, 2004 god this sucks. the worst thing about it is I know youre all right. Dunno why I am so weak. Cheers for the advice people.
xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by RappinShoe Dunno why I am so weak. We all feel weak inside, especially when we "lose" a close loved one. We try to down ourselves, and even sometimes my mind tries to blame myself for my ex dumping me. Thats just crazy talk. Don't feel bad about being weak at this time. If you could bounce back everytime someone hurts you instantly, I would say you wouldn't have much of a heart to begin with. Your weakness is that you have a broken heart, like most of us on here. All you can do is heal, and once you are able to look back, you'll see you've changed a lot more than you think. Keep ya head up man.....
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 really all the advise so far people have gave you is great..follow peoples suit and dont make saem mistakes. learn not only from ur mistakes, but from others mistakes as well. 6 mths is some time now and i think she would have been back by now if she really wanted to be with you and couldnt be without you. as for the letter..if she broek up with you for taht then ya shoulda been honest with her. i think she might have felt bettrayed in a way cause you had a crush on someone else while you were with her. id suggest really movin on and gettin a hold of yourself as 6 mths and you still in pain over this. u dont have to stop lovin her..just love urself before her now. if you are still in contact with each other thats great..she obviously want you in her life in some way..but for now as friends, girls are complicated i know. hang in there and celebrate your singlehood, how do you know shes not? g luck
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