To grovel or not to grovel?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

If you took your ex for granted and ignored them for a month after a fight and then when you e-mailed them back they said it's over for good. Should you be persistent and try and cheer them up everyday, showing them you know you ****ed up and taking responsibility. Or should you go NC?

 

I'm trying to get her back without been needy, sending her goodnight e-mails everynight and trying to make her laugh, show her I love her and genuinely be like I used to be (this is 1.5 weeks after the usual break-up e-mails).

 

Is this a case of NC for me or contact as much as I can and grovel my ass off? (without been needy).

 

I totally messed up and now she's gone, this was her last e-mail to me...

 

If you had said all those things a few months to a year ago, then maybe everything would be alright now. I am not going to lie, I smiled at some of the parts of the last email you sent me, but I still don't want to be in this relationship right now. I'm not going to ask you to wait, because I don't know if I will change my mind any time soon. I am sorry that its come to this, but I just don't want to be in any relationship right now, I don't want to sleep with other guys either so don't worry about that, I just want to focus on being me and finding myself. I hope things get better for you and I am glad you are away from your mum now as she was highly abusive and it wasn't a stable environment for anyone to grow up in. Hopefully now you will calm down and find yourself properly, away from negativity. I'm doing the same right now. You can contact me if you need too, I won't block you but please not every day, once a week if you need too, and I'll reply. Just try and live your life and enjoy your freedom away from your mum!

 

Can anyone read between the lines? The first sentence of her reply sounds like she is conflicted about it now, knowing I've come back and I'm sorry? Knowing she's already broke it off now?

 

Also she wrote she doesn't know if she will change her mind soon. She never says don't wait for me, it's like she doesn't quite know what she wants. Or she wants me to chase her.

 

So I laid off for three days and now I've sent her two e-mails everyday for the last four days. I just wanna be there for her now even though it's a little late, I know she's feeling guilty about it, guilt is such a powerful emotion so I think she's still mad at me.

 

She hasn't e-mailed me back since she sent that e-mail, that was 6 days ago. Do you think she's trying to teach me a lesson? (it's worked).

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[thefooloftheyear]

Im not even going to read the post.....

 

Never grovel...under any circumstances....

 

TFY

[Angry bird]

She told you exactly what she wanted. To be left alone. This is a good break up, don't ruin it for yourself by being all in her face. Let her miss you and wonder what you are up to for a few monts, at least 2 months is my suggestion.

 

She is still fond of you, so at a good thing!

[Standard-Fare]

I don't think your (ex) gf is being that cryptic in her message to you. I think she's very straightforward and fair. She definitely wants to be on her own right now, and you can't change her mind at the moment.

 

She also was very clear in asking for some space, and it sounds like you haven't given her that at all. She said not to contact her every day, yet then you went and sent her two emails per day?

 

You truly need to back off. If there's any chance of reconciliation at all (and I'm not sure if there is, but it sounds like you'll keep hoping)... you'll only be able to figure that out if you give her the time and space she needs right now.

 

Don't be in contact with her. Don't act like her boyfriend. Stay strong and stay away. She might discover that when you fall off the face of her planet, she actually does need and want you. She may not. But either way, you're not going to help yourself by being needy and groveling. It will only push her further away.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Okay grovel wasn't the right word, more like salvage. I'm not begging her just letting her know what I did wrong and I accept it. I sent her this...

 

So this is what it feels like to be ignored by someone you love. I totally deserve this. You did the right thing. It's true you don't know what you have until it's gone.

 

I told her I'll even watch all the Harry Potters back to back (she knows I hate Harry Potter but she loves it).

 

*places galaxy chocolate bar and jaffa cakes on a string outside your room* (she loves these things)

 

*reels you in to me and steals you back to Hull*

 

you are mine now, you belong to ME! (I used to say this to her when I would grab her and throw her on the bed and snuggle).

 

xxx<3xxx

 

Because I ignored her I'm trying to show her I'm still interested and I want her to realize I do love her.

 

Read the last three posts here from someone elses thread. Read the post by love defender.

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/i-took-my-ex-girlfriend-for-granted-4240024.html

 

They are saying don't go NC or it will just prove that you really never did care.

 

Here's what else she sent me before the message I quoted earlier.

 

Don't email me please, we are over for good. I just don't think this relationship is healthy for either of us any more, we need to move on and find people better for us. Hope you have a good life and find someone who is better for you than I am. Also, I don't live in my house any more, so don't send anything there, send it to my dads if needs be. If you send me any emails I will just delete them without reading them

 

I asked if she still loved me she wrote...

 

Well I don't think I do any more and I don't really think you love me either. Its just routine, we just keep it going because we are used to it. You will be much happier without me, you can find someone who lives closer who is on the same page as you. That person is no longer me, we are moving in different directions. Please stop emailing me, there is no point, I've made up my mind. If you keep emailing me I will block you. I'm sorry, I really am, but this relationship isn't healthy. You are no longer my boyfriend, not in my mind. There is no point waiting for me to change my mind because I won't. You will come to realise in time its the best thing. This is hard on me too, letting go of something for 7 years and I feel really guilty about it but I know its the best thing for both of us. I don't want to spend more months being upset because of this relationship, now I've let go of it in my head I feel so much better and I think you will do too. Just let it go. This will be the last email I will send to you. Sorry, I really am, if you still feel like you love me, but I think you are just in love with something that's been there for 7 years, no actually me any more"

 

And look at what she wrote here over a week ago.

 

Oh Nathan you are making this hard. I will think on it over the weekend. I just dont want to live with Doctor Jekyll in the fear Mr Hyde might appear again

 

I've been reading her twitter and she was all over the place with her emotions after the break-up. It was all *happy* but I know it's an act. She's gotta be feeling guilty breaking-up when she still loves me. She's just trying to cheer herself up but she focuses on some things way too much. She's angry at me now and hating me to block out the good times.

 

She's a lot like me being the sarcastic/fun type but she feels things and takes it hard. She's not like me in the sense she is running from it though. That's why on her twitter it's all sarcastic, and then I'm still having fun type of attitude.

 

It's like she needs to be this way, otherwise she doesn't know what to do.

 

So when I think she's fine sometimes she's not, she's in that hyper mood where you're sad/angry but don't want to be. I don't think she wants to find herself, I think she's running from herself. She's been drinking loads and even started smoking, she never smoked before. She has asthma too so I'm really worried. I hate when people start smoking, it's the stage when they really want to change.

 

I think she wants to live single because she's met loads of new friends and now she goes out every night. I think she thinks she missed out. Plus it's a ****ed up time of life, you have to think about what you want to seriously do with life, and she's probably feeling scared of that. Moving on with life is a scary thing to a lot of people, and it moves way too fast so it's easier to just go backwards for as long as you can. She's always tweeting about age related things and having to be an adult. I just need to show her we can have fun together and she's throwing away something that most people are lonely and searching for.

 

 

 

So I gave her space then and that's when you sent me the "I need to find myself" e-mail. I think she wants to be chased. So the plan is to be there for her and try and get her back as much as I can. I think she's gotten used to me not being there. So I'll be there for 1.5 weeks then I'll say I think she's blocked me and say how I give up and let me know if you want me back in your life.

 

Then she might miss me and knows I do care?

 

Bad plan?

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Copelandsanity]

Why are you obsessed about concocting all these plans to "win her back?" The more you do so, the more you're going to push her away. You seem less like a fun, worthwhile person to spend time with and more like a b*tch. My advice would be to do exactly like she says. Go and live a happy life. If you want to contact her once in awhile - like once or twice a month - fine, but don't do it to win her back, do it because you want to keep in touch. Keep your emotions in check. Be vulnerable when your dog dies, not for this...

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Because I already pushed her away by not being there. I didn't message her for a month so I don't think she's going to be bothered about me or miss me.

 

Isn't this a time to fight for her and show her I really do want her? Her twitter has calmed way down too. Maybe she's trying to get a cool head and that's why she hasn't responded yet? Isn't that a good sign?

 

If I was bothering her she would of told me to **** off?

[BC1980]

She has been so clear and given you a lot of chances to back off. She's threatened to block you. At what point is it enough? You shouldn't get to the point of someone threatening to block you. Respect what she wants if only to maintain some of your dignity.

 

Chasing her now will really piss her off. You want to make her hate you? Go ahead and keep contacting her. You see it as sweet. She sees it as you blatantly disregarding her request.

[Follower]

HI there, looks like your smarting.

 

Going to be very blunt: You are grasping at straws, this is over for now. Deal with it and leave her alone.

 

Above posters are corect she wants space right now she doesnt want you and she i capable of picking up the phone or emailing you to openly and clearly define when she if she ever does want you back.

 

From reading her email you two are over and by the sounds of it for good.

 

Im sorry mate but nows gym time so pick yourself up and put on some beef for the new ladies.

[lylat333]

If I was bothering her she would of told me to **** off?

I think that's what she was trying to say while being as nice as possible - "Don't email me please, we are over for good. I just don't think this relationship is healthy for either of us any more, we need to move on and find people better for us. Hope you have a good life and find someone who is better for you than I am. Also, I don't live in my house any more, so don't send anything there, send it to my dads if needs be. If you send me any emails I will just delete them without reading them"

 

You may think it's an act, she may waffle here and there but do not ignore what she is saying there, if you do things will really go downhill, I promise, speaking from experience.

 

Most of us know exactly what you're going through, the best thing to do is choose the least of all evils and stop contacting her. Most everyone likes attention, but the attention you are giving her is going to have the opposite effect you are hoping for. It will only serve to boost her ego and make her feel all the more justified for enjoying the position of power. You are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of.

 

You've already let her know you feel you messed up, you've tried to be there for her and she's ultimately not reciprocating at all. The sooner you can quietly bow out of the picture, the better.

 

My advice is to start cutting her out of your life completely. She is on her own now and you have no power over her life. Don't hang onto her saying, "I just don't want to be in any relationship right now, I don't want to sleep with other guys either so don't worry about that, I just want to focus on being me and finding myself." It may be true, or it could be a shallow line. (many/most dumpers will say something like this to make themselves look more righteous)

 

When she says, "oh, you're making this hard" it's a moment of weakness, don't read too much into it or see it as an in to push harder and harder. The only way she will ever miss you, or come to terms with a life without you, or you to heal is to go NC. The longer you wait, the messier it will be.

 

When you do go NC, don't make a big show about it. When you become melodramatic it is a big turnoff to the dumper especially in a case like this. Start paying no attention to her, and if she ever comes around and starts asking what the deal is, remain detached. If you throw yourself at her and stroke her ego she'll be gone again as soon as she came.

[Zahara]

I think you're a selfish person. You took her for granted and then ignored her for a month, then when you decide you want her back, you're so annoyingly pushy, you disregard and disrespect her wishes when she tells you to stop contacting her, because it's all about what you want.

 

This boat has sailed. When a woman is done, she's done. She's not telling you to f off because she's probably empathetic to your feelings.

 

When a woman is indifferent with you, your contact only continues to annoy and push her away.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Sounds like someone hates men

 

I still missed her like crazy when we wasn't talking, we had a stupid fight before that and I wish I wasn't so damn stubborn. I actually wasn't able to contact her for two weeks either.

 

Well I'm gonna stop e-mailing her and maybe send one meaning e-mail once every two weeks, cause she said I could e-mail her once a week. Aafter a month if she doesn't respond, I'll just send one saying I'm letting her go, and if she still doesn't respond, then yeah, she's done.

 

Kinda sucks cause when she hurt me and I broke it off three years ago, she fought for me and sent me a bottle of 100 lucky origami stars with notes saying why she loves me. I took her back after that because she showed she really did care. Because I meant it when I said we'll be together forever. I don't sail anywhere, I don't give up.

 

You're putting all women in the same boat, it depends on their personality if I'm pushing her away surely?

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Standard-Fare]

Everyone on this thread has basically been saying the same things to you, so time to listen up. You're not handling this one right.

 

This girl has been very clear with you that she needs you to step back, and you have not only refused to respect that but you've also treated it with a disturbing level of denial (i.e. playful, flirty texts about Harry Potter, as if everything is just cozy and fine.)

 

At this point she's threatened to block you -- she means business. And any escalations in your behavior/contact could put you in the zone of harassment if not stalking.

 

The hardest part about a breakup is that you lose all control. You may desire a certain outcome more than anything you've ever wanted in your life, but it's not something you can "work for" or "aspire to." You simply can't force another person to think or feel a certain way. And you can't revive a heart that's dead to you.

 

It's incredibly painful and awful, I know. But you have to try to preserve some dignity and put yourself on a path to healing.

[Zahara]

Please, don't be immature. This has nothing to do with hating men. Just common sense, which you lack.

 

That's what I don't understand. You'd rather hold on to your pride and risk the possibility of pushing someone away rather by going silent for a month than communicate and fix the issues then and there. Why? It's just plain stupid. Love doesn't treat a partner so callously.

 

She already knows how you feel. You don't have to send her a farewell message. She doesn't need it. And there is no need to tell her you will wait for her. I think she has clearly stated she is no longer interested.

 

You don't give up? Well, unfortunately she already has so your need to hold on is useless.

 

I'm not generalizing. When someone is done with you, forcing them to keep in contact with you especially when they keep telling you to stop, pushes them away because 1) you're disrespectful 2) you're pushy 3) you're annoying. It doesn't make you look appealing, not at all, especially when someone isn't emotionally attached to you anymore.

 

Flip sides. If you knew a woman and didn't have those feelings for her anymore and she kept bombarding you with emails even after you've told her to stop, how would you view her?

[lylat333]

Personality has a little influence but after spending a lot of time on LS you see how similar so many situations are. People change when they're the dumper, I've been there too. You say you don't sail anywhere and don't give up but don't forget you ignored her for a month after a fight. To someone on the outside looking in that doesn't look like someone who doesn't sail away. But we're human.

 

She may have won you back with an over-the-top gesture, but I am inclined to think reconciliation would have happened regardless. In any case, I am not trying to be overly pessimistic but I think it's too late for you to do something similar. Too much neediness has taken place for such a gesture to have any impact.

 

A couple of months ago I started to get a little needy with my ex. She wanted space, I knew that, but I couldn't suppress the "fight" response when I felt her slipping away. Even though I knew it was probably going to upset her by calling I justified my efforts at contact by telling myself now is the time to act - it's going to die if I don't do anything so I have to go with the longshot. In hindsight, I see those as lost opportunities for me to go NC sooner than I did.

 

That is how I see your situation... let go of wanting to manipulate things back in your favor and start true NC asap, quietly and with dignity. Eliminate the melodrama from here on out or hoping to tug at her heartstrings. Don't give her even a peephole into your emotions.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Flip sides. If you knew a woman and didn't have those feelings for her anymore and she kept bombarding you with emails even after you've told her to stop, how would you view her?

 

What if I did have feelings for her still?

 

I think you're all right anyways, I was confused about NC because we had already been in NC for a month. So I thought that wouldn't work in this case.

 

How do I now go into NC quietly? Should I just stop contacting her now altogether?

 

I was thinking of sending her something like this?

 

I'm going to stop trying to change your mind, I just wanted to try and fight for you but I guess you really mean what you say. If you've given up then I'll do what you want and let you find yourself. Everyone needs to find themselves. It's the least I can do for you now.

 

 

 

this. sucks I haven't seen her since April and i was looking forward to seeing her. I had loads of new recipes to cook her. It's been the longest we haven't seen each other, usually we see each other every 1-2 months the most 3. She loved me sooo much, I treat her so good except this one time

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Zahara]

If you still had feelings for that person, then you wouldn't tell her to stop emailing you, you wouldn't tell her to go live her life, you wouldn't tell her you will block her, you wouldn't tell her that you're over her. She did.

 

You are confusing your need to be a stubborn mule and ignoring her for a month with the proper definition of NC. What you did was just a butthead move. NC now means you respect her decision and you move on with life, just as she has asked you to do.

 

Yes, you stop contacting her and move on. No contact. Please do not send anything more. It almost seems like you're hoping just one more email and maybe she will turn around and make her think. She had a month to think and she's made up her mind. If/When she wants to come back, she will without you provoking her.

 

Sucks, yeah. This will teach you never to be so callous in how you deal with issues within your relationship. You can't just abandon it and expect it to be waiting for you arms wide and happy smiles.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

If I just go no contact now after all the e-mails she will think I gave up and moved on. I'm not hoping to get her back with one more e-mail.

 

I'll kick myself forever if I do that and she doesn't come back. At least I tried to fight for her?

 

I don't even understand because if she ignored ME for a month I wouldn't bring it to this...

 

She always told me her greatest fear was losing me and she always thought I'd get bored of her. Well looks like she got bored (fed up) of me with this new lifestyle she has and didn't want to end it because she was just scared of being alone. It practically says it in her e-mails.

 

I truly don't want to be with anyone else after this, never have and never will. She's my soulmate (she once told me that too).

 

This is the e-mail she sent me two weeks after we was ignoring each other.

 

I really really REALLY miss you and I don't want to argue with you or lose contact with you. I really love you and four months without you sends me spiralling into depression. You are the only person I could ever love this strongly and its not just missing sex with you, its miss you all over, your smile, the way you talk and make me laugh, the cuddles and kissing your sexy face, I just get angsty and argumentative with you cause I am depressed and sometimes I am easily upset by things you say cause I care about every single word you say, because every word is important to me because its all I have of you right now. Sometimes I worry you don't love me anymore but you are too nice to say, or you don't want to be with me but you don't want to break up with me so you say things like I should find a boyfriend down here, cause its easier if I broke up with you but I just need reassurance some weeks that you do still love me and want to be with me, cause I really ****ing miss you, like, I am so depressed right now I stay in bed all day, I didn't get up till 2pm today, I don't sleep till 2 or 3am, its like its winter, and I just sit in my room by myself cause some days I am to depressed to even leave my house, I don't get showered or dressed or anything, and I keep hoping that one day you will turn up on my doorstep, every day, I think someone is knocking on my door and I hope with all my heart its you cause I really need you right now, these four months are killing me, and I don't know about you, but I need you, I need your physical presence or just even some reassurance that you still love me. I'm in such a low place right now, not because of you, but because of my feelings for you, which don't go away, you are like air to me, I need you to live. I hate long distance, I wish you were here with me in my bed to cuddle and kiss and wake up in the morning with

 

She said she was drunk when she wrote that but I don't believe she didn't mean it. I didn't reply to it because it confused me and I felt like she was blackmailing me telling me all this when she knows I couldn't see her yet. I wish wish wish I replied to that :( I checked her twitter everyday during the times we wasn't talking and she seemed happy. She also wrote some hurtful things about me on twitter and I was angry but I shouldn't of been! If she didn't have twitter I'd of been e-mailing her because I missed her and would want to know how she was. But twitter gave me all that already. I know that's totally selfish because she didn't get to know how I was. I'm not on twitter btw and I don't think she knows i check hers. I really ****ed up and really really want her back I'm not gonna lie I break down everyday and can't control my emotions.

 

Do you think she thinks I don't love her?

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Zahara]

She has asked you to STOP emailing her. She wants you to stop emailing her. She is asking you to move on. What aren't you getting? SHE has flat out told you to stop so she's not going to care as to why you have stopped.

 

She doesn't want you to fight for her. She doesn't want to fight for it either. You can't fight for someone that isn't fighting for you.

 

Why are you choosing not to accept that it's over. IT'S OVER.

 

She isn't you and you aren't her. So, stop making comparisons as to how you would have treated her if she did that to you. Why did you allow your stubborness to go for a month? You brought this upon yourself.

 

She knows you "love" her. That is why she is setting you free because she cannot give you what you need.

[lylat333]

I was thinking of sending her something like this?

 

I'm going to stop trying to change your mind, I just wanted to try and fight for you but I guess you really mean what you say. If you've given up then I'll do what you want and let you find yourself. Everyone needs to find themselves. It's the least I can do for you now.

You could do much worse than this, but imo it still doesn't come off quite right. I don't know there's any words that will come off well... less is more, best thing to do is probably not to say anything.

 

I didn't give my ex a heads up she was never going to get a peep out of me again, and I didn't give her a heads up when I decided to block her on FB. I would have felt really pathetic hoping she still gave a damn about me at that point. I started being motivated to do what was best for me and stopped caring about keeping my ex filled in on what I was doing and why. I'm not her doormat anymore, she doesn't get to feed off of my emotions, if either of us is to ever break the silence it will be her. Only way I would consider responding to her is if she showed up on my doorstep.

 

You haven't seen her since April? That seems like a pretty long time... I think there is a good chance you and your ex are on 2 different pages emotionally. If I go another 2-3 months never hearing from my ex and her giving me the silent treatment I will want even less to do with her because I feel disrespected and left out in the cold. A month to a person/dumper giving the silent treatment can be like an eternity for the other.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

She hasn't actually told me that she doesn't love me anymore though has she? She just said not like she used to (I think this is because I changed).

 

The thing is I haven't changed, this is just a big misunderstanding. She doesn't want to fight for me cause she believes I don't love her anymore. I ignored her for too long so she believes I don't care.

 

I accept it's over but it's only over because she's convinced herself I don't love her anymore (she even said she doesn't think I do).

 

If you dumped someone who ignored you and they didn't fight for you, they just moved on. Would that not reinforce your decision to end it? Or what if they were sorry and wanted to fix everything, and they knew they messed up?

 

Isn't it better to keep fighting than to go NC because I have nothing to lose? You could say going no contact would at least give her a chance to miss me. But it's not because she's already moved on with the previous NC when I wasn't communicating wit her.

 

Like I said I was able to go so long without contact because of her twitter. I blame twitter, because you can't talk about it or you'll look a stalker. And you can't not look at their twitters because they are right there...

 

Problem with these forums is everyone on here is bitchy, and they don't believe in fighting. Nobody would go on here if they were happy and in a good relationship.

[lylat333]

OK, I just saw your last post... dude, wth. Zahara is right, what you did has nothing to do with NC. NC is about healing, not giving your ex the silent treatment and being on a power trip.

 

That email she sent you was back in... April or May? 3-4 months is a long time, those words she typed are NOT relevant now.

 

You're here thinking something over the top is going to bring her back - look at what she said to you, that is true blue putting your heart out on the line and making yourself as vulnerable as possible and you made the decision to go ice cold on her. Not just for a night... I don't understand what is the catalyst for all this recent activity. I thought you were the dumpee at first.

 

You sent emails to be cute but chances are she remembers well the hurt she went through when you were ignoring her. You have got to be respectful to her now... continuing to fight in this situation comes off as very selfish and more about you than her.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

She hasn't actually told me that she doesn't love me anymore though has she? She just said not like she used to (I think this is because I changed).

 

The thing is I haven't changed, this is just a big misunderstanding. She doesn't want to fight for me cause she believes I don't love her anymore. I ignored her for too long so she believes I don't care.

 

I accept it's over but it's only over because she's convinced herself I don't love her anymore (she even said she doesn't think I do).

 

If you dumped someone who ignored you and they didn't fight for you, they just moved on. Would that not reinforce your decision to end it? Or what if they were sorry and wanted to fix everything, and they knew they messed up?

 

Isn't it better to keep fighting than to go NC because I have nothing to lose? You could say going no contact would at least give her a chance to miss me. But it's not because she's already moved on with the previous NC when I wasn't communicating wit her.

 

Like I said I was able to go so long without contact because of her twitter. I blame twitter, because you can't talk about it or you'll look a stalker. And you can't not look at their twitters because they are right there...

 

Problem with these forums is everyone on here is bitchy, and they don't believe in fighting. Nobody would go on here if they were happy and in a good relationship.

 

lylat333 - No no I saw her in person on April 21st. The time we wasn't talking to each other was between 16th August and 14th September. Do you think the words are still relevant within that time frame?

 

Yeah I was thinking of breaking up with her too. She hurt me in some ways and that's why I didn't reply to that e-mail she sent. But now it's truly over and I've lost her I've realized how much I do love her.

 

Look at this qoute

 

"Only in the agony of parting do we find the depths of love."

 

Did your ex breakup out of the blue or was it YOUR fault? That's the thing about my situation, I can sort of try and get her back because it was my fault she ended it. If I hadn't of done anything wrong I wouldn't even bother trying. She's only ended it because of my actions, won't it be my actions that save it?

 

Showed up on your doorstep? Are you serious? I was thinking of travelling the 260 miles to see her... Yeah I realize now how hard it must of been for her to be left out in the cold, it was way easier for me having access to her thoughts by twitter. Should I mention this?

 

So you think I should go full on NC from here? Wouldn't that be putting her in the cold again?

 

Yeah I think that email she sent me about her feelings and me not replying to it is way too messed up now. It's the biggest regret of my life. There is no way she is coming back to me now. Is there anything I can do now except move on? I want to tell her how sorry I am about that, I know it's selfish but I honestly wouldn't do anything to hurt her ever again.

Edited September 25, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[lylat333]

She hasn't actually told me that she doesn't love me anymore though has she?

Her response to asking you if you loved her - "Well I don't think I do any more"

 

You as the dumper can try to come back down the road and try to get a second chance. But she has the choice to accept or reject it, and she is rejecting your advances. This is not just the opinion of others here, this is based on everything she is telling you.

 

You then can either be respectful of her wishes and back off again or you can fight. But to just about anyone this is going to be seen as disrespectful, she will ramp up her rejection of you until there is nothing left but ash.

 

Like I said I was able to go so long without contact because of her twitter. I blame twitter, because you can't talk about it or you'll look a stalker. And you can't not look at their twitters because they are right there...

 

I couldn't not look at my ex on FB every once in a while until I blocked her a few weeks ago. Problem solved, I have 0% idea what's taken place in her life since then.

 

Problem with these forums is everyone on here is bitchy, and they don't believe in fighting. Nobody would go on here if they were happy and in a good relationship.

No, not everyone is bitchy. No one is going to agree with everything posted here because we all have our own opinions but the bottom line is this is a place for us to all support each other and try to offer sincere advice. Many of us are dumpees, but many of us also know firsthand what it's like to fall in and out of love. I have been the dumper and the dumpee and I used to be in a long-term relationship w/ a girl for 6 1/2 years.

 

It's actually not that common everyone comes to such a clear consensus. imo, and I'm not saying this mean-spirited, this thread is getting a lot of response because it's a clearer case and people feel comfortable and confident giving you their opinion on it.

[lylat333]

Did your ex breakup out of the blue or was it YOUR fault? That's the thing about my situation, I can sort of try and get her back because it was my fault she ended it. If I hadn't of done anything wrong I wouldn't even bother trying. She's only ended it because of my actions, won't it be my actions that save it?

We had our hangups but I had no idea contact would be ending so soon. We both did/said things we took issue with so it wasn't just one or the other person's fault. I did feel very regretful about all I did do wrong when she stopped contacting me and I tried to apologize concisely for what I felt I needed to and then left it alone. I think you have already apologized and done this.

 

Showed up on your doorstep? Are you serious? I was thinking of travelling the 260 miles to see her... Yeah I realize now how hard it must of been for her to be left out in the cold, it was way easier for me having access to her thoughts by twitter. Should I mention this?

Near the end when my ex wasn't returning my calls I prematurely left my friend's house, I had taken off a week to visit him. I went over 24 hours without sleep and drove over 600 miles to show up on her doorstep because I couldn't sleep or wait to try to start to talk and hopefully amend things. People will do just about anything when they want to make an attempt to bring someone into their life. I wouldn't bring up the twitter thing anytime soon just because I don't really think you should be talking, period... you need to detach from each other asap.

 

So you think I should go full on NC from here? Wouldn't that be putting her in the cold again?

Yes, you should go NC and no it's not putting her in the cold again. It's respecting her space. If she ever does come around to check in on you or ask what's up or why you started being quiet again you very concisely tell her you were wrong for pressing her and realized you needed to respect her space. This is the best way to keep from destroying whatever foundation remains between you two and show you care enough to let go.