To grovel or not to grovel?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

So it's childish to get something off your chest? I thought that was a sign of maturity. She said in her dumping e-mail to me that she doesn't see herself with a future with me. I want to tell her I was prepared to marry and have kids with her and she's throwing it all away.

 

I wish I could take the twitter advice, but I'm gonna check it. It's right there, one click.

 

She doesn't care but at least she will know the truth and at least I know she knows.

[Simon Phoenix]

So it's childish to get something off your chest? I thought that was a sign of maturity. She said in her dumping e-mail to me that she doesn't see herself with a future with me. I want to tell her I was prepared to marry and have kids with her and she's throwing it all away.

 

I wish I could take the twitter advice, but I'm gonna check it. It's right there, one click.

 

She doesn't care but at least she will know the truth and at least I know she knows.

 

You also thought you weren't being selfish when you were harassing her either. Your concepts are a bit off-kilter. And for someone who says they have great self-discipline, your discipline with Twitter (and everything else in this sordid tale) is an F-. You can easily stop checking her Twitter -- you just don't want to because you are childish and immature.

[Zahara]

What you don't understand is that when someone is not emotionally attached to you anymore, your grievances will only sound like bitter and angry ramblings. And that will only reinforce her reasons as to why she left you. She'll say to herself, "Thank god I was right in leaving this guy. He's nuts."

 

You will solidify your chances of her never wanting to do anything with you again. And I bet as soon as you send an angry email, she'll ignore and you'll be stressing about how to reverse it because you will then realize it may have shut the door permanently.

 

And if all that fell on deaf ears, then for FFS, send the f'n email already and stop talking and going on and on about it.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I wasn't harassing her LOL. You could call it harassing if I was doing it months later still. I had just had my heart broken, I think I have a right to try and communicate with her and try and save our relationship.

 

I do have self-discipline, this has nothing to do with twitter. I'm gonna check it because I want to, not because I don't want to.

 

I don't wanna stop checking it because I wanna see if she has an ounce of compassion left in her. I wanna see how full of crap she is.

 

Yeah that's why I wanna send this e-mail now, not in two weeks time. It has to be now whilst this is still fresh.

 

It doesn't matter if I back away now, I've lost everything already, she's not coming back. She's already blocked me, she doesn't even know if I've sent her any new e-mails.

 

Zahara - That's the problem, she should STILL be emotionally attached to me. We were together eight years, those feelings just don't go away like that. She already said she will always have feelings for me. The problem is she doesn't care.

 

I don't care if I look nuts, I already do! There is nothing to lose. It's not an angry e-mail it's just a truthful e-mail. I wanna tell her I'm the one still standing at the end of this relationship, I'm the one that truly valued us through thick and thin.

 

I already said I'm closing the door for good so she can't think she has it open and use me as a security blanket. Clean your own ears out yeah?

Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Simon Phoenix]

You're delusional. I don't even care -- send the letter. Maybe she'll get a restraining order against you. That'll be fun!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

It's not a letter it's an e-mail. Maybe I should of got a restraining order against her in the past when she bombarded me with e-mails, letters and texts. It's cruel to permanently slam the door in the face of someone you love. Looking back whenever we had a fight it was always me who would come to her and make up, only then she would apologise for her mistakes too.

 

This whole no contact thing doesn't work anyways, if she wanted to work this out she would. All she posts about on twitter is male attention seeking. I wish I had a twitter too, then she would have to check mine. It's so easy for her because she has no way of knowing about my life, she can heal in peace. I feel so betrayed.

Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Minneloa]

It's not a letter it's an e-mail. Maybe I should of got a restraining order against her in the past when she bombarded me with e-mails, letters and texts. This whole no contact thing doesn't work anyways, if she wanted to work this out she would. All she posts about on twitter is male attention seeking. I wish I had a twitter too, then she would have to check mine. It's so easy for her because she has no way of knowing about my life, she can heal in peace. I feel so betrayed.

 

 

Wow, you really don't get the whole self-control piece, do you? TWITTER IS NOT COMPULSORY. If you had Twitter, she could choose to ignore it. Just like you can, which would be a step towards *your* ability to "heal in peace."

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yes I know exactly what NC is for, but let's not lie, one of the reasons people do it is in the hope it will make their ex miss them.

 

Trust me she'd check my twitter, everyone check's their exes facebook/twitter. I know for a fact she would as she used to stalk my myspace and msn.

 

Yeah I'm not gonna stop checking her twitter, it's gonna take a long time to cut down on it, it's like a drug, an addiction.

 

I can't sleep, eat. I lost 18 lbs. I wake up way too early and can't get back to sleep which makes the painful days ahead longer. All I do is think about her. All those good memories. I can't even watch a movie, I can't focus on anything without my mind thinking of her. I think I'm doing okay then I have a random mini-breakdown, I had one brush ing my teeth. I just moved into a new place and I'm stuck in a room with four white walls, it's driving me insane. I don't see the point to anything in life anymore. I'm a prisoner to her stupid twitter account.

 

Let's look at her life. She's having the time of her life, she's posting about how much she's laughing at things on twitter. She's moving into her brand new shiny house bought by mummy. I hope she gets a crappy boyfriend and an ugly one to boot because she needs a life lesson, she'll realize how good I treated her. She throws good things away like they're an empty crisp packet.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yes because you know all about our eight years together. Our relationship was awesome. Was.

[Minneloa]

Yes I know exactly what NC is for, but let's not lie, one of the reasons people do it is in the hope it will make their ex miss them.

 

Trust me she'd check my twitter, everyone check's their exes facebook/twitter. I know for a fact she would as she used to stalk my myspace and msn.

 

Yeah I'm not gonna stop checking her twitter, it's gonna take a long time to cut down on it, it's like a drug, an addiction.

 

I can't sleep, eat. I lost 18 lbs. I wake up way too early and can't get back to sleep which makes the painful days ahead longer. All I do is think about her. All those good memories. I can't even watch a movie, I can't focus on anything without my mind thinking of her. I think I'm doing okay then I have a random mini-breakdown, I had one brush ing my teeth. I just moved into a new place and I'm stuck in a room with four white walls, it's driving me insane. I don't see the point to anything in life anymore. I'm a prisoner to her stupid twitter account.

 

Let's look at her life. She's having the time of her life, she's posting about how much she's laughing at things on twitter. She's moving into her brand new shiny house bought by mummy. I hope she gets a crappy boyfriend and an ugly one to boot because she needs a life lesson, she'll realize how good I treated her. She throws good things away like they're an empty crisp packet.

 

1) I do not check my ex's social media. Why? Because it would hurt!

 

2) You are not, repeat not, a prisoner to Twitter. You are choosing to do something that is against your own best interests.

 

3) From the situation you described, especially the weight loss, not sleeping, and inability to concentrate, you sound like you might be clinically depressed, which is serious, not just about your ex, and needs professional intervention. I urge you to seek help (and I speak as someone who has struggled with depression, been on anti-depressants, and is currently in therapy, so no stigma or judgment here).

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Of course eight years matters, it's matters a whole lot. This is the foundation of our relationship. If now is what matters than she should take me back right away! I apologized for my mistake and I've told her all the ways I'm going to fix the communication problem like getting skype, webcams, even move down there with her.

 

Things haven't been broken, she's just decided I don't fit in with her new lifestyle but it'll come back and bite her when she grows out of this phase.

 

I did so much for her and treated her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She said I always knew what to say to cheer her up, I made her a rose out of silver from scratch and she's kept it.

 

I don't get how she can keep an insentient object that has no feelings but she can throw me away, someone who does have feelings and actually matters. She said it means to much to her to throw it away. So I don't mean anything?! She threw me away like I'm just a piece of rubbish!

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep, my ex has a Twitter which I never checked. She had a Facebook which I had the news feed blocked on for five months when we were in NC. I'm not in NC with her anymore -- not really talking to her either, but more because there's nothing to really say at this point -- but I hardly ever click on her Facebook even though the news feed isn't blocked anymore. It's completely possible to avoid someone on social media. You aren't powerless, just melodramatic.

[Simon Phoenix]

Of course eight years matters, it's matters a whole lot. This is the foundation of our relationship. If now is what matters than she should take me back right away! I apologized for my mistake and I've told her all the ways I'm going to fix the communication problem like getting skype, webcams, even move down there with her.

 

Things haven't been broken, she's just decided I don't fit in with her new lifestyle but it'll come back and bite her when she grows out of this phase.

 

I did so much for her and treated her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She said I always knew what to say to cheer her up, I made her a rose out of silver from scratch and she's kept it.

 

I don't get how she can keep an insentient object that has no feelings but she can throw me away, someone who does have feelings and actually matters. She said it means to much to her to throw it away. So I don't mean anything?! She threw me away like I'm just a piece of rubbish!

 

And the bolded is your problem. There is no relationship anymore -- it's over. It doesn't exist. It's null and void. It's a deleted folder in the recycle bin of your ex's computer.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah this WAS the foundation. Clearly not anymore, but it still matters. You can't just wipe out eight years like that. She clearly doesn't love me anymore, or never did.

 

Yeah but I bet you checked it early on in the break-up. I haven't had time to work out how I'm going to keep myself from checking it. Especially this soon and in this much pain.

 

Lol clinically depressed? Try heart broken. She's the first person who broke my heart! For the rest of my life, she will be the one that hurt me the most.

[Zahara]

8 years? People get married and stay married for decades only to divorce after years of marriage, children, living together, sharing finances, history and commitment. Get real. Your eight years is no exception. You need to grow up. Relationships end. Feelings change and while you may think it was sudden, sometimes dumpers take their time going through the process of finally ending it. You seem to think your relationship was different. It wasn't.

 

You're exhausting and you're very entitled. Most of all selfish because you must have it your way. I can understand why one would feel tiresome of dealing with you.

 

Send the email.

[Minneloa]

Yeah but I bet you checked it early on in the break-up. I haven't had time to work out how I'm going to keep myself from checking it. Especially this soon and in this much pain.

 

Lol clinically depressed? Try heart broken. She's the first person who broke my heart! For the rest of my life, she will be the one that hurt me the most.

 

I never ONCE checked it. Why? Because it would hurt!

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah but I bet you checked it early on in the break-up. I haven't had time to work out how I'm going to keep myself from checking it. Especially this soon and in this much pain.

 

Lol clinically depressed? Try heart broken. She's the first person who broke my heart! For the rest of my life, she will be the one that hurt me the most.

 

Actually, I really didn't. Part of it was because she didn't, and still doesn't, do much on Facebook, but I don't really pay attention to very much on Facebook. I skim through the thing, put up a funny comment occasionally, and that's about it. I don't even use Facebook chat at all.

[Minneloa]

I never ONCE checked it. Why? Because it would hurt!

 

And it wasn't easy! I had to dig deep and resist the urge to do something that I knew would set me back. And now, well, I am seriously so much better off because I KNOW NOTHING about my ex. NOTHING! It is simultaneously horrifying (that he is now not in my life at all) and liberating (he is now not in my life at all!).

[Simon Phoenix]

I always blocked/deleted exes...

 

A good way to go. I didn't, but more due to political reasons -- would have likely caused a lot more hassle and drama in my life if I had. I was able to discipline myself enough to not click on her stuff and to block her feed, but if I was slipping in either one of those I would have blocked no questions asked or fu*ks given.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah but at least those people don't fob off their exs with weak excuses. They don't cop out like she has and does a runner. She did it sneakily. Also I've explained the doubts she had but she isn't willing to try. Most people who last longer than us have worked at it. Her feelings haven't changed for me she just shuts them away. She believes I don't love her, it's all about her. If she thinks I don't love her she does a runner, she was only with me because she thinks she's on the ugly side of average (her words on twitter just now) and was afraid of losing me. She always said I was out of her league and didn't like me working out because she feared I'd run off with another woman. Even though I don't know another single woman in my life except her. She was just scared of being alone, she even admitted it. She's chosen a tattoo over me lol.

 

Oh come on you never looked? You gotta be kidding me. Fair enough if you don't check your exs social websites but it's actually pretty normal, I googled it and everyone in the comments admitted it. It's like crack cocaine looking at her twitter (I'm not a crackhead). She pours her mind into it like a sieve. I know everything that's on her mind.

 

It hurts to check it, it hurts not to check it. You can't win.

 

Zahara - I'm not sending the e-mail, I'm taking the advice here, do it your way then.

Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Simon Phoenix]

Fair call, if you can do it without blocking, more power to you.

 

OP, you've got to do it for your own health & well-being...

 

Yeah, like I said we didn't communicate much on Facebook anyway, so it wasn't that hard after the first week or so. We texted a decent amount and were yin and yang together -- that was the hard part to get past. When I did finally unblock her and look I didn't even cycle back to see what I missed -- that's how little I was concerned with it and that's when I knew I handled things the right way.

[Minneloa]

Nope. Never. I had to protect myself, and I urge you to do the same.

[Simon Phoenix]

My ex didn't divulge her reason for breaking up with me until a year later. And by that point I didn't care at all and thought it was absolutely bizarre that she was talking about it. So yeah, your situation isn't all that unique.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I'm actually quite enjoying reading how she's having trouble getting attention from guys. She's struggling to attract attractive males. I know for a fact she has high standards and is picky. She's also vegetarian so it'll be even harder. I know it's just gonna be a rebound though. If she didn't throw me away she wouldn't have this problem I don't mean to be big headed but I'm not a bad looking guy, all her friends loved me. Now she's gonna have to go on the dating scene and she might not find what she's looking for because of her standards.

 

I wanna see how long it takes her to get a rebound. She used to say if we broke up she'd be single forever LOL. I'd be like yeah me too. I keep seeing other women and I'm not attracted at all. It'll be a looong time before I find someone.

 

I got an idea, I'm single, you lot are single. Let's have at it!

[Minneloa]

Eventually, I deleted him from FB, but in the first months following the breakup, in an effort to prove (to him? to myself?) that I could "handle it," I kept him on there but went stone-cold turkey.