Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 thora-tiki that post was seriously awesome, made me laugh, thanks! Yeah I'm gonna stick around here and help out, least I can do. Really missing her tonight though, I went on ocupid for a laugh and when I was doing the match quiz I really realized how perfect my ex and I were for each other. Do you think it's okay to send her an e-mail in a couple days, because she said I could e-mail her once a week and she'll reply. The thing is, it's not like I was my normal self and she just got bored of me. I was just distant and not communicating properly. She wasn't on my skype either but used to be on my MSN all the time. If just asked her if she still wants to keep in contact, and add her on skype. Maybe she will change her mind, I'll just act myself but take it easy at first and she might fall in love with me again. No. No communication. You need to do a lot more healing before you are capable of communicating with her. You really need to stop trying to control and step back. Your need to control is why you got yourself in this mess in the first place. Step back and decompress for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 I am gonna go against the grain. Do you love this girl? Will you sacrifice to make things work? Have you learned your lesson? Good. Here's what you do. Contact selflessly. Groveling is always selfish. You are trying to get her to do what you want. Celebrate her becoming more of the woman you love and treasure, and let her know what's going on In YOUR life. Something funny you saw, interesting you did, something to show you were thinking of her with no expectations. Do not see other people unless you know you don't want her anymore. Good luck. True love wins. He's not capable of that right now. He's way too far down the rabbit hole. This might be able to work after he detoxes, for lack of a better word to describe it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 (edited) I do love her, she said she needs cheering up on twitter and it makes me sad that I can't. My best friend still has her on Skype which is pretty odd, she signed into it earlier. She's deleted everyone I know on FB though... Simon, what do you mean my need to control got me in this mess? Even if I did heal, adding her to my Skype would be to try and get back together. Not straight away, not now either. I just want to add her as a friend, genuinely. Then maybe months later she will see the real me again, the person I wasn't for the last few months. I know this wouldn't work in a normal scenario, because she wouldn't fall again for the same person. But I know one of the reasons she dumped me is because of lack of communication on my part. I wasn't even myself. But if I give her the attention I used to she might miss me. Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 I do love her, she said she needs cheering up on twitter and it makes me sad that I can't. My best friend still has her on Skype which is pretty odd, she signed into it earlier. She's deleted everyone I know on FB though... Simon, what do you mean my need to control got me in this mess? Even if I did heal, adding her to my Skype would be to try and get back together. Not straight away, not now either. I just want to add her as a friend, genuinely. Then maybe months later she will see the real me again, the person I wasn't for the last few months. Then add her months later. You've been trying to control the communication and manipulate. You aren't letting it flow naturally and putting your best foot forward, which is why your communication has been unbelievably bad. You really need to relax and back off. Seriously. You need to let the bad taste that you put in her mouth with your overbearing communication fade away on its own. The more you try to press in any way, the bigger of a hole you'll dig. You are still trying to plot and control. Stop! And she can't miss something that doesn't go away. You need to go away now and stay away for a while. You can't become the "real you" until you decompress and get the real you back. If it's really true love, then you should take the process seriously and stop trying to rush it. Communicating out of panic is a terrible idea. Please listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 (edited) Yeah but she knows I'm gonna act like that at first, she knows I'd do anything to try and make her change her mind. She was all for blocking me until I was cool about it, she said I could once a week, then I tried to fight for her and she blocked me. Look what she said early in the break-up when she was gonna block me straight off. I would block you because I am selfish and its easier on me if I just block you so you can't contact me and I won't be tempted to contact you. After all we've been through, this can't be a slow break up, it needs to be like ripping the plaster off. I don't want to fade away from her life completely though I'm so scared she will want nothing to do with me in a couple of months. Do you think she still loves me? My heart hurts and I've cried today because of this but because I feel so bad about doing this to you, even though I've told myself its the right thing to do. I will always have feels for you, you were my first proper love, but I just don't love you the way I used too. People change as they grow older, and I've changed and realised who I really want to be. Well I don't think I do any more and I don't really think you love me either. Its just routine, we just keep it going because we are used to it. She never flat out said she doesn't, I know for a fact it's because she hasn't seen the real me for a long time. I just wanna let it flow naturally so she can see I've not changed. She's just seen the distant, held back me. I wasn't happy in the relationship either but I never knew what we had until it went. I just want to be the real me around her again, I believe she thinks I don't love her and she doesn't love this new me. She did all this sneakily without mentioning anything. How long should I wait then? Until Christmas? It'll be hard for me because she's gonna have a rebound by then. I can't be me without her though. Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 You really need to step back from this for at least 90 days to detox, as Simon said. Go NC, and set yourself a goal to make it to, such as 90 days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Three months! She'll have a new boyfriend by then. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 You've been with her what, 8 years? She's not going to forget about you if you take 90 days or so without contacting her. I mean, I remember girls I briefly dated 15 years ago. But yes, take 90 days away minimum, get your act together and then ask this question again then. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Three months! She'll have a new boyfriend by then. And this type of mentality is why you are guaranteed to fail if you don't listen and keep acting stupid. It's based out of fear and is not attractive. This statement is a perfect metaphor for why you are in this mess. Clingyness, fear, need for control, this sums you up perfectly right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 I got my act together though, I'm gonna want her back just as bad in 90 days as I do now. I'll probably want her back even more by then. My main mistakes was taking her for granted, that fixed straight away once she left me. Also does she really need to miss me? I think she's already past that stage when she did this sneakily without me knowing. I think she's already missed me, that was the time she filled my void with alcohol and nights out. She's only blocking me to make it easier on herself. If I contact her just asking to stay in contact she might not block me thinking I'm in that emotional state still? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 I got my act together though, I'm gonna want her back just as bad in 90 days as I do now. I'll probably want her back even more by then. My main mistakes was taking her for granted, that fixed straight away once she left me. Also does she really need to miss me? I think she's already past that stage when she did this sneakily without me knowing. I think she's already missed me, that was the time she filled my void with alcohol and nights out. She's only blocking me to make it easier on herself. If I contact her just asking to stay in contact she might not block me thinking I'm in that emotional state still? Dude, you are still lying to yourself. You aren't even in the same ballpark of having your act together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 (edited) Nothing wrong with fearing the loss of your loved one. I'm not trying to control anything, I'll let her make up her mind if she wants me back. I'll just be myself and take it slow with her. I'm not gonna bring up anything about us. I'm not lying, I've accepted she doesn't want me, I just want to talk on skype every now and then. I know she doesn't wanna lose contact with me. The only time I'm gonna have my act together is when I'm over her, and then it's pointless anyways. Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Nothing wrong with fearing the loss of your loved one. I'm not trying to control anything, I'll let her make up her mind if she wants me back. I'll just be myself and take it slow with her. I'm not gonna bring up anything about us. First of all, you already lost her. And yes, fear is a completely unattractive trait. You are trying to control, you are trying to meddle, you are trying to manipulate. All contact right now is part of your plot to get her back. She knows this and that's how any and all contact by you will be received by her. She isn't stupid. You really need to listen to people. No matter how many times you try to say the same things in different ways, our answer is going to be the same. You need to stop lying to yourself and you need to step back. I don't know why I'm wasting time trying to help you -- you don't listen, you just want us to tell you to do the stupid sh*t you want to do. If she wants to talk to you, she'll make the effort. Stop trying to project your feelings on to her. Let her make the move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Don't forget NC might be seen as a plot to get her back too! If I just contact her in a week just asking to stay in contact it's gonna look real natural. Yeah I don't have to show my fear though. I'm talking about losing her for good because maybe she might change her mind, she did say she doesn't know if she would. How am I trying to manipulate? I just want to be friends, we started out as friends in the first place. I don't want to say anything manipulative to her, just be honest and natural. I am listening, you just think I want to control and manipulate but I don't. I just wanna be friends. She won't want to talk to me though because she thinks I've changed over the last months. She'll always remember me that way and not miss me. I'm not even projecting any feelings, I already said I'm not going to talk about us. Is it even still possible for her to start missing me if she's planned the break-up months back already? Hasn't she gotten past the missing me stage? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 (edited) Whatever, I'm not wasting anymore time with you. Do what you want. I can't help someone who is complete denial of their own feelings and motivations. Good luck. Edited September 28, 2013 by Simon Phoenix 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Alright I'll back off, I am taking your advice seriously, I just hope she does miss me after all this. Okay if I contact in 90 days what would be my motivation then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 aspiringuitarheroine - I get it now! I can't be friends with her so soon after pouring my heart out to her, she will either think I didn't mean any of it or she will think I'm hoping to get back in by being friends so soon. Especially since she blocked me so she must be thinking I was still sending her e-mails. It has to be after a couple months when she might believe I've moved on and hopefully I will of gotten over the break-up but not her. Damn, I hope she contacts me before then. This sucks but I'm gonna use this time of my life as motivation to write some songs. I've whipped out the midi keyboard. The fact that she now smokes baccy has kind of put me off her too, but at the same time I know she's only doing it because she's desperate to change herself. She 'look' like a totally different person by the time I contact her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 I saw this in another thread on here. No, it doesn't matter if you had a bad break up or made all the classic dumpee mistakes like begging and pleading. Everyone gets a free pass on being crazy after a break up. Your Exes will "judge you" on a whole because of who you are / were as a person throughout the entire relationship. That kinda makes me feel a little better about it. It's like my mum told me, she said the breakup was still fresh for me so it's expected to be over emotional. My ex had this planned a while whilst I was gone and was already past that stage. I'm gonna stay away. I'm thinking of joining a social network myself, maybe that will keep me busy away from twitter. I don't have many people on my Skype, I wish MSN Messenger still existed. That beat all the social networks put together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 I have two really close friends and one I see about once a month. I don't have a social circle though, don't even own a mobile phone. I'm reading the NC thread on here and I think I have a problem... When starting NC, it is up to you what you want to say to your ex. Most people seem to say something along the lines of “Don’t call me unless you change your mind and want to give us another try”. It might also help to let them know that the window of opportunity to reconcile (from your perspective) will not be open forever. You also may want to tell the ex why your cutting them out of your life – tell them it is so you can heal and move on. And in reality that IS why you’re doing it…… I never initiated NC. I never closed the door she left half open. She blocked me when I was trying to get her back so in her mind she doesn't have to worry about me moving on! She probably thinks she can come back anytime if she wants. Damn, what should I do? I'm doing NC for myself and in the hope she will miss me. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 It is normal to be an emotional wreck after a breakup, which is a reason to go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
BOSSHOGG5 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Man, I was there and I eventually felt horrible for all of the groveling, salvaging or whatever u want to call it. I learned to shut her the hell out, move on with my own life and I really started getting comfortable. Next thing u know, in comes another woman,,,I mean a real woman and my whole life has changed. My ex wife finally after 3 years came to see her three boys. I let her stay with us. She even used my bed. I felt nothing for her in regards to attraction. Long story short, she looked liked a complete loser and I really felt sorry for her. What a bad decision by casting us aside for another man who could not even buy her a plane ticket, a room or a rental car. Man, life goes on. No one deserves for another to grovel over them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Interesting story, how much did you love your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
btyoung21 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 No way. Never. If you want to present your 'case' or 'proposal' at least be decent enough to do it in a calm, sweet, funny, witty and honest manner. Most people get a negative response from begging and groveling, very unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 I can't live anymore I feel so bad I can't stop crying my jaw and cheekbones hurt from the pain. My friend is depressed and we live together but never talk. I live in this small room with white walls, I have no family except my mum and little sister/brother. I have no future. I miss my ex so much so so much I thought things would get better but it's getting worse I just scored 82% on a depression test. 54 & up Severe depression 36 - 53 Moderate/severe depression 22 - 35 Mild to moderate depression 18 - 21 Borderline depression 10 - 17 Possible mild depression 0 - 9 I feel so full of guilt and regret about the relationship, I went for a walk and the silence made me cry, the dark sky, knowing how far away she is. I'll never see her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I don't think there is anything between the lines. She says it is over. Respect it! Link to post Share on other sites
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