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He doesn't want to be my rebound.

unluckyinlike

By unluckyinlike,
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unluckyinlike

unluckyinlike

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So I am going to keep this nice and sweet. I have been with a guy for 3 years and engaged and lived together. I am young and wanted to find out what else was out there before making a lifelong commitment and so I suggested a break.

 

 

A little before I suggested a break I met this amazing guy named, George. I think he has a little to do with the break, if I could fall for this guy so suddenly, how could I marry someone else? Anyway so George and I talked a lot and he is hilarious and thinks I am the happiest person (which is the farthest from the truth).

 

 

So after I broke off the engagement, George kissed me! It was amazing, I felt butterflies.:love::love: lol But the next day he said we can't be together because he doesn't want to be my rebound and doesn't want to get hurt. I really like him and I find myself thinking about him a lot.

 

 

What should I do? Should I give it time?

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unluckyinlike

unluckyinlike

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He was more interested in me when I was taken. Do you think I was just a conquest or is he actually distancing himself so he doesn't get hurt?

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BeholdtheMan

BeholdtheMan

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So after I broke off the engagement, George kissed me! It was amazing, I felt butterflies.:love::love: lol
Are you trying to be cute, cuz if you are, please stop...
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heartshaped

heartshaped

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haha I don't know, it's just that I felt something. It was totally different from kissing my ex. I felt excited

 

You felt excited because it was new and different. After a while, you wouldn't feel excited about kissing George either. Before you even said that you thought the break was a little about George I knew it was already all about him.

 

Let me give you a bit of advice, this is the type of thing that ruins marriages and relationships. You should have never, ever even allowed yourself to get close enough to this other man to have any type of feelings for him. You have to establish boundaries and maintain them when you are in relationships. The fact that you cannot and have not says that you are not ready for any type of mature relationship.

 

As for George, he isn't really interested in you. It was most likely about the conquest. And as he's already said he doesn't want to be your rebound. I don't think time or anything else will change that.

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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Let me give you a bit of advice, this is the type of thing that ruins marriages and relationships. You should have never, ever even allowed yourself to get close enough to this other man to have any type of feelings for him. You have to establish boundaries and maintain them when you are in relationships. The fact that you cannot and have not says that you are not ready for any type of mature relationship.

 

What if you find your soulmate when you're with someone else? What if you discover you are just 'settling' for a long-term partner when you meet someone else who makes you feel like nobody has made you feel before? The OP is not some hormonal 16-yr old gal who's just crushing around.

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ltjg45

ltjg45

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What if you find your soulmate when you're with someone else? What if you discover you are just 'settling' for a long-term partner when you meet someone else who makes you feel like nobody has made you feel before? The OP is not some hormonal 16-yr old gal who's just crushing around.

 

The issue here is that she gave up on her previous relationship so easily just because of some attention from an, what looks to be, wanted guy or player.

 

Just threw it away without much concern that she wasted 3 years for almost nothing. I have a hard time thinking the OP would go back after going with this.

 

She is so easily blinded by the power of a player and George knows it. That is why he does what he do.

 

Yeah, this can easily backfire on her completely if it hasn't already and I do agree this does destroy relationships and marriages.

 

If I EVER feel like I could cheat on my partner for ANY reason, I need to end my current relationship ASAP because it is clear as day it is not going to survive for the long haul. That's just the truth of it all.

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Misfortune

Misfortune

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What if you find your soulmate when you're with someone else? What if you discover you are just 'settling' for a long-term partner when you meet someone else who makes you feel like nobody has made you feel before? The OP is not some hormonal 16-yr old gal who's just crushing around.

 

When the relationship has become stagnant or hits a rough patch, everyone that shows you some attention will appear to be your soulmate/the best you've never had. Make sure you know what you're giving up before you take a gamble on your "soulmate".

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Sweeetie

Sweeetie

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If I EVER feel like I could cheat on my partner for ANY reason, I need to end my current relationship ASAP because it is clear as day it is not going to survive for the long haul. That's just the truth of it all.

 

That's the thing! She didn't cheat on her partner. They are on a break. And it has given her the chance to see what she actually wants, rather than spend her whole life being miserable. As the OP herself said, she 'wanted to find out what else was out there.' This implies she was settling.

 

He might be a player or he might not, time will tell, but atleast she has identified what was lacking from her long term relationship.

Edited by Sweeetie
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heartshaped

heartshaped

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That's the thing! She didn't cheat on her partner. They are on a break. And it has given her the chance to see what she actually wants, rather than spend her whole life being miserable. As the OP herself said, she 'wanted to find out what else was out there.' This implies she was settling.

 

He might be a player, time will tell, but atleast she has identified what was lacking from her long term relationship.

 

They are only on a break because she met George, the boy wonder.

 

I would be willing to bet the OP was perfectly happy until she met George. In fact, her original post even implies that. She says and I quote, "if I could fall for this guy so suddenly, how could I marry someone else?" <- Her whole case for not getting married is her feelings for this George.

 

This is a textbook emotional affair that would've turned physical if not for the OP taking a "break". I'm sure her ex knows nothing about George either and after the realization that George doesn't want her hits this will all have been "a huge mistake" and she'll go crawling back to her fiance.

 

I've seen this a million times. What else is on?

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ltjg45

ltjg45

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That's the thing! She didn't cheat on her partner. They are on a break. And it has given her the chance to see what she actually wants, rather than spend her whole life being miserable. As the OP herself said, she 'wanted to find out what else was out there.' This implies she was settling.

 

He might be a player or he might not, time will tell, but atleast she has identified what was lacking from her long term relationship.

 

If she felt she was settling, she should have ended her relationship on that note alone, not "take a break and see what else is out there". That would imply that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too by keeping the door to her current relationship open while seeing what else is available.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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It sounds like you were a conquest to him, and he's not interested in pursuing you. Don't communicate with him for now. It would also be unwise to return to your ex at this time, so I hope you're not thinking of doing so.

 

I do think you did the right thing in taking time to yourself, though. Clearly, you weren't really ready for a commitment like marriage. Be single for a while. Take time to understand who you are and what you need from a relationship.

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ltjg45

ltjg45

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Well, the OP chose A - she decided to end her current relationship first before persuing this George guy.

 

So why is everyone coming down on her for doing what so many people here always advise others to DO when they're in this situation?

 

I don't get it.

 

That is because she didn't really end the relationship. She just wanted to "take a break".

 

All I can say is that "taking a break" has different meanings for males and females, apparently. When I say I would "take a break", that would imply that I will eventually come back at some point. I still want the relationship despite I need some alone time right now.

 

If I wanted an relationship to end, I would say that it is over. I wouldn't dingle around the bush.

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giblesp

giblesp

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George doesn't want to get used for sex before you go back to your fiance.

Try putting yourself in another person's position and understand how they feel.

 

If a fling before commitment is all your after(I'd gently suggest you don't know what commitment is yet), then be clear with George and other men that that is all it is.

Edited by giblesp
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lauri

lauri

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Feelings that come up really fast come down even faster - aka infatuation. Your feelings for George will come down eventually, just plz don't play your man. Either you want to be with him or you don't..so don't leave him in a limbo.

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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He was more interested in me when I was taken. Do you think I was just a conquest or is he actually distancing himself so he doesn't get hurt?

 

Thats because he doesnt want to commit to you like you didnt want to commit to your ex.

 

How much do you know about george, anyway? Sounds like he came around just in time to be your cushion. You wanted out, and George made it easier. I promise, if George was all over you for commitment youd probably fall oout of love with him like you did your ex. On to the next dude.

 

I dont date people who do this. Irs very unattractive to see them toss away relationships.

 

If theyll do it for you, theyll do ut to you

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hotpotato

hotpotato

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What if you find your soulmate when you're with someone else? What if you discover you are just 'settling' for a long-term partner when you meet someone else who makes you feel like nobody has made you feel before? The OP is not some hormonal 16-yr old gal who's just crushing around.

 

That could happen, but thats not usually why it happens.

 

Mate Poaching 101

Tired of being single? Step right up ill show you the easiest way to get a mate!

 

First, you need to be friends or meet people of the opposite sex, or same sex, if thats what you want.

One if these people is bound to have relationship problems: this is when you strike. Increase contact with this person. Soon enough, this person thinks you are the one. Now they want to dump their partner and go to you. This person transfers their feelings for the other person to you. Because feelings are so strong so fast, they think they are in love. Most people arent introspective enough to see whats going on, use this to your advantage.

 

And thats mate poaching 101!

 

Sorry for spelling errors!

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writergal

writergal

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So I am going to keep this nice and sweet. I have been with a guy for 3 years and engaged and lived together. I am young and wanted to find out what else was out there before making a lifelong commitment and so I suggested a break.

 

 

A little before I suggested a break I met this amazing guy named, George. I think he has a little to do with the break, if I could fall for this guy so suddenly, how could I marry someone else? Anyway so George and I talked a lot and he is hilarious and thinks I am the happiest person (which is the farthest from the truth).

 

 

So after I broke off the engagement, George kissed me! It was amazing, I felt butterflies.:love::love: lol But the next day he said we can't be together because he doesn't want to be my rebound and doesn't want to get hurt. I really like him and I find myself thinking about him a lot.

 

 

What should I do? Should I give it time?

 

George is your rebound and you're the player in this scenario (based on the way you dumped your fiance and then quickly made out with a guy you barely know).

 

You strike me as a woman who has very superficial values, especially where relationships are concerned.

 

If you respect yourself...if you respect George (which you don't, that's obvious)...you will not pursue anything with him right now because I think you have a lot of growing up to do first. If you date George right now, I guarantee you're using him as your rebound guy.

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Sunshine87

Sunshine87

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George will never give you the stability and love you had with your ex.

 

You made a mistake but only time will show you this. It happens and no one is perfect. But you made a big mistake.

 

How old are you?

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writergal

writergal

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And the OP can give love and stability?

 

Unlikely. I mean, she claims she left her fiance to go see what else is out there. Who does that to someone they claim to love and promise to marry after 3 years together? Not someone with honest intentions.

 

Where is her remorse for kissing George? Non-existent. She doesn't care about her fiance nor does she respect his feelings. In a way, the OP cheated on her fiance with George.

 

Incidentally, the OP reminds me of the character 'Dot' from the Broadway musical "Sunday in the Park with George." Sunday In The Park With George - YouTube

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