Really hurt.

[LoveInAHopelessPlace]

Hi all, I am new here and this is my first post. Hope it's okay to just dive right in! I apologize for the length, but I need to let it all out because NOBODY in my real life knows anything about this and I feel as if I may explode.

 

Bottom line:

I am a MW who has been having an online/text emotional affair with a MM for three months.

 

It started in late June. I was on another website that I frequent (NOT a dating site) and received a message from MM. At the time, I was not looking for an affair. My marriage had a lot of problems but cheating was not something I ever thought I'd consider doing. So, communication with MM started out very innocently. The things he said truly captivated my attention. He was unlike anyone else I'd ever encountered on that website. We were... dare I say, kindred?

 

At first, I did not know MM was married (although I pretty much figured he was) and I didn't think anything of our friendship. About six weeks in is when things began to turn in an inappropriate direction (not sexual, but emotional). MM finally told me he was married. We were exchanging messages for hours a day. Whenever I would stop messaging him, thinking our conversation had fizzled out, MM would send me a message the next day or whenever letting me know that he was thinking of me. I just couldn't believe someone was actually thinking of me!

 

I remember one weekend, in particular, feeling really upset whenever I barely got any messages from him. That's when I realized that this thing had gotten far out of control and I needed to step back. But, somehow I got sucked back in and the following Monday we exchanged phone numbers and texted for an entire day... until he had to go home to his wife and kids.

 

After that, things got pretty intense... at least, for me. But, it was and has been an emotional rollercoaster. Whenever I talk to MM I am on a high. Whenever we are NC (because he can't find time away from her), I feel deflated and extremely depressed/guilty about our relationship.

 

We spoke on the phone for the very first time last week. I hadn't felt that feeling in so many years. It was great. He was even seriously discussing purchasing a plane ticket to visit me when I am out of town next month. Then, the next day, I barely heard from him. The day after that, I only got one short e-Mail late in the day where MM informed me he'd deleted his account on the website we met. He gave me some vague reason for why he'd deleted his account, but I haven't heard from him since that last e-Mail (it's been five days)... so I'm guessing it had to do with me.

 

I have been coming apart at the seams for days! I have cried, agonized, analyzed, and beat myself up pretty badly. I know, in my head, that never hearing from him again would be the best thing for myself and my husband, as well as MM's family. But, I am so hurt. Just crushed. My thoughts waiver between sadness and anger.

 

I think a large part of me just needs to know what's going on. Did she find out? Was there something I did to turn him off of me? I am so confused. He was going to meet me next month and had even sent me a substantial monetary gift... so, it's not like he was using me at all!

 

I have no idea if this is just a "busy week" for him or if he's done.

 

Like I said, though, this is probably for the best. I just wish I could convince my heart.

[happy stillmore]

I know it hurts. I believe he got nervous when he started to think of realities. It doesn't help your heart I know. Be thankful you are saving yourself a lot of heartache. I am serious about that! Thank your lucky stars!

[Lillyfree]

hi, and welcome.

 

i've also had an ea with someone online mostly, although we did end up meeting a few times, and it was for almost a year. i ended it in november last year, and now i'm completely out of it, reconciled with my husband, and my marriage is better than it's been for a very long time.

ours started the same way - we met in a chat group, not a dating site. clicked and it just progressed from there. so i know where you are.

 

what i can tell you from my experience is that you're filling a hole in your marriage with a fantasy. you don't know this guy really. you don't know what circumstances are in his own marriage. you invested too much in a fictional relationship that most likely wouldn't have gone anywhere.

 

it's quite possible that MM realised this and decided to step back. you might not think so now, but that's the best way and he's doing you a favour.

 

3 months of almost constant contact can seem like a lot. to you it feels like one of your limbs is missing, as you will now have to fill that time with something else.

fill it with activities with your kids. pay attention to your husband, even if at this time it might feel forced and not sincere. talk to him about things that you are missing in the marriage... be glad that it's only been three months, and that you haven't entered a full-blown PA.

[imbetteroff]

yep, you dodged a bullet. The advice the above poster gave you is very good, you should be very, very thankful.

Try and find out what's missing in your marriage. Anything but an affair, these are so destructive and will take a long time to recover from.