Are women as romantic as men? How to find these girls?

[kaylan]

This thread was inspired by an episode of a old fave tv show of mine that I just finished watching. Basically the main male lead was being told by his wife that he isnt romantic at all.

 

Maybe Ive not payed attention well, and maybe Ive had a bad female picker, but its my experience that women arent really romantic. Of course women like to be romanced, and I can think of numerous romantic things Ive said or done for a girl...but I cant really think of many situations where Ive had a girl behave similarly for me or a friend of mine.

 

It seems like the status quo is that men are to give romance and women receive it. Thats especially what most of our tv shows and movies tend to teach us. However, there have been a few examples Ive seen of chicks being pretty darn romantic, and heck Ive always wanted to date a romantic chick.

 

I could be mistaken...like I said, its possible that Ive just picked women who werent as into me as I was into them, or just werent good at showing how much they were into me.

 

Thoughts?

[irc333]

I have noticed it is disturbingly one-sided to the point where it seems selfish (or maybe is selfish) considering that most relationships these days wind up with people getting together for selfish reasons rather than being grateful for the romance given to them.

 

Sure, men romance women, but do women really appreciate it? That's the question.

 

I have found that women who are at least some what proactive in doing their part to "woo" the guy or even pursue the guy that often times, if it winds up in a relatioship or marriage, that it has a tendency to be more successful when women take a "Ho-hum...Oh aaalright, I'll go out with you/marry you!"

 

Funny, I recall how some married women or women in a relationship that they FINALLY went out with the guy after having asked her out 4 times of saying no and saying "Yes' to the 5th attempt.

 

What does that say about that guy?? Pathetic?

 

 

This thread was inspired by an episode of a old fave tv show of mine that I just finished watching. Basically the main male lead was being told by his wife that he isnt romantic at all.

 

Maybe Ive not payed attention well, and maybe Ive had a bad female picker, but its my experience that women arent really romantic. Of course women like to be romanced, and I can think of numerous romantic things Ive said or done for a girl...but I cant really think of many situations where Ive had a girl behave similarly for me or a friend of mine.

 

It seems like the status quo is that men are to give romance and women receive it. Thats especially what most of our tv shows and movies tend to teach us. However, there have been a few examples Ive seen of chicks being pretty darn romantic, and heck Ive always wanted to date a romantic chick.

 

I could be mistaken...like I said, its possible that Ive just picked women who werent as into me as I was into them, or just werent good at showing how much they were into me.

 

Thoughts?

[salparadise]

I dated two women in the past couple of years that were at opposite ends of that spectrum. I think it's just a characteristic of the individual and perhaps associated more with certain personality types than others.

 

The romantic one was a feeling type (NF) and the non-romantic one was a thinker (NT). The first one loved flowers and would be moved almost to tears whenever I brought some for her. The other one told me pretty early not to buy her flowers because she just wasn't into it. With the first one we exchanged gifts pretty often for no reason at all; none whatsoever with the second. The first one used to cook wonderful meals bake special desserts (I don't eat wheat) and the second one just saw cooking as a practical necessity rather than a daily communion with life and each other. The first one had a lot of femininity that needed to be expressed and the second one had a dry, more masculine type of energy underneath. The first was more emotional, the second was logical, practical and objective.

 

I'd take the romantic woman any day of the week. There is absolutely no doubt which is more appealing to me.

[soccerrprp]

Good question. I'm dating a woman and have dated some women who are romantic in the sense that they are also willing to plan events, occasions that demonstrate their romantic side. But, on average, very few women I've met go out of their way to reciprocate.

 

I am convinced that they are appreciate my gestures, no doubt, but most do not show it by sending me flowers or planning a romantic outting. Pretty standard and traditional I'd say.

 

But, again, I am currently dating a woman who is analytical and peculiarly (and sadly) unaccustomed to being romanced, so it's not easy for her to express herself "romantically", but she's trying!!!!

[Mrlonelyone]

If they like you they try to woo you to some extent.

[phineas]

Yeah, I see "not romantic enough" complaints from women who date potheads that live in their mother's basement.

But, they still date them & be their sex toy.

 

On the other hand, the guys who bought them flowers, did the cheese & wine picnic, ect essentially all that romantic "stuff" they complain they didn't have....before the jobless hippie their banging now......those guys didn't even get to see their boobs.

[phineas]

Good question. I'm dating a woman and have dated some women who are romantic in the sense that they are also willing to plan events, occasions that demonstrate their romantic side. But, on average, very few women I've met go out of their way to reciprocate.

 

I am convinced that they are appreciate my gestures, no doubt, but most do not show it by sending me flowers or planning a romantic outting. Pretty standard and traditional I'd say.

 

But, again, I am currently dating a woman who is analytical and peculiarly (and sadly) unaccustomed to being romanced, so it's not easy for her to express herself "romantically", but she's trying!!!!

 

Gotta be honest, when I meet women who are wanting to do the romantic stuff right away i either think they dated losers or are way into me & it kinda makes me nervous. LOL!

[xxoo]

What acts do you consider romantic, from a woman to a man?

 

I know what stuff my H appreciates, and go out of my way to provide it. But it isn't stuff that would necessarily be romantic from a man to a woman.

 

He often balks at my efforts to hold his hand, because I do it so much.

[kaylan]

What acts do you consider romantic, from a woman to a man?

 

I know what stuff my H appreciates, and go out of my way to provide it. But it isn't stuff that would necessarily be romantic from a man to a woman.

 

He often balks at my efforts to hold his hand, because I do it so much.

-Thoughtful date planning. ex: Remembers an interest of mine or something I mentioned Id like to do, and takes initiative to make plans.

 

- Thoughtful gifts

 

- Showing up to see me when I least expect it.

 

- Verbal expression of how she feels about me.

 

Id say the last two I care about the most. My exes were lame at verbalizing their feelings, so its something I really need. And even better is if a girl combined the first and third bullet point. Like if she showed up or tried to make plans when I thought I wouldnt see her that evening, and just brought over a favorite movie or album of mine for us to enjoy.

 

Thatd be great. Little things like that can really make a dude fall for a chick. Im thankful for my romantic experiences though, because I know exactly how I want a woman to treat me in order for me to be pretty happy.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am extremely romantic but I keep it in check because I worry that I will freak guys out.

 

I imagine many women feel the same, sort of like why they don't approach men or ask them out.

[StanMusial]

You have to catch them young, before they get too jaded.

[xxoo]

For an example, it's women who overpost the sappy, romantic stuff on facebook about loving their man, reposting those stupid pinterest quotes about having a good man, etc.

 

The men....not so much. And I doubt they even enjoy it when their women do it.

 

So that is an example of women being romantic, but do the men like it? I kind of doubt it!

[Emilia]

I think 'romantic' matters more when you are more sensitive or need handholding. While communication is very important as well as affection and intimacy, when it goes into sentimental territory it's more about the other person's neediness.

[carhill]

What acts do you consider romantic, from a woman to a man?

 

Sharing one example potential from my M, I would have considered it quite romantic in the morning if my exW had done something simple like fixing a bagel and coffee and walking 100 feet out to the shop and bringing it to me before heading off to work. I never saw her inside the shop, the place which provided our bread and butter and where the repository of my skill and creativity resided, except when I was fixing her car, and that was because she was curious as to when it would be done.

 

Are women as romantic as men?

 

I think they can be, or are, sufficiently motivated and socialized. IME, in my demographic, it's been woefully imbalanced.

How to find these girls?

 

Well, I don't really know but I'm going to move to a demographic the opposite of mine, where women far outnumber men, and see how that goes. Just visiting while scouting for business opportunities and real estate has already brought some promising changes. We'll see.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I think I'm pretty romantic in my relationship, but of course, it's very different from the way my fiancé romances me.

 

He shows romance by planning nice dinner dates, getting me little silly gifts for no reason, planning trips for us, etc. Now, I don't have the financial means for fancy dinners or vacations, and I doubt my boyfriend would get a kick out of me coming home with flowers or chocolates for him. So I instead cook his favourite meals for him, bake him cookies and sweets, make sure things are taken care of around the house, etc. As far as verbal appreciation goes, we're both very good about that...I tell him every single day that I love him and appreciate him, and he does the same.

 

So I guess the answer is if you are expecting the same kind of romance that women typically receive (little gifts, flowers, dates, etc), that's certainly not unreasonable, but might be the kind of thing you need to disclose to your future partner. Like many posters above have mentioned, a lot of women (including myself) have been taught, both through media and real-life experiences, that men don't care for "all that mushy stuff." And we don't want to scare the guy away. So it might be something to have an open conversation about with your next mate.

[RiceaRoni]

I think it's possible for a woman to be romantic.

 

I mean I consider myself romantic...and I love to be romanticized

 

Usually when I'm seeing a guy I'll bring him food by surprise or buy him his favorite beverage and give it to him when we hang out, lol I've even brought a guy his favorite cake with a cute note attached to it.

 

I dont know if you consider that romantic lol but I'm much more giving than most girls I've seen.

 

So yes, it's possible to find and have a romantic woman. I think it just depends on their personality and what they think about the whole "romanticizing" act itself.

[Els]

Definitions of 'romantic' vary, really. I don't think the bf cares too much about many of the things you've mentioned. 'Romantic' gestures, to him, are quite a different story altogether - and tend towards practicality more so than words or gestures. As for "showing up to see me when I least expect it.", I can probably count on one hand how many guys would be thrilled by that.

 

So, the question really is,"Where do I find girls whose notion of romance coincides with my own?" And I'm afraid there really isn't an easy answer to that. It's like the question, "How do I find girls who prefer frosted flakes to cap'n crunch (to use a recent thread as an analogy )?" Who knows? They could be anywhere.

 

What does work, though, is to provide strong positive reinforcement when a partner does things that you like in the early stages of dating. Where some might hold back a little because they don't want you to feel 'smothered' by it, positive reinforcement lets them know that they're encouraged to do so.

[M30USA]

I'm not sure about the romantic subject, but I have concluded that women are not more compassionate than men. I don't know why I was led to believe this growing up. I think media just portrays women as more capable of compassion. My observations and experiences tell me otherwise.

[Robert Z]

Are women as romantic as men?

 

On the average, absolutely not. Women expect and want to be romanced but it is a freaking mine field for men. Too much or too little can end in disaster in spite of our best intensions.

 

I can't think of one real-life example of a woman romancing a man.

[gaius]

Flowers and romantic dinners don't do much for me. I do remember one old girlfriend who was pretty good at making me feel all warm and fuzzy though. There was one time I had been away for a while, hadn't had a chance to see her and I ended up not sleeping the night before. I showed up exhausted and had to stop and take a nap first but she actually stayed with me for some reason, despite the fact I didn't ask for or suggest it. It was probably boring as hell laying there while I slept for 2 hours but it was nice just having her there after not seeing her for a while. A level of kindness I'm not used to from anyone these days.

 

She would also put up with me grabbing her ass occasionally when she wasn't in the mood which I also found very romantic.

[Keenly]

For an example, it's women who overpost the sappy, romantic stuff on facebook about loving their man, reposting those stupid pinterest quotes about having a good man, etc.

 

The men....not so much. And I doubt they even enjoy it when their women do it.

 

So that is an example of women being romantic, but do the men like it? I kind of doubt it!

 

There is nothing romantic about that. That's a " look at me and be jealous " attention seeking behavior, and has absolutely nothing to do with making the man feel good. They do it for them, not for their man.

[Robert Z]

There is nothing romantic about that. That's a " look at me and be jealous " attention seeking behavior, and has absolutely nothing to do with making the man feel good. They do it for them, not for their man.

 

Right on! Being romantic means getting into the head of the person and doing things that will be especially touching and meaningful for them.

[Els]

Right on! Being romantic means getting into the head of the person and doing things that will be especially touching and meaningful for them.

 

Weren't you the person who was puzzled about why his wife didn't find it romantic that he was working 100 hours/week and couldn't understand it even after a few of us explained it in the exact terms you are now using?

[Keenly]

I've had a few romantic gestures thrown my way. It feels so nice to actually be on the receiving end as a man.

 

One new girlfriend of about a month or so drew a heart on the bottom left corner of my windshield and sent me a text that said " I gave you my heart " I thought that was adorable.

 

 

One worked at a Mexican food restaurant I liked. She would randomly surprise me with burritos after work. But what made it special is every time she did, she would devote her entire lunch break to drawing an art masterpiece on the Styrofoam to go box.

 

Same girl made me a Darth maul light saber at Disneyland. I thought that was romantic.

[MrCastle]

As some have mentioned, men and women interpret romance differently.

 

Flowers and chocolates and poems and all that stuff may be nice for them, but I'd rather she dress up as a french maid or something, you know?

 

What's romantic to me is as you said, expressing her feelings.

 

I don't want to go into sexist mode here but I have yet to see a relationship work where the man is more emotionally expressive than the woman. She should be the sappy one who handles all that gushy stuff. If you find yourself doing more of that than she is, you're in trouble. At least that's been my experience.