LostSleep Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Here's a good one. Situation: LDR for 8 or so months. My G/F went to school out of state. We would stay in touch and talk everyday. She would tell me that she wanted me to visit all the time. At the time I just simply couldn't i.e. school,work,money etc. She would visit me every 6 weeks or so. When we would talk she would tell me to come and visit so I can meet her new friends... I told her I'd love too but I have some things I'd have to take care of. School was going great, and my work was booming! I started to make some money and chose to surprise her. So for about 3 weeks I planned a visit...unsaid to her of course. I knew she had school and work that was very important to her. So I brought a friend with me to keep me company. I kept telling her I had a surprise for her...she would ask and pry for information...I'd just play dumb. The day came and I got there OK. Talked to her on the phone and she seemed very cold. I told her I'd call her in a few minutes (I was in the car on my way to see her.) I called her back when I was about 2 miles from her work and told her her gift will be right there. I got to the parking lot and she was in her car talking on the phone. I got out of the car and said surprise! She got very pissed at me and basically said that I was checking up on her. I was crushed. She said that she wished I had told her I was coming... then she could have made time for us to spend together. We talked for a few in the car and she took the ride with me to drop off my friend at his house. On the way back she seemed very mad at me for going about it the way I did. What was it that I did? Did she not tell me to visit? Am I missing something? Ever since then she's been very harsh and is breaking contact with me. What should I do or think about her reaction toward my surprise? What was she hiding? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by LostSleep What was she hiding? Ahhh you have learned a good lesson here young man that will go with you for life. Women do like surprises, but not THIS kind. They like surprise gifts and trips and stuff like that. She is most likely up to something that you would not like and did not like you coming up there unannounced cause she could have been busted. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 maybe she was just in a bad mood...? i love my boyfriend and i want to be with him all the time...but i detest when he says he's coming over at a certain time and then gets here early as i'm still drying my hair/putting make-up on/getting dressed. i like to be prepared. but i don't get really pissed off, what's the point? in your case, however, if you only see each other every 6 weeks, she should have been thrilled to see you. i would be saying (inbetween excited shrieks and screams, of course) "oh my god, i cannot believe you are here, i have so much stuff i have to do, but this is awesome, i'll see if i can change some stuff around, even if i can't YOU ARE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!!!" regardless of why she acted like she did, you did something that lots of girls wish their boyfriends would think of and take the time to do. she sounds like she's up to something, and if she's not, then she's just a brat. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 I can think of no other reason for a girl to be angry when the b/f she supposedly misses and loves turns up! Shouldn't she be thrilled and happy? She was angry, resentful and cold. Sounds like she is involved with someone else, and is trying to cover her guilt with self-righteous anger. Have you just come out and asked her if she was seeing someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted November 26, 2004 Share Posted November 26, 2004 Ohhhhh. Unless you've got a reputation for being really possessive and jealous, it does look as if maybe she was hiding something from you. If my lover showed up from across the country to surprise me, I would be overjoyed. On the other hand, if you ever have "checked up on her" in a possessive way, and if it's an issue in your relationship, she may be justified in feeling that you're spying, or whatever. Don't keep apologizing about this, though. Say you're sorry to have misunderstood, and that you thought she'd be really happy to see you. Then let it go. If she "breaks contact" with you, I suspect it's over something much larger than a surprise visit. She may not choose to tell you about it, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 Yes I have...and she has told me that she would break up with me first before she did anything like that. What'che guys think about that? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Maybe she is acting that way hoping that you'll break up with her. Sometimes people will do that to avoid being 'the bad guy' and dump the guilt off onto someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 im glad i came across this thread. same thing happened to me bro except we lived an hr away..and well it jsut became a habit to see each other on the wkd..i would go up and she would come down..we would alternate the distance wasnt the problem at all as its not bery long anyways..but one day i went up to visit her and she wasnt there so i called her up to see what she was up to..she obviously didnt know i was waitin for her but she told me she was at the store. i waited for liek three hrs almost..i shouldve gone home but i wanted to surprise her and i didnt want to kill it by tellin her oh well hurry home cause im waitin for ya ya know? well when she eventually got there i saw her car so decided to head out a lil after her..but i called her and played it off asked how the weather was there, blah blah..then i noticed she was gettin kinda angry so i finally jsut knocked on the door...and she was pissed!!! i was like wtf!?? she said the same thing too..how long was i outside and that if i was checkin up on her or somethin..she told me i shouldve called all that, and then later on she broke up with me. well i guess i should mention that the wkd before she had asked for space..so i guess she felt i violated it by goin up there unanounced right? i regret that now.but i was havin family problems at home and needed to escape so i of course ran to her since i loved her...and then that happens crazy stuff i think she just basically used that as an excuse to break up with me..i know shes not seein anyone else though she broek up with me for other reasons..but me doin that jsut pissed her off and she just ended it then and there..women are weird for reals Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 I can think of no other reason for a girl to be angry when the b/f she supposedly misses and loves turns up! Shouldn't she be thrilled and happy? She was angry, resentful and cold. Sounds like she is involved with someone else, and is trying to cover her guilt with self-righteous anger. Have you just come out and asked her if she was seeing someone else? I don't agree. A lot of people dislike surprises, no matter who presents them or what they are. A lot of very busy people would be upset if someone turned up without warning because they may be so committed they really won't be able to make time for the visitor. Always remember that everybody's different and just because you think you'd love something like that doesn't mean somebody else would feel the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 what if theyve made it clear that they liek that in the past while you still with them? like its not the first time in other words Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 I dunno... this girl was cold on the phone, before she knew he was on the way to see her. Then he gets there and she acts like he has done her a grievous harm by daring to show up to suprise her after she had made it clear in the past that she would love for him to visit. Cold phone behavior + angry reaction at his showing up = something's not right. And now she is continuing to be harsh and cold to him, and has broken contact? I'd be on the side of giving her the benefit of the doubt, except that she was cold to the guy on the phone before she even knew he was coming. That's generally a bad sign. The only other explanation is the other side of the story, which we don't know: her side. Is the boyfriend a jealous guy by nature? Does he pry into her private life and demand to know where she is all the time? If he was a jerk about it, and showed up then yeah - I could see her getting mad like that. This situation though, sounds like she was inexplicably cold and harsh to the guy out of the blue. Who knows. It could be anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 u bring up good points Luc. i guess we have to know the nature of the bf. most guys are typically jealous types to certain extent..some are crazy some jsut dont even care..either way it can pose a problem. there is more we need to know here i guess..cause its easy to hear one side of the story here..but if we want really good advise then one would ahve to be bias in tellin each situation and givin both sides. maybe she just had it with him already for whatever reason..maybe she thought he was spyin on her.but in order for that, that would kinda be suspicious cause why woudl she care if she wasnt doin anythin? even if she wasnt im sure she felt weird..but in this specific case..they didnt see each other for every 6 weeks..so tahts a far space in between visits..adn my best guess is taht she probably got upset at the fact that he surprised her adn she couldve got caught doin somethin...thats just my opinion so take read too much into that, but theres always possibilities..especially if shes stopped contact. when was the last time ya have spoke to her?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted November 27, 2004 Author Share Posted November 27, 2004 I'd have to admit I could be jealous at times but I never spyed on her. My jealousy is simply I want to be part of her life, and when I can't and other people could I feel left out, so I get jelous.I was simply tring to do something romantic and it blew up in my face. In fact, she did say that she wished someone would have known I was coming but I didn't get the chance to. Now it seems that everytime I tell her how I feel she twists it back on me, being my fault. I ask her if she wants to call it quits and she says "if you think that's best ok." Seems she is not willing to fight for what we've built. It's been almost 8 years. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by LostSleep I ask her if she wants to call it quits and she says "if you think that's best ok." If any woman ever makes the above stmt to you it is time to ca$h in the chips and move on... Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale If any woman ever makes the above stmt to you it is time to ca$h in the chips and move on... Agreed. LostSleep, you did not harm her, curse at her, cheat on her, even call her any names. And she's threatening to break off 8 years over something like this?!?! Dude, somethin's up. Period. Get out of there now before she hurts you more. Link to post Share on other sites
Pai Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Hey, I just read your message and I have a long distance relationship, too. I can't understand your girls behavior!! If my boyfriend would come to see me, I would be happy for the rest of my life Talk to her, and tell her that you don't understand her reaction... I wish you all the best Pai Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 I've remained in "light" contact with her lately... We talk about 10-30 min. a day usually when she's done with her day or about to head to bed. I'm just concerned that something is going on that she wouldn't tell me right now. I mean why keep me hanging? Just let me go. Sure I'll be hurt, I love her...but dragging it out hurts worse. If she is caught between thoughts about whether she can/wants to be with me or not....I'm sorry to say..but I don't want that. I've devoted my time to her and accepted her "reasons" to go this route in her life. I do have a life however, I have great friends and a wonderful family who love her (I think more than me sometimes) and admire our decisions. My life has been her for along time. I want nothing more but to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm not sure she's there yet.She still wears her ring, still tells me she loves me but is that enough for me to accept this treatment? She has made plans to return by mid-end of jan 05 but her attitude is ramping up everyday as that time frame is approaching.What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted February 27, 2005 Author Share Posted February 27, 2005 UPDATE!: Well, I am currently just seeing what happens here in the "situation" I've been in for some time now. I've had a pretty rough few months and need some advice.. Back in Dec. She came to visit for the season. Things went ok and I had my "ego" boost for a few weeks. Things seem to be fine and we planned a trip to see each other around my b-day (End of Jan) as the weeks flew by I made alot of reservations and such for her and I to enjoy my birthday together. I bought the ticket for her to come up. About a week before she was supposed to come up she hinted about possible not coming up by saying " Would you rather see me on your birthday or valentine's day?" I told her "Both!" she said she couldn't because of school. I accepted that and told her "well we've gotten the ticket for next weekend so.. just makes sense to just do it then No?... She agreed. Then on the day before she was supposed to come up I went out with a few buds. Talked to her that night and she sounded somewhat excited...."just tired". Well I was on my way home that night about 1:30am and totaled my car on the highway. Of course I called her and told her what had happened and she asked if I was alright. Then I told her I needed to call her back when I get home. About 3:30am I got home and talked to her...she asked me if it was I bad idea that she'd come up this weekend seeing if I had so much stuff I had to take care of. I told her "No, I want to see you. She told me to go to sleep and she would talk to me tomorrow. Next day she called around 11:30am and said she was gonna see me in a few hours. I borrowed my grandfather's truck and proceeded to get some stuff done. I.E. candles, flowers, dinner and a fresh new haircut. I was in the middle of getting a hair cut when she called. "I just wanted to call you and tell you that I'm not coming up this weekend..I had a panic attack and I don't feel I should fly...just rest a bit." I asked her if she was ok..of course heart broken...she "said yes, I'm ok." Later that night I had some friends come over to eat the food I just bought and console me a bit. She called me @ 2:30am to tell me " I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday and I'm sorry about this weekend and everything I'm putting you through and I have my phone so call me when you get my message.".......come to find out she went out. I texted her back @ 6:30am and asked how she felt and that I got her message. At this point I really felt something was going on adn I had to know.After some nifty computer work I found out she had a dating profile setup on 3 sites! I was floored and couldn't speak to her. When I finally did speak to her I asked her why she did that to me and her response was "i was only doing it for kicks, no harm was done ..I never met any people." but here's her profile: ............................................................................................................................................................................................................. I'm in search of a personal tour guide : ) New to ***** from the bitter cold *****. I'm a modest woman so it's hard to describe myself visually. I'm not on the hunt for a LTR but I am open-minded to the possibility that it could happen naturally...I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. My last relationship was 5+ years and the one before that lasted 3 so I'm no stranger to commitment. I make a great BEST friend but a BETTER lover, however, friendship comes first. I'm humble, fun-loving, playful, funny, nurturing, compassionate...maybe you'll get the opportunity to see the REST for yourself. I have very strong family values and they're extremely important to me. I'm an amazing cook. I'm very comfortable around strangers and can walk into a room knowing no one and leave with a few new friends. I can hang with the guys. I LOVE to watch football and hockey and most are amazed that my love for sports and EVEN video games is truly genuine. I have ZERO tolerance for head games and no room for drama...keep your ex's in the past and your issues at the door. I will be your best friend, your biggest fan, and your toughest critic. You must know what you want out of life or be on the road to get there. I love a man with a keen sense of humor. I love to laugh and smile and do the same for my partner. He shouldn't be afraid to show his sensitive side every now and then. Honesty and loyalty are key - communication is just as important. Confidence (not arrogance or cockiness) radiates sexiness... Drop a line just to say Hi or if there's a spark of interest. ............................................................................................................................................................................................................ Does this sound like an engaged women to you? Valentine's Day Weekend: She cam up that weekend and things seemed to be fine. We had dinner and had a good conversation. I never asked her anything about what she did to me and why. I just kind of went with the flow. I almost felt like she felt obligated to make love to me. But I kinda felt like we had sex. Can't explain it. Just something was missing..... As I lay beside her after "love making" I felt i had just slept with a stranger...but this was someone I've know for well over 8 years....how could I feel this way? I tried really hard to just be happy and be myself...I did a good job. Weekend ended and she flew home. I didn't want to see her go but I had a feeling that is was the last time I was going to see her. As I got back into the car and drove off I looked in the rear view mirror and watched her walk into the airport not looking back once. I felt crushed. That night she called me to tell me she had a good time. I told her I did as well. Recently we are falling back into our routines again and things aren't really that great. Talking on the phone is annoying and conversations go nowhere. I've stopped making an effort in contacting her. I'm just at a loss for words right now.... Thoughts? LostSleep again. Link to post Share on other sites
Triguluous Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 Dude, NEXT her out of your life, she is messing with you. That remark she said to you "if that's what you think is best." No girl or noe one for that matters would ever say that if they really cared about some one, or loved them. I said the same thing to my ex, that it was because I didn't feel the connection anymore and I was taking all the heat for everything that didn't go 100% in our relationship. So, I took the heat in the end too, letting her think she was dumping me and what not. She accually brought that up once a few weeks afterwords, like she was proud or something. Anyway's who cares, she was seeing someone else before we ended things, she just wouldn't do anything with the other guy till things were over with us. She was a completely different person after things were ended. Sorry to through my speal in there, but I really believe she as an aalternative motive for being pissed and it was not because she thought you were checking up on her. She now is probably hoping you forgot about the way she acted so you wont push her for answers to her over the top actions. Most girls that I have surprised by the way you did, they were crying they were so happy and touched my the jesture. next her out. 8 months or 8 years, it doesn't matter, she needs to explain her actions. 2cents Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted March 5, 2005 Share Posted March 5, 2005 I agree with the previous poster. You need to move on. It is not a healthy relationship. What you could do also is give a last try talking things out. Maybe she loves you but there is something she cannot handle like LDR is getting her, no future plans...Have a honest talk and find out what are her problems. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 thanks for the advice people I decieded to let her go. After many books and some therapy...I'm ready. Thanks for all your support! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 You mean 8 months, right? The first post says 8 months so I assume the 8 years is a mistake. Perhaps she had someone spying on her before and she didn't like it. Okay she's angry, that tells a lot about her. Nobody likes people who get mad easily and don't calm down after a while. Secondly, no matter how much she hated the surprise, if she loves you she won't break up. My boyfriend almost did something like that to me. He told me he was coming on Saturday. Then he told me he was actually coming on Friday and wanted to surprise me, but changed his mind in the last minute probably because I live with my mom and two children. I was happy he didn't surprise me like that. I don't like surprises like that. However, if he did show up a day earlier at my door, I would never show him that I don't appreciate the surprise. I would pretend that everything is okay and think to myself "Oh, my god, he saw me like this, I look like crap and my kids were yelling at the time and the apartment was messy." But I wouldn't blame him for wanting to see me when I am "real", not all made up and dressed and in the mood to play a perfect girl. I would not make a big deal out of it. After all, what if you invite your partner at 9 pm but he comes at 8 pm because of whatever reason? Okay he sees you in a bad "edition", it's not what we girls dream of, but do you break up because of that? Finally she was in her car, she wasn't like at home with a mask on her face on bad hair day. She should have been happy to see you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 8 years... not she's telling me that she wants time to let the hurt go...adn we could talk normal again. I don't understand women...LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Oh, you really hurt her! And for how long does this ridiculous behavior of hers last? Maybe she just expected another kind of surprise...an engagament ring perhaps.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostSleep Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 I am engaged to her... Link to post Share on other sites
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