I once made a girl get violent with her abuser

[Reyd86]

As a man I've always hate violent men and think of them nothing but the lowest pile of manure. I would seriously feel nothing for them if they got hit by a car or got beaten by their cellmates in jail. I had a former stepfather that would hit both my mother and I until one day, I beat him up as a 17 year-old senior in HS.

 

Anyway not sure if I did the right thing but about 6 years ago, a female friend one day came crying and I saw a bruise on her cheeks (I recalled I did once heard that guy screaming at her in a threatening way but she reaffirm that it was nothing) and left eye. My first thought was to actually beat that abuser but then I figure that would be useless because she would then probably go back so I told her to get violent in return, to get anything coming in handy, even an iron. I also told her that if she didn't want to then she can report him.

 

A couple days later, I heard she got arrested for throwing a porcelain lamp over his head and continuing kicking him further. He had to get some stitches and I think he suffered a broken nose and some mild injuries. I guess she took my advice fully but overdid it and wouldn't stop till someone actually had to intervene. Ever since then we haven't spoken, the guy was never heard from again and according to my friends she's been charged again but this time for getting into a fight at a bar and saying foul language.

 

I kind of feel guilty for what she turned into. I only wanted her to stand up to herself and fight her abuser but it's like now she became a messed up woman with anger issues. Was I wrong to ever advice her to be violent with her former abuser? I have no sympathy for the abuser but I feel bad for what she's now.

[samsungxoxo]

Well they always say two wrongs don't make a right but IMO those so called ''men'' really need a taste of their own medicine.

[amaysngrace]

You didn't turn her into anything. She was who she is long before you spoke to her about it.

 

You make this about you and it isn't. She has a mind and a will of her own but she doesn't seem too bright if she goes around assaulting people. Most people only need to learn a lesson once and jail is a pretty big lesson.

 

Maybe now a judge will intervene and demand that she gets the real help that she needs...from a professional equipped to deal with her and her issues.

[Tayla]

Victims of abuse often become abusers later in life. Its more common then uncommon. Its learned behavior over time. The Key is to break that habit.

 

 

Anyways....for the OP, yes it probably isn't wise to encourage physical retaliation. Suggest a Self Defense course or a support group. I've found those to be more in line with protecting without excessive harm.