is there any justicifed reason for cheating???

[blu]

i don't believe in cheating, but i did last nite because we've been having problems and he's not acting like a real man. we're both in our 20's, but he is so not on my level. so last night while he was doing whatever and was rude to me on thanksgiving and did not speand time with me, i hung out with a friend who is very attractive and very sucessful. he has everything i want in a man. he's devoted to his career and has a nice house and a nice job. my boyfriend lives with me and doesn't pay for anything. i'm just fed up with him mooching off of me. i know that i should probably just dump him and stuff, but i do like his personality and the sex is good, but we're jus tnot at the same points in our lives. i graduate from college next month with my bachelor's degree and he hasn't even attained enough hours to declare an associates degree. i already have a good job making $15 an hour while he's making minimum wage.

 

i feel guilty because i don't approve of cheating, especially since cheating has surrounded and afftected my life through my parents' marraige. but, i'm not married, but my boyfriend and i still agreed to not be with other people.

 

a part of me wants to still give our relationship a chance, but i already know it's over, especially when i've gone this low and cheated with another man.

 

i feel guilty. i'm not sure if i shoudl tell him... keep it to myself and just break up with him and tell him it's not working... or try to over come it and see if he's going to improve...

 

i just want some adive... and i would appreciate it if u guys are not too harsh on me for cheating because i already feel bad about it. and there's a possiblity that he's cheated too with this under aged girl who was always constantly around him and for a while i came 2nd to her... i finally got her out of the picture. also there are hours and hours that he cannot acct for. he says he's sleep, but he's not at my apartment sleeping or his brothers house so... where is he? then he has these friends who i've never heard of who he claims he's hanging around, but i've never met them or heard anything about them until he needs an alibi. then there are weird #'s on his cell phone that he claims he has no idea who they are so he could be possibly cheating which i know it not a good excuse for my actions... i just want advice on what should i do now?????

[Merin]

IMO.. NO there is never a justified reason to cheat..

 

If you're unhappy in the relationship then end it BEFORE you get involved with someone else.

 

What to do now.. probably what you should've done a long time ago.. go your own ways.

[binturong]

To answer your question, no, there is never any reason to cheat. You should have broken up with your boyfriend before you went elsewhere.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want your boyfriend to tell you that he cheated on you? You have disrespected him by cheating on him. The least he deserves is to have you be honest with him now so he can make choices what he wants to do. In addition, if you had unprotected sex then it is essential for you to tell him this also. I wish you luck.

[distorted]

Sounds to me like he treats you as ****, you have your head screwed on and deserve better than what he is serving up.

[Stinkerbelle]

No.

 

There are circumstances where someone is unfaithful because they are having problems they can't sort out, but that doesn't make it right. On the other hand, they aren't heinous, either -- just a human who screwed up.

 

Then there are the people who lie and cheat repeatedly, over years of marriage. Those are apparently only about 7% of men (I don't know the percentage of women) -- and they are truly heinous.

[immoralist]

There's justifiable homicide, why not good cause for infidelity.

 

I can imagine any number of possible of just cause scenarios: chronically ill spouse and small children; sexless marriage and small children; cold spouse and small children.

 

Families --especially ones with children--don't break apart that easily, nor should they. I find it interesting that everyone is so quick to counsel the straying spouse to get out of the marriage--with the ensuing break-up of the family--so he can then sleep with the non-spouse.

 

Last time I checked, divorce is not good for kids--yet the counsel is almost always exit the marriage if you have to screw around. I wonder if the cure is not worse than the disease.

[Merin]

Originally posted by immoralist

There's justifiable homicide, why not good cause for infidelity.

 

I can imagine any number of possible of just cause scenarios: chronically ill spouse and small children; sexless marriage and small children; cold spouse and small children.

 

Families --especially ones with children--don't break apart that easily, nor should they. I find it interesting that everyone is so quick to counsel the straying spouse to get out of the marriage--with the ensuing break-up of the family--so he can then sleep with the non-spouse.

 

Last time I checked, divorce is not good for kids--yet the counsel is almost always exit the marriage if you have to screw around. I wonder if the cure is not worse than the disease.

 

Last time I checked it also isn't good to raise children to believe that cheating is the way things SHOULD be..

 

Regardless of the reason.. infidelity is hurtful.

While it may be true that families don't break apart that easily and I agree that they shouldn't.. IMO there isn't ever a justified reason to be dishonest and hurt someone else.. or several someone else(s)

 

Either get into the relationship and resolve the issues or get out.

[Stinkerbelle]

I disagree.

 

Divorce can be difficult for kids, but it is INFINITELY better than having one or both parents unhappy, crying, fighting, sniping, etc.

 

Much better the two adults reassure the child that BOTH of them will continue to love the child, and go on to healthier relationships where the child gets a better view of what a good marriage is.

 

My parents were divorced and remarried. My stepfather raised me, and I thank GOD that my real parents divorced, so that I could grow up in a home where people didn't fight and cry.

[immoralist]

Infidelity does not always translate into an unhappy marriage. There are very miserable, contentious marriages out there where both spouses would win monogamy awards. On the other hand, there are relatively pleasant, tranquil and, dare I say, stable marriages where one or both spouses cheat.

 

Infidelity catches too much blame, while monogamy gets way too much credit. Often the enduring quality and layered reality of a marriage will transcend this all-to-neat moral taxonomy. Life is often much messier than the moral categories we embrace.

 

Infidelity is sometimes the dark glue that holds functional marriages together. And when young children are involved, that's no mean feat.

 

So I give one cheer to infidelity.

[Merin]

Originally posted by immoralist

Infidelity does not always translate into an unhappy marriage. There are very miserable, contentious marriages out there where both spouses would win monogamy awards. On the other hand, there are relatively pleasant, tranquil and, dare I say, stable marriages where one or both spouses cheat.

 

Infidelity catches too much blame, while monogamy gets way too much credit. Often the enduring quality and layered reality of a marriage will transcend this all-to-neat moral taxonomy. Life is often much messier than the moral categories we embrace.

 

Infidelity is sometimes the dark glue that holds functional marriages together. And when young children are involved, that's no mean feat.

 

So I give one cheer to infidelity.

 

Sinner... I'm sorry but I totally disagree.

 

Saying that infidelity is a good thing is ridiculous.. it doesn't hold a marriage together.

 

Life is messy.. that I can agree on.. Life happens when you've made other plans, I can also say yes it happens..

 

However.. IF you don't want to remain faithful then have the backbone to let the other person get on with thier life.

It isn't fair to the spouse who is being cheated on and it isn't fair to the OW/OM who is HOPING to be the ONLY person in the cheaters life.

 

Infidelity IS hurtful and emotionally damaging to all parties.

[immoralist]

I tried, Merin. I wanted to make a heterodox argument to see how it would fly. No wings; thus, no air time.

 

I concede, my lady. I concede.

[Merin]

Originally posted by immoralist

I tried, Merin. I wanted to make a heterodox argument to see how it would fly. No wings; thus, no air time.

 

I concede, my lady. I concede.

 

I still love ya sinner!

[Cecelius]

No, there isn't any justification.

 

You want to trade up? Then do that but don't dishonor yourself out of fear of being alone.

 

The other guy, did he know you had a b/f?

[blu]

Originally posted by Cecelius

No, there isn't any justification.

 

You want to trade up? Then do that but don't dishonor yourself out of fear of being alone.

 

The other guy, did he know you had a b/f?

 

Yes the other guy knows I have a boyfriend. He didn't care. He's someone I used to see. My boyfriend totally ignored me this holiday and my friend just happened to be there for me. We hung out and watched a movie and then... u know.

[morrigan]

Blu, you have your own residence, a good job, and you support yourself. You're not trapped in an unhappy marriage in a backwoods shanty with five children and no means of income.

 

Why are you staying with your boyfriend? Sorry, nobody is that marvelous sexually. Do you really want to stay with your boyfriend and possibly get married to him out of a comfort factor or fear of being by yourself? You won't be any happier engaged or married to this guy. I'd end it now.