WrinkledForehead Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 The loneliness, craving a partner, might not be related to the A at all. When I first left my children's father, I stayed single for 20 mos, completely by choice. I didnt even think about dating. I needed to heal. Eventually I got to a place where I started feeling an attraction to a man and yearned for that comfort once again. I dated for the 18 mos after that, and then I met CM. That desire to bond with other people is part of our social human nature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Yes, many women are not wired to think dating is fun. I think women who've been in a long term marriage and have kids are even less enthralled with it. That is the other issue I didn't mention. I don't really want to assume the role of "playing the field" while I have teens to raise. I'd rather quietly meet someone, get to know him while they have time with their dad, and let them know him from a distance. My exH definitely hit the dating scene with ghusto following our separation and he has landed himself a young filly, lol. I don't enjoy the message this sends to my 3 girls:rolleyes:. I guess dating at 45 just doesn't seem dignified. I hope I'm wrong. I think your attitude is classy and dignified..I dont see anything wrong with it...I am sure there are men who would align with that... Some of the women who I have spoken to (at our age) I was quite surprised to learn what they were looking for..Almost all want to jump right back into the whole LTR, committment, and..*gulp*....marriage......Not that I myself wouldnt consider that at some point, but it just seems like I am "battle weary" from the whole D experience that it just seems like those desires are a mile away at this point..The A didnt help in that regard, as well:rolleyes: I wish you well... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Dating in my 40's was the best time in my life. True, it wasn't easy to find great dates, but there were plenty of wonderful women out there. I mostly dated women in their late 30's and early 40's. Perhaps it's harder for women in their 40's - or so I've heard. The positive aspects are that most people know what they want by then, and have enough life experience to base that on. Everything about them shows how well they handled life to that point, so you can usually learn a lot about them and see how well they match what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Unlike a lot of posters, I think that you need to identify what it is that you want from dating. If you are "on the prowl" for another LTR, and are constantly evaluating or judging potential dates as to their long-term suitability, then most likely you will always be disappointed or scared off. If you date to have some fun and companionship, and you like this guy, then why not give it a try and see how it goes? Dating does not always have to be such an intense process. A little less Angst and a little more frivolity might be a better, more pleasant , lifestyle. Good points. Of course I am the king of angst and the antithesis of frivolity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 As to what Goodbye said, it really isn't dignified I don't think. I cringe when I see those "mature singles" dating sites commercials on tv that shows mature couples out on dates. I'm just not cut out for it. Suppose I'll stay alone for life with that attitude. That's why the A was so comfortable if not ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Good points. Of course I am the king of angst and the antithesis of frivolity. Ok, now that is funny 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I'm going to talk to "Joe" later today...I'll see how I feel and then I will broach the topic with my friend. GOOD! Let us know how it goes!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Has anyone dated anyone from here? Holly meet Kentucky, Kentucky, Holly Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Well played!! It beats match.com and plentyoffish.com 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Has anyone dated anyone from here? Holly meet Kentucky, Kentucky, Holly TOO funny!! Have to get back to work now, aka kicking-butt. Everyone play nice while I am gone.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 As to what Goodbye said, it really isn't dignified I don't think. I cringe when I see those "mature singles" dating sites commercials on tv that shows mature couples out on dates. I'm just not cut out for it. Suppose I'll stay alone for life with that attitude. That's why the A was so comfortable if not ideal. Yes. This thread has, for me, been more about my R with exMM than about future mates...so I'm glad the mods didn't move it to another section. In thinking about dating, I've gotten more light on why I "allowed" myself to be duped by my exMM. He would have been the perfect next chapter for me, if he hadn't lied about the fact that he wasn't in a divorce. I had known him, I loved him, we had history and comfort, similar desires for our future. I guess I sold myself on this in an attempt to escape the need to meet strangers. Recycling a really lovely ex was a good notion, just not a good reality...given that he had a WIFE who was unaware that they were getting divorced, lol. Not really funny, but ok. KG, I am also frightened by "mature singles" sites. I would never sign up for such a thing. If I ever meet someone, it will be by chance. I give you credit though, for even considering mature dating sites...must mean that you are at least looking for women in your own age range. Lots of guys in their 40's start over with someone in her 20's/early 30's. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Yes. This thread has, for me, been more about my R with exMM than about future mates...so I'm glad the mods didn't move it to another section. In thinking about dating, I've gotten more light on why I "allowed" myself to be duped by my exMM. He would have been the perfect next chapter for me, if he hadn't lied about the fact that he wasn't in a divorce. I had known him, I loved him, we had history and comfort, similar desires for our future. I guess I sold myself on this in an attempt to escape the need to meet strangers. Recycling a really lovely ex was a good notion, just not a good reality...given that he had a WIFE who was unaware that they were getting divorced, lol. Not really funny, but ok. KG, I am also frightened by "mature singles" sites. I would never sign up for such a thing. If I ever meet someone, it will be by chance. I give you credit though, for even considering mature dating sites...must mean that you are at least looking for women in your own age range. Lots of guys in their 40's start over with someone in her 20's/early 30's. With all due respect, I think thats something thats more of a wives tale than reality...I am as youthful a 40 something as I know, but I dont want any tweener. Maybe for a roll around(gotta be honest:laugh:), but day in and day out? Nah.... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Perhaps it is a tale, or perhaps I'm jaded from my exH's choice of mates. How a short, bald 48 year old scored a hot, blonde 30 year old is beyond me. PS: (No...it isn't because of his personality) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Perhaps it is a tale, or perhaps I'm jaded from my exH's choice of mates. How a short, bald 48 year old scored a hot, blonde 30 year old is beyond me. PS: (No...it isn't because of his personality) Daddy issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Daddy issues? Quite possibly. Who knows. Sadly for me, she seems pretty normal. I'd love to hate her, but aside from her age, she hasn't given me reason. Oh well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Perhaps it is a tale, or perhaps I'm jaded from my exH's choice of mates. How a short, bald 48 year old scored a hot, blonde 30 year old is beyond me. PS: (No...it isn't because of his personality) Well I'd like to know even though I'm not all that short and only have somewhat thinning hair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Perhaps it is a tale, or perhaps I'm jaded from my exH's choice of mates. How a short, bald 48 year old scored a hot, blonde 30 year old is beyond me. PS: (No...it isn't because of his personality) Well, thats good news for me as a well built guy with all my hair.. j/k Maybe she has low self esteem or its just some dumb luck...Dont let it piss you off..There is an azz for every seat, as they say.. TFY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Well I'd like to know even though I'm not all that short and only have somewhat thinning hair. Well, now we are venturing into a whole new topic. I believe that successful, non-mentally ill, middle aged men can attract women who are better off in the "looks department" for lack of better words. Honestly, I was just taking shots at my exH because, well, I don't like him much. In reality, he "scored" the babe because he is outgoing, athletic and pretty successful. In sum, he is a good catch by most women's standards. Or maybe he just got lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Goodbye, you nailed something on the head here. "outgoing" Be outgoing, it can be hard, but fake it until you make it. I also am glad you don't hate her. It shows you're a big person. That matters a lot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 In sum, he is a good catch by most women's standards. Maybe in his own mind. Many women do not consider a cheater to be a good catch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Maybe in his own mind. Many women do not consider a cheater to be a good catch. Yes, well I doubt that is how he identifies himself. And in reality, it is just a small piece of his whole story. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 I apologize for the rambling nature of this post. I left my marriage when I was 41. At that point, I was so relieved to be out, the thought of being alone didn't frighten me at all. Having three wonderful daughters makes me feel quite fulfilled...usually. I realize it sounds like the usual cliché here, but my R with exMM developed quite unexpectedly. It was intense and comfortable. I was deceived and it is over. Emotionally, I am moving forward and feeling better with time, recovering from the ordeal. One of the consequences of the R is that it awakened my desire to NOT be alone for the rest of my life. I miss that independent feeling I had when I first separated from my exH. Now I daydream about lovely, kind, polite men...who do not exist in my life, lol. Dating in your 40's sucks, for lack of a nicer word. Not that I've actually dated, other than exMM, but I'm speculating. I had a "friend" ask me out this week. He is a few years older, handsome, has a successful business, has daughters the same age of mine...and he is divorced, solidly, for several years. Sounds promising...BUT...he is my best childhood friend's ex. Not exH, but exbf. I can't quite figure out how to handle that situation without possibly hurting my dear friend...so I think I will just not go. Which is a shame because the pool of options is quite dry. OW/OM...have you dated post-break up with the exMM/Mw? Did it help you move on? Or did it make you miss the comfort of your AP. I want to move on, but I also do want to open myself to a flood of emotion. Unfortunately, I'm one of those women who can't seem to have casual dating situations. Dating at every age sucks...so don't worry. Women in their 20s complain about dating, so do women in their 30s, 40s etc. I hardly hear any age group saying how great the world of dating is. I had a rebound immediately after my A....horrible, horrible idea. Rebounds in the end frustrate you and all you do is compare. I threw myself into dating and went out with several men and I compared all of them to my exAP. It wasn't until almost a year post-A that I got into a real relationship which wasn't built on comparison and wasn't a rebound scenario. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Yes, well I doubt that is how he identifies himself. And in reality, it is just a small piece of his whole story. It depends on who is telling the story. For me, being a cheater would never be just "a small piece" of the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 It depends on who is telling the story. For me, being a cheater would never be just "a small piece" of the story. Well, obviously he is telling his version of the story, if at all. I'm certainly not going to tell her. I'm not planning on letting my R with exMM define me either. If I do end up in a new relationship, it will be part of my "big story." But, I'm not about to go around introducing myself by saying "Hi, I'm N. My last R was with a MM. Let me share the details." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 GB - any update to share? Link to post Share on other sites
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