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[peaksandvalleys]

So I am going to post here instead of blow up at my wonderfully loving husband. I have a Dr. appointment scheduled for tomorrow to get tested. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week. I have hired a PI/IT guy to get whatever I need. What am I forgetting to do? I know I am forgetting something. It seems my mind is spinning none stop. I don't sleep (as if I did before), my stomach is in knots and I feel as if I am holding it together with duck tape and chewing gum.

[Betterthanthis13]

Remind yourself to Breathe. Eat something, even if all you can get down is some baby carrots and a string cheese. Drink water. Unclench your teeth and stretch your jaw. Take a kickboxing class at the gym. Or yoga or whatever. Listen to loud music. You can get through this, day by day. Even if it is minute by minute right now. Good luck with the lawyer, doc, and PI. Sounds like you have a good plan so far... Keep posting here, it does help

[klotzak]

Betterthanthis gives some excellent advice, there are unpleasant and testing days ahead, but the end of it is always going to arrive one day.

You seem to have lined up the jobs exceptionally well so all I can do is say that there is always a listening ear and a helpful mindset on this site.

[harrybrown]

Take a walk, or better yet tell him to take a hike out the door.

[klotzak]

Be strong, the difficult times will soon pass.

[dichotomy]

Are you seeing a therapist for additional support?

 

Have you begun to save or put away somewhere safe any valuable papers or other irreplaceable things?

[peaksandvalleys]

Are you seeing a therapist for additional support?

 

 

No. I have seen one in the past when I was trying to figure out what to do make our marriage better.

[dichotomy]

No. I have seen one in the past when I was trying to figure out what to do make our marriage better.

 

 

well now you might need one to make yourself and your lfie better from here on out. Just a thought - that you have someone to talk to and get advice and support in person.

[peaksandvalleys]

well now you might need one to make yourself and your lfie better from here on out. Just a thought - that you have someone to talk to and get advice and support in person.

 

 

I will consider that. I have a good friend who I confided in. She informed me that she also has dealt with infidelity:(. She has kept me focused on an end goal. And she took me to the shooting range.

[petee]

Hang in there, eventually things will get better

[Furious]

So I am going to post here instead of blow up at my wonderfully loving husband. I have a Dr. appointment scheduled for tomorrow to get tested. I have an appointment with a lawyer next week. I have hired a PI/IT guy to get whatever I need. What am I forgetting to do? I know I am forgetting something. It seems my mind is spinning none stop. I don't sleep (as if I did before), my stomach is in knots and I feel as if I am holding it together with duck tape and chewing gum.

 

I understand what you're going through. I also hired a PI and the time in between the investigation I was on pin and needles. A part of me hoped my suspicion was wrong and another part of feared if my gut was right.

 

During that time I struggled with and agonized on how I would handle it. I realized I didn't want revenge but only the truth of my reality. I decided that I wanted to handle myself with dignity and strength.

 

I rehearsed in my head how I would confront him. There would be no shouting, no hysterics, no tears but only a woman with class and dignity.

 

When the proof of his affair was in my hands I barely glanced at it. I knew if I read it, looked at it more closely I would fall apart. It was surreal. I put it away and knew I had plenty of time in the days and weeks ahead to digest it.

 

I also had confided to my best girlfriend and a some close family members as to my hiring a PI and my suspicions. I knew I would need them as soon I confronted my husband.

 

The evening my husband returned from his business trip I had a bag packed for him and wished him well. He was in shock and I wasn't having any of it. I insisted he leave and wished him well.

 

I urge you to be a woman with dignity and self respect. You will never regret how you handled yourself and it will prove to be the first step in regaining your self esteem and help toward healing.

Edited September 26, 2013 by Furious

[Artie Lang]

place a VAR in his car.

[peaksandvalleys]

I understand what you're going through. I also hired a PI and the time in between the investigation I was on pin and needles. A part of me hoped my suspicion was wrong and another part of feared if my gut was right.

 

During that time I struggled with and agonized on how I would handle it. I realized I didn't want revenge but only the truth of my reality. I decided that I wanted to handle myself with dignity and strength.

 

I rehearsed in my head how I would confront him. There would be no shouting, no hysterics, no tears but only a woman with class and dignity.

 

When the proof of his affair was in my hands I barely glanced at it. I knew if I read it, looked at it more closely I would fall apart. It was surreal. I put it away and knew I had plenty of time in the days and weeks ahead to digest it.

 

I also had confided to my best girlfriend and a some close family members as to my hiring a PI and my suspicions. I knew I would need them as soon I confronted my husband.

 

The evening my husband returned from his business trip I had a bag packed for him and wished him well. He was in shock and I wasn't having any of it. I insisted he leave and wished him well.

 

I urge you to be a woman with dignity and self respect. You will never regret how you handled yourself and it will prove to be the first step in regaining your self esteem and help toward healing.

 

 

I would never say never...but I am pretty sure I won't be taking the high road.

[BetrayedH]

I would never say never...but I am pretty sure I won't be taking the high road.

 

Then you better well be damn smart about it. Emotional reactions don't always go well. I'm speaking from experience.

[peaksandvalleys]

Then you better well be damn smart about it. Emotional reactions don't always go well. I'm speaking from experience.

 

 

I can't say I am able to separate my emotions from the situation. I am just not that good. But I am good at making a business plan and sticking to it. I am very good at playing the cards dealt me. I am excellent at getting my point across. Don't worry. That is why I hired professionals to make sure all is above board and legal.

[BetrayedH]

I can't say I am able to separate my emotions from the situation. I am just not that good. But I am good at making a business plan and sticking to it. I am very good at playing the cards dealt me. I am excellent at getting my point across. Don't worry. That is why I hired professionals to make sure all is above board and legal.

 

Well, you certainly sound smart to me. Just heard a lot of anger and some talk about a shooting range. I can tell you that the orange jumpsuits are not comfortable.

[peaksandvalleys]

Well, you certainly sound smart to me. Just heard a lot of anger and some talk about a shooting range. I can tell you that the orange jumpsuits are not comfortable.

 

You are very correct. There is a lot of anger. The shooting range was my friends way of helping me release steam that she saw building. It helped. She is keeping me focused and is available at any time. Thank you for your kindness.

Edited September 26, 2013 by peaksandvalleys

[peaksandvalleys]

Introduce a friend to a shooting range who is dealing with a severe emotional life changing problem. mmmmm not a good friend!!!! A complete a@@hole

Not only is she a wonderful friend, she has dealt with the same trauma and came through on the other side. As for as her being an butthole...how very rude of you.

[petee]

Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Sound like you have good friends, and a logical approach.

[peaksandvalleys]

I know I didn't do anything wrong so why was it so humiliating to sit in my doctor's office and tell him I need a panel of tests because I have been potentially exposed to STD's?

[Journee]

I know I didn't do anything wrong so why was it so humiliating to sit in my doctor's office and tell him I need a panel of tests because I have been potentially exposed to STD's?

 

hugs to you peaks ((()))

 

I know that feeling. I was married and six months pregnant. No need for further screenings.... I was humiliated and devastated. I confided in my team of doctor's though as I knew being honest about the unbearable amount of stress I was feeling in an already rough pregnancy. I just had to remember that I was doing that for me and my unborn. Protecting us both.

 

You are doing the responsible thing by getting tested. NOT the embarrassing thing. You are taking charge of your health and your future. It gets poo pooed a lot here the real risk that STD's are. It is baffling how 'above' it all some cheaters think they are to social disease even. With the rates of STD transmission and some turning super bug , you are being more responsible than most people in the world. Get this panel done then go back and follow up in 3-6 months. Know your status for you. For not only your sexual health but your emotional health as well.

 

Good on you for being so strong in the face of this storm.

[sweet_pea]

I don't have much to add, except I'm sorry you're going through this. Big internet hugs <3

[Spark1111]

I know I didn't do anything wrong so why was it so humiliating to sit in my doctor's office and tell him I need a panel of tests because I have been potentially exposed to STD's?

 

One of the biggest humiliations there Is for a faithful partner.

 

the doc is very clinical, setting up a whole panel of STD testing, writing scripts, not making eye contact, and then zeroing in and trying to do a psych and emotional consult to see if anti-depressents are in order.

 

He/she is now gazing intently into your eyes while trying to assess if you will jump off a bridge or crash your car when you leave their office.

 

Unbelievable. The room spins, you are numb, and are now trying to minimize your emotions to a caring physician so he doesn't commit you for depression or suicidal tendencies.

 

You are numb, reeling in pain and humiliation, and are now trying to reassure the doc you are okay to go home and care for your family.

 

Another surreal experience thanks to infidelity.

[petee]

Well I am so sorry that any human being has to endure what you are going through. Your inner strength is amazing and you see clearly through the fog that is surrounding you. At some point you will need to have some 'cool off' time where you can retreat to a famialr and safe place to reflect....once all the dark and sadening stuff is complete. Your friends, I am sure, will know when to 'circle the wagon' to let you have that time.

I can't tell the future, but you seem to have that 'je ne sais pas' to get things sorted and then in your own time you'll be just fine.

[klotzak]

A vacation in a week or two would be exactly what the doctor ordered! Treat yourself, you so deserve it!