Question for fathers

[Stone]

When did you start to love your child, at birth or when it was in the womb?

 

How long did it take to "sink in" that your wife or g/f was pregnant?

 

 

The reason I ask is because I don't know if my spouse is acting normally

[soccorsilly]

I would have to say that the full impact was not realized until birth. Prior to that it was stress and worry--how can we afford this, will we be ok, how will this change our lives, etc. I do not think there was any "love" at that point because we were essentially distanced from it--we do not feel a child growing in our bellies.

 

But at birth, my life changed in an instant and there was nothing I loved more than my kids.

 

Does that help?

[dyermaker]

I think it's because right now, he sees it as 'yours', because it's in you.

[Matilda]

I'm not a father, but having had children with 2 different men, I would say that both of them really didn't bond with the children until they were born. I also think, that when I was pregnant the second time, I felt a much bigger connection to the babies I was carrying. They just seemed more real to me the second time, since I already knew what giving birth to a child was like.

[Stone]

Thanks Soccorsilly

That helped VERY much, My spouce is in worry mode and is freaking out his mind is racing a mile a minute, this is his 1st child so I don't really know what to expect all I know is that he isn't very comforting, LOL Even though it is not his fault I needed to get a mans prespective on things.

 

Dyer, that made sense to, I have a bigger connection to the baby.

 

Matildia, this is my 2nd child by a diffrent man as well, I am more nervose about this one then I was with my 1st son..... maby because I struggled so much with being a single mother I am afraid I might have to face that again some day...

 

I don't know this just isn't the way I pictured things happening, I wish we would have planned it, but hopefully soon we will be a happy and loving faimly again as we we're before, it's been pretty rough since we found out we we're pregnant.

[Stone]

This morning my spouce freaked out about the baby again ( in a nice, worried kind of way) and he asked me if we could reconsider an abortion since I am only a few weeks.

 

I don't want him to think he is trapped by having a baby with me.... jeeze I can't deal with this for another 8 months

[HokeyReligions]

My husband asked me about abortion dozens of times. I just kept saying "No, we talked about this and the decision was made to keep the baby. Please move on to some other fear now!"

 

My husband was sorta in denial about the whole thing until our second child was born and the first one was over a year old!

 

 

Everyone handles things differently -- whatever he is feeling and however he is acting is normal I'm sure. Just tell him that you are 500% certain that you are doing the right thing, and tell him to stop worrying about it. Then be honest and tell him that even though you are certain everything is fine -- you wouldn't mind a supportive hug and some reassuring words now and then too!

[Stone]

Thanks Hokey

[MassiveAtom]

I know I bonded with my daughters the first time I touched each of them. But it wasn't strong. Then I started taking care of them as best I could, and started loving them as best I could, and wouldn't you know it, I fell in love with my first daughter, and now my second. Thing is, Maybe I'm different than other fathers, but it isn't the kind of Father daughter love you see on TV. It's a very calm love. Not like the romantic heart all a twitter love. Maybe I'm not expressing myself well here. I'd like some help too.

 

Anybody get what I'm trying to say?

 

 

mA

[Tucoball]

Sounds like this was unexpected. I am sorry if so. My wife and I planned our family very carefully. We tried for 4 years until successful. I still remember the day she told me she was pregnant. We were in a cafe and I jumped up from my chair and wanted to shout to everyone that I was going to be a father. I fell in love immediately. I talked to him every night in bed before he was born. When his birthday finally came it was the greatest moment of my life. The doctor placed him on his mothers stomach and I called him by name and he looked directly at me as if he already knew who I was. The eye contact was the clencher. He knew who I was or at least recognized my voice. It was incredible from conception and it continues while he grows. He is going to be 9 in Feb. He and I have an incredible bond.

 

It wasn't enough because we had another two years later. It was the same situation. My boys are my life and once we had children I finally knew what my purpose in life was. I was supposed to be a father.

 

Clearly not everyone is the same. I read a post by "BadDad" and can't imagine feeling that way but like I said everyone is different. I feel bad for "BadDad" and his kids. It's unfortunate and I hope he can find peace and even more so for his wife and kids.

 

This is just one mans take.

 

Good Luck!

[Stone]

Thanks for you story it made me cry

[Karlise13]

but a friend of mine told me an interesting story.

 

When she was pregnant her husband was incredibly excited. She, on the other hand, felt ambivalent.

 

As the pregnancy progressed, she felt worried, anxious, irritable, ill and just plain lousy. She didn't feel a bond with the baby at all.

 

Her husband continued to be in high spirits.

 

Finally, after giving birth, she felt depressed and morose for about a year. She didn't feel connected to the baby at all.

 

Her husband took to fatherhood like a duck to water. He was just a natural and couldn't wait to have more kids.

 

She reluctantly agreed to have another child about 4 years later. She said that when her kids were older (2 years and up) she discovered that they were 'amazing little people' but that the pregnancy and birth and infancy part left her cold.

 

All people react differently to parenthood. Your partner's reactions are probably very normal.